So, we’ve elected a racist and misogynistic pathological liar whose delightful Twitter account is inevitably going to bring about an intense nuclear feud at some point, and all in all we appear to be in the onset of some sort of apocalypse. But there is some cause for optimism: The election of Donald Trump, who has never held any public office in his life and had to ask generals three times why he can’t just, like, nuke ISIS or whatever, and now, all of his delightful cabinet picks reveal, you no longer have to be qualified in any capacity to get the job of your dreams!!! (With the slight, slight disclaimer that this is only the case if you’re a billionaire and/or have donated millions to the Republican party, but who’s counting?)
Alas, Trump’s cabinet picks show that there is one campaign promise he is determined not to break, and no, it’s not draining the swamp or locking Hillary Clinton behind bars: it’s giving jobs to unskilled white people! Rick Perry, Betsy DeVos, and all the rest of you, welcome on board!
On Tuesday, the senate held a hearing for DeVos for Education Secretary, which will be the first of numerous hearings this week. DeVos has never worked with public schools. She instead advocates for private school vouchers, a deeply unpopular policy that disproportionately benefits religious charter schools while doing nothing to improve the quality of education for children of poor families, as she and Trump have claimed they will; instead, the opposite appears true. But she’s donated millions to the Republican party, so, voila!
And we should all be super inspired by South Carolina Gov. Nikki Haley, who openly admitted to having zero qualifications. As U.N. ambassador, she won’t get to shrug things off to be “left to the states” as is her usual game, but will probably get the job anyway because this is the world we’re now living in!!!
Meanwhile, Ben Carson is a neurosurgeon who ran for president way back when despite just months later expressing hesitation over accepting a cabinet position due to his lack of government experience (as if this matters these days!), and, on top of that, can’t even keep an eye on his own luggage, nor guarantee that he won’t use his position to grow Trump’s assets. But apparently this doesn’t matter because nothing matters and he’ll likely be our secretary of housing and urban development anyway!
Rick Perry, with his totally real glasses that he TOTALLY isn’t just wearing to look smarter than he is, will be the head of the Energy Department, a department he not only wanted to rid of in 2012 but couldn’t even name. His resume includes competing on Dancing With the Stars, obtaining a B.S. in Animal Science from Texas A&M University, and earning a D in a class called “Meats” (granted, it was an upper-div, so, ¯\_(ツ)_/¯ I guess cut him some slack?).
Jeff Sessions was once denied a federal judgeship for being too racist, and will now be our Attorney General; Tom Price has no idea how affording birth control works, and will now be our Health and Human Services Secretary; and Trump, a self-declared pussy-grabber, will now be our President!!!
So go ahead. What are you waiting for? Apply for that position at that prestigious law firm despite never going to law school. As if qualifications matter anymore!