Day 18: Colin Firth--The Ted Mosby of 'Love Actually' - 25 Days of 'Love Actually'
So this is Christmas. And what have you done? I’ve watched Love Actually a bunch of fucking times, John Lennon, that’s what I’ve done.
It’s one week till Christmas and I HAVE FAILED YOU. I missed a day yesterday. Illinois was covered in ice and I was trying to amuse small humans and small dogs and I MISSED IT. I MISSED A DAY. Forgive me.
Totally us IRL:
JK this is actually you IRL.
So I owe you A DOUBLE-GREAT DOUBLE-STUFFED LOVE ACTUALLY-PALOOZA TODAY. And as such I choose to focus on one of the great loves of my live, Colin Firth.
For, you see, Colin Firth is the Ted Mosby of this movie.
We start with Colin Firth’s Jamie repeatedly telling his girlfriend how much he loves her. She responds tenderly.
Which might be adorable couple banter if we didn’t find out she has sex with his brother, like, moments later.
Now, obviously, the fault is with Jamie’s garbage brother and garbage girlfriend, who is either a top-level sickness faker or is having lots of crazy boyfriend-brother sex while red-nosed and ill. But, let’s examine Jamie.
For one thing, he pops home between the wedding and reception to “see if she’s better.” Jamie. How do you think illness works? That was like a 30-minute wedding, max, and 28 minutes involved secret trumpeters appearing from the pews.
Also, he refers to Garbage Girlfriend as “the lady of the house” but is confused that she would let his brother in, confusedly saying “what a lovely obliging girl.” These are both super gross, condescending and infantilizing ways to refer to your live-in partner, by the way.
But was it so gross, condescending and infantilizing that you’d walk away from this sumptuous countryside getaway estate? Feminism is hard.
Jamie takes to France to be sad. We see from his conversation with Eleonore, the property lady, that this is possibly a frequent issue as he tells her she is “not surprised.” And then immediately falls madly in love with his housekeeper despite the fact they never have a conversation.
Colin Firth, you need to love yourself. Based on your history, Aurelia might actually be moving to London with you so she can marry Prince William instead, like her sister told her to.