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Welcome to Our Career Assessments Archive

James Franco: Pretentious Narcissist Or Inspired Renaissance Man? One Writer's Emotional Roller Coaster Journey

This One Aspect of the Trump Administration is Actually Cause for Optimism

Luke Wilson Has Had a Really Lousy But Successful Career

A Conversation with My White Male Privilege About Casey Affleck

Idris Elba Needs To Be in Better F*ckin' Movies

The Case For Nicolas Cage: One of The Greatest Actors of His Generation

A Love Letter To the Masterpiece, 'Brick' and Why Rian Johnson Is the Perfect Choice to Direct 'Star Wars VIII'

Come Back To Us, Terry Zwigoff, Patron Saint Of Outsiders!

Why 'Magnificent Seven' Is the Closest Denzel Will Ever Get to a Superhero Movie

John Cazale: Pound For Found The Greatest American Actor Of All Time?

The Curious Case Of Mark Ruffalo, Greatest Movie Detective Of His Generation

6 Movies John Travolta Has Made In The Last 3 Years That You've Never Heard Of

Ranking Jeff Goldblum Movies Based Solely On His Sexiness

Celebrating The Greatest Movie Star That Ever Lived: Kevin Costner's 'Robin Hood' Turns 25

The Highest and Lowest Grossing Films Of This Year's Oscar Nominated Actors

Can Ryan Reynolds Be Considered a 'Movie Star' Now, Bill Simmons?

Is The Adam Sandler Curse To Blame For Taylor Lautner's Lackluster Career?

What The Hell Has Happened To Abigail Breslin?

8 Times Gwendoline Christie Made Huge Screen Presences Look Like Tiny Mortals

John Cusack May Not Be the Asshole We Thought He Was

Hey Ryan Gosling, Here Are 5 Reasons We Need You Back In Our Lives

A Quick Look at Jessica Chastain Before She Was EVERYWHERE

We Absolutely Love What Katherine Heigl Is Doing These Days

Oscar Nominees’ First Notable Roles

The 11 Crappiest Movies Of Willem Dafoe’s Career

Assessing Scarlett Johansson: Lost in Boobland

Assessing Hugh Jackman: Wolverine & I Are Done, Professionally

Assessing Naomi Watts: Blank Slate or Newly Bland Actress?

Assessing Clive Owen: Super Tiger Sex Commando & Unpredictable Box-Office Quantity

Assessing Sarah Jessica Parker: A Glorified Clothes Hanger

Assessing the Harry Potter Leads: One Of Three Ain't Bad

Assessing Heather Graham: License to Strip

Assessing Kevin Bacon: Six Degrees of Underrated

Assessing Jack Black: Don't Go Away Mad, Just Go Away

Assessing Geoffrey Rush: Characters Depraved and Themes Unwholesome at Best

Assessing Will Ferrell: Land of the Lost Career?

Assessing Kate Hudson: Perky and Blonde Just Don't Cut It

Assessing Vin Diesel: Have Muscles, Will Use Them

Assessing Reese Witherspoon: Perky Blonde Seeks Resurrection

Assessing Neve Campbell: The Reluctant Scream Queen

Assessing Helen Hunt: Let's Jump Into The Final Frontier

Assessing Colin Firth: “My Career Has Just Peaked”

Assessing Marisa Tomei: A Mixed Body Of Work

Gary Oldman Career Assessment: Simply a Bloody Good Actor

Assessing Michael Biehn: Go With Him If You Want To Live

Farrelly Bros. Career Assessment: Spooge Only Shoots So Far

Assessing Nicole Kidman: You Know The Drill

My Arse Bleeds For Them

Explosive In a Non-Michael Bay Way

Twitter Star, Not Movie Star

Daddy Got the Rainman Suite, and He Sh*t All Over It

You Shall Not (Free) Pass!

(Almost) Nobody Shoots At Santa

Ray Has Gone Bye Bye

Seriously, What's Happening Here?

What Are You Doing Here?

The Illusion of Effortlessness Requires a Great Effort

You Stare At Him. He Just Stares Right Back. And That’s When the Attack Comes.

As Soon as You Give Us the Money, Dickwad!

The Whole is More than the Sum of the Parts

It's Not a Question of How; It's a Question of What

Wife For Life

Will Find Nice Sensible Movie & Avoid Attachments With Any of the Following

Let Me Paint this Picture for You, Baby

A Chance to Take It to the Next Plateau

Just Give the Woman a Mul-ti-pass Already

In the End, We All Know What We’ve Done

Touch Me, I'm Dick

A Face Only a Captive Audience Could Love

SO Painfully Overrated

Still Tryin’ Real Hard To Be The Shepherd

So High So Far To Fall

And She Eats Men Like Air

He's Right Behind You, Leo!

The Final Countdown?

Rude Awakening? Please Hold.

How to Lose Fans & Alienate the Rest of Us

It's a Bird! It's a Plane! Oh, It's... Blankman.

Hiding in the Doghouse

Because Someone Has to Hold the Gucci Cigarette Lighter

There's Something Puzzling About Mary

Comeback Maximus? Too Soon to Tell.

If Only She Wasn’t Such an Insufferable Bitch

Ace Aims For The Hole

It’s Turkey Time. Gobble, Gobble.

Time to Put the Bunny Back in the Box, Nic

Yep, That’s What He Said

She Who Forsaketh the Best of Both Worlds

He Made His Own Filthy, Whorish Bed

Sparkle and Fade?

Latifah’s All Like, “That Man was No Good For You."

Anyone Seen Cybill Shepard Lately?

Scorsese's New Muse? Not So Fast.

Frankie’s Four Fingers Got Hairy

Disarming You with a Smile

The Billion-Dollar Cro-Magnon Man?

Man On Ire

Is It Still George Michael’s Time to Shine?