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Kim Kardashian Gave Birth To Baby Yeezus, Plus Maya Rudolph Tells A Bill Murray Story

By Agent Bedhead | Pajiba Love | June 17, 2013 | Comments ()


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In truly disturbing news, Nigella Lawson was choked by her husband, Charles Saatchi, at a London restaurant. This happened a week ago, nobody intervened or said shit, and we're only hearing about it now in a gossip context. Let's hear it for tabloid-based awareness of this awful incident. (Celebitchy)

Like many awesome girls, Maya Rudolph once dreamed of marrying Bill Murray. That particular wish didn't come true, but she did get to drink scotch with the guy, which makes me so jealous I could scream. (Film School Rejects)

Here's a list of evildoers who have blamed vampirism for their deeds, and the piece kicks off with the infamous Countess Elizabeth Bathory. (Mental Floss)

Last week, many wonderful celebrity photos surfaced, but here is the very worst one, of Mama June doing her best "Baywatch" impression. Click through for the awesome pics, which include Leslie Mann getting a piggyback ride from Kate Upton. (Buzzfeed)

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Jennifer Aniston and Justin Theroux supposedly cook naked together. This is obviously a fake story since the dude was photographed wearing jorts in Cabo last summer while Jennifer happily sunned herself in a string bikini. (Videogum)

Our own Joanna Robinson participates in her latest podcast endeavor to discuss Mud, The Last of Us, and (of course) Kal Penn in this past weekend's Man of Steel. (Slashfilm)

Jackie Chan has a pretty awesome "Bruce Lee hit me in the head" story. Supposedly, it was an accident. Right. No really, Bruce felt very badly about what happened. (Warming Glow)

Are you Supermanned out just yet? If not, this piece is a rather comprehensive yet stunningly concise discussion of his career arc. (Grantland)

Sadly, Joss Whedon reveals that Loki will not appear in Avengers 2, which makes sense because otherwise it would probably be the same movie all over again. We don't want the franchise to fall into the same trap as The Hangover's sequels. Okay, that's a weak conclusion on my part. Let's face it -- I'm only really discussing this story to make up for the Mama June photo. (The Mary Sue)

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Kim Kardashian gave birth to Kanye West's baby over the weekend. A lot of you were quite irritated the last time I featured her in the links, but this is truly cause for celebrating the end of the worst run of maternity fashion ever. (DListed)

Some Turkish protestors performed "Do You Hear the People?" from Les Miserables. (Unreality)

Not only is this an ugly dress, but Milla Jovovich ... doesn't look like Milla Jovovich anymore. Has she -- gasp -- had some work done? Please, no. (Go Fug Yourself)

Unsurprisingly, Kurt Cobain was arrested at the tender age of 18 years. Wanna know what he got nailed for? You'll never guess, but it's fittingly dorky. (Film Drunk)

Vincent Kartheiser always gives good interview. Dude is fascinating, witty, and truly grateful for every bit of his (underrated) success. (Vulture)

Finally, it's time to erase the Kardashian influence and start this Monday off in the right manner. "Wind In My Ears" presents 2:22 of dogs riding in cars with their heads out the windows.

Agent Bedhead lives in Tulsa, Oklahoma. She and her little black heart can be found at celebitchy.com.



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Comments Are Welcome, Jerks Will Be Banned


  • SabrinaHatesDisqus

    This is unrelated to anything other than the general topic of offspring, but this past weekend my boyfriend and I went up to his mother's lake house, and she mentioned going to the clubhouse to pick up badges for the various floating lake things (kayaks, canoe, etc). I of course replied "badges?!"

    Somehow, this is the same reaction that her 4-year-old granddaughter gave. She doesn't know the source, but somehow, she did a perfect "badges?!"

    She also goes out of her way to mention mustard, and reply to herself "mustard? Don't be silly."

    I don't have a point.

  • Quatermain

    My father used to tell me that whenever you tell a rambling, pointless story you should always add '...and then I found ten dollars.' because at least that way it answers the inevitable 'And why were you telling me this' that crosses people's faces and/or larynges when you finish.

  • SabrinaHatesDisqus

    In my defense, my story was less rambling than many comments that make EE these days.

  • Sara_Tonin00

    I have heard that before! ($5, but the amount has to go up as you get older)

    On the flip side, when someone tells *you* a rambling story, my favorite response (stolen from a college chum) is to start lifting things up and peering under them until the storyteller asks what you are doing them. To which you reply "looking for your point."

  • Slash

    Aw, doggies ... gotta love doggies.

    My only somewhat interesting dog-related story - when I delivered pizza for a living (long ago), I worked in areas nice enough that I would actually leave my truck running in the driveway of houses I delivered to so I wouldn't have to turn it off and on so much. At one house, I had left my truck door open and when I returned, there was a large white dog sitting in the passenger seat. He looked over at me as if to say, "Well, let's go."

    I had no idea what to do for a few seconds. He was pretty big, like a lab/shepherd mix, maybe. I wasn't going to try to grab him to get him out of my vehicle. Then I patted the seat and said something like, "C'mon, come out of there now," in what I hoped was a friendly, non-threatening voice. He got up, hopped down and went off down the street, toenails clicking on the pavement.

    I guess he was used to riding shotgun in somebody's truck, saw an open door and decided to go for a ride.

  • Salieri2
  • emmalita

    I briefly had a pickup truck. My neighbor's two large German shepherds liked to hang out in the pickup bed. I'd get home and they'd come running. They were so sad when I sold the truck.

  • TheReinaG

    Ugh Vincent Kartheiser, if only his face wasn't so epically punchable.

  • Homestar

    I was in love with Bill Murray from the first time I saw Ghostbusters until maybe 16, when I discovered Gary Oldman. Now I simply love him. But man, I had such a huge, huge crush on him as Peter Venkman. Perfect blend of smart and funny.

  • Sara_Tonin00

    Hey now. Even fat people deserve to have fun & silliness at the beach without being judged.

    Cooking naked is idiotic & dangerous. Cooking only wearing an apron is sexy & fun...and smart.

  • Quatermain

    Especially if you're cooking bacon.

  • DominaNefret

    I haven't eaten meat in a very long time, but I made that mistake once, probably 15 years ago. To this day I have several small scars on my stummy from grease burns.

  • Quatermain

    It's generally a mistake you only make once.

  • Sara_Tonin00

    *jinx*

  • Mrs. Julien

    Heck, there are things I will only make if I'm fully-dressed and wearing SHOON!

  • emmalita

    Yes. I read that and thought - you only do that once, and then you learn and never do it again. Aprons are sexy.

  • Sara_Tonin00

    Why did it have to be bacon?! (ouch)

  • Mrs. Julien

    I admit to the kind of prurience that made me look at the Nigella Lawson photos. They are very disturbing and I can't imagine a situation in which it was not a serious incident or they were joking around (I'm trying to give the benefit of the doubt). One question: What does this say about how he treats her in private?

  • Mrs. Julien

    Her husband's response:

    "About a week ago, we were sitting outside a restaurant having an intense debate about the children, and I held Nigella's neck repeatedly while attempting to emphasize my point," Saatchi, 70, said in the statement.

    "There was no grip, it was a playful tiff. The pictures are horrific but give a far more drastic and violent impression of what took place. Nigella's tears were because we both hate arguing, not because she had been hurt," he continued.

    "We had made up by the time we were home. The paparazzi were congregated outside our house after the story broke [Sunday] morning, so I told Nigella to take the kids off till the dust settled."

    That clears things up now, doesn't it?

    Nigella, you and your children can come and stay with me for as long as you need.

  • Jo 'Mama' Besser

    Ugh. I couldn't even get through the first paragraph.

  • DeaconG

    When I grew up, that kind of move on a woman in public almost guaranteed you an ass-kicking or a multiple curb stomping. Had I been there I would have asked him once to knock it off, then he gets a West Philly style aggravated battery put on him, even if he were bigger and faster than me.

    You don't let that kind of thing slide. Period.

  • Maguita NYC

    That's what baffles. This happened in public, pictures were taken, people were around, yet no one did anything!

    Always find it wimpy when people witness, but do not help or at the very least intervene.

  • Jo 'Mama' Besser

    I don't anything new to say--why didn't anyone notify the staff, call the cops, how about some people calmly intervene, pull the lout's talons off of her freaking neck, use a camera phone for good instead of on selfies? I know that it seems morbid, but the best witness account come from a source that isn't afflicted by the frailty of the half-remembered and not of the clearest view. And there's a 'replay' function.

    So, it seems that the paps were the only source of evidence. A stopped is right twice a day.

  • calliope1975

    Per her rep, she and the children have left the home. But in looking for that quote, I saw her husband said it was his idea for her to leave so the dust can setlle.

    I'm just going to hope she's left this asshole for good.

  • Quatermain

    That's some beautiful weasel language right there. It's such transparent bullshit that it comes across more as 'Fuck all y'all' than it does 'I'm sorry.' Which is probably what he intended.

  • PaddyDog

    He is the guy who PR'd Maggie Thatcher into power. Would you expect anything other than a bully and a weasel?

  • emmalita

    ewww!

  • Slash

    He's rich. He doesn't have to give a shit what anyone thinks.

  • No kidding. Any man who feels the need to grab his wife's throat (or vice versa) in order to make a point needs his (or her) head examined.

  • emmalita

    Holding someone by the throat to make a point during a discussion/debate/tiff/arguement is only appropriate when the point you are making is "I am going to kill you by strangling you."

  • Maguita NYC

    How playfully whimsical he makes this "little tiff" sound, as if it's a nothing but a polite blurp on their way to their honeymoon.

    Isn't he the whimsically wonderful bully, er, I mean husband.

  • Yes, because it's entirely reasonable to grab someone by the throat whilst arguing with them intensely. Oh, wait, there's nothing playful about it or any other kind of abuse. I hope Nigella gets out fast, but they almost never do.

  • Mrs. Julien

    What I love is his "cover all the bases" aspect of response:

    a. it was an intense debate
    b. he held her neck to emphasize a point
    c. it was a playful tiff
    d. she was crying because she hates arguing

    I would hate fighting too should Mr. J. choose throttling as a way to create emphasis.

    I hope she gets out, too.

  • logan

    You know your doing well when you can use Kate Upton as your beast of burden.

  • Mrs. Julien

    Her back is broke and it's a hurtin'.

  • PaddyDog

    On the record, I think the Mama Boo Boo photo is hilarious. For a woman who is constantly being mocked because of her weight (when that subject would be off-limits for other women), to see her parodying a show that celebrated the perfect beach buff body is genuinely funny and confirms my belief that she has a great sense of humor.

  • I want to hate the woman, not because she's fat or unattractive, but simply because she's a pageant mom who feeds her daughter creepy, worthless crap to keep her going during those pageants. I try to avoid knowing anything about the whole family, but news occasionally gets through.

    With what I've gotten, I'm left to draw the same conclusion as you.

  • simplysarah

    Funny, my husband and I were just talking about Jackie Chan and Bruce Lee and who would win in a fight. I said without a doubt, Bruce Lee. He, for some unknown reason, said Jackie Chan would win. Now I must prove to him that i was right (as is the way most of our arguments end) and show him the best story ever told.

  • Sara_Tonin00

    Don't forget to playfully choke him during that argument. I hear it's all the rage.

  • simplysarah

    We've been ahead of that trend for years...

  • Maguita NYC

    "Kim Kardashian Gave Birth To Baby Yeezus, Plus Maya Rudolph Tells A Bill Murray Story"

    Why are Maya Rudolp and Bill Murray in the same sentence as that Kardashian?

  • bleujayone

    To take the sting out of it. It's like getting a lollypop after getting a your prostate fingered by a doctor with poor depth perception.

  • Maguita NYC

    You mean getting my yahoo examined unnecessarily when consulting for blood pressure.

  • bleujayone

    I personally wouldn't even try to identify what the other gender has to endure. I can only relate what I have been on the receiving end of. Even then, the struggle to withhold one's natural Fight or Flight reflex is almost as bad as the examination itself.

  • Fabius_Maximus

    Here is the correct link to the Unreality piece about the Turkish protesters.

  • Agent Bedhead

    Fixed it. One of those 1:00am errors, I'm afraid.

  • John W

    I've always been fascinated with dogs and their love of driving in cars, a man made invention.

    My brother used to have a dog. At first he was too scared to get in the car. Finally we managed to get him and from then on he never wanted to get out of the car.

  • PaddyDog

    The key to getting dogs to love the car is to take them lots of fun places in it: never make the visit to the vet the first car experience or the only car experience. If they associate it with going to the vet, it's over.

  • I've frequently taken my dog on trips that were only to go through a drive through and get food (in which case she got some, like her own taco or a hamburger patty or some chicken or something).

    Of course, now she expects food if I take her in the car, stop the car, and roll down the window. Toll booths really upset her.

  • disqus_mQPW6cixfl

    I figure somehow they get stoned that way. The air rushes straight through the nostrils to the brain before it has a chance to cool down and freezes the synapses, producing pure puppy delight. Like doggie cocaine.

    ,

  • DataAngel

    I have a defective dog. He hates the car. He has to be urged to get in it, and then once he's there he just sits sideways on the back seat and stares across at the opposite window, looking grim. He's never gone anywhere in the car that he didn't like, so it's not like he dreads where he's going. He doesn't get carsick. He doesn't bark or whine or wiggle. He doesn't even lie down. He just sits. And stares.

    He's just chronically unimpressed.

  • Awwww lookit him, he looks so devastated.

  • emmalita

    Is that an airedale? I know another airedale mix who is like that.

  • e jerry powell

    Airedales have a differently-shaped head. It almost looks like Airedales have outward-facing eyes sometimes.

  • DataAngel

    He's a Welsh Terrier. Airedale attitude in a smaller body. He's delighted by everything and happy all the rest of the time. It's just the car that makes him like this. It's great when there's someone in the back seat. He just gives them the Unblinking Stare and makes them uncomfortable.

  • lowercase_ryan

    My dog goes to work with me, and a lot of other places. I will never get the dog hair out of my truck and I don't care. She loves it, I love her, and the disappointment evident on her face whenever she gets left at home is enough to keep me doing it.

  • emmalita

    My father is like that with his two dogs. His car is now made of dog hair.

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