Ranking Jeff Goldblum Movies Based Solely On His Sexiness
You cannot deny that Jeff Goldblum has a weird kind of sexy that hinges on his abundance of charm and charisma. It’s just a scientific fact and I will brook no sass on that front. I am laying out these facts so that you will understand the sheer amount of time and soul-searching it took to rank these films by their Goldblum Sexiness Factor.
3. 1. The Fly
Fucking with science and playing God only to turn into a gross fly-brid? Sexy.
2. 1. Independence Day
It was 1996 and flannel was life. What do you get if you cross a white undertank with flannel, a man necklace, and science knowledge? SEXY GOLDBLUM.
8.1. Invasion of the Bodysnatchers
When everyone is being replaced with pod people, you can only trust in one thing: how sexy Goldblum is in his role.
He’s playing a psychic tricked into going a little Indiana Jones with Cyndi Lauper, but you cannot deny that you saw the sexy coming.
Goldblum brings sexy back to the belted trouser as he plays a teacher that thinks Powder is a genius.
7.1. Igby Goes Down
I haven’t seen the movie, but Goldblum is rocking the suits, is he not?
4.1. The Life Aquatic with Steve Zissou
Once again, a be-suited Goldblum pulls himself into sexy focus as the title character’s nemesis.
9.1. Morning Glory
Goldblum’s mussed hair and tv studio management wardrobe might kill the sexy on lesser men. But he is Goldblum: Bringer Of The Swagger.
10.1. The Grand Budapest Hotel
He is rocking the strange blend of eccentric and hipster. It works.
1. Jurassic Park
His body is ready. Are you?
BONUS: Meme’d Goldblum in preparation for Friday’s Independence Day Resurgence.
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