If you put a gun to my head and asked me which is worse, Meghan McCain or a reality TV star, I hope you’re prepared to get rid of a body because f*ck if I know. How are they not the same thing?
On that note, Meghan stopped by Watch What Happens Live on Wednesday night where she was joined by Real Housewives of New Jersey star Melissa Gorga, who you may recall from her groundbreaking book “Love Italian Style”, which managed to advocate for both marital rape AND taking stealth dumps in the yard so your husband doesn’t find out your anus works. I’m not even joking.
Girls don’t poop. Me, never have. Never will. It just doesn’t happen. Or, that’s what Joe thinks! We’ve been married for nine years, and he has never once seen or smelled my business. How have I pulled this off? I don’t do it when he’s around or awake. In an emergency, I have my ways of pooping so he won’t hear, smell, or see. It’s a challenge.
As much as I’d truly and deeply love to talk about ninja shits until the end of time, that’s where my ability to care about Real Housewives stops dead in its tracks. So here’s a freakishly personable Meghan addressing the backstage drama surrounding Abby Huntsman leaving The View and admitting that the two did have a backstage fight, but they’ve since reconciled. However, Meghan’s answers seem a little too slick, particularly when she’s asked about the infamous moment when Whoopi Goldberg yelled “Girl, please stop talking” to the delighted cheers of a nation. It’s almost like Meghan was fired out of the nutsack of a smooth-talking politician, but that can’t be right. Can it? I should probably Google who her dad is some time.
Meghan also shot down rumors that she’s a “lone wolf” and that, of course, she talks to her co-hosts when the cameras aren’t rolling. Everyone loves her! Even that one lady she called a bitch. They’re practically two peas suffocating in an unholy pod of terror.
And, finally, here’s the After Show segment where Meghan fields viewer questions about “You were at my wedding, Denise,” who she never wants to see or hear from again; Elizabeth Warren, who Meghan is surprisingly reverent toward and tells an anecdote that makes me want to burn the world if she doesn’t become our president; and lastly Joe Biden, who could entice Meghan to betray the Republican Party in November, which we’ve heard before. That said, she does temper that information by saying she thinks Bernie could end up being the nom, and I’m not even touching the ratf*cking orgy going on there, except OK, I will. Republicans want Bernie because he goes down in the general.
That’s just my two cents, and I seriously won’t be offended if you ignore the guy who couldn’t resist opening this piece with Melissa Gorga dropping deuces in the shadows like goddamn Batman. That’s probably a good call.
Header Image Source: Bravo