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Rape and Hollywood's Gravitation Toward Clunky Similes

By Courtney Enlow | Celebrities Are Better than You | October 4, 2011 | Comments ()


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Ah, rape. The Hollywood star's answer to Godwin's law.

Celebrities get their photo taken a lot. Sometimes this is wanted, sometimes this is not. And I'm sure that when it's not, it sucks. It must be an enormous violation of one's privacy and incredibly dehumanizing.

But it's not rape.

Unfortunately, Hollywood people don't quite get that. They live in a completely different universe where our version of bad things and theirs are incredibly disparate. That's why some of them freak out at waiters for one miniscule flaw in their meal, or ream extras for looking them in the eye. Their idea of terrible has been skewed by existing in a bubble of wealth, fame and fancy outfits. (Kevin Smith's "It's 3am in Minnesota. I need a camel." story pretty much sums this up)

So, certain celebrities with preternaturally awesome lives do not quite understand the concept of actual awful things that ruin the lives of those to which they happen. And one of those awful things is rape. And that is why they often compare rape to the act of getting their pictures taken.

It's one thing when someone lame does this, but it's another thing entirely when it's Johnny Depp, who wasn't even speaking of paparazzi, but rather paid photo shoots, as in photo shoots he gets paid to do.

JOHNNY. HONEY. WHY?

In a recent interview with Vanity Fair, he said this stupid shit:

"Well, you just feel like you're being raped somehow. Raped ... It feels like a kind of weird -- just weird, man. Whenever you have a photo shoot or something like that, it's like -- you just feel dumb. It's just so stupid."

Did anyone else's vagina just manage to climb inside of itself? Impressive, right? Yes, that header photo? Total rape.

He's not the first. He won't be the last. Kristen Stewart did it last year, Mila Kunis did it to a lesser extent this past summer, and of course pretty and perhaps less bright than one would hope people like Sofia Vergara and Jason Momoa have made seemed-like-a-good-idea-at-the-time rape jokes here and there.

Why do people keep saying this shit? Why do people write it off so easily because they're famous and therefore dumber than most other people? What's the line between dumb offhanded joke and vile overstatement that spits in the face of those who've actually had their lives forever destroyed by that act? Are we just waiting for someone to add the words "...a baby" before we're genuinely upset with them that they dared compare their jobs to rape?

So, Hollywood, if you're listening, I'm sorry your lives all suck so bad. But they're not THAT bad. So shut the fuck up about it.


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