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Welcome to Our Eloquent Eloquence Archive

Eloquent Eloquence: Temper Klaxon Edition

Eloquent Eloquence: Entertainment Industry Neologoportmanteau Edition

Eloquent Eloquence: Hating People That Like Things Edition

Eloquent Eloquence: Literrhea Edition

Eloquent Eloquence: TL:DR Edition

Eloquent Eloquence: Thighs of Fassbender Edition

Eloquent Eloquence: Professional Teeth Edition

Eloquent Eloquence: B*tches Love Magic! Edition

Eloquent Eloquence: Young Matt Damon Edition

Eloquent Eloquence: Sylvia Plath Confessional Oven Mittery Edition

Eloquent Eloquence: Kitsch Antics Edition

Eloquent Eloquence: Sartorially Corrected Edition

Eloquent Eloquence: Fingerhood Ornaments Edition

Eloquent Eloquence: Climb Mount Molehill Edition

Eloquent Eloquence: Public Meat Edition

Eloquent Eloquence: Awesome Facial Concoctions Edition

Eloquent Eloquence: Smarmtacularity Edition

Eloquent Eloquence: Wild Mass Guessing Edition

Eloquent Eloquence: Neologism Cotillion Edition

Eloquent Eloquence: B*TCHCEPTION! Edition *BRAAAAAAAAAAM*

Eloquent Eloquence: Disembowel with My Mind Science Edition

Eloquent Eloquence: Surprisingly Synchronized Disease-Ridden Whores Edition

Eloquent Eloquence: Cast into the Machinery Edition

Eloquent Eloquence: Fuzzy Assed Math Edition

Eloquent Eloquence: Humdingers Firmly In Place Edition

Eloquent Eloquence: Storm of Vengeance and Whiskey Edition

Eloquent Eloquence: I'm Your Holy Crocodile Edition

Eloquent Eloquence: Community Hate Fondle Edition

Eloquent Eloquence: Fiercely Heterosexual Opera Singers Edition

Eloquent Eloquence: Radioactive Cinnamon Bun Edition

Eloquent Eloquence: Ambiguous Sexual Elegance Edition

Eloquent Eloquence: Imagine What Salma Hayek Would Look Like With Beer Goggles!

Eloquent Eloquence (Overlord Edition): Why Is Thor So Much bigger Than Loki?

Eloquent Eloquence: Hemswort Is a Daily Supplement We'd All Take

Eloquence: Bathing in the Blood of Marvin Suggs Muppaphones

Eloquent Eloquence: I Still Don't Understand Twelve Monkeys

Eloquent Eloquence: Some Men Look Fine Balding, Some Men Are James Spader

Eloquent Eloquence: Christian Slater? Seriously? Will It Also Star a VHS Player and the Uncertainty Over Freddie Mercury's Sexuality?

Eloquent Eloquence: You May Have to Elba Him Before He Renners Straight Into Hiddleston

Eloquent Eloquence: Reincorporation Is the Secret to Great Comedy

Eloquent Eloquence: Online Death Threats Are Not Surprising. Surprising Is When Those Threats Are Spelled Correctly

Eloquent Eloquence and Porn Names for Literary Classics

Eloquent Eloquence: 13 Things Better than Scarlett Johansson in The Avengers

Eloquent Eloquence: The Skeeviness of Greasy Naked Men Humping the Air

Eloquent Eloquence: A Princess Bride Brewery? Anybody Want a Peanut Brown Ale? What About a Prince Humperdunkel?

Eloquent Eloquence: Terry Richardson Makes Humbert Humbert Look Like the Boy Next Door

Eloquent Eloquence: About that "Downton Abbey" Porn Title

Eloquent Eloquence: The Difference Between Sociopath and Psychopath Explained

Eloquent Eloquence: Why Are They Giving "Community" the "Parker Lewis Can't Lose" Treatment?

Eloquent Eloquence: What Are Pirate Negotiators Called? ARRRbitrators, Me Hearties!

Eloquent Eloquence: Wall-E Is a Spambot Wandering the Wastes of the Internet Performing Its Useless Spamming Tasks

Eloquent Eloquence: Can You Pinpoint the Last Time Johnny Depp Washed His Hair?

Eloquent Eloquence: Chekhov's Meth Lab, Indeed

Eloquent Eloquence: Jason Statham Gets the Dr. Seuss Treatment

Eloquent Eloquence: Would Motorboating the Magical Cleavage Be Like Being Baptized?

Eloquent Eloquence (All New Format): Crank Up the Labia Saturation

Dragons Are Like the Camaros of the Middle Ages and the 10 Best Comments of the Week

"Gentlemen Prefer Boobs" and the 10 Best Comments of the Week

The Boondock Saints Is the Insane Clown Posse of Movies and the 10 Best Comments of the Week

Does this Rope Make My Hands Look Fat? and the 10 Best Comments of the Week

Lindsay Lohan is the Susan Lucci of Death Pools and the 10 Best Comments of the Week

When the F*ck did Michael Cera Turn into Lady Elaine Fairchilde? and the 10 Best Comments of the Week

The Atheist's Worst Nightmare and the 10 Best Comments of the Week

Salma Hayek and her Boobs Should Host Every Award Show Ever and the 10 Best Comments of the Week

I Am Offended by Your Anti-Vowelism: The 10 Best Comments of the Week

"Zombie Jambalaya" with Paul W.S. Anderson and the 10 Best Comments of the Week

The 10 Best Comments of the Week and Lea Michele's Gozer from Ghostbusters Costume

The 10 Best Comments of the Week: For just £2 a Month, You Could Make the Difference in a Zombie's Undeath

The 10 Best Comments of the Week Features a Talking Cravat Charmer

The 10 Best Comments of the Week Reminds Us All to be More Swintonesque in the New Year

The 10 Best Comments of the Week Asks the Question of the Ages: Man or Muppet?

The 10 Best Comments of the Week: Skitz Kills Again

The 10 Best Comments of the Week Featuring the True Story of the Vajazzle!

Delicious Eggs Palpatine and the 10 Best Comments of the Week

Eloquent Eloquence: Stuff Your Turkey with a Hair Metal Band and Call It TURDOKKEN

Eloquent Eloquence Introduces The Moviegoer's Prayer

Eloquent Eloquence: We Are the 99%. Of People Who Will Murder You

Eloquent Eloquence: I Like to Get Naked, Too, But That Doesn't Make Me Funnier than Donald Glover

Eloquent Eloquence: In Pajibaville They Say, That the Ladies' Ovaries Grew Threw Sizes That Day

This Week's Eloquent Eloquence Asks: Is Appliance Intercourse Considered Sodomy?

Eloquent Eloquence: Just Remember, I Love You Where You Tingle the Hardest

Eloquent Eloquence: When did Mark Ruffalo become The Most Interesting Man in the World?

Eloquent Eloquence: Christina Hendricks Bacon Whiskey Baby Ninja Star

Eloquent Eloquence: Where Barbershop Quartet Meets '50's Federal Prison Rapist

Eloquent Eloquence: George Lucas Gives His Fans the Finger

Eloquent Eloquence: Death By A Thousand Sporks

Eloquent Eloquence: Figgy's Swan Song

Eloquent Eloquence: Best Comments of the Week

Eloquent Eloquence Comment of the day

Eloquent Eloquence Comments of the Week

Eloquent Eloquence Comment of the Day

Eloquent Eloquence Comment of the Day

Eloquent Eloquence Comment of the Day

Eloquent Eloquence Comment of the Day

Eloquent Eloquence Comment of the Day

Eloquent Eloquence Comment of the Day

Eloquent Eloquence Comment of the Day

Eloquent Eloquence Returns! (Kinda)

Eloquent Eloquence Comment of the Day

Eloquent Eloquence Comment of the Day

Eloquent Eloquence Comment of the Day

Eloquent Eloquence Comment of the Day

Eloquent Eloquence Comment of the Day

Eloquent Eloquence Comment of the Day

Comment of the Day: Tonight, We Dine on Scrota!

Eloquent Eloquence Comment of the Day

Eloquent Eloquence Comment of the Day

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The Eloquent Eloquence Oscars Goes To ...

Eloquent Eloquence: Real Men Drink Blood and Swallow Babies

In This Week's Eloquence, One Eloquent Refuses to Watch Schindler's List Until They Come Up with a Decent Toy or Board Game Tie-In

Stop Whining

What Did Tony Danza Ever Do To You?!

The Pot and the Kettle

Does Bradley Cooper Not Know He's Bradley Cooper? I Mean He Could Be Having Sex with Attractive Women

Welcome to the Nickelback Merchandise Page

A Random Collection of the Best Comments from 2010

The Ten Bitchiest Commenters of 2010

First Amendment Side Effects

Skynet Has A Ways to Go

I Want to Get Intimate. Lubricantly.

Burlesque is Your Typical Small-Town Girl Goes to Los Angeles ...

Bags of D*cks

Chill Out, People

The Virgins to Daniel Craig Conversion Chart

Nails in my Face, But the Rust Is in My Soul

A PG-13 Alien? Does It Cuddle People to Death?

If You Can Read This, You're Obviously Not Home-Schooled

We Cannot Forget About Chip Hitler

I'll Empathy You Right in the Jaw

Pee in her Bug

I Strong Advise You to Use Rubber on Peenus

Beaches ain't Sh*t but Hoes and Tricks

Imogen Poots

Miniature American Flags for Everyone!

Bear Goggles

There is No Shame in Poutine. Only Joy

Ugly Chick Under a Bridge Ranting at Goats

So, Aqualad Is Aquaman's Fey British Cousin?

Where Did the Bad Pajiba Touch You?

The Human Twi-li-pede

The Sexual Allure of Alan Rickman's Voice Box

It Doesn't Help That You Are a Thumbhead!

The Bunk Needs New Sheets

The Book of Screwing Pandas

Rainbow Poof

The Ballad of Eating Yoko

So That's How Pattinson Has Such Perfectly Shaped Hair. Unicorn Semen!

An RDJ Backlash? Inconceivable!

Brian Cox Is Nobody's Stand-In!

Cobra Bites and Cat Piss Win Over Jay Leno Any Day.

To Me, You Are Perfect, Danny Trejo

The Texas Peep Massacre

The Cheerocracy Winner

This Cheerocracy is Turning into a Democracy

Space Boners. Advisable or No? Discuss

I Got Me Some Ripe Ole Apples to Go Along With Those Ripe Ole Melons You Be Rocking.

The PajibOlympics

What About Bob? What ABOUT Bob?

Katherine Heigl Will Play Muffy Honeycrisp

LOLCats vs. The Human Centipede

The Tree of Woah!

'Jiba Juice

Hairy-Ass Travolta

Have You Ever Been Sparkly?

The Top 20 Comments of 2009

Universe, you’ve done it again!

Figgy's Gettin' Married

Is Pink Mist a Euphemism for a Queef?

That Is One Pissed-Off Crotchfruit

Naughty Dreams on Elm Street

Viva Paheeba!

Butthole Day Revisited

Hey! What Do You Mean, 'You People'?

No One Likes a Big Bowl of S**t for Breakfast

Some of You Read This Site with Your Pants On?

Heydilly ho, friends! Wanna see my diddly-ding-dang-doodle?

Elouquent Elouquence: Canadian Edition

I Once Turned a Student Loan into PBR



The Answer to How Long You'd Live with Only Half a Brain

Send in the Pooping, Zombie Clowns

Bevy of Hoochies

Nappy Headed Ho's

Ugh, Bugs! Stop Falling into my Boobs!

The Top Five Things You Don't Know About Women

Ode to Menstruation

Ain't No Shame Like Charlie Sheen Shame

100 of the Best Comments

RIP: Jeff Goldblum 1952 - 2009

Two Guys, a Girl, and a Pajiba Place

Bazooka Joe vs. The Volcano

Tampon Machine in the Public Restroom: The Movie!

The Warrior Queen’s Parting Words and the Retirement of Eloquent Eloquence

Sh*t, Pajiba! Are You Just Looking for An*l?

I Salute You Sick Sick, Gay, Crazy, Pill-Poppin Sex-Crazed Literary Mavens

Eloquent Eloquence 03/05/09

Eloquent Eloquence 02/25/09

Eloquent Eloquence 02/19/08

Eloquent Eloquence 02/12/09

Eloquent Eloquence 02/05/09

Eloquent Eloquence 01/29/09

Eloquent Eloquence 01/22/09

Eloquent Eloquence 01/15/09

Eloquent Eloquence 01/08/09

Eloquent Eloquence 12/24/08

Eloquent Eloquence 12/18/08

Eloquent Eloquence 12/11/08

Eloquent Eloquence 12/04/08

Eloquent Eloquence 11/20/08

Eloquent Eloquence 11/13/08

Eloquent Eloquence 11/06/08

Eloquent Eloquence 10/30/08

Eloquent Eloquence 10/23/08

Eloquent Eloquence 10/16/08

Eloquent Eloquence 10/09/08

Eloquent Eloquence 10/02/08

Eloquent Eloquence 09/25/08

Eloquent Eloquence 09/18/08

Eloquent Eloquence 09/11/08

Eloquent Eloquence 09/04/08

Eloquent Eloquence 08/28/08

Eloquent Eloquence 08/14/08

Eloquent Eloquence 08/07/08

Eloquent Eloquence 07/31/08

Eloquent Eloquence 07/24/08

Eloquent Eloquence 07/17/08

Eloquent Eloquence 07/10/08

Eloquent Eloquence 06/26/08

Eloquent Eloquence

Eloquent Eloquence 06/13/08

Eloquent Eloquence 06/06/08

Eloquent Eloquence 05/16/08

Eloquent Eloquence 05/08/08

Eloquent Eloquence 04/24/08

Eloquent Eloquence 04/17/08

Eloquent Eloquence 04/11/08

Eloquent Eloquence 04/04/08

Eloquent Eloquence 03/28/08