Eloquent Eloquence, Fire Power Under a Poodle Skirt Edition, is a compilation of the best comments of the week. Comments in non-Dustin reviews are ineligible for inclusion, and, yes, I read all the comments on the Pajiba 10 voting post up to 12:44 pm on July 11th.
Don’t forget the Pajiba Summer 2013 Book Club.
devolved evolved into a glorious discussion of weapon concealment in women’s undergarments.
• The PAJIBA LEXICON! Comment of the Week goes to fauxhawk for explaining the immediate precursor to moistened lions:
Dang, I totally forgot about the pantful of lady bone I have had for Ken Marino!!
• The Ne Quid Nimis Comment of the Week goes to John G. and Black Rabbit because Pajiba commenters can’t have too much approbation:
John G.: Dr. Gwyneth Paltrow says nothing natural can hurt you. I can’t add aconite and arsenic to my morning coffee.
BlackRabbit: Hell, I been takin’ Dr. Chaney’s Aconite Supplements fer years. Ain’t hurt me yet!
• The Well, They Showed Me Her Ass, Why Can’t I See His? Comment of the Week goes to The Double Standard with a cheek pinch to emmalita:
Because of me.
• The Pajiba Murdertank Valour Medal of Liberty Comment of the Week goes to God Of Bal-Sagoth for dealing with a troll by relentlessly correcting her/his grammar and syntax. Go look at the thread for the full effect:
* You use a space after a comma, not before.
* Capitalize “see,” because it’s the start of a sentence.
* Should be “‘ole.”
* “The View” is a proper noun and should be capitalized. If you want to get technical, it should have quotes around it since it’s the title of a TV show.
* “puuuk” - yeah, I got nothing on that. Maybe you’re trying to say “puke” or “punk.” No idea.
* Should be “it’s,” since it’s a contraction of “it is,” and thus requires an apostrophe.
* Again, you don’t need a space before punctuation, but you do need to capitalize afterwards.
* “dummy’s” doesn’t need an apostrophe since it’s a plural, not a possessive. Also, it should be “dummies.”
* “the those” doesn’t make sense, I’m guessing you just meant “those.”
Just trying to help. I’d hate for you to get mistaken for one of those dummies.
• The I ♥ Pajiba Comment of the Week goes to DehydrationStation, randomhookup and llp. There is no “I” in team:
DehydrationStation: Huh. I see your point. Maybe Cera does get old. You know, like Jason Bateman does. Oh, except Bateman made this list, and Cera didn’t. You will not foil my outrage.
randomhookup: Well, sir, you are in luck, because we no longer foil outrage. We use these neat little recycled paper containers for you to package your outrage in and take home with you for later.
llp: My outrage was packaged in styrofoam last week. I can’t even recycle it.
DehydrationStation: Well I’ll be damned.
• The How Not to Defend Yourself Against Claims of Spousal Abuse Comment of the Week goes to TK for a surgical strike against Nigella Lawson’s soon-to-be-ex-husband:
Yeah, I don’t know that the “bitches, amirite?” approach is really going to help his case.
• The The Casting Couch Has Never Looked So Appealing Comment of the Week goes to Maguita NYC for her George Clooney Award Show Arm Candy application letter:
George and Stacey broke up? Noooooo! I was positive she was the one….
I’m no ex-waitress, hustler, wrestler, starlet or whatever you have been employing up to now, but I am a cute blonde bitch on wheels who knows how to handle a-holes while maintaining a “dignified” professional attitude.
Also, I hear you like the whip.
I know how to handle one.
Call me, I negotiate on annual basis.
Also, I look good in Armani.
• The What Is the Value of a Baberaham Lincoln? Comment of the Week goes to Quatermain whose prize is 100 buttcoins:
If you’re going to use hotness as currency, I’m pretty sure the unit of measurement is more likely to be a ‘Salma’ or a ‘Viggo.’ The ‘Benedict’ is what the Lizard People would use if they tried to counterfeit and destabilize said currency.
• The Comment of the Week Comment of the Week goes to NateMan with a H/T to Bea Pants for asking what to do “if you are investigating a strange noise and the cat leaps out of some nook or cranny” on a post that was hysterical in all senses of the word (except the misogynistic origin).
And that’s why you grab the cat by the tail and flail it about your head. Best case scenario, the serial killer gets a face full of seriously pissed-off cat. Worst case scenario, the cat learns to not jump out at you. Either way you win.