11 Lame, Last-Minute Halloween Costume Ideas (To Inspire a Good Hatef*ck)

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11 Lame, Last-Minute Halloween Costume Ideas (To Inspire a Good Hatef*ck)

By Agent Bedhead | Seriously Random Lists | October 31, 2012 | Comments ()


Well, Halloween has been largely ruined already this year, hasn't it? That damn hurricane/post-tropical storm isn't over yet, but it's already "lights out" for several million people in the United States, which is not to mention all of the damage from flooding, winds, and heavy snow. So it makes sense if you haven't really thought too much about your costume this year, but if you're one of the lucky ones who can venture out for a party tonight, here are some last-minute ideas that are super easy to fake pull together if all you're looking for is a good hatef*ck. Remember, these costumes are mostly about attitude and a few well-placed props, and they are all super lame. Let's do this:

Betty Draper of "Mad Men": Carry a cigarette, wear something retro, and carry a baby doll that will constantly be labelled "fat" throughout the evening. Remember, your people are Nordic.


Winona Hawkins of "Justified": Roll your eyes at the most impossibly handsome man in the room. Then strap on the tiniest baby bump and act like you want the guy to quit his calling to be an ice cream man.


The Bear Jew of Inglourious Basterds: This one is kind of cheating because Eli Roth (who probably wouldn't mind being anyone's hatefuck) has already put together his own costume guide, but let's face it, all you really need are some suspenders, a baseball bat, and a very exaggerated Boston accent.


The Cable Guy of Cable Guy: Grab a blue jumpsuit, stuff some pliers and random wires into a bag, and practice the hell out of your underbite.


Derek Zoolander of Zoolander: All you really need here is a whole lot of strategically applied hair gel and the perfect duckface.


Bella Swan of Twilight: Bite your lips a lot, wear a ratty old sweater, and act like you smell a fart all the time. Once you get a man on your arm, NEVER let him go.


Bradley Cooper from The Hangover Movies: Got an extra emu costume lying around? Because that would totally work here.


Sharpay of the High School Musical Trilogy: This costume is potentially icky because, you know, this character is still a teenager, but the actress (Ashley Tisdale) isn't, so let's go with it. All you need is a blonde wig, lots of pink, and a gay brother/boyfriend on your arm.


Bobby Boucher of The Waterboy: Carry around a bucket of water, randomly tackle people, and rant about your medulla oblongata.


Janice from "Friends": All one really needs for this costume is big hair, fake red nails, and an annoying, "OH. MY. GAWD."


Shia LaBeouf in nearly any Shia LaBeouf movie: This one is so easy. Just wear hipster street clothes and run around yelling, "No, no, no, no!"


Agent Bedhead lives in Tulsa, Oklahoma. She and her little black heart can be found at Celebitchy.

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Comments Are Welcome, Bigots and Trolls Are Not

  • Crazy Cat Lady

    No Lori from TWD? For shame!

  • Tammy

    Please. Stop. Saying. Hatefuck.
    It's really that bad. You guys use it like a comma lately.

    It's really, REALLY, not an OK thing to say. It is actually a thing that predators say to their prey. As in, when they rape them. As in, people I actually know. Probably people you know, too, considering the prevalence and underreporting of rape.
    Please find another term. ANY other term. It's so depressing to see it, over and over again, used as a crutch on Pajiba - The Place On The Internet I Go To Avoid The Stupid. PLEASE. Please. For the love of both language and not sounding like a predator.

  • BlackRabbit

    At this point I'd be happy with a "mehf*ck."

  • zeke_the_pig

    Damn, Zoolander, if you had any hand in the duckface plague sweeping facebook then I'm afraid all good will and credit for the funny goes out the window and you follow after it. On the other hand, if you just predicted it, then we should've just pressed the red button as soon as we left the cinema.

  • lowercase_ryan

    I think I'd actually make a mean fat betty draper.

  • AngelenoEwok

    I WOULD sleep with someone dressed as one of these, but not out of hate...

    Yes, I am properly ashamed.

  • Milly

    Not a hatefuck costume, but one that is perfect for expending maximum gain for little effort.

    I wore jeans, tshirt and an jacket and applied a 'My Name Is ...' badge that announced my name as God.

    That's a 2 for 1 costume as it marks you out as Oz from Buffy to those in the know, and otherwise you're just God and that lazy fucker that everyone is secretly jealous of while the scratch away in polyester and other hideous fabrics.

  • letsspoon

    Really? Wearing a Strokes shirt is considered "hipster street clothes" ? A T-shirt and jeans seems pretty standard to me.

  • googergieger

    Actually hipsters dress and act like someone that just found out about the Nineties.

  • AngelenoEwok

    He dresses way more hipstery and the 2nd and 3rd Transformers movies and Wall Street 2. *hides my face*

  • Blake

    How about the "Ted Moseby"?

    An annoying douche who's obsessed with finding the one, getting married and boring his kids with details of his past relationships before finding their mom.

    Attire: Gap.Blazers, ironic logo t's, flannel, faded jeans and self absorption.

  • wsapnin

    at the wsapnin household, we refer to it as a "grudgefuck". Sounds nastier.

  • carrie

    my boyfriend will be Patrick Bateman naked with sneakers covered of blood with a chainsaw

  • e jerry powell

    Post a video, or it never happened.

  • DominaNefret

    My living room flooding/ceiling caving in, getting into a car accident, and Sandy all made me completely forget Halloween existed. I have been digging through my closet trying to find something to throw together all day. So far I got nothing. Doesn't help that my ceiling fell on a large load of clean clothes and I haven't been able to do laundry since.

  • celery

    If you're the type of person who enjoys that sort of thing, throw on whatever, grab a bunch of makeup, and zombify yourself. (I am the type of person who enjoys this sort of thing.)

  • Groundloop

    Shitty deal with all the disasters. If I may, a quick and easy costume is:

    1) Wear whatever you feel comfy in. Just regular everyday clothes.

    2) Carry a hammer, chisel or a pair of pliers. Rust optional, but preferred.

    3) When people ask you what you are, just tell them "Serial Killer", and walk away.

  • e jerry powell


  • bleujayone

    The Mrs. can do a spot-on Janice voice at a drop of a hat.“OH. MY. GAWD.” works far more effectively than, "Not tonight, I have a headache."

    Lost the erection faster than a $10 stack of quarters at Pinball Wizard Video Arcade complete with Pac-Man's death sound effect.

  • I actually went as Janice on Halloween about 12 years ago. By the end of the night hubby was hatin' but alas, not fuckin'. And it's my birthday!

  • googergieger

    OR you can do what I always do and just wear what you normally wear, and when someone asks, "what are you dressed up as?", answer, "someone with self respect".

    Yeah I don't get invited to too many parties.

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