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Everything Old Is Crap Again

By Dustin Rowles | Trade News | October 26, 2012 | Comments ()


a-good-day-to-die-hard-willis-smile.jpeg

We talk a lot about how Hollywood has run out of ideas, how everything is a remake or a reboot or a sequel, and how Hollywood can't seem to let go of the 80s and 90s, but it's mornings like these when ALL the headlines seem to support it.

For instance, Arnold Schwarzennegar -- who a very large percentage of Californians made the governor of their state -- absolutely refuses to retire, insisting upon not just capitalizing on his name, but on his old projects. For some inexplicable reason, Arnold is returning to the Conan the Barbarian franchise, signing on to The Legend of Conan set for release in 2014. That's a sequel to the old Conan franchise, reducing the Jason Momoa remake to an insignificant memory, although a memory that saw Ron Perlman reach into a woman's uterus and yank about a newborn baby.

That's just one of many projects Arnold has in the works. He has The Last Stand out in January, he just appeared in Expendables 2, he'll star alongside Stallone in The Tomb, and he'll also be in David Ayers' Ten, in which he will be playing part of an elite drug-busting DEA task force. Here's the first look.

schwarzenegger-ten-header.jpeg

But let's not let go of the 80s just yet as Eddie Murphy continues to develop his CBS version of Beverly Hills Cop. Murphy is producing that with Shawn Ryan, and it will center on the son of Eddie Murphy's Axel Foley character. According to the Humor Mill, that character will likely be played by Brandon T. Jackson, who is in final negotiations for the role. You may know Jackson best from ... some seriously shitty movies, like Big Momma's House: Like Father, Like Son.

Brandon-T-Jackson-Humor-Mill.jpeg

Moving on to the early 90s, Silence of the Lambs is also coming to television, and we now have our first look -- via Slashfilm -- at Mads Mikkelson in the Hannibal Lector role.

Hannibal-Mikkelsen-1-550x368.jpeg

Finally, the fifth installment in the 1988 franchise, Die Hard, which is unfortunately named A Good Day to Die Hard, now has a full length trailer. There be explosions.

OK. I'm a little excited about that one.








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Comments Are Welcome, Bigots and Trolls Are Not


  • bleujayone

    "A Good Day To Die Hard" sounds like a Klingon fortune cookie.....or a slogan for someone who OD's on Viagra & Cialis cocktails.

  • Uriah_Creep

    That biker chick looks pretty hot. Maybe she's why he dies hard.

  • A. Smith

    ...so his kid from the last movie is making an Al Powell in Die Hard 2 callback?

  • e jerry powell

    That last one sounds like severe coitus interruptus.

  • Archie Leach

    There is no hope for humanity.

  • googergieger

    Yippy kay ya-uh. Oh god! *heart attack and dies*

    *roll credits*

    This is how it is literally going to happen. Literally.

  • Odnon.

    That Die Hardner thing there. With that kid? They're not trying to pull some kinda "Shia LeBuff/Indiana Skull Fuck/Put a Kid in There To Appeal To the Kids" kinda thing, are they? Are the Terrorists aliens?

  • Sara_Tonin00

    I actually like that pic of Arnold - he doesn't look as much like himself.

    Actually, he looks a bit like a roided up Tom Hanks.

  • Inter Milan Kundera

    If they made a movie where Liam Neeson, Schwarzenegger and Joel McHale punched ninjas and had rocket launchers that shot penguins at Nazis, I would watch/fund it.

  • Bert_McGurt

    Can the new Die Hard really be any worse than The Expendables...?

    I didn't think so.

  • AudioSuede

    Let's be honest, that new Die Hard is gonna be some silly damned fun, just like all the rest of them.

  • Drake

    Exactly. And I will be there to see it.

  • Quatermain

    I loved the 'Die Hard' franchise...and now I remember why. I will be at the head of the line to give them money when it releases into theaters.

  • VonnegutSlut

    Listen, I fucking love Bruce Willis as much as the next asshole, but I have to say that he is looking more than a little bit like the love child of Sam the Eagle & a wrinkled condom.

    That being said: JOHN MCCLANE FOREVER!!!!

    (P.S. It looks like he traded in his bloody wife beater for a Carl Reiner special Hanes tee. Will his bare feet be swapped for a pair of orthopedics?!?)

  • BWeaves

    Why does "A Good Day To Die Hard" sound like a song title from Dr. Horrible?

  • BierceAmbrose

    Because you are a genius.

  • DenG

    Macho doody head movies. Short on dialogue, long on grunts and grimaces. Bah and ick. Except for my guilty pleasure The Punisher with Thomas Jane.

  • Guest

    I'm inexplicably disappointed in Mads.

  • Sara_Tonin00

    It's not inexplicable.

  • BierceAmbrose

    BTW, off-point and personal

    It appears that Disqus ate the first time I said that I'd love, love, love to take a course of yours. We disagree on about 13 fundamental things, and I'm a nearly unredeemable STEM-type. Yet, scholarship and thinking like yours is exactly what I value in academia and in academics. Would that there were more like you.

    There's value in "liberal arts for engineers" along the lines of "Physics for Poets" courses. If you did one, I'd sign up in an amount of time with many zeros right of the decimal point.

  • Bert_McGurt

    Another engineer here, chiming in to say that one of the best things I did in university was (when possible) pick electives in areas pretty far-flung from my major, like Soviet History. There is a TON of value in, essentially, cross-training scientists in the liberal arts and humanities if for no other reason than to enhance their communications skills.

  • Guest

    Thanks, BA. Wouldn't you know, I actually have a STEM-type Physics major (older, in his late 20s, or mid-30s) auditing my course this semester, just out of interest (no grade, no credit). He hasn't missed a single lecture, either. I love that guy.

    My husband's a physicist and we constantly rail at the artificial separation between arts and sciences--and spot all the overlap between, say, Milton's conception of hell in PL and chaos or dark matter theories. We need Poetry for Physicists and vice versa.

  • Tinkerville

    I just had to leave this here: http://www.youtube.com/watch?v...

  • Guest

    Rascal.

  • BierceAmbrose

    /Continue digression

    Oh, this has inspired a reminiscence. I managed to squeeze in a couple of honest-to-Allan Bloom liberal arts courses, back in the day.

    - Philosophy of Law, was generally over-subscribed, like 300 people in an amphitheater, because no pre-reqs and the prof was that good. Tenured. Amazeing, awesome teacher. Had shit wired that three people on the planet stood a chance of understanding. Cared not at all for position or advancement. One of those.

    Anyway, they had a "University College" program, summers so I took it. Six of us in a room with Socrates. He'd fire up his little tea maker, sit up on the desk, and then there'd be 90 minutes of brain-ups like you've never seen. If my life could be that summer... (and I was even paying my own way, living small but breaking even.)

    - History of Eastern Philosophy was cross-listed history, religion and philosophy. I had a blast.

    FWIW, I picked (ultimately unsuccessfully) a "little-ivy" vs. a tech school *because* of the liberal arts / social sciences environment. If you're not gonna do that, might as well got to a trade school. Weirdly, I got to pick the course, time & instructor with this off-point stuff. The stuff in your major you gotta take when it's available in sequence, which kinda sucks. Creates "demand" for suck-y teachers.

    I agree with the cross-knowing thing completely. There's metaphor, context and the juice that really runs things in the non-STEM stuff. Without it we make highly-capable bots. Same idea, too many non-STEM folks have very wrong ideas about what STEM is, and especially how it works. (Sokal Hoax, anyone?)

    Wouldn't you know, my Alma-mater figured this out after mummble-mumble years. They now have a program where STEM-grads with sufficient GPA & subjective wonderfulness can take a fifth year of "the other stuff" tuition-free & emerge with some kind of dual degree.

    I don't know how many or their trajectory afterward. This kind of thing so easily can become a reward for the suck-ups, with no net gain in what they do later. I want to know more.

    /Meta & Personal-ish

    I know all this because I'm pondering going back to pick off some kind of degree, if I can figure out how. My original STEM is out. They're so cumulative that being out for any time just kills the next step. It's kinda like a farm system in sports. You get rusty so fast if you're out of it.

    Low odds, but I have a target @my Alma-mater as staff supporting tech-driven research. They could use my commercial SW / IT development chops, plus having *some* of the vocabulary from the research domains and tools would put me way ahead of a pure IT / SW type.

    Like most of the U's, they have a staff tuition benefit, plus I have some leverage as an alum / dropout who's done pretty well. They look kinda stupid over my undergrad cluster-borkel & would benefit if they could point to me as a success story. (Since my undergrad days I have learned to be this kind of cynical in working education institutions. That was my meta-level error about education as a youth - insufficient cynicism.) Of course, if I'm fairly clever supporting researchers I could end up with sponsors / advocates on the academic side, which helps immensely with any kind of "non-standard student" thing.

    There's a couple possibly easier paths via lesser institutions, but they're fallbacks. I got into a "little-ivy." If I'm gonna do this, the pedigree matters, rather than, for example, be mocked and dismissed like Reagan or Palin for *eventually* getting a credential from a lesser school. Working out a path when you've been knocked off-trajectory doesn't seem mock-worthy to me. Yet, this happens.

    In the irony department, all I ever wanted was to earn my way into some sort of research-thing, where I could be around figuring out stuff out that maybe we didn't know already. The institutions set up to in principle do that for us as a society made that nearly impossible, at least for me. In making education available, I think we're not being nearly clever enough vs. not trying hard enough, BUT that's a rant for another day.

    I am glad our higher education places occasionally manage to make room for folks like you, Ranylt, even if it seems to be mostly despite themselves.

  • Guest

    Thanks again, and hope you find a program that excites you. Meantime, I will assign a reading for you, straight from my course: Poe's "Usher", only read with an eye to all mention of whirlwinds and vortices (the centres of which remain mathematically indefinable)--and relate that to Himself's larger themes.

    "They now have a program where STEM-grads with sufficient GPA & subjective wonderfulness can take a fifth year of "the other stuff" tuition-free & emerge with some kind of dual degree."

    That is effing fantastic. Would love to know which school.

  • BierceAmbrose

    Yes, ma'am.

    Also, "Oh, my!" already, just from your mentions.

  • Even Stevens

    I think it's too on the nose. Anthony Hopkins was so disconcerting (to me) because he was a normal looking dude with an intense stare and was razor sharp, both in intellect and observation. Mads just oozes creepy from the start, and seems like he might ham it up a bit.

  • Guest

    This. There's a risk of ham-age, or of phoning it in. He's too obvious, and obvious casting is a pet peeve of mine.

    Plus--not that great tv doesn't exist--this particular project just feels like slumming.

    Or, what Bierce said.

  • BierceAmbrose

    On point, let me sum up ...

    Mads would be perfect for Hannibal under-played. Just from that still, the TV version will be way too on the nose demanding a performance way too self-aware - how could it not be?

    Now, let me explain ...

    Mags' unusual, craggy good looks, plus smouldering intelligence would give an under-note of scarey possibility to a shoe salesman. That tension works when the character thinks of himself as perfectly normal. Consider how "One Eye" from Valhalla Rising is perfectly normal, except when he's completely off the hook, and perfectly matter of fact about either. The other characters are playing roles with themselves as the audience. One Eye just is. That sets up tensions, at least between normal-acting One Eye and batshit-killer One Eye, between One Eye's empirical, present life and the role players roles, and thus between One Eye and the role players themselves.

    Hannibal is best when he just is. His calculation and artifice to blend in isn't a role. In his world, it's what everybody does. Even his theatrics line up with other role players who tend toward theatrics, themselves.

    In the still Mags' Hannibal isn't passing, and is playing for the camera and himself. Wrong, wrong, wrong.

    It's wrong for the character. It's disappointing for Mags as we've seen how he can inhabit a character, then let the tensions emerge organically. We should find out who directed Mags thus, and maybe improve the quality of performance by scheduling a special barbeque.

  • Santa

    Being a fellow Scandinavian, I feel I must point out that it´s Mads, not Mags. Mads Mikkelsen is Danish, of course. In Sweden,we spell the name "Mats". Mads and Mats are Scandinavian versions of Matthew. So, in fact, he is a "Matt Michaelson" Skål!

  • BierceAmbrose

    Thanks. Stupid fat-finger o mine.

  • BierceAmbrose

    Also, all that from one still because it's been political season for so long I can't lose the habit of spinning weeks of outrage-y outrage from a single phrase.

  • TK

    I feel the same way. Or maybe I'm just angry with his agent.

  • "Nobody's going to die today." The John McClane I know would not say these words. Also, why invoke the original so much ("first time", Ode to Joy)?

  • mograph

    In a hurry to get this one out?

  • Teabelly

    I'll watch Die Hard. I am sucker for those. And the son looks nice, mm hmm. (I forgot he had a son, if I ever knew it.)

  • JenVegas

    God help me I f*cking love the Die Hard franchise. I know it means there's a special table in hell for me but I'm OK with that.

  • Clancys_Daddy

    Move over.

  • Forbiddendonut

    There is no shame in that. Well, maybe a little shame in loving the foruth one, but as sequels go the second and third Die Hards weren't too bad and the first one is a classic, one of, if not the, best action movies of all time. If it's on, I'm watching it.

  • TheAggroCraig

    Save me a place.

  • SLW

    Yep. That could be a documentary of my time in Russia.

  • Eve

    I'd love to have Mads Mikkelsen and nice Chianti...shshshshshshsh.

  • I prefer to think of the Brandon T. Jackson from "Tropic Thunder."

  • Fredo

    "They had ONE good role for a black man! And they gave it to Crocodile Dundee over here!!

  • Laura

    Exactly, he was hilarious in that!

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