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Eloquent Eloquence: I Like to Get Naked, Too, But That Doesn't Make Me Funnier than Donald Glover

By Prolixity Julien | Eloquent Eloquence | November 4, 2011 |

By Prolixity Julien | Eloquent Eloquence | November 4, 2011 |

Eloquent Eloquence is a compilation of the ten best comments of the week. Comments in film reviews are not eligible for inclusion.

Grateful Mention: I held back since I knew the inclusion of the word would make Mrs. J wince and they force her to read all of these now, you know. ‘Twas not innocence so much as the fact that sometimes I can be a real fucking lady.becks

10. This entire thread.

9. I just think a tiny portion of the male demographic might be over exaggerating her talents just cause she likes to get naked.

I mean, I like to get naked too, but that doesn’t make me funnier than Donald Glover.thesmedt

8. Kermit = #1. Grover is groovy—near or far. What the fuck is a Gobo and why is The Count behind him on the list? The Count has an accent, OCD, a thirst for blood, and is always dressed for dinner. WTF more do you want out of a Muppet? And no Oscar the Grouch? He made being in a bad mood okay!

It’s a good thing Cookie Monster is on this list or you would be dead to me, pajiba.
Stop dismantling my childhood.

Now, where are the Yip Yips? Rezcat11

7. I’m going to ignore the fact that this is just a more fleshed out version of an earlier post because this one includes Sam Elliott and he has the only mustache that could ever challenge Ron Swanson. I don’t mean that Sam Elliott’s mustache could challenge Ron Swanson’s mustache, I mean that Sam Elliott’s mustache could challenge Ron Swanson the man. And it could probably make Tammy 1 submissive.AngelArm45

6. JGL v. Kitty was a tie.

This didn’t happen to me (really, I was just the taxi driver)…but don’t take extenze if:

a. you are drinking
b. you have an erection
c. you are uncircumcised.

It could result in a visit to the emergency room because your foreskin is acting as a cock ring and preventing the penis from becoming flacid…or priapism. The doctor will have to force the tip back in manually.

Good times and an expensive bill later. It’s the gift that keeps on giving. The best part was the medcheck doc shouting “You’re going to lose your dick!” before sending him to the emergency room.anikitty

5. 18 million? I would fake marry and real fuck pretty much anyone for that.Morosey

4. Man I want to marry all the Pajiba ladies today.


Oh. There is no line? Sheesh. Ok then. Please step right up to the front. You’re free to run off with The Fassbender from time to time if you allow me the same with The Damon. Naturally, we’ll need a custody agreement for Gillian. If you accept, please check the below box.

Respectfully submitted,
Pajibette Scully, Esq., IV.

I Accept [ ]
I Decline [ ] Scully

3. Whenever I see that header photo, I imagine that in order to get that reaction from ol’ GOOPy, the director whispered this in her ear:

“Gwyneth, the sheets you are lying on are a poly-cotton blend.”firedmyass

2. I’m going with “performance art.” Like Borat. And her vagina is probably like a wizard sleeve. TylerDFC

1. Wow(,) people still do grammar douche on the internet?

Well, clearly this is the first time Pinky has stumbled upon the internet and magically appeared on this site. Welcome(,) Pinky.

There is are a lot of wonders to the internet. Porn, cat stuff, people voicing their opinions about stuff you would have figured was forgotten about …

Oh(,) and this one should be important for to you (,)(-) with g(Google you can finally pretend to be interesting. Use it.

(Bec- or ‘)Cause the spelling correction was the best thing going for that post. Seriously, who over(-) exaggerates an already over(-) exaggerated post?

Who tries to capitalize on a clear(ly) flat joke by sarcasting (patent pending) up that mother effer? You’re the type of person that would hear a “knock, knock” joke, and go, “Wait Orange’s don’t talk!”

knock knock
who’s there
orange who
orange you glad i I didn’t say banana

^Figured(,) I probably would have had to explain that last bit.

Welcome, INDEED. Anna von Beaverdouche

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Dustin is the founder and co-owner of Pajiba. You may email him here, follow him on Twitter, or listen to his weekly TV podcast, Podjiba.