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The 10 Greatest Movie Threats of All Time

By The Pajiba Staff | Posted Under Seriously Random Lists | Comments (113)

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Below is a list of the 10 Greatest Movie Threats of All Time. They are definitive. Inarguable. You can disagree and you can posit your own, but then we’ll “rip your fucking balls off, stuff them up your ass so that the next time you shit, you’ll shit all over your balls, got it?”


Kill Bill: Price you pay. I collect your fucking head, Just like this fucker here. Now, if any of you sons of bitches got anything else to say, now’s the fucking time!

Wizard of Oz: I’ll get you, my pretty, and your little dog too!

Tommy Boy: I know where you live and I’ve seen where you sleep. I swear to everything holy that your mothers will cry when they see what I’ve done to you.

Good Morning Vietnam: I’ll burn you so bad, you’ll wish you died as a child.

Blues Brothers: You’re gonna look pretty funny tryin’ to eat corn on the cob with no fuckin’ teeth!

Breakfast Club: “Don’t mess with the bull, young man. You’ll get the horns.”

They Live: I’m giving you a choice: Either put on these glasses or start eatin’ that trash-can.

Anchorman: I will smash your face into a car windshield and take your mother Dorothy Mantooth for a nice seafood dinner and never call her again.

Big Lebowski: You pull any of your crazy shit with us, you flash a piece out on the lanes, I’ll take it away from you, stick it up your ass, and pull the fucking trigger till it goes click.

Predator: You’re ghostin’ us, motherfucker. You give away our position one more time, I’ll bleed ya, real quiet … leave ya here. Got that?










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Comments

Reservoir Dogs: Shit, you shoot me in a dream you better wake up and apologize!

Posted by: Joe Ebola at May 24, 2011 3:16 PM

Doctor Detroit: Mom, I will rip off your head and shit down your neck.

Full Metal Jacket: Private Pyle I'm gonna give you three seconds; exactly three-fucking-seconds to wipe that stupid looking grin off your face or I will gouge out your eyeballs and skull-fuck you! ONE! TWO! THREE!

Posted by: dammitjanet at May 24, 2011 3:17 PM

This may not be a popular choice, but what the hell....

The Way Of The Gun: Shut that cunt's mouth before I come over there and fuck-start her head!

Posted by: Dill The Devil at May 24, 2011 3:24 PM

The Quick and The Dead: ...This is my town! If you live to see the dawn, it's because I allow it. I'm in charge of everything! I decide who lives or who dies!

Posted by: admin at May 24, 2011 3:27 PM

Take you pick of lines by Pesci from Casino.

"You put my fucking money to sleep. You go get my fucking money or I'll put your fucking brain to sleep."

Posted by: branded at May 24, 2011 3:28 PM

From Gladiator:

"My name is Maximus Decimus Meridius, commander of the Armies of the North, General of the Felix Legions, loyal servant to the true emperor, Marcus Aurelius. Father to a murdered son, husband to a murdered wife. And I will have my vengeance, in this life or the next."

Posted by: Groundloop at May 24, 2011 3:37 PM

Don’t say a word to me Sidney, don’t say a fuckin’ word to me. I’ll get up and I’ll bury this telephone in your head.

You and that other dummy better start getting more personally involved in your work, or I'm gonna stab you through the heart with a fuckin' pencil. Do you understand me?

Dennis Farina Midnight Run.

Posted by: Scarecrow Boat at May 24, 2011 3:39 PM

Total slaughter...

Total slaughter...

I won't leave a single man...

Alive...

La di da di die...

Gen-o-ciiiide...

La di da di dud...

An ocean of blood...


Let's begin the killing time...

Posted by: StoatCat at May 24, 2011 3:40 PM

From Gummo:

"My name is Skittimus Maximus Esquire, commander of my DVD player, general operator of my television, loyal servant to relatively good taste as determined by Pajibans. Brother of a parasitic twin, cousin to a diptarded halfwit. And I will not watch another Harmony Korine film, in this life or the next."

Posted by: Skitz at May 24, 2011 3:42 PM

"The name is Bond, James Bond."

Posted by: Lord-ninja at May 24, 2011 3:47 PM

You will get nothing and like it!

Posted by: samantha t at May 24, 2011 3:49 PM

I humbly submit this little beauty from Best in Show: I'll gouge your right eye out with my thumb, I shit you not, you little freak! Now, will you get down here? I'm gonna punch you in the eye till it turns to jelly! I'll stab you with forks till you bleed, how bout that?

Posted by: Melodie at May 24, 2011 3:49 PM

"From Dusk Till Dawn" had some entertaining threats in it:

Okay, I want him out of here, in his car, and down the road or you can change the name of this place to Benny's World of Blood.

I'm not gonna drain you completely. You're gonna turn for me. You'll be my slave. You'll live for me. You'll eat bugs because I order it. Why? Because I don't think you're worthy of human blood. You'll feed on the blood of stray dogs. You'll be my foot stool. And at my command, you'll lick the dog shit from my boot heel. Since you'll be my dog, your new name will be "Spot". Welcome to slavery.

You touch my brother with that stake, biker, and vampires won't have to suck your blood. They'll be able to lick it up off the floor.

Posted by: Slash at May 24, 2011 3:51 PM

Dill The Devil - That line from The Way of the Gun is definitely one of the greatest threats of all time.

Honestly, that whole scene could be on this list.

"She's got a big mouth, but she's not kidding. I'm going to whip you silly and I'm going to fuck you stupid. You wanna do the man-dance? First dance is yours."

Not to mention everything that Sarah Silverman says.

Posted by: Joel at May 24, 2011 3:53 PM

Tombstone: You die first, get it? Your friends might get me in a rush, but not before I make your head into a canoe, you understand me?

and

Wyatt Earp: All right, Clanton... you called down the thunder, well now you've got it! You see that?
[pulls open his coat, revealing a badge]
Wyatt Earp: It says United States Marshal!
Ike Clanton: [terrified, pleading] Wyatt, please, I...
Wyatt Earp: [referring to Stilwell, laying dead] Take a good look at him, Ike... 'cause that's how you're gonna end up!
[shoves Ike down roughly with his boot]
Wyatt Earp: The Cowboys are finished, you understand? I see a red sash, I kill the man wearin' it!
[lets Ike up to run for his life]
Wyatt Earp: So run, you cur... RUN! Tell all the other curs the law's comin'!
[shouts]
Wyatt Earp: You tell 'em I'M coming... and hell's coming with me, you hear?...
[louder]
Wyatt Earp: Hell's coming with me!

Posted by: dammitjanet at May 24, 2011 3:54 PM

What no Princess Bride? "My name is Inigo Montoya, you killed my father. Prepare to die!"

Posted by: Gina at May 24, 2011 3:55 PM

I hear hh did this awhile ago, and an attendant thread to go w/it.

There are redundancies here.

See my previous comment about recycling...

Posted by: Recondite at May 24, 2011 3:56 PM

Let me hear ya fucked up again, I'll leave ya where I found ya.

Joe Pesci - Casino

Posted by: Will at May 24, 2011 4:06 PM

No. This list is crap, and you want to know why? Because you are missing this.

"To the pain....To the pain means this: if we duel and you win, death for me. If we duel and I win, life for you. But life on my terms....The first thing you lose will be your feet....The left, then the right. Below the ankle. Then your hands, at the wrist. Next your nose. No smell of dawn for you. Followed by your tongue. Deeply cut away. Not even a stump left. And then your left eye--....Your ears you keep, so that every shriek of every child at seeing your hideousness will be yours to cherish--every babe that weeps in fear at your approach, every woman that cries, 'Dear God, what is that thing?' will reverberate forever within your perfect ears. That is what 'to the pain' means. It means that I leave you to live in anguish, in humiliation, in freakish memory until you can stand it no more; so there you have it, pig, there you know, you miserable vomitous mass, and I say this now, and live or die, it's up to you: Drop your sword!"

You want to fight over this? Fuck you. Bring it, bitches.

Posted by: Samantha at May 24, 2011 4:07 PM

Do you want to live through this? Good.

Rule number one: No noise. No questions. If you make a noise, Mister .44 makes a noise. If you ask a question, Mister .44 answers it. Now are you absolutely, positively clear about Rule number one?

Rule number two: You do what we say when we say it. If you don't, see Rule number one.

Rule number three: Don't you ever try and fucking run on us, because I got six little friends and they can all run faster than you can. Open your eyes.

Gloria, you hang in there, you follow the rules, and you don't fuck with us, and you'll get out of this alive. I give you my word.

Posted by: Yossarian at May 24, 2011 4:09 PM

TRUE ROMANCE

"I'm the antichrist. You got me in a vendetta kind of mood. You to tell the Angels in heaven you've never seen an evil so singularly personified as you did in the face of the man who killed you."

Posted by: junierizzle at May 24, 2011 4:09 PM

Billy: I bet you a thousand dollars they find him before that.

Charlie: I bet you two thousand dollars they don't.

Bill: Well asshole...

Ace: Will you two just shut the fuck up? If either one of you assholes had two thousand dollars I'd kill you both.

Posted by: Yossarian at May 24, 2011 4:09 PM

[Geary is demanding a large bribe for a gaming license]
Senator Pat Geary: I want your answer and the money by noon tomorrow. And one more thing. Don't you contact me again, ever. From now on, you deal with Turnbull.
Michael Corleone: Senator? You can have my answer now, if you like. My final offer is this: nothing. Not even the fee for the gaming license, which I would appreciate if you would put up personally.

Posted by: Meander at May 24, 2011 4:10 PM

I'm not eatin' 'cause I'm not hungry. I'm not sittin' 'cause I'm not stayin'. I'm not lookin' at the movie 'cause I saw it seven years ago. It's "The Mack" with Max Julien, Carol Speed, and Richard Pryor. I ain't scared of you. I just don't like you. In that envelope right there is some payoff money. Alabama's moving on to some greener pastures. We're not negotiatin'. I don't like to barter. What's in that envelope right there is for my peace of mind. My peace of mind is worth that much. Not one penny more.

Posted by: Yossarian at May 24, 2011 4:10 PM

I Know you know where they are. So tell me, before I do some damage you won't walk away from.

Posted by: junierizzle at May 24, 2011 4:17 PM

Yo, what the fuck you lookin' at? I'll kick your fuckin' ass! Shit yeah.

Doesn't that mother fucker owe me 10 bucks? You know, fuckin' tonight, we're gonna rip off this fucker's head, and tear out his fuckin' soul. Remind me if he tries to buy something, I'm gonna shit in the motherfucker's bag.

Posted by: Yossarian at May 24, 2011 4:17 PM

Listen, you fucking fringe, if I throw a dog a bone, I don't want to know if it tastes good or not. You stop me again whilst I'm walking, and I'll cut your fucking Jacobs off.

Posted by: LEROOOY at May 24, 2011 4:17 PM

"That's why I'm going to kill you last."

Posted by: The Wanderer at May 24, 2011 4:19 PM

You fuckers think just because a guy reads comics he can't start some shit?

Posted by: Yossarian at May 24, 2011 4:19 PM

Robocop: "I don't want to fuck with you, Sal. But I got the connections. I got the sales organization. I got the muscle to shove enough of this factory so far up your stupid wop ass that you'll shit snow for a year."

Posted by: Fredo at May 24, 2011 4:23 PM

Don't forget the follow up The Wanderer.

"Remember when I said I'd kill you last Jerry? I lied."

Posted by: Socrates_Johnson at May 24, 2011 4:32 PM

Hello. My name is Inigo Montoya. You killed my father. Prepare to die.

Posted by: myjetski at May 24, 2011 4:44 PM

"Tell me where John is and I'll finish you quick. I promise you won't have to find out what your left ball tastes like."

Get Porter, one of my favorite Mel Gibson movies.

Posted by: Mrcreosote at May 24, 2011 4:46 PM

Look folks, read all the comments before you post you slacking bastards. If I'm going to go through the effort of hitting the caps lock key to rant about this, I'm going to get crabby. Because I'm that damn lazy.

Posted by: Mrcreosote at May 24, 2011 4:48 PM

"I'd take pleasure in guttin' you, boy."
- the rock!!!

Posted by: Mcprunerton at May 24, 2011 4:57 PM

No Alan Rickman love?

"Locksley, I'm gonna cut your heart out with a SPOON!"

Posted by: lizzie (greeneyedfem) at May 24, 2011 5:05 PM

Warriors, come out to playyyyyy!

Posted by: kerminy at May 24, 2011 5:25 PM

"I'll hit you hard it'll kill your whole family."
~Diner

Posted by: The Mutt at May 24, 2011 5:34 PM

"Fill your hands, you son of a bitch!"

(I don't know if that actually qualifies as a threat, I just wanted to say it.)

Posted by: QueBarbara at May 24, 2011 5:34 PM

You better bury Ned right!... Better not cut up, nor otherwise harm no whores... or I'll come back and kill every one of you sons of bitches.

Posted by: David McTaintwaffle at May 24, 2011 5:43 PM

What, no love for Dan Akroyd in Grosse Pointe Blank?

"After we do your job, we're gonna do another job."
"Tell me about it."
"Like I'm gonna put a bullet hole in your fuckin' forehead, and I'm gonna fuck the brain hole!"

Posted by: Wintermute at May 24, 2011 5:47 PM

Say 'what' again. Say 'what' again. I dare you. I double-dare you, motherfucker. Say 'what' one more goddamn time."

Posted by: The Mutt at May 24, 2011 5:48 PM

Get Porter, one of my favorite Mel Gibson movies.

Posted by: Mrcreosote

Ha ha!, I always felt Payback was just a spin on Get Carter. I still really like it though.

Posted by: Paultera at May 24, 2011 5:59 PM

Come and get one in the yarbles, if ya' have any yarbles, you eunuch jelly thou!

Posted by: superasente at May 24, 2011 6:04 PM

On the other hand...

"When you have to shoot, shoot, don't talk."
~Tuco

Posted by: The Mutt at May 24, 2011 6:09 PM

From 42nd Street (Ginger Rogers to bitchy chorus girl): It Must Have Been Awful Tough On Your Mother Not having Any Children!

Posted by: jd5 at May 24, 2011 6:12 PM

Malcolm Tucker: "Don't get sarcastic with me, son. We burned this tight-arsed city to the ground in 1814. And I'm all for doing it again, starting with you, you frat fuck. You get sarcastic with me again and I will stuff so much cotton wool down your fucking throat it'll come out your arse like the tail on a Playboy bunny."

Posted by: hellresident at May 24, 2011 6:31 PM

Why a spoon, cousin? Why not a fork or an axe?

Also from FMJ is the line about shitting Tiffany cuff links. Brilliant.

Posted by: Little Boy Blue at May 24, 2011 7:32 PM

Bill: "I know your works. You are neither cold nor hot. So because you are lukewarm, I will spew you out of my mouth. You can build your filthy world without me. I took the father. Now I'll take the son. You tell young Vallon I'm gonna paint Paradise Square with his blood. Two coats. I'll festoon my bedchamber with his guts. As for you, Mr. Tammany-fucking-Hall, you come down to the Points again, and you'll be dispatched by my own hand. Get back to your celebration and let me eat in peace.

Posted by: Glyn at May 24, 2011 8:36 PM

From One Flew Over the Cuckoo's Nest:
"In one week, I can put a bug so far up her ass, she don't know whether to shit or wind her wristwatch."

Posted by: zomgmouse at May 24, 2011 8:42 PM

What now? Let me tell you what now. I'ma call a coupla hard, pipe-hittin' ... who'll go to work on the homes here with a pair of pliers and a blow torch. You hear me talkin', hillbilly boy? I ain't through with you by a damn sight. I'ma get medieval on your ass.

Posted by: Scarecrow Boat at May 24, 2011 9:00 PM

From Unforgiven:

All right, I'm coming out. Any man I see out there, I'm gonna shoot him. Any sumbitch takes a shot at me, I'm not only gonna kill him, but I'm gonna kill his wife, all his friends, and burn his damn house down.

Posted by: sweat pants boner at May 24, 2011 9:00 PM

All of those are overkill; the simpler the better:

"Go ahead, make my day"

Posted by: fl. at May 24, 2011 9:10 PM

hh did a list of insults not threats.

Posted by: Scarecrow Boat at May 24, 2011 9:26 PM

@dammitjanet: You forgot the best one.

Earp: Are you gonna do something or just stand there and bleed?

Posted by: sock puppet at May 24, 2011 9:37 PM

I'm your huckleberry!

Posted by: Boscobarbell at May 24, 2011 10:03 PM

"You're going to die screaming."

Charlie Baltimore, The Long Kiss Goodnight"

Posted by: Tracer Bullet at May 24, 2011 10:26 PM

And the most obvious: "I'm here to kick ass and chew bubblegum, and I am all out of bubblegum."

Posted by: Tracer Bullet at May 24, 2011 10:28 PM

Black Knight to King Arthur: I'll bite your legs off!

Or the French knight: If you think you've got a nasty taunting time you ainn't 'eard nothing yet, filthy English Kniggits!

Monty Python reference taken care of.

Posted by: Four Eyes at May 24, 2011 10:41 PM

Samantha, I've got your back in this fight. "To the pain" needs to top this list.

Posted by: thecreepingkid at May 24, 2011 10:45 PM

StoatCat is my new best friend! YES!!! I love that one.

Posted by: Jana Jerusalem at May 24, 2011 11:50 PM

Because it's DULL, you twit. It'll hurt more.

Posted by: rezcat at May 25, 2011 12:39 AM

Tracer Bullet beat me to it on They Live. A classic Roddy Piper crack!

Also, from the Warriors:
"I'm gonna shove that bat up your ass and turn you into a Popsicle!"

Posted by: DeaconG at May 25, 2011 1:04 AM

SCENE: A Drug Deal. Motel Room

Larry Fishburne exchanges his briefcase of supposed monies.

Soon To Be Dead Guy: What's this?

He opens the briefcase to find it full of tampons.

Larry Fishburne: They're for the bullet holes, puta!

Posted by: D-Day at May 25, 2011 1:11 AM

Put... the bunny... back... in... the box

Posted by: EshinX at May 25, 2011 1:32 AM

You people are idiots.

1. I don't know who you are. I don't know what you want. If you are looking for ransom, I can tell you I don't have money. But what I do have are a very particular set of skills; skills I have acquired over a very long career. Skills that make me a nightmare for people like you. If you let my daughter go now, that'll be the end of it. I will not look for you, I will not pursue you. But if you don't, I will look for you, I will find you, and I will kill you.

Posted by: , at May 25, 2011 1:35 AM

You people are idiots.

2. "I want you to go in that bag and find my wallet."

"Which one is it?"

"The one says, 'Bad Mother Fucker.'"

Posted by: , at May 25, 2011 1:45 AM

You people are idiots.

3. "Funny how?"

Posted by: , at May 25, 2011 1:46 AM

You people are idiots.

4. "Well, you can just KISS MY ASS from now on. I'm not gonna take it. Not me. Marmalarde? He's a dead man. Wormer? Dead. NEIDERMYER ...."

"Dead."
---
Four eyes:

Not quite.

You people are idiots.

5. "Yes, I can help you find the grial ... BUUUUUT ONLY if ye be men of valor. For the entrance to this cave is guarded by a creature so foul, so cruel that no man ha' yet fought wi' it, and lived! Bone sof full 50 men are strewn about its lair! So, my sweet knights: If ya doubt your strengthm or your courage come nae further! For death awaits you ALL! ... With nasty, big pointy teeth."

Posted by: , at May 25, 2011 2:21 AM

*--gahh! Grail.

Damn beer.

Posted by: , at May 25, 2011 2:22 AM

Very good, but brick no hit back.

Posted by: James at May 25, 2011 2:22 AM

I'm throwing my vote behind "To the pain."

Posted by: denesteak at May 25, 2011 3:06 AM

Not strictly threats, but threatening...

"He's got a real purty mouth."
- Deliverance.

"We have such sights to show you."
- Hellraiser.

"I'm your number one fan. There's nothing to worry about. You are going to be just fine. I'm your number one fan."
- Misery

Posted by: DarthBrookes at May 25, 2011 3:07 AM

Sexy Beast: any film that has Ray Winstone crapping himself for ninety minutes is going to be juicy with top-notch threats, including, but not limited to, the following:

"You're the problem! You're the fucking problem, you fucking Dr White honkin' jam-rag fucking spunk-bubble! I'm telling you Aitch; you keep looking at me I'll put you in the fucking ground, I promise you!"

"I won't let you be happy, why should I?"

"Shut up, cunt. You louse. You got some fuckin' neck ain't you. Retired? Fuck off, you're revolting. Look at your suntan, it's leather, it's like leather man, your skin. We could make a fucking suitcase out of you. Like a crocodile, fat crocodile, fat bastard. You look like fucking Idi Amin, you know what I mean? Stay here? You should be ashamed of yourself. Who do you think you are? King of the castle? Cock of the walk?... What you think this is the wheel of fortune? You think you can make your dough and fuck off? Leave the table? Thanks Don, see you Don, off to sunny Spain now Don, fuck off Don. Lying in your pool like a fat blob laughing at me, you think I'm gonna have that? You really think I'm gonna have that, ya ponce. All right, I'll make it easy for you. God knows you're fucking trying. Are you gonna do the job? It's not a difficult question, are you gonna do the job, yes or no?"

"Stare at the back of your own fucking head."

"If I cared, Gal, if I fucking cared. If I gave a single solitary fuck about Don [....] Get out of the fucking car."

Posted by: Craig at May 25, 2011 5:30 AM

Gladiator is fucking horrible, and shouldn't be quoted. Ever. For any reason. Other than to prove that it is fucking horrible.

Princess Bride omission invalidates list, as mentioned previously.

Posted by: Reynaldo Kamal Cruz at May 25, 2011 5:47 AM

Personal favorite:

"Wendy, darling, LIGHT of my life. You didn't let me finish. I said, I'm not gonna hurt you. I'm just gonna bash your brains in. Bash them right the fuck in. Gimme the bat." - Jack Torrance

Posted by: TylerDFC at May 25, 2011 6:40 AM

From - A Game of Thrones:

"The next time you raise a hand to me will be the last time you have hands!"

-Daenerys Targaryen to her brother Aerys.

Posted by: mtghallmtghal at May 25, 2011 6:50 AM

Come quietly or there will be...trouble.

Posted by: the new transported man at May 25, 2011 8:17 AM

I'll be back.

Posted by: admin at May 25, 2011 8:49 AM

"Now go away or I shall taunt you a second time!"

Posted by: Socrates_Johnson at May 25, 2011 8:55 AM

Yes Tyler. Jack Torrance! That's the best one.

Posted by: MRod at May 25, 2011 9:00 AM

Oh! "We cook your meals, we haul your trash, we connect your calls, we drive your ambulances. We guard you while you sleep. Do not... fuck with us"

Posted by: Sarah J-town at May 25, 2011 9:03 AM

Gladiator is fucking horrible, and shouldn't be quoted. Ever. For any reason. Other than to prove that it is fucking horrible.
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

HOW DARE YOU! slap!

I'm quite tempted to use one of the above insults on you.

"But I won't, the hell I won't"

John Wayne from one of his 300 westerns.

Posted by: kirbyjay at May 25, 2011 9:13 AM

Victoria: You know all those people, Teardrop. You could ask.

Teardrop: Shut up.

Victoria: None of them's gonna be in a great big hurry to tangle with you.

Teardrop: I said shut up once already, with my mouth.

Winter's Bone

Posted by: Scarecrow Boat at May 25, 2011 9:14 AM

"Those who are tardy do not get fruit cup."

Now that's just COLD.

Posted by: Gabs at May 25, 2011 9:14 AM

Ha ha!, I always felt Payback was just a spin on Get Carter. I still really like it though
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

Payback is actually a remake of Point Blank, a Lee Marvin movie from the 60's.

Posted by: kirbyjay at May 25, 2011 9:16 AM

Connie, Connie, Connie, Connie, Connie. I want to be reasonable with you. Now, why don't you stay with us - with the family. You can live here on the estate with your kids. You won't be deprived of anything and you can have everything you want. Now -- I don't know this MERLE -- I don't know what he does -- I don't know what he lives on. Now why don't you tell him that marriage is out of the question, and you don't want to see him anymore. Now he'll understand, believe me. Connie, if you don't listen to me and marry this man, you'll disappoint me.

Now THAT's power.


Posted by: Scarecrow Boat Julien at May 25, 2011 9:31 AM

"No, you were Norfolk. Dead men have no titles." - Walsingham (Elizabeth)

Posted by: TylerDFC at May 25, 2011 9:56 AM

Well, those are all alright, I guess.

But this:

Harvey:
One more peep outta you, weisenheimer, and I'll butter your necktie!
~Mr. Cracker, the Bartender

This is the greatest threat in the history of moviemaking.

Posted by: Anna von Beav at May 25, 2011 10:04 AM

6. Nothing stops. Nothing! You'll do the hardest time there is. I won't protect you from the guards. Pull you out of that one-bunk Hilton and cast you down with the Soddomites. And that library? Gone. Walled up brick by brick. We'll have a little book barbecue in the yard. They'll see the flames for miles. We'll dance around them like wild Indians. Am I getting through, are you catching my drift? Or am I being obtuse?

Give him another month to think about it.

Posted by: , at May 25, 2011 10:08 AM

From television, however:

The Simpsons:
I’m going to rip out your eyes, and shove ‘em down your pants. So you can watch me kick the crap out of you!
~Moe Szyslak

I can't even tell you how many times that one has come in handy in daily life.

Posted by: Anna von Beav at May 25, 2011 10:14 AM

7. The first rule of Fight Club is: We don't talk about Fight Club. The second rule of Fight Club is: We DON'T TALK ABOUT FIGHT CLUB.

Posted by: , at May 25, 2011 10:19 AM

I gotta say Predator wins.

Posted by: logan at May 25, 2011 10:26 AM

Tombstone: Tell him I'm coming...and Hell's coming with me!

But, the biggest missing Movie Threat (or is this a promise?!?):

Pulp Fiction

Marsellus: What now? Let me tell you what now. I’ma call a coupla hard, pipe-hittin’ niggers, who’ll go to work on the homes here with a pair of pliers and a blow torch. You hear me talkin’, hillbilly boy? I ain’t through with you by a damn sight. I’ma get medieval on your ass.

Posted by: gunnertec at May 25, 2011 10:41 AM

Did I write in invisible ink gunnertec?

Posted by: Scarecrow Boat Julien at May 25, 2011 10:45 AM

@Wintermute

Grosse Point Blank is awesome! Fuckin' love this movie

My pick:

Brick

Brendan Frye: Throw one at me if you want, hash head. I've got all five senses and I slept last night, that puts me six up on the lot of you.

Posted by: Soulblazer at May 25, 2011 10:55 AM

Ivan Drago: "You will lose"

Posted by: Knox Harrington at May 25, 2011 11:14 AM

I've gotta second the Wyatt Earp quote. Should have made it onto the list:

"So run, you cur. RUN! Tell all the other curs THE LAW's comin'! You tell 'em I'M comin', and hell's comin' with me, you hear? HELL'S COMIN' WITH ME!"

Posted by: Martin at May 25, 2011 11:37 AM

Hah! I got to use one just this morning! A man in the checkout line was being obnoxious and bullying to the checkout girl about things she had nothing to do with and could do nothing about. I suggested he take his complaint to the manager and stop holding up the line.

So he started mouthing at me. I smiled at him for about thirty seconds of it, took off my sunglasses and said, "You gonna bark, little doggie? Or you gonna bite." And away he went.

Ah, the power of a proper movie education.

Posted by: The Mutt at May 25, 2011 12:03 PM

"One of you turds is fixin' to get smacked in the mouth" -Talladega Nights: The Ballad of Ricky Bobby

Posted by: Jbug at May 25, 2011 12:06 PM

Reservoir Dogs:
Managers know better than to fuck around, so if you get one that's giving you static, he probably thinks he's a real cowboy, so you gotta break that son of a bitch in two. If you wanna know something and he won't tell you, cut off one of his fingers. The little one. Then tell him his thumb's next. After that he'll tell you if he wears ladies underwear.

I'm hungry. Let's get a taco.

Posted by: Ian at May 25, 2011 12:11 PM

Clubber Lang:I'm gonna torture him. I'm gonna crucify him. Real bad.

It's the "Real bad" that does it. Because a plain old crucifixion simply wouldn't do.

Posted by: ksoze711 at May 25, 2011 12:42 PM

"I'm gonna rip out your eyes and piss in your dead skull!"

Posted by: kate at May 25, 2011 1:03 PM

I'll trace a chalk line around your dead fucking body!

Posted by: SZ at May 25, 2011 2:44 PM

Drago: "I must break you."

Rorschach: "I'm not locked up in here with you. You're locked up in here with me."

But seriously the quote about skullfucking in FMJ is the greatest by far.

Posted by: JB at May 25, 2011 5:58 PM

8. Put a sock in it, son, or you'll be outta here like shit through a goose.

Posted by: , at May 25, 2011 7:38 PM

9. You have meddled with the primal forces of nature, Mr. Beale, and I won't have it!! Is that clear?! You think you've merely stopped a business deal. That is not the case. The Arabs have taken billions of dollars out of this country, and now they must put it back! It is ebb and flow, tidal gravity! It is ecological balance!

You are an old man who thinks in terms of nations and peoples. There are no nations. There are no peoples. There are no Russians. There are no Arabs. There are no third worlds. There is no West. There is only one holistic system of systems, one vast and immane, interwoven, interacting, multivariate, multinational dominion of dollars. Petro-dollars, electro-dollars, multi-dollars, reichmarks, rins, rubles, pounds, and shekels.

It is the international system of currency which determines the totality of life on this planet. That is the natural order of things today. That is the atomic and subatomic and galactic structure of things today! And YOU have meddled with the primal forces of nature, and YOU WILL ATONE!

Posted by: , at May 25, 2011 8:05 PM

I knew I could come up with 10 better threats than that lousy list way up there.

10. I know what you're thinking. "Did he fire six shots or only five?" Well, to tell you the truth, in all this excitement I kind of lost track myself. But being as this is a .44 Magnum, the most powerful handgun in the world, and would blow your head clean off, you've got to ask yourself one question: Do I feel lucky? Well, do ya, punk?

Posted by: , at May 25, 2011 10:03 PM

i was always partial to the tank girl insult, "I'M GONNA HIT YOU SO HARD YOUR CHILDREN WILL BE BORN BRUISED!"

and also, pretty much all of in the loop.

Posted by: me at May 25, 2011 10:41 PM

and also, pretty much all of in the loop.

Posted by: me at May 25, 2011 10:41 PM

I can't believe it took this long to get In The Loop mentioned. All of Peter Capaldi's dialogue is basically an awesome, funny, profane threat.

Posted by: Uriah Creep at May 25, 2011 11:40 PM

"I don't need fucking acupuncture, I'll fucking acupuncture you. I'll come over there and I'll give you a fucking acupuncture treatment, you'll end up looking like the guy from Hellraiser … and I'll fucking take a phonebook and bash it against your face. You'll look like a fucking leper's hairbrush."

In The Loop; deleted scene.

Posted by: Craig at May 26, 2011 6:07 AM

"Anything happens to my daughter, I got a .45 and a shovel, I doubt anybody would miss you" - Clueless ...

and of course my all time fav


i'm ya huckleberry. >:)
tombstone: doc holliday

Posted by: kikz at May 26, 2011 3:03 PM

Chip: I can't hold my tongue. These kids are my grandchildren and you are raising them wrong. They are TERRIBLE boys!

Walker: Shut up, Chip, or I'll go ape-shit on your ass!

Texas Ranger: I'm gonna scissor-kick you in the back of the head!

Posted by: L-Za at May 27, 2011 1:25 PM