The Other 100 Best Movie Quotes of All Time | Scathing Reviews for Bitchy People

Guides | June 12, 2009 | Comments (261)

There are a number of organizations that have ranked the Top 100 Movie Quotes of All Time, most notably AFI. The other day, Liquid Generation even put together a video including 100 Great Quotes in 200 Seconds. But whenever you check these Great Quote Lists, they inevitably tend to include the same iconic quotes from Rocky or Casablanca or Titanic, etc. Most of them have been so overused and parodied in pop culture they’ve become quote clichés. They are the quotes your great uncle reels off at family outings in order to sound contemporary. He’s not. And most of those quotes have had their day and should be retired.

So, the other day, our readers amassed an incredible list of great movie quotes rarely, if ever, included on lists that count down the 100 Best Quotes of All Time. These aren’t those quotes — they’re the ones you throw back and forth at each other over drinks. The ones you work into conversations. The ones that have become part of the running jokes in your lives.

And so, I give you this: The Other 100 Best Movie Quotes of All Time.

It’s a great list (with many thanks to the readers and commenters of this site):

100. “I love my dead gay son. —Heathers

99. “Where was ya, Wang? We was worried.” — Murder by Death

98. “Shut that cunt’s mouth or I’ll come over there and fuckstart her head!” —The Way of the Gun

97. “How am I not myself?” — I Heart Huckabees

96. “Welcome to Debbie Country.” — Singles

95. “I feel like I’m taking crazy pills!”- - Zoolander

94. “Well, this piece is called ‘Lick My Love Pump.’” — Spinal Tap

93. “This is the guy behind the guy behind the guy.” — Swingers

92. “I hate you, and I hate your ass face!” — Waiting for Guffman

91. “Back and to the left.” — JFK

90. “No, I said ‘allo,’ but that’s close enough.” — Labyrinth

89. “That’s bee-YOU-tee-ful, what is that, velvet?” — Coming to America

88. “It’s a moral imperative.” —Real Genius

87. “Go do that voodoo that you do so well!” — Blazing Saddles

86. “No dice, soldier.” —Brick

85. “To crush your enemies, see them driven before you, and to hear the lamentation of their women.” — Conan the Barbarian

84. “Take this quarter, go downtown, and have a rat gnaw that thing off your face! Good day to you, madam.” — Uncle Buck

83. “Do you concur?” “Damnit! Why didn’t I concur?!” — Catch Me If You Can

82. “The place where a U.S. soldier goes to defecate, relieve himself, open his bowel, shit, fart, dump, crap, and unload, is called the latrine. The la-trine, from the French.” — Biloxi Blues

81. “Big bottoms, big bottoms, talk about mudflaps, my girls got ‘em.” — Spinal Tap

80. “My life is as good as an Abba song. It’s as good as Dancing Queen.” — Muriel’s Wedding

79. “Guns are for show. Knives are for pros.” — Lock, Stock, and Two Smoking Barrels

78. “I shall call him Squishy. And he shall be mine. And he shall be MY Squishy.” — Finding Nemo

77. “I’ll sleep with you for a meatball.” —Victor/Victoria

76. “Follow me, or perish, sweater monkeys.” — Bring it On

75. “What’s a nubian?” — Chasing Amy

74. “Hokey religions and ancient weapons are no match for a good blaster by your side, kid.” — Star Wars

73. “You’ve got red on you.” — Shaun of the Dead

72. “I touched the earth, and he loved me back.” — Secretary

71. “Not you, fat Jesus.” — The Hangover

70. “This pile of shit has a thousand eyes.” — Stand By Me

69. “Not the beeeees!.” — Wicker Man

68. “She’s been fucked more times than she’s had a hot meal.” — Kiss Kiss, Bang Bang

67. “I can’t believe I just gave my panties to a geek.” — Sixteen Candles

66. “It’s a veg-e-ta-ble.” —My Blue Heaven

65. “Goddammit, I’d piss on a spark plug if I thought it’d do any good! ” — War Games

64. “I killed the president of Paraguay with a fork. How have you been?” — Grosse Pointe Blank

63. “Now, you’ve got a corpse in a car, minus a head, in a garage. Take me to it.” — Pulp Fiction

62. “Ever since I can remember I always wanted to be a gangster.” — Goodfellas

61. “Wolfman has nards!” — Monster Squad

60. “He’s an angel. He’s an angel straight from heaven!” — Raising Arizona

59. “Those who are tardy do not get fruit cup.” — High Anxiety

58. “Somebody’s got to go back and get a shitload of dimes.” — Blazing Saddles

57. “You idiots! These are not them! You’ve captured their stunt doubles!” — Spaceballs

56. “Bratwurst? Aren’t we the optimist?” —10 Things I Hate About You

55. “Sabrina, don’t just stare at it, eat it.” — American Psycho

54. “I take your fucking bullets!” - -Scarface

53. “I’m kind of a big deal.” — Anchorman

52. “Sometimes you win, sometimes you lose, and sometimes it rains.” — Bull Durham

51. “We deal in lead, friend.” — The Magnificent Seven

50. “I don’t know, I mostly just hurt people.” —Alien Resurrection

49. “Go that way, really fast. If something gets in your way, turn.” — Better Off Dead

48. “All every woman really wants, be it mother, senator, nun, is some serious deep-dickin’.” — Chasing Amy

47. “Let’s shag ass.” —The Royal Tenenbaums

46. “That’s atomized colloidal silver. It’s being pumped through the building’s air conditioning system, you cock-juggling thundercunt!” — Blade: Trinity

45. “I don’t understand. All my life I’ve been waiting for someone and when I find her, she’s … she’s a fish.” — Splash

44. “Demented and sad, but social.” — The Breakfast Club

43. “This is so bad it’s gone past good and back to bad again.” — Ghost World

42. “GOONIES NEVER SAY DIE!” — The Goonies

41. “Beautiful, naked, big-titted women just don’t fall out of the sky, you know.” — Dogma

40. “They’ve done studies, you know. Sixty percent of the time, it works every time.” — Anchorman

39. “Richie, would you do me a favor and eat my pussy for me… please?” — From Dusk til Dawn

38. “I’m hungry. Let’s get a taco.” — Reservoir Dogs

37. “They’re coming to get you, Barbara!” — Night of the Living Dead

36. “Maybe you’re the plucky comic relief.” — Galaxy Quest

35. “We were frightened of being left alone for the rest of our lives. Only people of a certain disposition are frightened of being alone for the rest of their lives at the age of 26…we were of that disposition.” — High Fidelity

34. “I used to fuck guys like you in prison” — Roadhouse

33. “Are you crazy? The fall will probably kill you.” — Butch Cassidy and the Sundance Kid

32. “Strikeouts are boring. Besides that, they’re fascist.” — Bull Durham

31. “Gentlemen, you can’t fight in here! This is the War Room! — Dr. Strangelove

30. “Shut the fuck up, Donny.” — The Big Lebowski

29. “If God did not want them shorn, he would not have made them sheep.” — The Magnificent Seven

28. “He was always a rather stupidly optimistic man. I mean, I’m afraid it came as a great shock to him when he died.” — Clue

27. “Nobody fucks with the Jesus.” — The Big Lebowski

26. “Meet me in Montauk.” — Eternal Sunshine of the Spotless Mind

25. “Did you have a brain tumor for breakfast?” — Heathers

24. “That’s just the way it crumbles … cookie wise.” - The Apartment

23. “Winners go home and fuck the prom queen.” — The Rock

22. “Why didn’t somebody tell me my ass was so big? — Spaceballs

21. “I aim to misbehave.” — Serenity

20. “People are so stupid I can’t bear to be around them anymore.” —Imaginary Heroes

19. “Fuck my cock!” — Wet Hot American Summer

18. “I mean, say what you like about the tenets of National Socialism, Dude, at least it’s an ethos.” — The Big Lebowski

17. “The swan ate my baby!” — Drop Dead Gorgeous

16. “I’m gonna punch you in the ovary, that’s what I’m gonna do. A straight shot, right to the babymaker.” — Anchorman

15. “My grammy never gave gifts. She was too busy getting raped by Cossacks.” — Annie Hall

14. “The Hammer is my penis.” — Dr. Horrible’s Sing-Along Blog

13. “The only true currency in this bankrupt world is what you share with someone else when you’re uncool.” — Almost Famous

12. “SQUIRREL!” — Up

11. “Excuse me stewardess, I speak jive.” — Airplane

10. “Inconceivable!” — The Princess Bride

9. “I’ve been listening to my gut since I was 14 years old, and frankly speaking, I’ve come to the conclusion that my guts have shit for brains.” — High Fidelity

8. “My God. I haven’t been fucked like that since grade school.” — Fight Club

7. “You’re killin’ me Smalls!” — The Sandlot

6. “I was born a poor black child.” — The Jerk

5. “Ray, next time someone asks you if you’re a god, you say YES!” — Ghostbusters

4. “Hope is a good thing, maybe the best of things, and no good thing ever dies.” — The Shawshank Redemption

3. “I want my two dollars!” — Better Off Dead

2. “Son, you got a panty on your head.” — Raising Arizona

1. “It ain’t white boy day is it?” — True Romance

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Comments

Fucking awesome. Flat-out awesome. Nice job folks...

Posted by: Skitz at June 12, 2009 2:14 PM

Yay! Squishy quote!

God I love this list. We have awesome taste, guys. I need to use "Thundercunt" more often.

Posted by: figgy at June 12, 2009 2:18 PM

We're gonna need a bigger boat. Come on that's good stuff.

Posted by: blah blah blah at June 12, 2009 2:22 PM

Nice! I'm happy in a bad place.

Posted by: admin at June 12, 2009 2:25 PM

YES. Thank you.

Posted by: Nicole at June 12, 2009 2:27 PM

So phenomenal.

Wish I had pitched in one serious omission from this list in:
"You are the vulgarian, you fuck!" - A Fish Called Wanda

Posted by: branded at June 12, 2009 2:31 PM

Really? That's your number one? Number 19 is better than that. Though that could just be because it's David Hyde Pierce delivering possibly David Wain's favorite line ever.

Posted by: ChristianH at June 12, 2009 2:32 PM

Wait, y'all picked THAT from Ghost World over "Some people are okay, mostly I just want to poison everyone."? I use that far more often. It was my default away message when I still used AIM.

You think you know a website…

Posted by: Genny (actually Rusty now) at June 12, 2009 2:33 PM

This list is epically amazing BUT sadly missing some Randal Graves. And if we're going Wet Hot quotes, my far preferred is "I want you inside me... Oh, hey what's up, from before." Damn work, preventing me from joining in the thread when it happened.

Posted by: Courtney at June 12, 2009 2:34 PM

We rock.

Posted by: Cindy at June 12, 2009 2:35 PM

Blast. I was hoping for "Always bet on black."

Posted by: Tracer Bullet at June 12, 2009 2:40 PM

Ah, that's awesome. I think my favorite from Heathers will always be, "If you were happy every day of your life, you wouldn't be human, you'd be a game show host."

Posted by: lizzieborden at June 12, 2009 2:44 PM

I do not think people give Galaxy Quest enough credit.
Tony Shalbouh is in it for cris sakes!

Posted by: badalamenti at June 12, 2009 2:45 PM

That's funny, Rusty... I always use "I can't relate to 99% of humanity."

Posted by: Anna von Beaverplatz at June 12, 2009 2:53 PM

You think you know a website…

I know! And really, if one HAD to pick one great quote from Clue, one repeated over and over again, you chose that one? Come on, "flames....on the side of my face"? Or "I'm going home to sleep with my wife"? Singing Telegram? Really?

Posted by: Vermillion at June 12, 2009 3:00 PM

I love this list.

(and not just because a few of the quotes I suggested are on it)

Posted by: grace b at June 12, 2009 3:03 PM

Two of my favorites-

Barcelona:

Spanish Girl in bar "I couldn't live in the US. It's so violent, every year all those people get shot."

Chris Eigeman character replies "That doesn't mean we're more violent, we're just a better shot."

Mystery Men:

William H. Macy character "We're on a blind date with destiny and she just ordered the lobster."

Posted by: amanda47 at June 12, 2009 3:07 PM

Yay! One of my quotes made it! I know, mine is a pathetic existence. But now it's a happy one.

I love that there are far more people than I ever would have imagined who manage to exploit movie quotes.

Posted by: Eyvi at June 12, 2009 3:07 PM

I'm gonna ave to agree with Genny. That line has become my go to statement for explaining pretty much any situation involving people.

Also, I totally named my fish "Squishy". And he is mine, he is my Squishy.

Posted by: Jeremy Feist at June 12, 2009 3:08 PM

Not a single FUCKING quote from Caddyshack!?!?

What is wrong with you people?

"Hey everybody, we're all gonna get laid!"

" So we finish the eighteenth and he's gonna stiff me. And I say, "Hey, Lama, hey, how about a little something, you know, for the effort, you know." And he says, "Oh, uh, there won't be any money, but when you die, on your deathbed, you will receive total consciousness." So I got that goin' for me, which is nice. "

"This crowd has gone deadly silent, a Cinderella story outta nowhere. Former greenskeeper and now about to become the masters champion. "

"I've sentenced boys younger than you to the gas chamber. Didn't want to do it. I felt I owed it to them. "

"Whoa, did somebody step on a duck? "

"I smell varmint poontang. And the only good varmint poontang is dead varmint poontang, I think. "

Posted by: Some Guy at June 12, 2009 3:13 PM

Great list! Some great Cusack ones in there, but I gotta say, my favorite Grosse Pointe Blank quote is, "I'm standing where my, uh, living room was and it's not here because my house is gone and it's an Ultimart! You can never go home again, Oatman... but I guess you can shop there."

And my favorite exchange from Kiss Kiss, Bang Bang has got to be:

Perry: Go. Sleep badly. Any questions, hesitate to call.
Harry: Bad.
Perry: Excuse me?
Harry: Sleep bad. Otherwise it makes it seem like the mechanism that allows you to sleep...
Perry: What, fuckhead? Who taught you grammar? Badly's an adverb. Get out. Vanish.

Posted by: Melissa at June 12, 2009 3:17 PM

Oh my god, I was in such a bad mood and this totally made my day.

And awesomely enough, not only were TheJodester and I discussing The Wolf from Pulp Fiction at our Khyber lunch this afternoon, but she totally quoted #25. She also quoted this classic from Clueless: "I have a 45 and a shovel. I doubt anyone will miss you."

Posted by: Julie at June 12, 2009 3:19 PM

I'm with Vermillion. I use "Flames . . . On the side of my face" at least once a day.

Posted by: Tracer Bullet at June 12, 2009 3:25 PM

Oh, Whiskey Baby Ninja Star, I needed that!!!!

Posted by: dammitjanet at June 12, 2009 3:27 PM

I speak in movie quotes most of the time, so me quoting a few different films in one lunch isn't out of the ordinary.

Wayne's World quote of the day:
'Ribbed for her pleasure. Eeeeeeeeww.'

Posted by: thejodester at June 12, 2009 3:27 PM

I am ashamed that there are many on this list that I am unfamiliar with.

Posted by: Snath at June 12, 2009 3:27 PM

Julie, have I ever mentioned how insanely jealous I am that you can go to the bar for lunch?

Posted by: lizzieborden at June 12, 2009 3:29 PM

Posted by: Vermillion at June 12, 2009 3:00 PM

Concur. I love that "I'm going home to sleep with my wife" line. Just love it.

Posted by: Forbiddendonut at June 12, 2009 3:33 PM

Oh, Whiskey Baby Ninja Star, I needed that!!!!

Oh, how about, "Gee, Ricky, I'm real sorry your mom blew up."

"I would proudly partake of your pecan piiiiiiie."

*in tears* "I love him so muuuuuuuuuch." and "Get away from that baby, you warthog!"

"Goin' on a year now I ain't had nothin' twixt my nethers weren't run on batteries!"

"She is startin' to damage my calm."

"Goddamnit I'm tired.....lets face it, everything below the waist is KAPUT!"

and, finally, the most awesome string of curse words ever strung together....

Oh! Fuck wank bugger shitting arse head and hole!

Posted by: dammitjanet at June 12, 2009 3:34 PM

Julie, Mr. Lower mutters that Clueless line whenever one of my daughters gets within 10 feet of a boy. I'm sure I'll be hearing it a lot in the coming years. He'll be so proud that I contributed the Han Solo line. I get to pick the movie Saturday night. Ha! Hangover 1, Terminator zip.

Posted by: slower lower at June 12, 2009 3:35 PM

SEXUAL CHOCOLATE!!

*drops mic

Posted by: jM at June 12, 2009 3:38 PM

One of my favs that's not on the list, from Don't Tell Mom, the Babysitter's Dead'

Rose Lindsey: Sue Ellen, have you ever had a 48 hour orgasm?

Sue Ellen (innocently): No, I've never been to Santa Barbara.

Posted by: thejodester at June 12, 2009 3:44 PM

Awesome list. But Squishy should've been in the Top 10!

Posted by: Sofía at June 12, 2009 3:46 PM

Or "The dishes are DONE."

Posted by: jM at June 12, 2009 3:47 PM

All I can say is it's about damn time someone included Big Lebowski quotes. It truly is one of the greatest movies of all time, and fuck the academy for not giving Jeff Bridges and John Goodman Oscars!

Posted by: George at June 12, 2009 3:49 PM

My favorite from Clue is, "Is that what we ate?!"

Posted by: Kolby at June 12, 2009 3:50 PM

I use the "Flames" Clue quote the most, followed by "I'm going home to sleep with my wife." Fuck me in my breakfast toast, I love Michael McKean.

Posted by: Julie at June 12, 2009 3:55 PM

Completely off topic. I went awol for like 3 weeks after the naming of admin's baby comment diversion.

Can someone fill me in on what name won?

Posted by: "luker" the barbarian at June 12, 2009 3:57 PM

Love the list. I agree, most of these lists elsewhere don't speak to me like these do. They lost their impact somewhere along the way.

Now for my very favorite Better Off Dead quote:

"Now that's a real shame when folks be throwin' away a perfectly good white boy like that."

Posted by: logar at June 12, 2009 3:59 PM

Sorry to be the dick here, but the quote from The Way of the Gun is, in fact:

"Shut that cunt's mouth or I'll come over there and fuckstart her head."

Regardless, a fucking great quote.

Posted by: Sean at June 12, 2009 4:00 PM

56. “”Bratwurst? Aren’t we the optimist?”.” — 10 Things I Hate About You

LOVE. Between this and 'Drop Dead Gorgeous' I think Alison Janney might be my favorite ever.

Posted by: Jeni at June 12, 2009 4:02 PM

Who suggested #69? Because that's one of my favorite movie quotes EVER and I use it all the time and no one EVER knows where it's from. I want to give whoever nominated that gem a big, wet, sloppy kiss all over their face.

Also, I guess these had to be movie quotes? Because I also quote liberally from "A Charlie Brown Christmas."

"All I want is what I have coming to me. All I want is my fair share."

Posted by: jimbob at June 12, 2009 4:06 PM

Wow, I recognize at least half of those quotes. Yay! I have personally used the "I feel like I'm taking crazy pills" line with my friends.

Clueless deserves a few mentions up here, though, including
"You're a virgin...who can't drive."

"Girlie, as far as you're concerned, I am the messiah of the DMV."

Posted by: Brie at June 12, 2009 4:11 PM

This list made my day twenty times better. Thank you. Thank you from the bottom of my heart.

Posted by: Marcela at June 12, 2009 4:13 PM

Who suggested #69?

I often do. But not this time.

Posted by: jM at June 12, 2009 4:15 PM

Ah jM, you gorgeous stack of pancakes.

Posted by: Julie at June 12, 2009 4:17 PM

NOTHING from Animal House? My choices:
" You fucked up. You trusted us." Eric 'Otter' Stratton
"You guys playin' cards?" Kent 'Flounder' Dorfman
" Fat, drunk, and stupid is no way to go through life son." Dean Vernon Wormer

Posted by: jaf at June 12, 2009 4:17 PM

Logar, you reminded me of this quote from Men at Work. I will forever love Keith David for this.

There are several sacred things in this world that you don't ever mess with. One of them happens to be another man's fries. Now, you remember that, and you will live a long and healthy life.

Posted by: Brie at June 12, 2009 4:17 PM

Love that there's a Bring it On quote, but I'd suggest the following:

Torrance: Courtney, this isn't a democracy, it's a cheerocracy. I'm sorry, I'm overruling you.
Courtney: You are being a cheertator, Torrance, and a pain in my ass!

Posted by: whatBENwatches at June 12, 2009 4:32 PM

jimbob, I LOVE that movie, and that's my favorite quote. Sally's just awesome.

Posted by: figgy at June 12, 2009 4:38 PM

How about "NOT THE BEEES! NOT THE BEEEEEEES! AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAGH!"

I do that one all the time.

Posted by: figgy at June 12, 2009 4:40 PM

Just want to say to TPTB that in my experience here I don't think 'Jib has ever been more funner than it is now. Lists like this and the funny and imaginative Diversions and the return of EE with figgylicious at the helm, not even to mention the reviews ... y'all have made me a 'Jibaddict, I spend hours a day here, I mainline this site.

I hope you're proud.

Posted by: , (the commenter formerly known as bucdaddy) at June 12, 2009 4:41 PM

My favorite quote from "Splash":

Freddie: People fall in love every day, huh? Is that what you said?

Allen: Yeah.

Freddie: Yeah? Well, that's a crock. It doesn't work that way. Look, do you realize how happy you were with her? That is, of course, when you weren't driving yourself crazy. Every day? Come on. Some people will never BE that happy. I'LL never be that happy. What am I talking to you for? You don't know anything.

John Candy's finest hour.

-Ralphie

Posted by: Ralphie at June 12, 2009 4:46 PM

I'm slightly emabarassed to admit this, but two of my (maybe 5 total) quotes made it on the list...in the top 20 even, and I am kind of proud of that!

Posted by: ami at June 12, 2009 4:48 PM

One I wish was included was from... yes, Forest Gump:

Lieutenant Dan got me invested in some kind of fruit company. So then I got a call from him, saying we don't have to worry about money no more. And I said, that's good! One less thing."

It'll never have made it, a shit-ton of people here hate the piss out of Forest Gump. To that I say, do shut the fuck up.

Posted by: George at June 12, 2009 4:53 PM

Men should be like tissues - soft, strong, and disposable.

How many husbands have you had?
Mine or other women's?

Madeline Kahn was genius in that part. (As always.)

Posted by: pinkcheese at June 12, 2009 4:57 PM

I was glad to see Drop Dead Gorgeous made the list, but I am a little more partial to the, "They'll never let you perform naked I asked." And while I hate Super Troopers, I am surprised not one quote from that movie made it, there are, after all, a few funny ones, MEOW!

Posted by: lawyergirl06 at June 12, 2009 5:04 PM

Or, of course, I wish I was a loofah. Stripes.

Posted by: lawyergirl06 at June 12, 2009 5:05 PM

I may be incorrect. I may be correct and someone may have already pointed this out. Also, I may be a finicky douche for pointing this out, but I think Secretary is misquoted. I believe it's "soil" instead of "earth."

Posted by: natalia Rodas at June 12, 2009 5:06 PM

The most quotable movie to me ever is Heartbreak Ridge. Gunny Highway had some of the best lines ever put on film.

"Why don't I just nail ya in the kiester then. I'll send you home with that just pumped the neighbor's cat look on your face."

"Get that contriband stogie outta my face, or I'll shove it so far up your ass you'll have to set fire to your nose to smoke it."

and, my personal fave,

"It means: Be advised. I'm mean, nasty and tired. I eat concertina wire and piss napalm and I can put a round in a flea's ass at 200 meters. So why don't you go hump somebody else's leg, mutt face, before I push yours in."

Posted by: John Denver's Wingman at June 12, 2009 5:12 PM

Delurking to applaud loudly and 'fess up that many, MANY of these are a part of my everyday language.

Only possible omission is "Scoop of vanilla, scoop of chocolate. Don't waste my time" to be used when someone asks what she or he thinks is a difficult question though it isn't.

I assume no one here needs the source.

Posted by: Neon at June 12, 2009 5:26 PM

Swingers:
Is he brown, is he clean...

Posted by: El L Cool J at June 12, 2009 5:30 PM

Excellent list! Yay, I helped! (I'm such a dork)

The best thing about a list like this is that it makes me want to rewatch so many of these movies. I'm thinking I need to watch Better Off Dead sometime this weekend.

Posted by: Melissa at June 12, 2009 5:40 PM

The quote that I use on a regular basis?:

"And that's when my drinking problem started" from Airplane!, because I regularly manage to dump beverage all down the front of me instead of actually drinking it.

I'm sad that although several movies made it more than once, Airplane! didn't get a single quote up.

Posted by: Claire at June 12, 2009 5:43 PM

Yay! You used one of my quotes!

And yes, I do have a small, sad life. Why do you ask?

Posted by: rlr260 at June 12, 2009 5:51 PM

HOWEVER ... still no love for "Naked"? Humph. OK, this merits a repeat:

Louise: How did you get here?
Johnny: Well, basically, there was this little dot, right? And the dot went bang and the bang expanded. Energy formed into matter, matter cooled, matter lived, the amoeba to fish, to fish to fowl, to fowl to frog, to frog to mammal, the mammal to monkey, to monkey to man, amo amas amat, quid pro quo, memento mori, ad infinitum, sprinkle on a little bit of grated cheese and leave under the grill till Doomsday.
---
I need to memorize that.

Posted by: , (the commenter formerly known as bucdaddy) at June 12, 2009 5:53 PM

I got one that tops them all...

"Shut your fat ass, Rayvie! I can't buy a pack of smokes without runnin' into nine guys you fucked!"
Boondock Saints

Posted by: Diablo at June 12, 2009 5:54 PM

every quote in American Psycho!(about women ,sex,drugs,...every one)

Posted by: boom! at June 12, 2009 6:01 PM

,TCFKAB - this is my favorite exchange from Naked:

Louise: So what happened, were you bored in Manchester?
Johnny: Was I bored? No, I wasn't fuckin' bored. I'm never bored. That's the trouble with everybody - you're all so bored. You've had nature explained to you and you're bored with it, you've had the living body explained to you and you're bored with it, you've had the universe explained to you and you're bored with it, so now you want cheap thrills and, like, plenty of them, and it doesn't matter how tawdry or vacuous they are as long as it's new as long as it's new as long as it flashes and fuckin' bleeps in forty fuckin' different colors. So whatever else you can say about me, I'm not fuckin' bored.

I had to look it up, it's too long to remember verbatim.

Posted by: Melissa at June 12, 2009 6:14 PM

You need another hundred. "So, I Married an Axe Murderer" NEEDS to be on there.

"Hello! I believe I order the LARGE cappuccino."

"My name is John Johnson, but everyone here calls me Vicky. Will you please follow me."

"Look at the size a that boy's head; it's like an orange on a toothpick!"

"Is it so evil that you have to pronounce it EEE-VIL? As in, 'The FRU-ITS of the DEV-IL." EEE-VIL"

Posted by: Sharon at June 12, 2009 6:57 PM

Freaky, there's another Sharon.

Posted by: Sharon at June 12, 2009 7:18 PM

Sorry to be the dick here, but the quote from The Way of the Gun is, in fact:

"Shut that cunt's mouth or I'll come over there and fuckstart her head."

Regardless, a fucking great quote.

Posted by: Sean at June 12, 2009 4:00 PM

Thank you!! Thank you!! I posted the quote yesterday kind of right, "Shut that cunts mouth before I come over there and fuckstart her head." and then someone else put the girlfriend one...

The right quote is so much better.

Posted by: DeistBrawler at June 12, 2009 7:25 PM

It's not, "I haven't been fucked like that since I was a school girl"?

Also, sometimes I like to say, "It's for a cop."

Posted by: Not Goldie at June 12, 2009 7:32 PM

Marriage is an important part of getting ahead: lets people know you're not a homo; married guy seems more stable; people see the ring, they think at least somebody can stand the son of a bitch; ladies see the ring, they know immediately you must have some cash or your cock must work. - The Departed

Posted by: teo at June 12, 2009 7:46 PM

There are two quotes that I really really wish had made this list:

1. Lets show this prehistoric bitch how we do things downtown. -Ghostbusters.

2. Sometimes, I'm too much man for my own damn self.- Undercover Brother

Posted by: cmoody at June 12, 2009 8:03 PM

damn, none of my favorite one liners from Commando pass. I guess it's not a good enough movie and it doesn't feature John Cusack.

But what about that line from beautiful girls

"if she can cut her own food, she's fair game."

Posted by: rg at June 12, 2009 8:04 PM

Yay! I got my quote on there. Couple others that I use regularly.

"A Beer Bong for the lady?"

"Yeah you know what….yep. It's the lugnut.. fixed it"

-Saving Silverman

Posted by: ashes at June 12, 2009 8:38 PM

I did forget "Those aren't pillows!".

Posted by: Cindy at June 12, 2009 8:38 PM

yay! a few of my suggestions made it!

i did forget to mention my favorite ghostbusters quote: back off man, i'm a scientist.

Posted by: kelley at June 12, 2009 8:58 PM

Ah, Beautiful Girls. So much to love.

Rosie O'Donnell's inspired speech concerning big tits and big asses.

The exchange concerning the coffee without Sambuca, "It's 4 am Pauly!" "So, Darien, does that make it too early or too late?"

"You been eaten' retard sandwiches again?"

"Romeo and Juliet, the dyslexic version"

Posted by: slower lower at June 12, 2009 8:58 PM

I am so happy that someone remembered "I want my two dollars!" Seriously, that quote makes my day. Sometimes I'll say it to friends and they won't get it and I'll wonder why I'm friends with them. I made two girl friends of mine sit down Better Off Dead with me and watch it during our freshman year and while I was cracking up ("Do you know the street value of this mountain!?!" Snarf) they just stared blankly. I knew I was home at Pajiba when I found out how many people loved that movie.

And "The swan ate my baby!" is made even more beautiful when Alley cries: "Get up baby, we gotta go to state!"

Lovely.

Posted by: Kayanne at June 12, 2009 9:27 PM

"Garth, marriage is punishment for shoplifting in some countries."

Posted by: rg at June 12, 2009 10:05 PM

"The swan ate my baby!" is a great line indeed, but there are so many lines that are better from that movie. Especially the priest's sermon regarding the swan: "Maybe it's God's way of telling us to buy American"

Posted by: battgirl at June 12, 2009 10:30 PM

"Talk your monkey ass off! I'm watching you."

Posted by: Jackseppelin at June 12, 2009 11:10 PM

"Hey, Miss Penthouse '98, close those legs, I could drive a boat show in there."

"I once thought I had mono for an entire year. It turned out I was just really bored."

Posted by: Melissa at June 12, 2009 11:19 PM

All three of my suggestions made it, so I won't even mention that the #1 is LAME. (A.K.A. I have neither seen the movie nor heard the line.)

Posted by: SaBrina at June 12, 2009 11:25 PM

I have to say I love this list. I laughed very loud several times. I totally agree with many of them. Here's one I'd like to add:
"Well, if you didn't want him dead, why'd you leave him with me?" said by the ever amazing Don Cheadle in "Devil in a Blue Dress."

Posted by: ChaCha at June 12, 2009 11:26 PM

My favorite quote from Clue:

"I've been shot. I've been shot!"

Posted by: JMW at June 12, 2009 11:36 PM

This has nothing to do with anything but my PENS JUST WON THE STANLEY CUP!!!!! WHOOOOOOOOOOOOO!!!!!!

That is all. Sorry. :D

Posted by: AbbyNormal at June 12, 2009 11:42 PM

I'll join the ranks of those being retardedly excited that their suggestions made it. But hells yes, High Anxiety represent!

Posted by: Gabs at June 12, 2009 11:48 PM

STANLEY CUP BOO-YA!

Party at 1-2-3, abby! I'll be the old guy.

Posted by: , (the commenter formerly known as bucdaddy) at June 12, 2009 11:55 PM

Aw man, I love 1-2-3! Haven't been there for awhile though. I'll have to get myself down there sometime so I can throw back a few with a fellow Pajiban! I'm a lil too Stanley Cup tipsy to drive down tonight though! Have fun!

Posted by: AbbyNormal at June 12, 2009 11:59 PM

Definitely thought abbynormal just said her penis won the stanley cup. Good thing i can read, im happy for your fantastically talented phallus.

Posted by: braski at June 13, 2009 12:05 AM

Wish I could've gotten my all time favorite "Brick" quote in there.
"Come on at me, if you want, Hash-head. I've got all five senses and I slept last night, that puts me six up against the lot of you."
And is "Better Off Dead" actually good, Kayanne? I love John Cusack but I know better than to trust your taste.

Posted by: Optimus Rhyme at June 13, 2009 12:12 AM

No Die Hard quotes?

lame

Posted by: L.O.V.E. at June 13, 2009 12:29 AM

I dunno Rhyme, you seem like the type that would be way less into claymation singing hamburgers and botched suicide attempts that end in hilarious results and more into listening to Plain White Tees while drinking PBR ironically.

But if you're not a douche and like reeeeally off-beat humor (and skiing competitions), you'll probably enjoy it.

Posted by: Kayanne at June 13, 2009 12:29 AM

Plain White Tees? You know I don't listen to any bands you've heard of.

Posted by: Optimus Rhyme at June 13, 2009 12:44 AM

And the best quotes from Heathers are

-- Dear Diary, my teen-angst bullshit now has a body count.

-- I just killed my best friend. -And your worst enemy. -Same difference.

-- Well, fuck me gently with a chainsaw. Do I look like Mother Theresa?

-- Football season is over, Veronica. Kurt and Ram had nothing left to offer the school except for date rapes and AIDS jokes.

Posted by: L.O.V.E. at June 13, 2009 12:49 AM

You know I don't listen to any bands you've heard of.

Oh, yea, no. You'll totally hate Better Off Dead, because you'll relate to the douche of a ski captain. Or Ricky. Ha, probably, definitely Ricky.

Posted by: Kayanne at June 13, 2009 1:03 AM

I would be amiss if I didn't suggest:

WE'VE GONE ON HOLIDAY BY MISTAKE!!!

Posted by: Withnail at June 13, 2009 1:12 AM

Why has no one picked anything from Three Amigos??

"Oh, great. You killed the invisible swordsman!"

"Are gringos falling from the sky?"
"Yes, El Guapo."

"Would you say I have a plethora of pinatas?"

"Sew, very old one! Sew like the wind!"

"Jefe, you do not understand women. You cannot force open the petals of a flower. When the flower is ready, it opens itself up to you."
"So when do you think Carmen will open up her flower to you?"
"Tonight, or I will kill her!"

And my favorite, the one I use constantly to this day: "You son of a motherless goat!"

I mean seriously there's dozens of lines in this movie to quote from.

Posted by: Snath at June 13, 2009 2:24 AM

To preface this list as a bunch of quotable and memorable lines . . . I call horseshit.

Granted, I couldn't do much better without a month away from work, IMDB.com, unlimited conversations with old friends, yesterday's anger, today's apathy, your mom's undies, a family mind distorterererer, and a Movie Theater Bag of Skittles. Seems like many of these could be replaced by actual quotable lines. For instance:

As jM said before, "Sexual Chocolate!" (with accompanied mic drop) is WAAAAAYYYYY more quotable . . . along with every other goddamned Coming to America line!!! Really?! . . . than the "velvet" line". Fucking honkies. As the Belly King once told Quaid, "Oooopen your miiiiiind,".

Posted by: Kballs at June 13, 2009 2:54 AM

Kayanne? Kayanne's here?

Where are your Hurricanes NOW, Missy?

BWAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAcoughcoughgagexpectorate

Posted by: , (the commenter formerly known as bucdaddy) at June 13, 2009 2:56 AM

You know what I don't see on that list?

"He's got teeth like ... and he can leap about ... look at the BONES!"

Posted by: , (the commenter formerly known as bucdaddy) at June 13, 2009 2:59 AM

Like Snath mentioned, I use "plethora" about as many times as I use it minus 0 (total number reaching 1000). Why isn't that on the list? Are Snath and I movie line quotarded?

I think NOT!

Posted by: Kballs at June 13, 2009 3:00 AM

Snath, glorious Amigos! Oh my yes!

Also, I don't remember if I did quotes at all, it's getting so steamy in the Jiba lately...but here's some secret faves:

"...tetra-hydro-chloric acid and pseudo-hallogenic-compound-cyanagen, when mixed it burns the eyes, lungs and throat, causes vomiting and if continuously inhaled, death." (x2)~Dragnet

and

Joe Friday: Connie, I'd like you to meet my maternal grandmother Mrs. Grace Mundy. Granny, this is the virgin Connie Swail.
Granny Mundy: You're kidding.

Posted by: replica at June 13, 2009 4:22 AM

The 40-year-old Virgin is infinitely quotable:

"I'm starvin... let's get some fuckin french toast!"

"That fucker came out of nowhere!"

"You know what? I don't have to answer to you, you ain't my bitch! Know what I sayin'? So, shit, man... fuck it! You should keep your ho on a leash. Bitch's running wild, man."

"First of all, you throwin' too many big words at me, and because I don't understand them, I'm gonna take 'em as disrespeck. Watch your mouth and help me with the sale."

"Fuck your mother, okay? Bye-bye."

Posted by: ceejeemcbeegee at June 13, 2009 4:56 AM

Top marks for including The Sandlot in the top ten. Top marks indeed.

Posted by: Daniel Hall at June 13, 2009 5:06 AM

damn. i was too busy on diversion day to submit anything.
i'll stick to comedy - maybe add some dramas later.

down by law

"You're always makin' big plans for tomorrow. You know why? Because you're always fuckin' up today. "

"My mama used to say that America's the big melting pot. You bring it to a boil and all the scum rises to the top. "

"it is a sad and beautiful world"

a might wind

"Thank God for the model trains, you know? If they didn't have the model trains they wouldn't have gotten the idea for the big trains. "

(lars olphen/very arian) "The naches that I'm feeling right now... 'cause your dad was like mishpoche to me. When I heard I got these ticket to the Folksmen, I let out a geshreeyeh, and I'm running with my friend... running around like a vilde chaye, right into the theater, in the front row! So we've got the schpilkes, 'cause we're sittin' right there... and it's a mitzvah, what your dad did, and I want to try to give that back to you. Okeinhoreh, I say, and God bless him. "

"I would love to see this town in the autumn. I think Crabbeville in autumn would look quite magnificent."

waiting for guffman

"Here's the Remains of the Day lunchbox. Kids don't like eating at school, but if they have a Remains of the Day lunchbox they're a lot happier. "

"We consider ourselves bi-costal if you consider the Mississippi River one of the coasts. "

welcome to the dollhouse

"special people equals retarded. Your club is for retards."

"brandon, are you still going to rape me?"

uncle buck

"do you take third party out of state pay cheques?"

i can't even start on the monty python.

Posted by: celery at June 13, 2009 5:16 AM

"No touchy." - The Emperor's New Groove

"You're a bitter little lady."
"It's a bitter little world." - Hollow Triumph

"I've been throwing loads into bitches for years and I've never come across this problem before." - Crazy guy ranting about his "surprise" pregnancy dilemma to my sister. Not a movie quote but it's best thing I've heard all week.

Posted by: Lauren at June 13, 2009 5:56 AM

I don't even own A gun let enough enough guns to necessitate a rack.

Bouncer: Jolly Green Giant and the Shitty Beatles.
Wayne: The Shitty Beatles? Are they any good?
Bouncer: They suck!
Wayne: Then it's not just a clever name.

I am saddened to learn that there actually is a band called "The Shitty Beatles".

Posted by: JakesAlterEgo at June 13, 2009 7:21 AM

I'm surprised there's no Groundhog Day

"Me, me again, me also"
"I sometimes go months without looking"
"Side of your eye...side of your eye"
"Too early for flapjacks?"

Also, I tend to mutter this under my breath frequently from

The Three Amigos:
"It's like living with a six year old"

Posted by: HB at June 13, 2009 8:34 AM

A buddy of mine teaches an occasional Excel class, and we wondered what it would be like if Wolf taught it instead.

"This is a 30-minute lesson. I'm going to teach it in ten."

and, when someone learns a particular function, the good old,

"Lets not start sucking each others' dicks just yet."

Posted by: sansho1 at June 13, 2009 9:37 AM

Hey, jimbob, I'll be standing over here waiting for my kiss.

(My next sentence was going to be "I'm the girl who likes 69." Thanks for the preview feature Pajiba.)

Damn, they used one of my quotes, and someone liked it- I'm just pathetic enough to have that make my day.

Posted by: heather mooney at June 13, 2009 9:43 AM

Ok, a little late to the party, but every time we get a UPS delivery, someone in my house inevitably says "What's in the box? What's in the BOX???? What's in the Baaa-aaax???" (So far, never the head of Gwyneth Paltrow...)

Posted by: Lukabell at June 13, 2009 9:45 AM

Also, I totally forgot Dodgeball the other day:

"If you can dodge a wrench, you can dodge a ball"

and

"He's got no balls, Cotton"

Actually, just about any of the Jason Bateman quotes would do for this list.

Posted by: llp at June 13, 2009 10:43 AM

Your list seriously sucks.

Posted by: fitzwilly at June 13, 2009 11:04 AM

So... watching some Sneakers this fine morning and had to contribute my fave's:
"Cattle mutilations are up"
"Be a beacon"
"my.voice.is my. passort? verify. me?"
"I leave message here on service, but you do not call."
"just remember to...go real slow!"

Posted by: HB at June 13, 2009 11:14 AM

no quotes from the princess bride?? really???? no "have fun storming the castle"???

also, by and far my favorite movie quote ever, from river's edge, "motherfucker! FOOD EATER!"

Posted by: bree at June 13, 2009 11:14 AM

and, from best in show, "we both like soup." and "we could talk or not talk for hours and still find things to not talk about".

Posted by: bree at June 13, 2009 11:18 AM

Clue: "I'm a butler! I butle!"

or from Ghostbusters:
"That's gotta be some cockroach."
"Bite your head off, man."

Posted by: Ed at June 13, 2009 11:19 AM

Good call, ceejeemcbeegee. This list needs a do over if there's no 40-Year-Old Virgin quotes.

This list was slapped together quicker than it takes Dustin to shoot his wad anytime he sees a pic of Ryan Reynolds shirtless.

Posted by: L.O.V.E. at June 13, 2009 1:02 PM

Phil Conners:
"You want a prediction about the weather, you're asking the wrong Phil. I'll give you a winter prediction: It's gonna be cold, it's gonna be grey, and it's gonna last you for the rest of your life."

Groundhog Day

Posted by: ed bell at June 13, 2009 1:57 PM

"I'm your huckleberry"
- Tombstone

anyone?

Posted by: skiouros at June 13, 2009 2:21 PM

Not a single groucho?
"I can see you right now in the kitchen, bending over a hot stove, but I can’t see the stove"

"Remember men, we're fighting for this woman's honor; which is probably more than she ever did. "

"I could dance with you 'til the cows come home. On second thoughts, I'd rather dance with the cows."

Posted by: Rufus Firefly at June 13, 2009 2:54 PM

Next time just call it a "Top X Movie Quotes of All Time." Even the 100 seems arbitrary and doesn't capture the fact or implication that any one of these is better than the other in a numerical sequence. That's the untruth of these lists and many other lists of its ilk.

Posted by: Recondite at June 13, 2009 2:57 PM

BWAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAcoughcoughgagexpectorate

Oh hey buc, apparently you'd like to join Rhyme on my shun list. Fucking douche.

Oh and hard candies would help with that cough. Those Werther's you've got in your pilling sweater pockets will work just fine.

Posted by: Kayanne at June 13, 2009 3:11 PM

Fucking right on! Props especially to Serenity, Dr. Horrible (that was actually my graduating yearbook quote), and the Sandlot. That movie was the first movie I ever actually liked. I was a cynical movie critic as a young boy.

Posted by: chayes at June 13, 2009 4:25 PM

This list is severely lacking in Brick quotes. How is "Maybe I'll just sit here and bleed at you." not on this list? "There's a thesaurus in the library." is also very quotable.

Posted by: io at June 13, 2009 4:27 PM

Rufus,
damn right, Groucho! But I think peeps here may be a tad young for that, on average. Not me, though...

"Why a four-year-old child could understand this report. Run out and find me a four-year-old child. I can't make head nor tail out of it !"

"I never forget a face, but in your case I'll be glad to make an exception. "

"If I held you any closer I would be on the other side of you."

"One morning I shot an elephant in my pajamas. How he got into my pajamas I'll never know. "

Posted by: Tarn at June 13, 2009 4:44 PM

"I swallowed a bug."

Posted by: Jerce at June 13, 2009 5:10 PM

"I am Sancho"
"That's a heck of a cock rocket, Ben."
- Orgazmo

Posted by: The Kilted Yaksman at June 13, 2009 5:23 PM

Fuck this! How much further could we go? It's time to hijack the thread.

If only I could pick a topic:

Favorite porn star?
Most retarded journalist?
Ugliest musical genius?
Prettiest musical genius?
Smartest dumbass alive?

Posted by: George at June 13, 2009 5:27 PM

Okay seriously guys: So I Married An Axe Murderer.

(spoken in an amazing Scottish accent) "Give your mother a kiss or I'll kick your teeth in." or "Tonight he'll cry himself to sleep on his huge pillow." or "HEED! PANTS! NOW!"

"You look like Huggy Bear from Starsky and Hutch."

"I'm smitten. I'm in deep smit."

That's good stuff, is what it is.

Posted by: Bequafina at June 13, 2009 5:35 PM

And I forgot to add:

from Zack and Miri Make A Porno:
"Hi, can I have a coffee? Black?" "Can't you see we talkin', White?"
"Give me two popsicle sticks and a rubber band and I'll find a way to fuck it. Like a filthy MacGuyver."

from Top Secret!
"I know a little German. He's sitting over there."
"Is this the potato farm?" "Yes, I am Albert Potato."

I could do this all day.

Posted by: Bequafina at June 13, 2009 5:44 PM

Lily von Stuppe in Blazing Saddles:

"Oh, a wed wose - how womantic!"

Posted by: Arkansan at June 13, 2009 6:31 PM

Actually #70 should be "A pile of shit has a thousand eyes." Not "this".

Posted by: clarity at June 13, 2009 7:07 PM

Whoever mentioned Madeleine Khan gets a prize. My friend and I always quote her in Paper Moon.
"You like Mickey the Mouse? SON OF A BITCH!"

Posted by: Empress of All the Russias at June 13, 2009 8:18 PM

Fuck this! How much further could we go? It's time to hijack the thread.

If only I could pick a topic:

Favorite porn star?
Sunny Lane and Ashley Blue, oh and Asa Akira

Most retarded journalist?
Katie Couric

Ugliest musical genius?
Eugene of Gogol Bordello

Prettiest musical genius?
Alicia Keyes

Smartest dumbass alive?
Al Gore

Posted by: DeistBrawler at June 13, 2009 8:29 PM

I thought we'd never get this party started. Thanks, George.

Favorite porn star: Ashley Sugar Notch. Oh, wait, that's an exit off I-81 near Wilkes-Barre ...

Most retarded journalist: I have personally worked with hundreds, but I've only worked in print ...

Ugliest musical genius: Iggy Pop (close nod over Lou Reed). But a lot of those old black blues guys are no oil paintings ...

Prettiest musical genius: David Bowie

Smartest dumbass alive: I'm expecting a lot of W. "love" here, but I'll go with ... whoever it is at Disney in charge of churning out these awful tweener "singers" and "bands."

Posted by: , (the commenter formerly known as bucdaddy) at June 13, 2009 8:58 PM

34. “I used to fuck guys like you in prison” — Roadhouse

Best. Line. Ever. In any film, ever. In life, generally. I wish I had cause to use it just once in my life.

Posted by: fran at June 13, 2009 9:03 PM

If nobody mentions Jeremy Feist as their favorite porn star it's really going to hurt his feelings.

Posted by: Optimus Rhyme at June 13, 2009 9:34 PM

Favorite porn star?
I don't think I've ever seen a name-brand porn star's work.

Most retarded journalist?
Geraldo

Ugliest musical genius?
Thom Yorke

Prettiest musical genius?
Zach Condon? I don't know, the Gogol Bordello mention reminded me of him.

Smartest dumbass alive?
Me

In other news, a man who was fucking in love with me an hour ago actually might not come over because I said I wanted to watch Friday Night Lights. What the FUCK is wrong with you movie snobs?

Posted by: SaBrina at June 13, 2009 9:43 PM

Heym SaBrina, I'm just getting off work and I can bring some Yuengling. We on?

Posted by: , (the commenter formerly known as bucdaddy) at June 13, 2009 10:39 PM

*-Hey,

You can tell I'm in a fuckin' hurry, can't you, when I mistype a ,.

Posted by: , (the commenter formerly known as bucdaddy) at June 13, 2009 10:40 PM

I know only maybe 7. I've only said "meet me in montauk" before.

Posted by: James at June 13, 2009 10:57 PM

If my back-up doesn't come through, then sure. Somebody needs to appreciate all the work I've done. I prefer tequila to beer, though.

Posted by: SaBrina at June 13, 2009 10:59 PM

No "Exorcist" quotes? That demon had some good ones (IMDb.com).

Posted by: Kevin at June 14, 2009 1:36 AM

Hmmm. Link didn't go. Try here:

http://www.imdb.com/title/tt0070047/quotes

Posted by: Kevin at June 14, 2009 1:38 AM

My late contribution is another Grosse Pointe Blank one:

"You're a handsome devil. What's your name?"

Posted by: Munkymack at June 14, 2009 2:35 AM

I believe #34 should be attributed to Artie Lange's Beer League. Because it is so much more awesome when it's coming out of that old guy's mouth and Artie Lange gets a punchline out of it afterward.

Posted by: Jim Bob Cooter at June 14, 2009 2:45 AM

Sometimes you got to say "What the fuck".-Risky Business.

Posted by: charmer1 at June 14, 2009 2:57 AM

We don't need no stinkin' badgers!
-UHF-

Other good "Better Off Dead" quotes:
"Buck up little camper, we'll beat that slope together!"

"is pure snow! Do you have any idea what the street value of this mountain is?"

Hell, that movie's loaded with gems.

Posted by: PoorOldEdgarDerby at June 14, 2009 3:14 AM

Just wanted to add:

"Great shot, kid, that was one in a million!" Hans Solo - Star Wars

Posted by: cj at June 14, 2009 3:50 AM

I recognized only about 10 of these. But that's because the others aren't that good. There's a reason that the other, more famous quotes are still remembered. They're classics, and the classics never die. I believe the word used was "iconic". So they'll be around for a long time, sorry. Also, a lot of these new quotes contain f-bombs or offensive language of some kind. If they didn't, most of you people probably wouldn't like them.

Posted by: closeencounter at June 14, 2009 4:04 AM

"Badges? We don't need no stinking badges!"

I've seen about 7 of those postings, and I'm pretty sure the first movie to use that quote was one of me and my Dad's favorite movies, The Treasure of the Sierra Madre. If you haven't seen it yet, you're missing out on Bogart's best work ever, including Casablanca. Hell, the whole movie's filled with gems:

"Never known a prospector who died rich."

"So... it's the first option, isn't it."

"I bet you $105,000 dollars you're gonna fall asleep before I do."

Posted by: George at June 14, 2009 4:30 AM

I don't understand the decision to miss out the punchlines.

Kiss Kiss Bang Bang: "She's been fucked more times than she's had hot meals"
"Yeah, I heard that. It was neck and neck and then she skipped lunch."

And the quote from "Lock Stock" needs to be a lot longer:
"Yeah, little bit of pain never hurt anybody. If you know what I mean. Also, I think knives are a good idea. Big, fuck-off shiny ones. Ones that look like they could skin a crocodile. Knives are good, because they don't make any noise, and the less noise they make, the more likely we are to use them. Shit 'em right up. Makes it look like we're serious. Guns for show, knives for a pro."
"I'm not sure what's more worrying. The job or your past."

Though I'd have preferred the following from "Lock Stock":
"Shotguns? What, like guns that fire a shot?"

Posted by: Fatpie42 at June 14, 2009 6:00 AM

WE AIM TO MISBEHAVE :D

Posted by: tyna at June 14, 2009 7:00 AM

What about..."If it bleeds, we can kill it"...

Posted by: ZombieSniper at June 14, 2009 7:55 AM

Oh gosh we totally missed fish called wanda!

Wanda:

"Aristotle was not Belgian. The central message of Buddhism is not "Every man for himself." And the London Underground is not a political movement. Those are all mistakes."

Also Priscilla Queen of the desert

"That's just what this country needs: a cock in a frock on a rock."

Posted by: Gigi at June 14, 2009 8:14 AM

Whoa up, there little camper.
"YOU People"?
You actually wrote that?
You swoop in and crap all over us and...

Duke: What you lookin' at old man?
Walt Kowalski: Ever notice how you come across somebody once in a while you shouldn't have fucked with? That's me.

Change "me" to "us".

Posted by: Spender at June 14, 2009 12:24 PM

Lovely List. Just to flesh out--someone mentioned a bit of this on the post-that-started-it-all, and because it's the best thing anybody (who was John Cusak) ever said in a movie, here it is in its full astounding glory:

"I don't want to sell anything, buy anything, or process anything as a career. I don't want to sell anything bought or processed, or buy anything sold or processed, or process anything sold, bought, or processed, or repair anything sold, bought, or processed. You know, as a career I don't want to do that."
From the movie "Say Anything."

Posted by: Lynne at June 14, 2009 1:11 PM

Also, a lot of these new quotes contain f-bombs or offensive language of some kind.

You know, this is something I just do not get. First of all - f-bomb? You people (if you said it, I can say it back) equate a harmless Anglo-Saxon word for sexual congress with a destructive, murderous device? Seriously?
And secondly, 'offensive language'. What utter bollocks! Language in and of itself cannot be offensive, any more than art can. People can be offended, but that's their choice. All language has it's use and it's value. If 'fuck' and 'cunt' and so forth offend you, you're just not thinking hard enough.....

Posted by: tarn at June 14, 2009 2:18 PM

I found it pretty funny how these were framed in terms of "best of all time", when it's obviously pretty specific to a group of friends in a place in a time (for instance I'll bet this applies far more strongly to people between 28 and 32 who went to college in north america than any other group) All power to you - qualifiers are boring, besides which they're fascist.

Posted by: Daniel at June 14, 2009 2:46 PM

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Posted by: Patty at June 14, 2009 3:05 PM

shoot the glass

Posted by: JLEE at June 14, 2009 3:24 PM

Ooo, ooo, can't believe I forgot these two from "The Paper":

"I've always wanted to say this: STOP THE PRESSES!"

And ...

"Well, I don't live in the world, I live in f-bomb-ing New. York. City!"

(see what I did there, and how that makes it so much more inoffensive?)

Posted by: , (the commenter formerly known as bucdaddy) at June 14, 2009 3:27 PM

*snerk* Nice one, (tcfka) bucdaddy.

Posted by: Tarn at June 14, 2009 3:51 PM

"It's good to be the king!" -Mel Brooks, History of the World Part 1

Posted by: Wil at June 14, 2009 3:57 PM

"Are you going to eat that"
-Diner

"Hot lesbian witches! It's fucking genius!"
or
"I think it's kinda sexy that John Malkovich has a portal, y'know, sort of like, it's like, like he has a vagina. It's sort of vaginal, y'know, like he has a, he has a penis AND a vagina. I mean, it's sort of like... Malkovich's... feminine side. I like that."
-Being John Malkovich

Posted by: Arib at June 14, 2009 5:08 PM

Traveling, so just getting around to reading this thread now (why do I feel the need to explain myself?).

Lieutenant Dan got me invested in some kind of fruit company. So then I got a call from him, saying we don't have to worry about money no more. And I said, that's good! One less thing."

It'll never have made it, a shit-ton of people here hate the piss out of Forest Gump. To that I say, do shut the fuck up.

Posted by: George at June 12, 2009 4:53 PM

This kind of thing is the reason some of us love you, George. Except for that last part...but upon reflection, the pointless vulgarity actually sort of works. I guess the point is, keep letting your muse have the right of first refusal at constructive criticism.

Posted by: Che Grovera at June 14, 2009 6:03 PM

I guess I can forgive you for not having my favorite quote, it's not like Shark Attack 3: Megalodon is a much watched film. This quote is the only reason I even downloaded and watched the film.

When leading lady says she is tired after seeing people eaten by prehistoric shark, the leading man replies.

"Yeah, me too. But you know I'm really wired. What do you say I... take you home and eat your pussy. "

Doesn't get more class than that.

Posted by: Line S at June 14, 2009 7:05 PM

Bad Lieutenant

You ever suck a guys cock? Cmon you little Fuck, You, you turn around, show me your ass.

Posted by: L.O.V.E. at June 14, 2009 9:46 PM

Ok wait, nothing from Young Frankenstein? Sacrilege. Also, you could fill up that list just from Raising Arizona.

Posted by: Snuggiepants the Deathbringer at June 14, 2009 9:59 PM

"Not unless you think round is funny."

Posted by: Big at June 14, 2009 10:04 PM

"Coffee, maybe a danish, but that's it."

Posted by: Al at June 14, 2009 10:13 PM

Hee! Thanks Big!

H.I. you're young and you got your health, what you want with a job?

Posted by: Snuggiepants the Deathbringer at June 14, 2009 10:13 PM

"You people" meaning you people who like these quotes. Simple enough for ya? And if I am offended by these quotes with the over-saturated offensive language, then I am offended. So sue me. I hear this crap, I don't get offended until it gets over-used to the point where the writers or comedians have nothing to say EXCEPT f-bombs and such. Then it's no longer funny, except to "you people". Again, simple enough for ya? ;^p By the way, "fuck" and "cunt" do offend me, used over and over and over again, and they offend me when said in front of my two young daughters. Maybe when or if you have children, you might understand. On the other hand, maybe you should NOT have children.

Posted by: closeencounter at June 14, 2009 11:05 PM

Well, you people, what the fuck is a dumb cunt like me s'posed to do? Change my ways? Not fuckin' likely, at this point. Still, I sure as shit wouldn't let my daughter anywhere near this buncha drunken, fuckin' shit-heads.
Simple enough for ya?

Posted by: Spender at June 14, 2009 11:46 PM

aw damn, did i miss a race riot or something?

geez, this thread is already too long. with a bunch of blah-biddy-blah. do i want to read it all? hmm, let me just scan a lttle...
some big lebowski quotes, the jerk, some of the regs, ooo admin, hey did that genny person transition or something? there's tracer, and oh no! jeremy. god, now i can't think of anything but his butthole... oh sweet, damnitjanet, slowerlower SEXUAL CHOCOL...goddamnit, jeremy's junk will not leave me alone! kayanne, i totally missed kayanne online *grumble* god this thread is longer than i previously thought! ((moke)) ew, that's almost cashed, kballs is funny. well, usually. aw fuck it, i'll just pick a new thread tomorrow morning, try to rape that. if it'll have me.

Posted by: gp at June 14, 2009 11:56 PM

Aaaannnnd on that note:

[voiceover]'He loved the serenity of the place'
'Hows the serenity?'
[voiceover] 'I think he also just loved the word'
'So much serenity'

Posted by: Seraf at June 15, 2009 12:59 AM

@Spender, thanks for proving to the world you should not have children. "Thinning of the gene pool...." comes to mind. Oh wait, that's another favorite quote of mine!!! Did not see that one on this list tho. Maybe 'cause it doesn't have "f***" or "c***".

Posted by: closeencounter at June 15, 2009 1:32 AM

@ closeencounter, this is Pajiba - Scathing Reviews for Bitchy People. Did you really think we were going to be all rainbows and puppies around here? Was this your first time? Perhaps we were a little too rough for ya. You should come back when you've got a couple more notches under your belt. But thank you so much for gracing us with your-obviously-much-superior-self. I'm off to go sew up my vagina because saying fuck or cunt clearly proves that I would be an inadequate mother.

Posted by: AbbyNormal at June 15, 2009 3:31 AM

What's great about # 85, Conan's quote about true joy being the crushing of one's enemies, is that it's an actual historical quote from Genghis Khan. Originally in Mongolian, of course, but translated word for word.

http://www.barbariankeep.com/ctbsecrets.html

Posted by: jim at June 15, 2009 3:47 AM

Oh, and closeencounters (if that IS your real name), if you have daughters - I would NOT be letting them anywhere NEAR this shitcunt fucking website.

And if you do, I hope CPS fucks you like you haven't been since grade school.

Posted by: Shane at June 15, 2009 4:35 AM

I'* g**** t* t*** l*** t*** a** t** t***, r********* i* I s**** o* n**.

F***, s***, b****!

Posted by: branded at June 15, 2009 8:34 AM

@ closeencounter, I believe the offense taken on this end was at the phrase "you people" itself. It implies that you believe the rest of us are somehow second-class citizens because we choose to use words that some find offensive.

I also believe that the ~~implication~~ statement that those who choose to use such words are bad people and bad parents *may* have been a misstep on your part.

Posted by: Anna von Beaverplatz at June 15, 2009 9:07 AM

@ Line S,

I love that line in Shark Attack 3, too! Especially knowing that the dubbed-safe-for-closeencounter version says:
"hows about we go and watch 'I love Lucy'?"

(I hereby propose that from now on, we use NSCE instead of NSFW.....)

I've never actually seen the film though - just that part, because John Barrowman tells that story any chance he gets... ;-) (And he says he adlibbed the 'pussy' version).

Posted by: Tarn at June 15, 2009 9:35 AM

"Thinning of the gene pool...." comes to mind.

Huh. I seem to recall a world war being fought against some people who thought that was a good idea....

Yes, I went there.

Posted by: Tarn at June 15, 2009 9:43 AM

@ Closeencounter: Okay. First time on this site, and *I* am offended by your attitude. I have two daughters and I have taught them that swearing is just words and that words only have the power that YOU give them. If you give them the power to offend you, then more fool you! If you DECIDE to take offense at certain words (like many people have at your use of the phrase "you people" which is almost exclusively used in the derogatory sense) then that is YOUR issue and you shouldn't be visiting sites like this if you know such things offend you. And don't infer anyone's right/qualifications to be a parent based on your own ignorant, narrow-minded perspective please. I would counter that your narrow-mindedness renders you an unfit parent, but that would make me *almost* as ignorant as you.

Posted by: Nat at June 15, 2009 10:02 AM

@ Closeencounter: Okay. First time on this site, and *I* am offended by your attitude. I have two daughters and I have taught them that swearing is just words and that words only have the power that YOU give them. If you give them the power to offend you, then more fool you! If you DECIDE to take offense at certain words (like many people have at your use of the phrase "you people" which is almost exclusively used in the derogatory sense) then that is YOUR issue and you shouldn't be visiting sites like this if you know such things offend you. And don't infer anyone's right/qualifications to be a parent based on your own narrow-minded perspective please. I would counter that your narrow-mindedness renders you an unfit parent, but that would make me *almost* as ignorant as you.

Posted by: Nat at June 15, 2009 10:04 AM

Sorry for doublepost - hadn't allowed scripts so wasn't sure it had gone through!

Posted by: Nat at June 15, 2009 10:07 AM

Good points, Nat. Well said.

Posted by: Spender at June 15, 2009 10:19 AM

Great list, but no one metnioned Dazed and Confused? Crap, pick any line from the movie! "You ought to ditch the two geeks you're in the car with now and get in with us, but we'll talk about that later."

Posted by: c at June 15, 2009 10:50 AM

Great list. I had a few more from some of the movies you listed that I use a lot.

From Coming To America "Fuck you, Fuck you, and Fuck you, Who's Next?"

From The Jerk, "He hates these cans! Stay away from the cans!!!"

From Spaceballs, "Evil will always triumph over good, because good is dumb."

Also from Spaceballs, "We ain't found shit!!!"

And one more from Spaceballs (Maybe the most quotable movie ever) "I knew it, I'm surrounded by assholes!"

Posted by: Leonard at June 15, 2009 12:00 PM

Can't believe that Priscilla Queen of the Desert isn't getting more mention here.

"Now listen here, you mullet. Why don't you just light your tampon, and blow your box apart? Because it's the only bang you're ever gonna get, sweetheart! " Bernadette

Can't tell you how often we use that around my house...

Posted by: Jilly at June 15, 2009 12:00 PM

"Thinning of the gene pool...." comes to mind.

Huh. I seem to recall a world war being fought against some people who thought that was a good idea....

Yes, I went there.

Posted by: Tarn at June 15, 2009 9:43 AM
_________________________________

Very astute observation, Tarn.

Posted by: Spender at June 15, 2009 1:00 PM

This should have been #1

8. “My God. I haven’t been fucked like that since grade school.” — Fight Club

Posted by: Prepubescient Cumbubble at June 15, 2009 4:04 PM

Nice list, for films that came out in the last 25- 30 years... What about Casablanca? It is referenced AND quoted all the time!

"Round up all of the Usual Suspects." "We'll always have Paris."(inspiration for other films!)

Rick: Louis, I think this is the beginning of a beautiful friendship.

Captain Renault: How extravagant you are, throwing away women like that. Some day they may be scarce. (not as well known, but it goes with the quote from Better Off Dead)

And how can you forget:
Rick: Of all the gin joints, in all the towns, in all the world, she walks into mine.

I can't leave without pointing out the final line of Crash Davis' soliloquy: "and I believe in long, slow, deep, soft, wet kisses that last three days."

Posted by: steve at June 15, 2009 5:05 PM

"I'm baaack". Now that's a classic quote. The phrase I used, "you people" refers to everyone here reading this page, including me. So, I'm a "you people" too. Nothing racist, or sexist, or "holier-than-thou" (or superior-than-thou) about it. It's not meant to be derogatory in the slightest, unless you take it that way, in which case I'm sorry you were offended. Please replace "people" with "folks". "Thinning the gene pool" was an over-reaction too. Sorry. I get hit with snarkiness, I respond in kind. And please don't judge my parental skills. You don't know me and I don't know you. My kids will know the difference between good and bad, right and wrong, thanks to their mom and me. Basically, I'm here to say most of these quotes will never replace the originals. They just aren't good enough.

Posted by: closeencounter at June 15, 2009 7:31 PM

I know this is way late, but I wanted to add one more...This is not even from a movie, but I think it's so good that I had to put it out there. It is from one of the best tv shows, ever--"The Wire." I think it was Stringer Bell that asked one of his drug dealing "students" in class what the word "subtle" meant and their response? "Lean back like a mug." Ohhhhhhhhhh so very brilliant and classic!!! Loved that show.

Posted by: ChaCha at June 15, 2009 8:48 PM

Oh and just for clarification purposes, just in case. "Mug" in this case is short for or slang for "motherfucker." A fav word over here at pajibans.

Posted by: ChaCha at June 15, 2009 8:50 PM

And please don't judge my parental skills. You don't know me and I don't know you.
Posted by: closeencounter at June 15, 2009 7:31 PM

But... but...

On the other hand, maybe you should NOT have children.
Posted by: closeencounter at June 14, 2009 11:05 PM

Posted by: Anna von Beaverplatz at June 16, 2009 10:51 AM

I second the call for more Dazed and Confused quotes!

"Simone: I did it when I was a freshman, and you'll do it when you're seniors. but you're doing great. Now fry like bacon, you little freshman piggies. Fry! "

"Wooderson: All right, all right, all right."

"Jodi: Hey, I got a favour to ask you guys. You know my little brother?
Benny O'Donnell: Yeah, Mitch Kramer
Jodi: Ya, Mitch Kramer. Well, take it easy on him this summer will ya?
Pink: Don't worry sis, little brother's safe with us.
Jodi: Well just don't get him worse than the other guys. He's kinda little.
[walks off]
Benny O'Donnell: Ok. I promise.
[Jodi walks off]
Dawson: There was just a little bit of bullshit in all that right?
Benny O'Donnell: Major bullshit. He's a dead man."

"John Hirschfelder: I was getting there! I had my hand under her shirt!
Tommy Houston: Hear that, he was 'getting there'. Son, you wouldn't even know what to do if you got there."

"Shavonne Wright: What the hell are you talking about girl?
Kaye Faulkner: Didn't even think about it did you?
Shavonne Wright: Gilligan's Island?
Kaye Faulkner: It's what called a male pornographic fantasy.
Shavonne Wright: [laughs] Oh my haha
Kaye Faulkner: Think about it! You're basically alone on a deserted island with 2 readily available women. One, a seductive sex goddess type. The other... a healthy girl-next-door-type with a nice butt. So the men have it all, the Madonna and the whore. Women get nothing! We get a geek, an overweight middle-age guy, and a nerdy scientific type.
Jodi: [interrupts] The professor... is sexy."

"Wooderson: Say, man, you got a joint?
Mitch: No, not on me, man.
Wooderson: It'd be a lot cooler if you did."

Best One EVER!!!!-The role Matthew McHale was born to play!

" Wooderson: That's what I love about these high school girls, man. I get older, they stay the same age"

Posted by: bk at June 16, 2009 12:08 PM

"She looks like a cocktail waitress on an oil rig." - Best In Show.

Posted by: dmo at June 16, 2009 5:02 PM

"It's not my Goddamn planet, Monkey-boy!"

Posted by: cp at June 17, 2009 1:56 PM

yes yes yes!!
As I started reading this list I wondered if you were going to have Spaceballs, Wet Hot American Summer & Better off Dead on here...KUDOOOOOOOS!

Posted by: Jeva at June 17, 2009 2:32 PM

I like all those old fogie lists that mention the best quotes ever, which - ahem - do not become dated because of overuse. "Plastics" is still priceless, as is "I'm shocked, SHOCKED, to find that gambling is going on in here!"

I do understand film fans wanting to freshen up the conversation a bit by ditching the most famous lines for newer quotes, but I think it's throwing the baby out with the bathwater when movies like Casablanca and The Graduate (etc) get tossed completely because one of their lines is now too familiar. So here's a list of less famous lines from "famous line" movies, which explains why the movies are legendary to begin with. And a few newer classic lines for good measure:

THE GRADUATE:
- "Oh no, Mrs. Robinson, I find you attractive, I do. I think you're the most attractive of all my parents' friends."
- "'Ben, this whole thing sounds kind of half baked.' 'Oh no, it's completely baked. It's a decision I've made."
- "Good evening, Mr. Gladstone."

THE GODFATHER:
- "It's not personal. It's strictly business."
- "Luca Brazzi sleeps with the fishes."
- "You gotta get up close and Bada Bing! blow his brains all over your ivy league suit."
- "You slap my brother around?"
- "You have to answer for Santino."

CASABLANCA:
-"Oh, he's just like any other man, only more so."
- "'You despise me, don't you Rick?' 'If I gave you any thought I suppose I would."
- "There are certain sections of New York that I wouldn't advise you to try to invade."
- "Did you leave me for Lazlo or were there others in between. Or aren't you the kind that tells?
- "''This gun is aimed right at your heart.' 'That is my least vunerable spot.'"
- "Let's make it ten thousand. I'm only a poor corrupt official."

BIG NIGHT:
"You must BITE into the ASS OF LIFE!!"

TREASURE OF THE SIERRA MADRE
- "Conscience. What a thing."
- "You gotta get up pretty early to put one over on old Fred C. Dobbs."

LAWRENCE OF ARABIA:
- "Nothing is written!"
- "My name is for my friends."
- "'Have you no fear, English?' 'My fear is my concern.' 'Truly.'"
- "NO PRISONERS!"
(Dustin, seriously, click the icon on Netflix and do yourself a favor.)

SPINAL TAP:
- "When you've loved and lost like Frank has..."
- "Hellooooo Cleveland!!"
- "It does disturb me, but I'm a professional, I'll rise above it."
- "None. None more black."
- "Come on, mime is money."
- "We played the world and elsewhere."
- "People should envy us. I envy us."
- "You can't dust for vomit."

THE QUIET MAN
- "Homeric!!"
- "There'll be no locked doors between us, Mary Kate."
- "Make way! Make way! She'll be runnin' you down with that joogernaut!!"
- "Marquis of Queensbury rules."
- "No petty fingers, if you please!"

DR. STRANGELOVE
- "You'll have to answer to the coca cola company."
- "I'm not saying we won't get our hair mussed, but I'm talking ten, twenty million dead, tops."
- "...give you such a pranging!"
- "The bomb, Dimitri. The hydrogen bomb."
- "Precious bodily fluids."

"La Publicity!!" - THE WOMEN

SOME LIKE IT HOT
"Type O!"
"The ship's in shipshape shape!"
"My toes feel like someone's barbecuing them over a slow flame."
"Where do you guys thing you're going?' 'Urbana?'"

HOBSON'S CHOICE:
"I'm going to beat the love from your body."

UNFORGIVEN:
- "Deserves got nothin to do with it."
- "I thought I was dead too til I realized I was just in Nebraska."
- "Hell of a thing killin a man. You take away all he's got and all he's ever gonna have."

THE SURE THING:
- "How would you like a sexual experience so intense it could conceivably change your political views?"
- "There's a time and a place for spontaneity."
- "...and when I get out of jail, I'm thirty three years old."

SUPERMAN:
- "You were followed again (crash)...in spite of those catlike reflexes."
- "We all have our little faults. Mine's in California."

THE SUNSHINE BOYS:
- "ENTAHHH!!"
- "Bedbug!"
- "Again with the Fingah!!"

SINGING IN THE RAIN:
- "I've given an exclusive interview to every newspaper in town."
- "People!! I ain't people!!
- "No! No! No!' 'Yes! Yes! Yes!"
- "Dignity. Always dignity."

ANCHORMAN:
- "San Diego, which in German means 'whale's vagina'"
- "Anthony and Cleopatra that hurt!"

Too many more I love so I'll quit while I can. Billy Wilder quotes alone could fill a small book.

Spike Leo

Posted by: SpikeLeo (Mr. Henry) at June 17, 2009 4:51 PM

Someone's a fan of "Heathers".

Posted by: Aaron at June 17, 2009 10:44 PM

One of my favorites from Coming to America:

"Now let's see if you can defend yourself, you sweat from a baboon's balls!"

Posted by: Darth at June 18, 2009 10:37 AM

This is a fantastic list! I was so shocked to see Real Genius, it's my favorite movie of all time, but I quite honestly didn't think anyone else had seen it! But I would like to add, just to get this out there, where's The Birdcage?! My family has literally had to leave the dinner table to keep from laughing because someone quoted that movie.

Some of the best:
"Celsius: Chewing gum helps me think.
Albert: Sweetie, you're wasting your gum."

"Actually, it's perfect. I just never realized John Wayne walked like that."

"Oh yes... Coldeman. The "d" is silent in America. It's Cole D'Isle au Man, or Cole of the Isle of Man, in France, where Armand's chateau is, Cold-e-man in Greece where Armand's work is, and finally the vulgar Coleman in Florida where Armand's home is, so actually, we don't know where we are until we hear our last name pronounced!"

"Fuck the shrimp!"

"I assure you, Mother is just following a train of thought to a logical, yet absurd conclusion."

"So this is Hell. And there's a crucifix in it."

"Armand: You're not a woman.
Albert: Oh, you bastard!"

"Armand: All right, I'll bite, where are you going?
Albert: To Los Copa.
Armand: Los Copa? There's nothing in Los Copa but a cemetery.
Albert: I know, that's why I'm packing light.
Armand: Oh I see, so you're going to a cemetery with your toothbrush. How Egyptian."

Posted by: Mels at June 18, 2009 10:47 AM

You're killin' me Smalls. The best. I still use that.

Posted by: DemonWaterPolo at June 18, 2009 12:43 PM

When leading lady says she is tired after seeing people eaten by prehistoric shark, the leading man replies.

"Yeah, me too. But you know I'm really wired. What do you say I... take you home and eat your pussy. "

Doesn't get more class than that.
__________________________________________________

Please tell me she responded with "I'd rather get eaten by the shark."

Posted by: Jenny at June 18, 2009 7:14 PM

It's been mentioned, but another vote for "Mother fucker, food eater!"

Posted by: chux at June 19, 2009 7:01 AM

Two words: Shit Sandwich.

Posted by: jojo at June 19, 2009 11:57 AM

23. “Winners go home and fuck the prom queen.” — Sean Connery in The Rock
Response from Nicholas Cage:
CARLA WAS THE PROM QUEEN!
Classic.

Posted by: GAGirl at June 19, 2009 10:59 PM

How could you not include Withnail and I?

"Monty, you intolerable cunt!"

Posted by: Hazman at June 20, 2009 11:15 AM

Begging your pardon, but it's "Wolfman's got nards!", not "Wolfman has nards!"

Posted by: Tim at June 22, 2009 4:29 AM

really bad list, and some of the quotes are wrong

Posted by: anon at June 22, 2009 8:04 AM

"It was fucking obvious that that cunt was going to fuck some cunt."
"So I squared up, casual like"
"No way would I poison my body with that shite"

Posted by: figgsy at June 22, 2009 9:23 AM

I could quote from "Big Lebowski" all day:

"He treats objects like women, man."
"Hey man, there's a beverage here!"

There's one from Wedding Crashers I particularly like:
"He's so unsophisticated, he's thinks Moby Dick is a venereal disease."

Posted by: Bertram at June 22, 2009 9:23 AM

"I enjoy simple pleasures like butter in my ass and lollipops in my mouth"

Posted by: figgsy at June 22, 2009 9:38 AM

Hysterical!!! Here are some of my favourites:

1. "What is it, Hump-A-Limey Week?" A Fish Called Wanda

2. "He thinks we should give it to him? What was
he before he was a lawyer, a fucking comedian?" My Cousin Vinny

3. "I like small boys." Crazy People

4. "Suck me sideways!" Dumb and Dumber

5. "Where's pancakes house?" Fargo

6. "I promised Nordberg I'd bake a raisin nut bread with him." The Naked Gun

7. "You need to get your joint worked on, Miles." Sideways

8. "He fell funny." The Departed

9. "I am Jack's complete lack of surprise." Fight Club

10. "I'm telling you, this chick has titties that make you want to get down on your knees and beg for buttermilk, I mean she could suck golf balls through a garden hose. She could suck-start a leaf blower. Ass like a ten-year-old boy." True Lies

11. "Great, now you've planted the seed. And soon, that seed will grow into a tree, and then you FUCK the tree!" The 40-Year-Old Virgin

12. "My moustache still tastes of your testes." Borat

13. "I'll pull you out of that one-room Hilton up there and cast you down with the sodomites. You'll think you're being fucked by a train." The Shawshank Redemption

14. "We're going to pump you so full of lead you'll be able to use your dick as a pencil." The Three Amigos

15. "No, that says 'I like your ass, I want to wear it as a hat'." City Slickers

Posted by: sdfkhsdf at June 22, 2009 10:03 AM

No Withnail and I? You should be ashamed...

Posted by: Ange at June 22, 2009 10:05 AM

some good and many bad. Overall, this list is pretty lame. Lost credibility after I noticed you had several quotes from the same movie. And the ones you did pick were terrible. Be more creative when making a list and don't get lazy by taking several quotes from one Mel Brooks film and every other from Spinal Tap. Expand your horizon a little. There are more films out there to choose from.

Posted by: Saint at June 22, 2009 10:09 AM

So much Python not on the list!

"I don't want to talk to you no more, you empty headed animal food trough wiper. I fart in your general direction. Your mother was a hamster and your father smelt of elderberries."

"It's just a flesh wound."

"Listen, strange women lyin' in ponds distributin' swords is no basis for a system of government. Supreme executive power derives from a mandate from the masses, not from some farcical aquatic ceremony."

"Oh, but you can't expect to wield supreme executive power just because some watery tart threw a sword at you."

"Oh but if I went 'round sayin' I was Emperor, just because some moistened bint lobbed a scimitar at me, they'd put me away."

"Bring out yer dead.'

"Fuck off! We're the People's Front of Judea"

"All right, but apart from the sanitation, medicine, education, wine, public order, irrigation, roads, the fresh water system and public health, what have the Romans ever done for us?"

Brian: I am NOT the Messiah!
Arthur: I say you are Lord, and I should know. I've followed a few.

"Jesus did, sir. I was hopping along, minding my own business, all of a sudden, up he comes, cures me! One minute I'm a leper with a trade, next minute my livelihood's gone. Not so much as a by-your-leave! "You're cured, mate." Bloody do-gooder. "

"I think it was "Blessed are the cheesemakers".

"Stwike him, Centuwion. Stwike him vewy wuffly!"

"I have a vewy gweat fwiend in Wome called 'Biggus Dickus'.

"Oh you'll probably get away with crucifixion."

"Where's the fetus going to gestate? You going to keep it in a box?"

"We're giving Pilate two days to dismantle the entire apparatus of the Roman Imperialist State, and if he doesn't agree immediately, we execute her."

And there's tonnes more!

Posted by: Daftgown at June 22, 2009 10:39 AM

He'll Get up, we'll all get up, It will be anarchy!
(the breakfast club)

Posted by: def at June 22, 2009 10:47 AM

How could you quote "Inconceivable!" from The Princess Bride but not "'Ello. My name is Inigo Montoya. You kill my father. Prepare to die."???

Posted by: Petra at June 22, 2009 10:48 AM

Watch your tongue boy if you like this job.

Posted by: jeff at June 22, 2009 10:49 AM

"Psychos do not explode when sunlight hits 'em, I don't give a fuck how crazy they are." -- From Dusk 'Til Dawn

Posted by: Rich at June 22, 2009 11:40 AM

the good fellas quote is wrong! it is

"As far back as I can remember, I always wanted to be a gangster."

Posted by: srini at June 22, 2009 11:41 AM

One on my favourites:

The big mouthed cooze with the motor driven ass.

From Crimes of Passion.

"Asshole!" and "Don't call me stupid!" from A Fish Called Wanda.

Posted by: Linda Frost at June 22, 2009 11:50 AM

Lotta good quotes, but if you're only picking 100 Quotes for teh best of all time it seems a bit odd that there are a few movies on your list with three quotes a piece. High Fidelity isn't that funny, one quote in the top 100 MAYBE but 3???

Posted by: testington at June 22, 2009 12:14 PM

War Room? I've seen that quote in top 100 lists... but I love it.

Posted by: Eric at June 22, 2009 12:51 PM

I seriously feel that everyone keeps looking over the better line in Blazing saddles in the same "voodoo" speech.

"You will only be risking your lives, while I.. will be risking an almost certain Academy Award nomination for Best supporting actor."

He was not nominated.

Posted by: JinZ at June 22, 2009 1:04 PM

I may be wrong but as far as I can remember, Darla's original line in Fight Club was, "I want to have your abortion, Tyler." The studio hated it so much they told Fincher to change it to ANYTHING else and that's how the "grade school" line got in.

Posted by: Taco at June 22, 2009 2:06 PM

You got number 70, the Stand By Me Quote wrong. It's just "a pile of shit has a thousand eyes".

Posted by: Julia at June 22, 2009 2:11 PM

A few of my faves:

Land of the Dead, "I came here to do something. So, we are gonna stand around, or we are gonna do something?"

The Touch of Satan, "This is where the fishes live."

The Great Dictator, "Cheese und crackers! Banana!"

Posted by: Alvy Singer at June 22, 2009 2:30 PM

Really? People quoted Heathers way too much here. What about these?

"We can't stop here. This is bat country"?

"You see what God just did to us"?- Fear and Loathing in Las Vegas

"McLovin?!"- Superbad

"I lost my hand! I lost my bride! Johnny has his hand. Johnny has his bride. You want me to put my heartache away and forget?"- Moonstruck

"What a dump!" -Who's Afraid of Virgina Woolfe

"I shall treasure my visit here as long as I live."- Roman Holiday

"Yes it is... a nice view."- Saving Private Ryan

"It can't rain all the time."- The Crow

"It was us."- The Notebook

"I know you have received orders from our commandant, which he has received from his superiors, to dispose of the population of this camp. Now would be the time to do it. Here they are; they're all here. This is your opportunity. Or, you could leave, and return to your families as men instead of murderers."- Shindler's List

"If you ditch work this afternoon, and promise to do the few small things I ask you; I will in return show you the most important thing that any living organism has ever witnessed."- Primer

Posted by: Adrian Sanchez at June 22, 2009 2:56 PM

Actually, The guy behind the guy behind the guy comes from Mamet's "Things Change" (1988)

Posted by: Martha at June 22, 2009 4:13 PM

Sandlot, Breakfast Club, Better off Dead, High Fidelity, 16 candles, serenity and dr. horrible! Only missing one oh so important quote rom get over it- it was hard to understand through the slur.

Posted by: Holly at June 22, 2009 5:42 PM

I'm so glad Clue got a mention, but as many of you had stated that probably was not the best line. one of my favs is:

"This is war Peacock! you can not make an omelet without breaking an egg, any good cook will tell you that"

"but look what happened to the cook!!"
- oh Mrs. Peacock. she makes me giggle.

Posted by: Ashley at June 22, 2009 6:44 PM

NO ROBOCOP!

both 'I'd buy that for a dollar!' and "Thats life in the big city" should be in there!!!

Posted by: jimmy at June 22, 2009 8:16 PM

"I know who I am. I'm a dude playing a dude disguised as another dude." -Tropic Thunder

"Safety never takes a holiday." -Paul Blart:
Mall Cop

"These boundaries are not to be crossed. And if they are crossed, there's gonna be real consequences to that. Thank you!" -Four Christmases

Posted by: Justin at June 22, 2009 9:19 PM

I find it funny that pajiba readers throw a shit-fit for the use of the phrase "you people" and then castigate a fellow reader for daring to express an opinion on the overuse of curse words. Do words matter or don't they?

I actually don't mind the use of curse words, and many of these quotes are great. However, it's the commenters here that are inspiring this post. There is something so pathetic about people who rely on curse words to feel like they're powerful and in charge. Everyone goes through that phase in middle school; most grow out of it. I recommend growing out of it.

By the by, if this is your idea of an astute observation:
______________________________________
"Thinning of the gene pool...." comes to mind.
Huh. I seem to recall a world war being fought against some people who thought that was a good idea....
Yes, I went there.
Posted by: Tarn at June 15, 2009 9:43 AM
_________________________________
Very astute observation, Tarn
______________________________________

You should probably read more.

Have a nice day! : )

Posted by: haha at June 22, 2009 9:23 PM

sorry to pester you but Alien Resurrection is quoted incorrectly. It should be "I'm not the mechanic here Ironsides, mostly I just hurt people!"

Posted by: mizzdestiny at June 22, 2009 9:37 PM

good list but too many from the same films...try it w just one from a diff movie

Posted by: Sir Meh at June 22, 2009 9:51 PM

WHERE THE HELL IS "Son Number 1 This Tall Drink of Cock Sucker ain't Dead"

Posted by: jp at June 22, 2009 10:41 PM

Hm...it's like one of those good news/bad news games:

Good news: Pajiba got an IMDb hit list link!

Bad news: Now we're getting IMDb-type comments around here...

Posted by: vic at June 22, 2009 10:53 PM

"Shabbat Shalom, Motherfuckers!" - Hebrew Hammer

Posted by: wtf!? at June 23, 2009 12:32 AM

A couple of great ones...some good ones...but 90% of these quotes really sucked.

Posted by: M. at June 23, 2009 2:25 AM

Some good quotes but were the hell is some good quotes like from DIE HARD

Posted by: Dude at June 23, 2009 3:05 AM

YIPPY KIA YEA MOTHER FUCKER ...is one awsome quote

Posted by: Dude at June 23, 2009 3:09 AM

"I'd buy that for a dollar!" - Robocop

Posted by: Paul at June 28, 2009 7:47 PM

your list only proved that you have watched some really crummy movies and missed alot of good ones with actual good quotes worth quoting. IOW, "neh!"

Posted by: Jo at June 29, 2009 5:25 PM

Great list. Well done.
I think you will need a top 1000 list to get ALL of the good ones.

Posted by: Paul at June 30, 2009 10:10 PM

"Who took the jam outta your donut?"
Snatch (which has many great quotes)

"I don't want that dog dribbling on my seats."

"Your seats? Tyrone, this is a stolen car, mate."

Posted by: Sean at July 2, 2009 8:35 PM

Dont forget good fellas when Tommy smashes Billy Batts face all over the place in The Suite, and looks up crying and says" I didnt mean to get blood on your floor man" Classic.

Posted by: joe at July 11, 2009 7:47 PM

Great list but you missed the one best quote of all time
"I've seen things you people wouldn't believe. Attack ships on fire off the shoulder of Orion. I've watched c-beams glitter in the dark near the Tannhäuser Gate. All those moments will be lost in time, like tears in rain. Time to die" - Blade Runner

Posted by: Becca at July 13, 2009 11:39 AM

Snakes on a plane: "Time is tissue"

Detroit rock city: "Why don't you bend over, you're lookin' right at it!"

Posted by: fredo at July 15, 2009 8:05 AM

Snakes on a plane: "Time is tissue"

Detroit rock city: "Why don't you bend over, you're lookin' right at it!"

Posted by: fredo at July 15, 2009 8:06 AM

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