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Charles Saatchi Divorcing Nigella Lawson Because She Didn't Defend Him When He Choked Her. Wait ... what?

By Dustin Rowles | Celebrities Are Better than You | July 8, 2013 | Comments ()


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A few weeks ago, I didn't even realize that Nigella Lawson was married. All I knew about her was that she could cook, and that she looked damn nice doing it. Then, Saatchi allegedly choked Lawson at a restaurant, and though it seemed too bizarre to be true, the paparazzi images seem to confirm it. I gawked at those pictures for a while because I wanted to believe it was some sort of paparazzi GOTCHA, and though I don't know if he choked her hard, he clearly had his hands around her throat, and she was clearly upset about it.

choke-pics.jpeg

Anyway, after the incident -- which Saatchi called a "playful tiff" -- Lawson moved out. Jump to three weeks later, and now Saatchi is divorcing her. Why? Because she didn't stick up for him over the choking incident.

"I feel that I have clearly been a disappointment to Nigella during the last year or so, and I am disappointed that she was advised to make no public comment to explain that I abhor violence of any kind against women, and have never abused her physically in any way."

I dunno. You can't really say you've never abused her in any way when there is photographic evidence that you've abused her in some way. Maybe Saatchi is a really good guy, who Lawson had wanted to divorce for a while, and she's using the incident as an excuse to get out. On the other hand, HE HAD HER HANDS AROUND HER NECK.

So, you know: The benefit of the doubt swings toward Nigella Lawson here. She's is, after all, a woman who has her priorities straight, which makes her infinitely trustworthy.

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I think the moral of the lesson here, though, is DON'T CHOKE YOUR WIFE.

(Source: E!)




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Comments Are Welcome, Jerks Will Be Banned


  • e jerry powell

    She needs to spend more time with Bourdain. He'd have taken her husband out with a butter knife without dropping a crumb of food. There's a second season of The Taste coming up, and you know Bourdain has his co-producer's back...

  • googergieger

    Hard to find a good woman that will stand by her man these days, amirite fellas? She probably never thanked him for kicking the dog around when taking him for walks, or locking her mom in the closet when she came to visit. Probably didn't even appreciate all the thank you punches for the sandwiches he forced her to make for him, and then threw on the ground immediately because they weren't made fast enough.

  • Thank you punches are the only way a true gentleman expresses his gratitude. If the lower classes cannot comprehend civilized behavior, it is because the opportunities afforded them for education have been callously ignored and ungraciously squandered.

  • googergieger

    Have to tell you folks, anytime someone chokes me in public or in private, I defend the person IMMEDIATELY after the incident.

  • emmalita

    You're just a bigger person than the rest of us. We can only aspire.

  • Tinkerville

    If you don't mind I think I'll crawl back into bed and press the reset button on this week. I've been a fan of Nigella's for a long time now and just want to give her a long, long hug.

  • apsutter

    That statement is just the perfect example of a serial abuser in action. Deny, deny, deny and blame the victim. Fuck him and I hope she absolutely RUINS him in their divorce.

  • Just....ooooh. I knew I was furious when I heard it, but this just takes the cake. You know how mad I am? I can't even make any lewd sexual comments about Nigella Lawson! ME! Ask the Facebook group, they'll tell ya how much of a departure this is!

    This is some serious sociopathic bullshit. Just...the utter disconnect that this requires is infuriating. How hard is it to understand? YOU DON'T CHOKE PEOPLE, ESPECIALLY PEOPLE YOU CLAIM TO CARE ABOUT.

    I swear if there is a Chris Brownian defense rally for this douche, I may pop a blood vessel.

    Know what I won't do, no matter how angry I get? CHOKE A SUPPOSED LOVED ONE, BECAUSE I HAVE A FUCKING SOUL!!!!!

  • apsutter

    Love how he says he was just "placing" his hands around her neck. I've been in a relationship with a great man for a decade and not once has he ever tried to restrain me or "calm me down" by putting his hands on me. That is just something you don't do if your not an abuser.

  • BlackRabbit

    If he doesn't give you "neck-hugs" he doesn't really love you.

  • Maguita NYC

    I approve and even second your SHOUTY CAPITALS in this instance. And I am so using Chris Brownian Defense soon enough.

  • BWeaves

    I once had a date put his hands around my neck as if to choke, and say, "Do you trust me?"

    I dumped his ass.

    I never trust anyone who says, "Don't you trust me?" or "Do you trust me?" You earn my trust. You don't ask for it. And you especially don't ask for it while threatening me.

  • Mrcreosote

    Let's not forget all the little ways he's a dick. The assmonkey refuses to eat her food, instead eating a steady diet of beans and toast and sausage. Actively refuses to eat her food. Because that would validate her. The bastard toad needs a severe thumping.

  • NynjaSquirrel

    You bring the lube, I'll bring the homosexual silverback gorilla.

  • Mrcreosote

    If I had a nickle for every time I heard that.

  • Mrs. Julien

    You have one of those on deck?

  • NynjaSquirrel

    Give me 20 minutes and a half-hundredweight of ripe 'nanas and I'll see what I can do.

  • Mrs. Julien

    Is someone working on getting Jamie Lee Curtis in some lederhosen to distract him?

  • Kati

    And the rucksack. Don't forget the rucksack.

  • Are you really surprised? Considering this place?

  • Mrs. Julien

    Shocked, but not surprised.

  • John W

    To quote Dennis Miller: That guy has balls the size of Alpha Centauri.

  • Miss Laaw-yuhr

    Good reference, but I think it's the total opposite. Only a man with a gherkin and a pair of cranberries would have such an grade A inferiority complex that he would first choke his wife and then be angered she didn't think he was a swell fellow.

  • It all sounds like control issues. Grasping someone's neck, no matter how much pressure you put on their throat, is about controlling them. For all we know, she got home, packed up the kids, and left his ass, but since she's been keeping mum with the press (which, good for her, and I hope they're leaving her and the kids alone), it let him keep up with the control, at least publicly, by claiming it was his idea. Now, if he saw that divorce was inevitable, he gets to take control one more time by initiating the divorce so she doesn't get to leave him, he's leaving her.

    Even if he never, ever left a bruise or other mark on her, even if he never hit her or in any other way physically abused her, this brief window shows a great deal of control and intimidation, which are forms of abuse in themselves.

  • NateMan

    Victim blaming: Gotta love it!

  • TK

    Yeah, I don't know that the "bitches, amirite?" approach is really going to help his case.

  • Mrs. Julien

    His statement goes on to say that it "could equally have been Nigella grasping my neck to hold my attention – as indeed she has done in the past". See? She's as to blame as he is. Plus it's probably her fault. She knows how he gets. She shouldn't rile him up.

    Everything he says sounds like typically manipulative abuser bullshit. Next, he's going to say he "heard some things" and "that she give me all these answers, but she ain't givin' me the right answer".

  • This is exactly what makes my blood boil about this. It's a typical behavior - blame her for not standing up for him. He's the one who told her to take the kids and leave, but he's telling her in this "paper" that he's filing for divorce because he can't contact her?

    I'm pretty sure that's not the face of a woman who is having a calm, albeit emotional discussion regarding children. That's a woman who knows how he gets and doesn't want it to escalate, especially in public.

  • apsutter

    Her face is scared and add to that, the fact that she was desperately kissing him and trying to soothe him. That's a woman who is desperate to calm down her abusive spouse and someone who's had to do it many times before.

  • Mrs. Julien

    I'm looking forward to "I loved her too much".

  • If I were not so livid about this, I would put money on it coming.

    The ONLY redeemable thing about this is that people are seeing "oh wow, Nigella Lawson? So it doesn't just happen to poor, uneducated, ugly women then?"

  • MrsAtaxxia

    WHAT? Just.... WHAT??? So he is blaming her with a hypothetical, because REASONS. God what a fucking asshole.

  • Maguita NYC

    An entitled asshole would never believe he had done anything wrong, and would always expect the little woman to defend him no matter what.

    Good riddance Nigella, you deserve so much better.

  • emmalita

    His announcement reads like a temper tantrum. Also, there is no reason to put your hand on someone's throat during an argument unless you are threatening them.

  • Maguita NYC

    From his point of view, he had afforded her a certain lifestyle and the thankless little bitch should have been a whole lot more grateful. He honestly thinks she let him down.

    Also, he states that they had been "playful" this way towards each other very often in private. I wonder what that means*?

    *Sarcastic tone.

  • emmalita

    He should meet Cheryl Tunt (Archer reference, sorry).

    Every time he uses the word "playful" I worry about what his childhood was like. His definition of playful is not like my definition of playful.

  • Maguita NYC

    Also @Emmalita, now more than ever, I have to start that Archer Loop you've been talking about. Just so I understand your references!

  • emmalita

    A friend wanted to find a rating system for erotica novels and thought about using Cheryl, but then she realized it only takes one slap or one choke hold to turn on Cheryl.

  • Maguita NYC

    Please give me 3 weeks and I promise I'll catch up!

  • emmalita

    I'm not trying to hurry you. You should wait until you're in the mood for dirty animated insanity with disturbing mommy issues. It's also smart and funny. If I were going to pick three episodes from Season 1, I would go with Diversity Hire, The Rock, and Job Offer. Again, no pressure, just a suggestion of a place to start whenever you are ready.

  • $27019454

    This is getting good. Hang on you guys, I need to twist up another joint and settle in.

    *returns* OK. Ready. Unleash more puns!

  • Maguita NYC

    That "man" is an obvious cum laude from the Alec Baldwin College of Minimizing Assholetry.

  • Mrs. Julien

    I'm pretty sure he's a Professor Emeritus.

  • Maguita NYC

    Wasn't he though Valedicktorian from the Sean Penn of Denial Institute?

  • Mrs. Julien

    I know things are bad Maguita NYC but there is no reason to resort to punny spelling. It's already bad enough.

  • Maguita NYC

    The dick in dicktorian offended your sensible sensitivities Mrs. J? Pffft, keep hanging on to your stays and other unmentionables, for the day has hardly begun and I am so on the ready for voting to commence.

  • Mrs. Julien

    It offended me orthographically not my sensible sensitivities.

  • Maguita NYC

    I exercise my right to pen phonetically when it more than suits my purpose.

  • Mrs. Julien

    Oh sure, invoke the First Amendment. Stupid democracy.

  • Muhnah_Muhnah

    Yeah, that confused the fuck out of me too. Oh and the classy dude announced his divorce in the Daily Mail. Because really...if you're going to sink low, go for rock bottom.

  • Sara_Tonin00

    That headline. Arti Choked? *head desk* (and it barely makes sense)

  • e jerry powell

    Well, it's not really the classiest of the British tabloids...

    I shall strive in future not to speak in such oxymora.

  • MrsAtaxxia

    He is an art dealer. She is a celeb chef. So sorta? Still in horrific taste but I can see where they were going with it.

  • Sara_Tonin00

    Yeah, they helpfully highlighted art in the subhead, or I would've had no idea. But still.

    On a completely different note: fuckin' Mondays, man.

  • MrsAtaxxia

    Tell me about it. Holiday weekend! Then come back to all this heinous phuckery. Blarg.

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