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The 10 Best Comments of the Week and Lea Michele's Gozer from Ghostbusters Costume

By Prolixity Julien | Posted Under Eloquent Eloquence | Comments (24)

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Eloquent Eloquence is a compilation of the ten best comments of the week. Comments in reviews are not eligible for inclusion.

There is a link in the commenter’s name that will take you to the original post.

Cogent discussion of literature PLUS PIG LATIN? I’m in.

10. There’s nothing wrong with using animals for the purposes of advancing society, improving medicine, performing labor, warmth, or nutrition.

There is something wrong with the people who advocate against that.

I know which side of the debate I’m on, though it doesn’t make Ted Nugent’s music any less masturbatory. - Devil Child

9. You Can Do Anything and Lana Del Rey on the same night. Anyone who says that SNL has lost its wicked sense of dramatic irony can go straight to hell. - Marc

8. Hmmm, only three errors/typos. Subtle.

THAT is how you troll, you fucking amateurs. - Jay

7. Can’t we just appreciate the fact that two naked ladies are hugging? - Johnnyboy

6. Since Dustin is standing down the big guns, I guess I can come in and help here.

Play-by-play announcing by New England radio legend Gil Santos….

“Dustin Rowles will hold off, Pookie no doubt will snap… angle to the far left hashmark for bleujayone….

4.8 lb puppy field goal attempt…

Set to go…snap…dog is down…Kick up…kick is on its way…and this movie is…….

BOWOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO!

No Good! It’s no good! It’s no good! bleujayone booms a 4.8 lb puppy field goal, and the review is over!

And the Pajibans are super droll tragedians! The Pajibans are super droll tragedians! The worst movie of the week thus far!” - bleujayone

5. Yep, that header pic is the most satisfying thing that’s happened to me all week. And on Wednesday I had a doughnut-blowjob from a prostitute made of chocolate. - zeke the pig

4. I do like the idea of using internet abbreviations as titles in vapid teen movies.
Lea Michelle plays a teen with a comedy-induced gluteal deficiency in LMAO.
Channing Tatum rushes to make his way back to New York to fulfill a promise in BRB.
Cam Gigandet plays a heartsick clown pursuing a rotorcraft license in ROFLCOPTER. - Optimus Rhyme

3. I imagine that behind the camera, the entire shoot sounded something like this:

Ok, Gina, don’t look at the camera, right right, look over …. THERE, but make sure not to scowl too much or you’ll make your face look unpretty.

Ok, Gina, now squint a little bit — only a little, or you won’t be maximally pretty — and exhale loudly. Then think about that time Cyborg scratched your pedicure and say “shit”

All right, Gina, that take was very, very close. Maybe think about that time Tito invited you for a three-way with Jenna and THEN try saying “no” again. I think we’re close, sweetheart.

Okay, Gina, now do those grappling exercises you normally do with your fifty year old wrestling coach, but sloooowly so that you don’t rip Channing’s arm out of its socket. Shit, Channing, can you stay awake please?

OW ow ow ow ow OWWW. I’m SORRY - no more retakes, I promise.

I’m sorry - I love me some Soderbergh, but great camera work of a pile of steaming dog crap is still poop on film. - lizajane

2. Thanks for the explanation. Now I course I would like to indulge in pointless speculation as to why Pajiba was banned from Sundance.

Said something unkind about Sister Wives

Mentioned that Fassbender handsomer than Redford

Two Words-Fatass Kevin Smith. He’s so big it’s three words but still…

Noticed that Sundance was mentioned in One Tree Hill-producers were trying to hush that up

Murdertank double parked

Godtopus Shrine built over Tarantino’s favorite foot themed bar

Yellow snow incident

TK reenacting Saw episodes as performance art

Manic Pixie Dream Massacre

Ate non-organic chicken nuggets

Wacky Antics-the dean has put them on double secret probation

Ate too many chocolate salty balls - Mrcreosote

1. Personally, I loved Lea Michele’s Gozer from Ghostbusters costume. More people should cosplay at the Golden Globes. - Ian










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Comments

I loved no. 2 the first time I read it, and I love it still.

Posted by: zeke the pig at January 20, 2012 10:46 AM

Heh. It's #2 and it ends in a poop joke. Heheheheh. This delights me greatly, and to no end.

Posted by: RobP at January 20, 2012 10:54 AM

Mrs. Julien, I applaud you for actually taking the time to decipher my Pig Latin spoiler! Most people wouldn't bother. Addmay opzpray otay ouyay.

Posted by: Jelinas at January 20, 2012 11:12 AM

So when WILL we get the article on why you were banned from Sundance? Someone said "this week"...ain't seen shit yet. "This week" implies sometime twixt Monday and Thursday. Otherwise, you should have just said "Friday". Way to tease to guarantee some return traffic. Maybe now I won't even read that article just outta spite...should it ever arrive.

Posted by: PissBoy at January 20, 2012 11:18 AM

Kenneth McBride has a little talent...although he should pay more attention to his anatomy text books.

Posted by: PissBoy at January 20, 2012 11:19 AM

Agreed, PissBoy.
I'm still waiting to find out why Dustin. You can't dangle a carrot like that out there and then not expect us to be demanding an answer. And I want said answer easy to find, not hidden obscurely in the comment section of some article that has nothing whatsoever to even do with movies at all. The title should read HEREIN LIES THE ANSWER TO WHY PAJIBA WAS BANNED FROM SUNDANCE and it should be positioned over a big shiny picture of Robert Redford's face with the words "Sundance" blinking in the background so there is no chance at all I will miss it.

Posted by: lillie at January 20, 2012 11:33 AM

Fine.

You really want to know why? You really want to know?

The people at Sundance banned us because they said, and I quote, "(that) permitting your staff to attend would be both contrary and detrimental to the Sundance spirit. This is mainly due to the fact that it appears that your readers (based on the comments we have observed on your site) are relentless and rapacious assholes, who should probably be relegated to some sort of work camp for mouth-breathing morons, if not outright executed."

So thanks a lot, you fucking pricks.

Posted by: TK at January 20, 2012 11:44 AM

Tough, but fair.

Posted by: Mrs. Julien at January 20, 2012 11:49 AM

Maybe they are wrapped up in legal issues and are not being permitted by the prosecution's lawyers to say anything.

...thinking about that possibility makes me want to know EVEN MORE.

Posted by: Donut Plains at January 20, 2012 11:58 AM

Dang TK, posted too late.

I take offense to what they said, though. I am not a mouth-breather!

Posted by: Donut Plains at January 20, 2012 12:00 PM

You can't dangle a carrot like that out there...
Posted by: lillie at January 20, 2012 11:33 AM

Well, they can today lillie, but only today. Because today is International Fetish Day...and as we all know, some people REALLY enjoy carrots. Not particularly my cuppa' though.

I've been trying all day to find someone willing to dress up as Pocahontas while they get sniffed by a horny bull mastiff. I'm a cultured man, with refined tastes, so I don't require much. Just Pocahontas, the large dog, and maybe a dwarf with a mohawk crushing stale saltines against my biffkin...cuz who are we kidding? I expect to get off dammit!

Posted by: PissBoy at January 20, 2012 12:06 PM

Honestly, it's more fun to speculate than know the, likely prosaic, real reasons.

Posted by: Mrs. Julien at January 20, 2012 12:08 PM

PissBoy, you win. The dwarf with the mohawk crushing stale saltines part was full of so much awesome. Refined tastes, indeed.

Posted by: lillie at January 20, 2012 12:10 PM

I like lillie. Notsomuch as in I like lillie as a person, just the name lillie; specifically, as it appears when typed in all lowercase letters. It reminds me of the readout on a stereo's digital eq. And judging from appearances, whatever song is playing kinda rocks.

Posted by: PissBoy at January 20, 2012 12:15 PM

huh. It really is International Fetish Day, as PissBoy said. I had to look it up. Seems it is accompanied by the event Perverts Wear Purple. Great. Now anyone I see wearing purple today, instead of thinking they have some vanilla fetish, like feet, I'm going to imagine mohawked dwarfs and stale crackers.

Posted by: lillie at January 20, 2012 12:32 PM

TK-

You forgot to mention the part where they feel that Pajiba's presence would be detrimental to their projected facade of being anything other than a corporate shill machine in indie clothing. Oh wait, they didn't say that. They merely lobbed childish insults at us. Christ I've been cussed out better by fourth graders on Riddlin. How can we take these folks seriously when they paid Paris Hilton a few years back to "attend" this shindig to give them relevance? Any organization that thinks that wonk-eyed slutpuppy is closer to their spirit than a group dedicated to movie quality is akin to Chuck E. Cheese being thought of as a serious outlet for fine Italian cuisine.

I would sooner spend money trying to organize a Pajiba Convention than invest any money on something like this that tries to pass this gathering as art. There are many other film festivals that do a better job of showcasing indie projects. Sundance sadly doesn't carry the same weight it once did.

The fact is the festival has long ceased to be an outlet for movies that would otherwise have little opportunity to be seen and has instead become a place more for big studios to unload some of their shit sandwiches disguised in the Emperor's Clothing of something brilliant. Sundance is at least smart enough to realize that if people not in the studios' pockets will point out the movies for what they are now, many of them will likely not get the distribution deals they want later...and nobody wants a studio to take a bath for making a bad movie, right? And from the sound of it, Pajiba is being banned not for the reviews, but for the Pajibans banter. Why do we ever want to associate ourselves with something that just doesn't get us? At this point I'd be more saddened if Pajiba were accepted by them in their current state.

I look at the barring of Pajiba to this event in much the same way that a religious cult bars journalists from investigating their tactics- neither entity want someone to expose them for the bullshit they are.

Posted by: bleujayone at January 20, 2012 1:01 PM

Glad to see #5 on this list - I don't think I've laughed harder all week.

Posted by: Sara Tonin at January 20, 2012 1:05 PM

I am wearing a purple shirt today, no lie.

But I have a vanilla fetish. Literally. Love vanilla pudding... um... nevermind.

Posted by: MelBivDevoe at January 20, 2012 1:05 PM

"I am not a mouth-breather!"

But my son IS. My husband is the mouth breather. My daughter is a relentless asshole, but I tend more toward the rapacious-asshole side of the aisle. But I voted relentless in the last general election.

Posted by: klingonfree at January 20, 2012 1:13 PM

Oh, TK. Are you allowed to win EE? That was brilliant.

Posted by: Jelinas at January 20, 2012 1:23 PM

That quote has to be a put on by TK. The Sundance people can't write that well.

I suspect it's more like there's more content, wit and actual passion in a week's articles and associated mayhem hereabouts than in any given year's Sundance product ... and they don't want that to get noticed.

Posted by: BierceAmbrose at January 20, 2012 5:58 PM

I thought Sundance was about the after parties. There are actually films involved? Now I know what the after parties are after.

Posted by: kirbyjay at January 21, 2012 5:55 AM

Murdertank double parked

Unexpected loling.

I need to go to bed.

Posted by: duckandcover at January 21, 2012 4:01 PM

When a question asks us to "comment on the graphical and numerical summaries", what are actually the points expected from us?.

Posted by: Brian at March 16, 2012 3:28 PM