Day 1: Is Peter and Juliet's Wedding Unstuck in Time? - 25 Days of 'Love, Actually'
Pajiba is many things. A feminist hug-box. A site that used to review movies but got totally ruined by women and gifs. According to one guy, it’s a Michael Jackson fansite. But what we really are, for at least one month each year, is a Love, Actually yarn wall of nonsense and fuckery.
Each year, it gets a little harder to find a take. I mean, you’d think we’d have covered it all by now.
But, in a movie with so much, there must be so much more. And I aim to find it.
Inspired by The Worst Idea of All Time podcast, I’ve had my own worst idea of all time. I’m going to watch Love, Actually every day till Christmas. Why? Because I hate myself.
Having seen it at least once annually since its release, I will try to look for new horrors and delights. Mostly I’ll be reminding myself and all of us just how many people in this film are horrible and/or stupid human beings. And I will learn very quickly that 25 is entirely too many times to hear “Smooth” by Rob Thomas and Santana.
But for the moment I will focus on Peter and Juliet’s wedding. Because it’s bonkers.
Let’s start with the fashion. Not only does Juliet look like a crazed bird woman…
But her poor tragic bridesmaids are wearing the same ugly feathered cardigan over A SHINY DRESS. It doesn’t come across well in screencap form, but look for yourself. IT IS SO SHINY.
AND IT HAS A BUILT-IN VISIBLE BRA STRAP.
The men aren’t faring much better.
Meanwhile, Laura Linney is FREEZING.
The reception is a treasure trove of fashion fuckery. Like, what’s happening here?
What is any of this? What year does this wedding take place? Are we unstuck in time? Is that why Andrew Lincoln thinks she’ll eventually look like a literal mummy? Are we in the eternals?
Also, catering lady. What.
Look, you have a lot going on, like being heavily sexually harassed by a member of the wait staff who is literally the worst character in this movie and is ultimately rewarded, something I’m sure I’ll talk about a lot over the next 24 viewings, but that is no excuse for anything happening on your head right now.
And then of course there’s this abortion.
I cannot tell what material that jacket is. Is it velvet? Is it sateen? And is it over a sequined crop top turtleneck like a broken Spice Girl? Jesus.
Of course the most ridiculous part of this whole wedding is this: Did no one notice that the wedding is entirely populated with strangers holding large instruments?
That’s all I’ll cover for today, because I can’t blow my load on day one like I’m garbage-ass Colin the Waiter or something, but I’m going to keep watching this movie and be back tomorrow to discuss all the HR violations in this movie. I might make it a drinking game. WHO KNOWS. THE WORLD IS A WONDER.