By Prolixity Julien | Eloquent Eloquence | October 7, 2011 |
By Prolixity Julien | Eloquent Eloquence | October 7, 2011 |
Eloquent Eloquence is a compilation of the ten best comments of the week. Comments in film reviews are not eligible for inclusion.
10. It’s a bit long bit it’s my favorite.
A man walks into a bar, and gets a drink. He continues to drink throughout the night, and he’s getting really sloshed. The bartender refuses to serve him any more drinks, so the man turns the the bartender and points to an unused piano in the corner, then he removes a tired looking rat from his coat pocket.
“What if I told you that this rat could play you the best jazz you’ve ever heard, could I get another drink then?” Slurred the man.
“If that rat can play jazz, I’ll let you drink for free as long as you want,” said the bartender.
So the man weaved over to the piano and set the little rat down, and wouldn’t you know it, that rat played the piano so beautifully that people were coming in off the street to hear the music. The man went back to the bar, and the astounded bartender poured him another drink. The bar began to fill up with people who were amazed by the musical rat, and the drunk man began to make friends with people who wanted to know who the owner of the rat was. He staggered to the bar with several women and asked the bartender for free drinks for his friends, but the bartender refused. The man turned to the bartender and removed a frog from his pocket.
“What if I told you that I could put this frog on the piano, and it would begin to sing the most beautiful music you’ve ever heard?”
“If that’s true, I’ll let you and any of your friends drink free for the rest of the night!” said the bartender.
The man placed the frog on the top of the piano, and true enough, it began to sing along with the rat’s music, and it was so fantastically good that the entire bar filled up and were transfixed by the musical duo.
A businessman approached the owner of the two animals.
“I hear these are your animals, they are amazing! I’ll give you $50,000 cash for them both right now!”
The drunk seemed to be considering it, as he looked at all the people swaying in time with the music. “I don’t know..”
“$100,000 then!” cried the businessman, eager to close the deal.
“Don’t do it!” said the bartender “Those animals are worth ten times that!”
“Weelll..” muttered the drunk “I’m very fond of the rat, but I’d be willing to part with the frog for $50,000”
The businessman handed over the money, and took the frog out in a box. The crowd began to disperse after the frog left, and the drunk picked up the tired rat from the piano and placed it back in his pocket.
“You idiot!” said the bartender “You’re going to wake up tomorrow and regret selling that singing frog, it was goddamn miracle!”
The drunk looked at the bartender slyly “Ah, that frog can’t sing”
“What are you talking about!” cried the bartender “I just listened to it sing some of the best music I’ve ever heard in my life!”
The drunk leaned forward, “The rat’s a ventriloquist” Benjamin
9. Ever get a totally fuckin annoying song stuck in your head?? I mean, like it is in there with concrete or something?? I refer to that as an “aneurhythm”.
Just passin’ it along ….. cuz I’m walkin on sunshine ….. handy_man
8. I’m sorry, but frankly, the thought of The Rock, Vin Diesel and Statham all being in the same film makes me want to masturbate vigorously. — Arran
Um shouldn’t that be “masturbate Fast and Furiously”? logan
7. A husband and wife are at couples counseling and the therapist says they seem to have an issue with mixed messages. ‘that’s bullshit,’ says the husband. ‘you can’t mix messages, you mean what you mean. it’s not like there’s something my wife could say that would make me pissed off and happy at the same time.’ without missing a beat, the wife says, ‘sure there is. of all your brothers, you definitely have the biggest penis.’ betsy
6. Thou shalt not throw your shekels at the sinful renderings of Hollywood nor shalt thou endure the nudity of independent let alone foreign films but instead thou shalt pile your many begotten children into the SUV and watch singing vegetables cavort on large screens.
the Almighty cinekat
5. Cera looks like one of those freaky Asian sexbots.
And I should know, having spent the better part of the early afternoon online looking up freaky Asian sexbots. — Skitz
4. Oh god, this is going to be a shitshow (the comments, not the post, which I appreciated).
Maybe we could just agree on the following:
1) It is a bad idea to compare things to rape.
2) It is a bad idea to compare things to rape even if you are Johnny Depp.
3) A lack of bad intentions does not mean you are immune to criticism. The fact that we kind of understand what you are getting at does not mean that the words you used stop being offensive.
4) Acknowledging that Johnny Depp said something that is, at a minimum, really insensitive does not mean you need to shun him forever (or even at all!).
5) The fact that this was “just words” or that “everyone says stupid stuff” does not mean that we shouldn’t call out shitty things people say. It isn’t overreacting to point out that this is a common analogy and a really bad one.
6) It is in fact possible to talk about feeling violated or vulnerable or about something bad happening to you without using the word rape. And if you have trouble doing so, I suggest your problem could be better remedied with a thesaurus than with an offensive analogy. Artemis
3. DO NOT see The Future. I don’t care if you like Miranda July. Nothing happens, and to the extent that anything happens, it is meaningless and unlikeable in an uninteresting fashion.
Utterly pointless. You wouldn’t know it from watching the trailer, which does a great job of making you think that things happen and that they matter. They do not, and they do not.
Sure, there are movies in which nothing happens that are good. This is not that. STAY AWAY. icecreammang
2. When did Mark Ruffalo become The Most Interesting Man in the World? And where is his Dos Equis? MRod
1. Don’t knock marketing, Chris Evans naked in a doorway is genius. I hope it gets a franchise. wojtek