Dream Casting Disney's Star Wars Episode VII from a Certain Point of View
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That Obi-Wan Kenobi's Full of Sh*t, Man: Dream Casting Disney's Star Wars Episode VII from a Certain Point of View

By Rob Payne | Seriously Random Lists | November 1, 2012 | Comments ()


That point of view, naturally, is my own.

Normally I'd scoff at any such attempt to try something like this, because, unlike "Buffy the Vampire Slayer" or "Firefly," there are very few people on the entirety of this planet who don't know the main characters and lead actors of the original Star Wars trilogy that began in 1977. Trying to re-cast such worldwide iconic roles -- they're on our toys, lunch boxes, t-shirts, bed sheets, video games, and probably products for children, too -- is always a fool's errand best left to drunken Comic Con parties and Livejournal blogs. But bad ideas have never stopped George Lucas or Disney from making all the money before, so why should they stop now?

On Tuesday Disney announced that they have purchased Lucasfilm: Star Wars. (If you haven't yet seen this news, then you should check your pulse, because you're probably dead.) Whether we like it or not, there will be more live-action Star Wars movies and they will be cannon to the established filmic universe, starting with Episode VII in 2015. Several sites are already busy trying to determine what Episode VII could possibly be about, with at least one actively polling readers on which new actors should play the original heroes, though the story is supposedly something we've never seen before. I'm not going to do that, because in terms of the extended universe, I only really know the Heir to the Empire series (a.k.a., the Grand Admiral Thrawn books) and those are entirely ruled out.

Most likely, since we're dealing with George "Yippee" Lucas, Episode VII will star the offspring of Han and Leia, and possibly Luke, in order to keep each trilogy in the family and clearly demarcated by separate generations. Mark Hamill and Carrie Fisher would likely reprise their parts in supporting rules like Jedi-Ghost Luke and Galactic Queen Leia or something. Since we literally don't know at this point, it is entirely possible Disney won't do the smart, logical, emotionally bearable thing and will instead simply try to start at some point not too far from where we left off with Return of the Jedi in 1983. Should this happen, proving beyond all shadow of a doubt that we can't possibly live in even the ten millionth best of all possible worlds, it's good to remember that not much of the original cast was ever going to win an Oscar. The matter is simply that, crucially, only Harrison Ford and the aforementioned Hamill and Fisher have their faces. With that mind, if the actors are good enough, at least the characters could be reasonably re-imagined in a mostly harmless manner.

The following list may or may not be your druthers, but I could certainly get behind at least one whole movie featuring these performers in these roles. At the very least, it could make for a decent Funny or Die video.

Nathan Fillion as Han Solo
Let's just get this one out of the way right now. Fillion is the only choice for this role. If we were talking about Indiana Jones re-casts, he'd be the only choice for that role, too. Hell, he'd probably make a pretty excellent Mad Mardigan if you really wanted to re-imagine Willow for new audiences. From Cap'n Mal to Castle to Cap'n Hammer, and even going back as far to his Third Guy from "Two Guys, a Girl, and a Pizza Place," Nathan Fillion simply is Han Solo.

Charlie Hunnam as Luke Skywalker
Knowing Hunnam first from Judd Apatow's underrated college-set sitcom "Undeclared," where he played a foppish ladies' man from across the pond, I underestimated the actor's ability to convincingly portray a grizzled (or, grizzling) American biker. But after watching a few seasons of "Sons of Anarchy," where he plays Jax, a man maturing out of his father's shadow and learning (to greater and lesser degress) from the mistakes of the past, I am now thoroughly convinced Hunnam can play just about anything. It doesn't hurt that a combination of foppery and hardened nobility struggling against the easier path of darkness is precisely Luke Skywalker is all about.

Alison Brie as Princess Leia
Even if we never get tired of Annie's Boobs, some of you are no doubt sick of Alison Brie, especially her gifs that keep on giving. And yet, she's already proven in "Community" than she can handle Leia's stern rectitude, soft center, and constant witty repartee with that Nerf herder, Han Solo. She could also fill out a metal bikini if the script calls for it. Let's be honest, Leia needs both brains and beauty, and Brie has more than enough of each to spare. Goth Britta would also suffice.

Donald Faison as Lando Calrissian
For Lando, the only brother in the whole damn galaxy, it was almost too tempting not to pick every white person's favorite actor of color currently working today, Idris Elba, as some sort of meta-casting. And while Elba would undoubtedly be great, Donald Faison (Turk if you're nasty) would absolutely kill in those role. He could stand toe-to-toe with Fillion and be more than a little dashing in a cape and bell-bottoms ensemble. As a bonus, he probably already has all of Billy Dee's lines memorized.

Peter Dinklage as R2D2
Okay, obviously this would never happen, and not least because Dinklage is far more than his stature as a person and a performer. But, still, wouldn't you get a giddy thrill knowing that Tyrion Lannister is controlling everybody's favorite little droid?

Doug Jones as C-3PO
Without question, Anthony Daniels not only could probably still put on the golden robot suit and play Artoo's second banana, he might very well want to. But Doug Jones has shown, mostly in Guillermo Del Toro's movies, that he should be Hollywood's go-to guy for roles requiring intense physical performances in uncomfortable latex costumes and make-up. Actually, I wouldbe surprised if his performance in Hellboy II: The Golden Army wasn't totally inspired by Daniels in any of the Star Wars flicks.

Peter Mayhew as Chewbacca
Simply irreplaceable.

Rob Payne also writes the comic The Unstoppable Force, tweets on the Twitter, tumbls on the Tumblr, and his wares can be purchased here.

Chris Brown Wore a Halloween Costume | Ryan Gosling And Michael Fassbender Did Charity Work Together On Halloween. Your Move, Other Dudes.

Comments Are Welcome, Bigots and Trolls Are Not

  • ok heh

    Love the pick for Charlie Hunnam as Luke, also my pick.

    Han - John Hamm

    Leia - Mary Elizabeth Winstead

    Lando - Andre Benjamin

  • BWeaves

    I don't see why any actor has to play R2D2 or C3PO. They're going to be CGIed in the future anyway.

  • Seany D

    Seriously, people need to fuck off with the Alison-Brie-Should-Be-In-All-The-Things shit. YES I KNOW, HER BOOBS. It's not enough.

  • hater from siloam springs

    You completely screwed it, Rob: the Dinklage is Luke. He's the only one who could un-corn that role from Mark Hamill's sleepwalked performance. And who doesn't want him to kiss Alison Brie?

  • L.O.V.E.

    For continuity, I think having Natalie Portman now plat Leia makes sense.
    Jake Gyllenhal for Luke and Clive Owen (or perhaps Daniel Craig) for Han.

  • ok heh

    can't downvote this enough

  • ChuggaWasTaken

    No Thrawn trilogy? This is the worst news of the week...


  • Quatermain

    Back when the Internet had got it's collective panties in a bunch over the SOPA legislation and was all 'to the barricades, citizens!' I made a comment that if I was going to bother to pass a law regarding the Internet, I'd pass a law
    requiring people to get the hell over Star Wars already. It'd be called
    the "Leave George Lucas Alone, He's Smart Enough To Build A Career Out
    Of Making The Same Movie Over And Over Again For Thirty-Odd Years And
    Getting You Suckers To Pay For It Each Time" Act. That seems apropos here as well.

  • John G.

    SOPA was dangerous, and Lucas is not smart. Failed on both counts.

  • Quatermain

    I didn't say he was smart, I said he was smart enough to sucker people, there's a difference. As for SOPA, yeah, there was a lot of noise about Censorship Is Bad, but if you listened closely, what you heard underneath was a lot of 'You mean I'm going to have to start paying for music and movies again? That's not fair, man" and -that- is where all the sturm und drnag stemmed from.

  • Mitchell Hundred

    Lucas looks so blase in that header photo. I guess he finally came to the realization that selling your soul piece by piece over the course of several decades (a process which you always said you'd stop before it went too far, but as time goes on you find yourself gradually acclimatizing to the pain that it causes you deep down in some inscrutable part of your being, and there's a market for this product so who is it hurting really, but then one morning you wake up and discover that you've been allowing vampires to suck the life force out of you for years now and you sit at the breakfast table and water your cereal with tears and rum) isn't all it's cracked up to be.

    Not that I'd know anything about that.

  • I remember listening to a wonderful interview with Dinklage where he was asked how his height has affected his career. He spoke eloquently about the pressures he would get as a young actor to basically take roles that fitted people's preconceived notions about what a "little" person was capable of doing or how they were supposed to behave. He found himself seriously considering leaving the acting profession because he feared he would never get any real roles.

    You could literally hear the anger in his voice as he brought up what had to be some difficult memories. I think its a wonderful idea that we just wedge the dude into a fucking costume because if Peter Dinklage has proven anything, he should be relegated to roles solely due to his height amirite?

    Lets keep this idiocy going...can we get Darlene Cates for Jabba the fucking Hutt?

  • Obviously he's better than playing fucking R2D2. Obviously. I would cast him as Han Solo or Luke Skywalker in a lightsecond. But that wouldn't square with the originals. So, here we are.

  • Well that is a whole other issue. Why rehash the original films. I would honestly prefer a Knights of the Old Republic setting than rehashing the same shit again.

  • PhFunk

    I think JGL would make an interesting Luke. Also, Idris Elba as Lando.

  • John G.

    Or better yet, we could have more than one black person in the entire Star Wars universe.

  • If the kids are grownup enough the original cast can play themselves, that would put the timeline right at the Yuuzhaan Vong invasion...shit gets dark.

  • Pookie

    I’m so sick and tired of hearing about how hot and sexy the women of pajiba find Dinklage. As proof, in my nearly fifty years of walking the earth I’ve yet to see a hot woman walking down the street with, or at a restaurant with, or at a movie theater with, or even at a laundry mat with a midget.

  • Peter Dinklage's Emmy

    Funny, I've seen that a few times.

  • logan

    WAIT A MINUTE! Is Chewie grabbin her boob?

  • Bert_McGurt

    Rob, to borrow a phrase from Troy Barnes: Get out of my brain!

    The only difference is that I had Aaron Paul as Luke Skywalker (though Hunnam crossed my mind too). And obviously Olyphant as Han Solo would be inspired if Fillion's not able.

  • MissAmynae

    Midichlorians bitches!!!

  • I almost picked Aaron Paul, too, actually. And Olyphant nearly made the cut as the new Wedge Antilles, who would get a much expanded role in the next series.

  • Yeah, I could see this going as the next gen thing. So for those of you not cued in to the ongoing universe the Solos (Han and Leia) had three offspring: twins Jacen and Jaina and Anakin a few years younger.

    So how about casting those three? I'd say picking up the story at their young adulthood. Maybe about the time Jacen starts toying around with the Dark Side? Hmm....how about Cobie Smulders as Jaina?

    Also, there are a slew of new Jedi that Luke trained up. Who are we casting as Corran Horn?

    Oh. And Godtopus help me, there must be a casting of Christina Hendricks as Mara Jade (Skywalker).

  • llp

    Hendricks is not dangerous enough to play Mara Jade. The boobs get in the way.

  • Jannymac

    Star Wars: The Next Generation -- They have an opportunity to do a completely different and original take...I don't want a rehash of the first six movies. Though it might be fun to see glimpses here and there, like pulling into the space dock and seeing the Millennial Falcon taking off, or a message/transmission from Princess Leia. You know, just little glimpses here and there.

  • jennp421

    I think it could be interesting to set it far enough in the future where Leia, Luke and Han have either become figures in a history text book, or basically mythology. It could be fun to see what their legacy would be to future generations, how their actions are interpreted or misunderstood etc.
    Of course, I also wonder how this will affect the extended universe and all the novels . . . I read lot of them in high school but stopped about ten years ago. It seemed like they had written themselves into a corner.

  • DarthCorleone

    One more Han Solo nominee: Josh Holloway.

  • leuce7

    No way-- Tom Hardy is clearly the best choice for the charming+ prick combo that is Han Solo

  • NoPantsMcLane

    Timothy Olyphant as Han Solo.

  • blorft

    Yeah! That is correct. Fillion is appealing but he doesn't ooze enough sexy machismo.

  • John W

    Instead of trying to pick an actor that could play R2D2 and 3-CPO let's pick other actual robots who could fill in.

    For R2D2 it's easy: Wall-E.

    For 3-CPO let's see...what about Data from STNG? Or even better Marvin the robot from Hitchhiker's Guide to the Galaxy.

  • heatseeker

    Timothy Olyphant for Han Solo. THE END.

  • PuraPuma

    You had me at Tim.....

  • Mitchell Hundred

    What a wonderful story.

  • Tinkerville

    Good god, yes.

  • NoPantsMcLane


  • lowercase_ryan

    Sam Rockwell and Rooney Mara as Han and Leia's offspring.

  • AngelenoEwok

    You are some kind of sick, twisted genius.

  • Samantha Klein

    Whereas I think Robert Downey, Jr. is the only possible choice for Han Solo. Yeah yeah yeah, I hear your "too old" but there it is. There's no help for it.

  • Puddin

    Or...Dinklage as Han Solo? Think about it. Thiiiiink about it.....

  • AngelenoEwok

    I think I'll do just that, tonight in my bubble bath.

  • Tammy

    SIGH. Every time.
    I just don't see it, guys. Fillion seems like an affable guy; he seems like he's a lot of fun. But pants-melting, charismatic smuggler-turned-rebel-leader Han Solo? Are you KIDDING? He's just.... he's just so.... I just don't see it, guys. He's like a very nice looking bowl of vanilla pudding to me.

    I propose five words for you: RYAN GOSLING AS HAN SOLO.

    Sexy. Clever. Winning smile. Capable of being convincingly dangerous.

    I rest my case.

  • jennp421

    I guess it depends on whether you've seen him in Firefly. Based on that role, I think he could definitely pull it off. Of course, if you didn't like Captain Mal Reynolds that much, obviousy the idea of him as Han wouldn't appeal.

  • Tammy

    Indeed; if you like Firefly, of course it makes sense. But God help me, I keep trying to watch pretty much anything Whedon - and it just doesn't work for me. Fillion is really just collateral damage from my Whedon-hate.

  • John G.

    Firefly is like someone made a whole series on Han Solo. It's awesome. Fillion is awesome! Tammy up there is dumb.

  • Tammy

    Um, great analysis. Except I did actually watch Firefly and found it dull as paint, so perhaps that's why I think Fillion as Solo is a big bowl of Fail? Or we could just go with calling me dumb. either way.

  • John G.

    Sorry Tammy, I meant that more as a joke.

  • jackdow

    ryan gosling is boring

  • Jeff Amador

    Same ol, same ol...the internet loves the same people and wants them in everything. *Yawn*

  • dagnabbit

    Good call. This list is so unimaginative.

    Does Pajiba write articles anymore or do they just copy stuff from videogum, cracked, and readers digest? This site suxx now.

  • Y'know, I wrote every word of this and spent a decent amount of time thinking about the roles and the actors and searching for images. If someone had told me I could just lift this exact piece from any of those sites, I could have saved so much time. Curse you, chaotic universe!

  • Jason

    Zachary Levi is campaining to be cast today. And I fully support him.

  • Pookie

    Dude, are you fucking insane? You must have wrote this column while you were in rehab or something. Alison Brie and Donald Faison are your choices? I really don’t remember “Star Wars” being a comedy, buddy. Oh yeah, lets throw Dinklage in there because he’s the flavor of the month when it comes to short people and since r2d2 was kinda like short, I’m sure Dinklage would love being made a fool of. Jesus Christ Rowles, where the fuck do you find these guys?!?

  • lowercase_ryan

    small people dude, it's small people.

    But I have to agree, the Faison - Lando one reeks of troll bait. I guffawed.

  • Pookie

    Riiiiiight, because small people sound so much better.

  • AngelenoEwok

    Dinklage is the flavor of the century, sir. Granted, I'd rather see him in a Wicket the Ewok costume (AND THEN SCOOP HIM UP AND THEN PUT HIM IN MY CAR AND THEN GO TO JAIL), but still. You are aware Kenny Baker was in the original R2, yes?

  • Lighten up, Francis.

  • BWeaves

    I think they really need to go with a new story and a different cast and a later generation, but not necessarily their babies.

  • son of ray and steven

    so do you want them to make an original story or simply remake the first two fims

  • John G.

    Alison Brie as Princess Leia made something happen in my brain just now. I think they call that a Nerdgasm?

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