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We Need To Talk About Courtney Stodden

By Courtney Enlow | Celebrities Are Better than You | October 27, 2011 | Comments ()

She's a baby.

And, yet, she's married to a 51-year-old man, is shopping around a reality show that is totally going to happen, got kicked out of a pumpkin patch for being the Courtney Stoddenest and tweets things like this: "Exotically crawling through such a kittenish day as my saucy senses playfully pounce on every single frisky fantasy that comes my way; Rawr!"

I'm at a loss. Sometimes I want to laugh, but mostly squivved. It's like Charlie Sheen, only a thousand times more bad-touchy.

Because, COME ON, because her obviously shit parents signed some waiver, she's legally allowed to be pedoed on a daily basis? If this was "SVU", Stabler would shoot Hutchison's dick off by the end of the episode. B.D. Wong would diagnose her with some crazy skank disease and everyone would live uncomfortably after. I'm so confused. What the hell happened to this girl?

I hate that fame is such an attainable end game that this is merely the latest way to achieve it. Get giant fake boobs before your real boobs are even done growing, marry yourself some creepy guy I genuinely cannot remember from "Lost" and KABLAMMO instant famousness.

So, instead of soapboxing about how I feel, today, I ask you to tell me how to feel. Because I'm broken. Chick broke me.

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