web counter
 

Video: It's Going to Be Biblical! The 100 Greatest Movie Threats of All Time

By Harry Hanrahan | Posted Under Videos | Comments (39)

pulp_fiction_duo.gif

Harry Hanrahan is back this week with his latest. The video editor who brought us The 100 Greatest Move Insults of All Time , The Other 100 Greatest Movie Quotes and Nicolas Cage: Losing His Sh*t, among many others, debuts the spectacular 100 Greatest Movie Threats of All Time, a collection of the funniest, meanest, and most profane ass-kicking threats in the history of cinema.


Enjoy (Language NSFW)

(Hat Tip: Pajiba Readers for filling in the blanks)

——-

Here is a list of the movies being quoted from:

0’04 - The Limey, Law Abiding Citizen, Cape Fear (1962)

0’33 - Fargo, Scarface, Back to the Future Part III, Tombstone

1’02 - Coogan’s Bluff, They Live, Laughing Policeman, The Dead Pool, Casino

1’33 - Full Metal Jacket, Major Payne, In the Loop, Good Morning Vietnam

2’05 - Midnight Run, The Departed, The Big Lebowski, The Blues Brothers

2’33 - Coming to America, Punch-Drunk Love, Goodfellas, Casino

3’03 - Carlito’s Way, Kill Bill, Sudden Impact

3’30 - Pulp Fiction, Way of the Gun, Scream, Trading Places, The Running Man, Full Metal Jacket
3’59 - A Few Good Men, Smokey and the Bandit, Robin Hood: Prince of Thieves, Speed, Gangs of New York, Miller’s Crossing, Blue Velvet

4’31 - Wild at Heart, The Wizard of Oz, The Long Kiss Goodnight, The Shining

5’00 - Anchorman, The Man, Tank Girl, Diner, Mulan, The Goonies, In the Loop

5’31 - Team America: World Police, New Jack City, Training Day, Robocop, Animal House, Harvey, Talladega Nights

6’01 - The Warriors, Rocky IV, Matchstick Men, Way of the Gun, The Big Lebowski

6’38 - Stand By Me, Commando, The Shawshank Redemption, Welcome to Collinwood

6’57 - The Long Kiss Goodnight, Anchorman, Step Brothers

7’30 - Tommy Boy, Home Alone, Sexy Beast, Robocop, Monty Python and the Holy Grail, The Breakfast Club

8’00 - From Dusk Till Dawn, The Untouchables, Unforgiven, The Prophecy

8’32 - True Romance, Casino, Payback, Inglourious Basterds

9’01 - Ripley’s Game, Way of the Gun, Pulp Fiction

9’28 - Home Alone, Con Air, American History X, Man On Fire

10’05 - Taken, Patriot Games, Tropic Thunder

10’35 - There Will Be Blood, Dead Man’s Shoes, Robocop

10’57 - Rambo: First Blood, Predator, Hard to Kill

If you liked the above video, check out some of Harry Hanrahan’s greatest hits.

  • The 100 Best Horror Movie Quotes of All Time

    The Evolution of Nic Cage’s Hair

  • The 100 Greatest Insults of All Time

  • The Other 100 Greatest Movie Insults of All Time

  • Nicolas Cage Losing His Shit

  • Get Out of There! The Video

  • The 160 Greatest Arnold Schwarzenegger Quotes of All Time

  • The 100 Cheesiest Quotes of All Time

  • The 100 Greatest Quotes From “The Wire”

  • The “Other” 100 Greatest Movie Quotes of All Time

  • Cinema’s Top Villains

  • Julianne Moore Loves to Cry

  • Wall-E: The Cannibal Years — The Trailer

  • Star Wars: The Lightsaber Duels Tribute









    ← The Literary Equivalent of "Jizzed My Pants" Is "Shed My Pleasure" | 8 Netflix Instant Watch TV Series To Make Your Lazy Summer Downright Lethargic →











    Comments

    I passed up an opportunity to see a RoboCop midnight screening last weekend and I'm going to be kicking myself for years.

    Posted by: LEROOOY at May 31, 2011 4:50 PM

    • Bravo.

    Posted by: The Wanderer at May 31, 2011 5:00 PM

    Excellent as always HH. You are gifted, sir.

    Posted by: Paultera at May 31, 2011 5:06 PM

    Malkovich.
    That is all.

    Posted by: Lindsey with an 'e' at May 31, 2011 5:06 PM

    MADLIBS!!!!

    I'm going to fucking ______ your fucking ______ you _______, ________,_______ fucker!

    Posted by: BWeaves at May 31, 2011 5:56 PM

    Did not expect a nod to Dead Man's Shoes, this video is officially legit.

    Posted by: DangadaDang at May 31, 2011 6:05 PM

    And I still can't believe I haven't seen Way of the Gun yet...

    Posted by: Alex00 at May 31, 2011 6:15 PM

    Can this guy get a fucking medal or something? A statue in his honor?

    That video had me rolling. That ending was perfect.

    Posted by: ChristianH at May 31, 2011 6:37 PM

    Woohoo! Harvey! I'll butter *your* necktie!

    Posted by: Anna von Beav at May 31, 2011 8:33 PM

    that ending was just perfect.

    Posted by: sara at May 31, 2011 8:37 PM

    The Long Kiss Goodnight! My favorite terrible movie of all time.

    Posted by: Tracer Bullet at May 31, 2011 9:06 PM

    That ending is one of my all time favorite action quotes for all the wrong reasons. Top notch work yet again.

    If this sequence taught me anything, it's that forcibly inserting things in peoples rectums against their will is a seriously overused Hollywood threat. The really sinister ones are either implied (eg the entire Jules & Vincent scene) or the ones that I'd believe the aggressor might actually follow through on (Al Capone).


    Posted by: Dave Shepherd at May 31, 2011 10:07 PM

    Awesome and no better way to end it

    Posted by: Brian at May 31, 2011 10:46 PM

    So we can all agree that Joe Pesci is the absolute king of threats? yes? Yes.

    Brilliant job again, hh.

    Posted by: Figgy at May 31, 2011 11:12 PM

    "My name is Inigo Montoya. You killed my father. Prepare to die."
    is notably absent from this list. Just saying.

    Posted by: Ryan at June 1, 2011 1:39 AM

    The last one cracked me up so hard that I was crying.

    Posted by: James at June 1, 2011 2:01 AM

    DUN. DUN. DUN DUN DUN! Steven Seagall, you make everything sound silly...

    Awesome compilation! It reminded me of how great a psycho Malkovich could have been if he hadn't become an actor.

    Posted by: Matthijs at June 1, 2011 4:32 AM

    MADLIBS!!!!
    I'm going to fucking ______ your fucking ______ you _______, ________,_______ fucker!

    Posted by: BWeaves

    "I'm going to fucking peel your fucking cock open like a goddamned meat banana you contemptible, flatulent, scrofulous pig-fucker!"

    How's that? :-)

    Posted by: The Wanderer at June 1, 2011 9:11 AM

    Joe Pesci = king. Somehow it's even scarier coming from a guy who's 4 foot 10.

    But really, Joe doesn't have to use more than two words (and remarkably, neither of them is "motherfucker") to convey more threat than this whole magnificent, glorious bit of HH genius:

    "Funny how?"

    Posted by: , at June 1, 2011 9:38 AM

    Eh, more like the 25 greatest movie threats, plus 75 more that include a lot of profanity.

    Joe Pesci, for some reason, is just about the scariest motherfucker on this list.

    And I agree that threats to shove things up people's rectums are more funny than scary. 'Cause you know most people won't do it.

    Posted by: Slash at June 1, 2011 11:03 AM

    The repeat inclusion of Home Alone on this list kind of freaked me out. That movie is fucked up.

    Posted by: K McAllister at June 1, 2011 1:33 PM

    Bravo again!
    'i must break you.'

    Posted by: Holly at June 1, 2011 4:49 PM

    The two best were The Wicked Witch of the West and the French castle guy from "Holy Grail".

    But the best one not included is the all time classic:

    Billy Jack: You know what I think I'm gonna do then? Just for the hell of it?
    Mr. Posner: Tell me.
    Billy Jack: I'm gonna take this right foot, and I'm gonna whop you on that side of your face...
    [points to Posner's right cheek]
    Billy Jack: ...and you wanna know something? There's not a damn thing you're gonna be able to do about it.
    Mr. Posner: Really?
    Billy Jack: Really.
    (WHOP!!!!!!!!!)

    Posted by: Bruce Goudie at June 1, 2011 6:24 PM

    I think Lee Ermey as Gunny Hartman ties with Pesci. Then again, it might be bias in my part because I'm an army guy, and getting the drill sergeant treatment in your face truly can be one of the scariest fucking experiences in the world.

    Posted by: Danny from Puerto Rico at June 1, 2011 6:42 PM

    @Bruce Goudie: Wow, damn right, that's one of the all time badass ones.

    I'd also include Tyler Durden threatening the chief of police in Fight Club:
    Tyler: "Hi. You're going to call off your rigorous investigation. You're going to publicly state that there is no underground group. Or... these guys are going to take your balls. They're going to send one to the New York Times, one to the LA Times press-release style. Look, the people you are after are the people you depend on. We cook your meals, we haul your trash, we connect your calls, we drive your ambulances. We GUARD YOU WHILE YOU SLEEP. Do. not. Fuck with us."

    The "we guard you while you sleep" part is the one that gives it real fucking menace.

    Posted by: Danny from Puerto Rico at June 1, 2011 6:48 PM

    Danny from Puerto Rico - Edward Cullen guards people while they sleep, too.

    I love these videos. The most threatening is, by far, the Wicked Witch. The others tell people what they do to their various body parts and orifices, to their mothers or children, and to their mortal remains... but this woman is threatening the dog. That's a whole different dimension of evil. People THAT evil usually come in black and white - just too evil for colour.

    Posted by: Rooks at June 1, 2011 7:09 PM

    There wasn't a threat from In Bruges....? That movie had everything.

    Regardless, the end was perfect. Great vid, as always.

    Posted by: ingres at June 2, 2011 3:43 AM

    I was hoping "It puts the lotion on the skin, or it gets the hose again" would be on here.

    Posted by: olive at June 2, 2011 7:09 AM

    Harry, you legend. That final quote was fantastic. I remember watching that movie in my parents' back room, hearing that line, and immediately falling off my chair laughing. I recovered just long enough to text a friend of mine who is just as disproportionately enamoured of Steven Seagal's ouevre as I am with the line, only to find that he was watching the film at the same time as I was, and had exactly the same idea.

    Synchronicity, thy name is Seagal.

    Posted by: Dill The Devil at June 2, 2011 8:42 AM

    _Meet Joe Black_: "Should you choose to test my resolve in this matter, you will be facing a finality beyond your comprehension, and you will not be counting days, or months, or years, but milleniums in a place with no doors."

    Posted by: Craig8128 at June 2, 2011 11:26 AM

    Here's some other movie threats that could've been in there.

    The Other Guys: Terry Hoitz(Mark Wahlberg): No, I don't like you. I think you're a fake cop. The sound of your piss hitting the urinal, it sounds feminine. If you were in the wild, I would attack you, even if you weren't in my food chain. I would go out of my way to attack you. If I were a lion and you were a tuna, I would swim out in the middle of the ocean and freaking eat you and then I'd bang your tuna girlfriend.
    Allen Gamble (Will Ferrell): OK, first off: a lion, swimming in the ocean. Lions don't like water. If you placed it near a river or some sort of fresh water source, that make sense. But you find yourself in the ocean, 20 foot wave, I'm assuming off the coast of South Africa, coming up against a full grown 800 pound tuna with his 20 or 30 friends, you lose that battle, you lose that battle 9 times out of 10. And guess what, you've wandered into our school of tuna and we now have a taste of lion. We've talked to ourselves. We've communicated and said 'You know what, lion tastes good, let's go get some more lion'. We've developed a system to establish a beach-head and aggressively hunt you and your family and we will corner your pride, your children, your offspring.
    Terry Hoitz: How you gonna do that?
    Allen Gamble: We will construct a series of breathing apparatus with kelp. We will be able to trap certain amounts of oxygen. It's not gonna be days at a time. An hour? Hour forty-five? No problem. That will give us enough time to figure out where you live, go back to the sea, get some more oxygen, and stalk you. You just lost at your own game. You're outgunned and out-manned.
    [pause]
    Allen Gamble: Did that go the way you thought it was gonna go? Nope.

    Tommy Boy: Tommy Callahan (Chris Farley): You better pray to the god of skinny punks that this wind doesn't pick up, 'cause I'll come over there, and jam an oar up your @$$.

    Grown Ups: Roxanne Feder (Salma Hayek): Don't you agent me, Lenny. Stop trying to handle everybody and everything, and start taking a little responsibility for once.

    Posted by: Justin at June 3, 2011 1:53 AM

    This isn't a direct threat but it has to be one of the scariest descriptions of a character in movie history. The movie is The Usual Suspects in which a character describes Keyser Sose, reputedly the worst criminal ever known. The setup is that Keyser was held hostage by some Hungarian thugs who threaten to kill his wife and kids. Keyser steals a captor's gun and shoots his wife and kids because he never wanted to have that vulnerability again! He then kills all the captors but one. The guy telling the story says:

    "He lets the last Hungarian go. He waits until his wife and kids are in the ground and then he goes after the rest of the mob. He kills their kids, he kills their wives, he kills their parents and their parents' friends. He burns down the houses they live in and the stores they work in, he kills people that owe them money. And like that he was gone. Underground. Nobody has ever seen him since. He becomes a myth, a spook story that criminals tell their kids at night. "Rat on your pop, and Keyser Soze will get you."

    I never figured out why he killed people that owed his victims money, but the dialog sent chills down my spine anyway!

    Posted by: isdivc at June 4, 2011 10:07 PM

    Big omission here:

    "I've done more than kill you. I've hurt you. And I wish to go on...hurting you. I shall leave you as you left me. As you left her. Marooned for all eternity in the center of a dead planet. Buried alive... Buried alive... Buried alive..."

    "-- Khannnnnnn!!"

    Of course, almost every line Khan had in that movie was a threat.

    Posted by: funtime42 at June 5, 2011 1:50 PM

    Edward Norton has one of the wimpiest voices in Hollywood but if I ever heard him threaten me like that I think I'd shit my pants.

    Posted by: Kris at June 5, 2011 4:35 PM

    Viggo Mortensen as Satan in The Prophecy was just chilling and creepy as hell. Glad he made this list. That point in the movie where he is trying to convince someone to side with him, and it isn't working and he is getting increasingly desperate, and he has just bitten into a human heart and the blood is running down his face and he whispers "I love you more than Jesus!" Freaky as hell.

    Posted by: Viking at June 5, 2011 9:43 PM

    Here's one from "Thief", "I'll whack out ya whole family. People'll be eatin' 'em in their lunch tomorrow in their Wimpyburgers and not know it." There's more, but it's racist and I don't like that

    Posted by: Mike Holden at June 6, 2011 11:41 AM

    I understand your post. It is very refreshing when you imagine most beatifull attractions to visit. You can do it with parents. Check on link and find about most popular travel attractions on the World. You will find videos. Unique fature is gps address. See you ...

    Posted by: Tyson F. Gautreaux at July 10, 2011 8:16 AM

    I always thought "I'll rip your head off and shit down your neck" from Devilman was fairly effective...

    Posted by: Squall at July 17, 2011 7:55 AM

    Hi all , do you know best hosting since 2002 ? okey, just click here for more detail
    Don't forget to use coupon code "SAVE994FIRST" to just pay $0.01 for the first month (if you do a monthly package). It takes $9.94 OFF the total bill in other plans . Or use coupon code "SAVE25PROSEN" to save 25% off any hosting plan

    Posted by: best hosting since 2002 at July 23, 2011 5:32 AM


















    Viral Hits

    >> Pajiba Movie Posters

    >> Pop Culture's 20 Greatest Dancing GIFs

    >> Mindhole Blowers

    >> The 100 Greatest Insults of All Time

    >> The "Other" 100 Greatest Movie Quotes

    >> The 100 Greatest Movie Threats of All Time

    >> The Sean Bean Death Reel

    >> Chicks Dig Beards: It's Science

    >> The Coolest TV Show Title Sequences

    >> The Most Rewatchable Movies

    >> The Most Expensive Movies of All Time