Eloquent Eloquence, fiercely heterosexual opera singers edition, is a compilation of the best comments of the week. Comments in reviews and on the caption contest are not eligible for inclusion.
There is a link in the commenter’s name that will take you to the original post.
That bitch, Hurricane Sandy, kept me from posting last week. Bonus comments for everyone!
• The Can You Hear Me Now Comment of the Week goes to Mah who wins the right to slap any movie theatre cell phone users:
I’m a person on a transplant waiting list, and I SET MY PHONE ON SILENT in the theater. If it goes off, I surreptitously check it and then IGNORE it. No excuses.
• The Puns Shall Be Not Be Tolerated Comment of the Week goes to Uriah Creep. Take a bonus slap Mah:
That biker chick looks pretty hot. Maybe she’s why he dies hard.
• The From Your Mouth to the Mouse’s Ear Comment of the Week goes to John G. because, seriously, Lando Fu*kin’ Calrissian?:
Or better yet, we could have more than one black person in the entire Star Wars universe.
• The Did You Miss Getting Creeped Out the First Go Round? Comment of the Week goes to Artemis. Forget the age difference. It’s the interspecies canoodling that squicks me out:
Well, if you want to feel creeped out without watching the videos, I can provide some dialogue to accompany that header picture.
Cute Little Kid: I like hanging out with you because you buy me anything I want and give me lots of candy and tell me I’m the very bestest person in the entire world, even though sometimes you have a weird look on your face like the people in those Stranger Danger videos my teacher showed in class the other day.
The Llama: I like hanging out with you because it’s already clear that you’ll be a hottie when you grow up which makes it easier to spend all the time we’re playing with your dolls thinking about how awesome it’ll be when you hit 18 and are obligated to start sleeping with me.
• The Groucho Wants His Moustache Back Comment of the Week goes to Katylalala for admirable silliness:
How much do you sedate your pets to get them to not care about costumes? Because I tried to put my dog into a cow costume a few years ago and he was just not having it.
If I put him in a horse costume should I use a horse tranquilizer, or should I put him in a cat costume and give him catnip? I suppose I could dress him as a cheeseburger and tell him to go eat himself when he starts getting crazy, but his handle on English is tenuous at best and he’ll probably think I’m just telling him how amazing he is.
• The Fix Is In Comment of the Week goes to googergeiger. Hobo rapist was also in the running. Quit your bitchin’! :
Actually hipsters dress and act like someone that just found out about the Nineties.
• The Alien versus Equine Comment of the Week goes to Derreck We’ll wait until you’ve recovered from the gif to offer our congratulations:
He’s way too otherworldly to take Grant’s spot. That’s like Tilda Swinton being the new Julia Roberts.
• The Frog March Me to the Bedroom Comment of the Week goes to sunny miller. One can understand how she feels. He is sweaty and/or greasy:
I never knew James McAvoy could turn me on but I’m pretty sure I would be legs-akimbo if he came at me like that.
• The You Know You’d Watch It Comment of the Week goes to kushiro who volunteers to be Anthony Bourdain’s first guest. BYOH:
He’s gonna talk politics with guests while enjoying top-notch international street food and mainlining heroin.
• The Don’t Mess with Frodo Comment of the Week goes to John G. . He’ll mesmerize you with his blue eyes and kick you in the shins:
How could little Elijah Wood overpower anyone? It’s like being chased and attacked by a 10 year old boy
• The Yes, Because That Is the Unrealistic Part Comment of the Week goes to Puddin. You wouldn’t want to catch a chill:
Who the hell wears a pashmina during the zombie apocalypse?
• The Don’t Forget to Stop and Kick the Puppies Comment of the Week goes to Slash even though you know they had it coming:
Hey, making fun of the downtrodden is always funny. Just today, I snatched half a sandwich from a homeless chick’s hands and laughed uproariously as I stomped on it, squeezing it bit by bit through the openings in the sewer grate. Then I went back to my luxurious cave at the top of Mount Crumpet and planned for the upcoming Christmas holidays. That Cindy Lou Who bitch had better watch her ass. There won’t be any singing or presents or roast beast on MY watch.
• The Comment of the Week Comment of the Week goes to xulux. Do braided eyebrows count as manscaping?:
And they accuse the Elves of being the metrosexuals..