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Milk is Gross

By Kate Hudson | Food Porn | August 13, 2019 |

By Kate Hudson | Food Porn | August 13, 2019 |


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The frontpage of People.com is a barren wasteland, Bradley Cooper seems to be laying low, and honestly, I already wrote a post about Con Air in the past week and I doubt Dustin would let me do another one so soon, so it’s come to this. I have to mine deep into the recesses of my mind to come up with a topic that may be mildly intriguing to some, accused of click-bait by others, and for a select few of you, ring very true. So here it is, from the person who brought you hot takes on chocolate and sandwiches: Milk is gross.

via GIPHY

I don’t mind it so much if it’s masked into other foodstuffs. In fact, I am one of those people who really likes cheese. Ice cream, I can give or take, however butter is essential to my own personal happiness—but just the straight stuff, as a standalone drink?!

No thank you.

Now, this may come as a surprise to anyone who knew that it was a life-long dream of mine to milk a cow (I was able to do it this past May, with a goat, and honestly? Good enough. Achievement unlocked! 10/10 recommend it wholly if you get the chance) because how could I want to milk a creature and then not drink said milk? Life is a rich tapestry of mysteries, and that is one of them, but it’s true. I think milk is gross.

I don’t like its thicker texture than water. I don’t like its aftertaste. I don’t even really like it gussied up with syrups to mask its milky-milkness. Milk is just gross.

I’m always alarmed when people willingly drink glasses of it to accompany a meal. Want to drink some with your cookies? I mean, I get that, but friends… I’ve seen people eat pasta and wash it down with milk. MILK! How? Why?! Does that actually taste good to them, or are we in a situation where they are cow calves turned into humans, and we must find their magic pebble to help wish them back into their native form?!

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Now, the older I get, the more I truly do love cold water. It’s refreshing, it almost always hits the spot, and it accompanies everything.

Milk, however, can claim none of that, in my estimation. It’s also more expensive than water. I mean, most things are, but most things I like to drink more than milk, so I’m OK making a flawed argument, here.

If given the option to drink milk, or drink nothing, I will 100 percent of the time opt for nothing—because who among us has never had digestion problems with dairy?

via GIPHY

Exactly.

For all these reasons, and a few that involve my crystal dealer and past lives, I think milk is gross.

Thank you for your time.



Kate is a staff contributor. You can follow her on Twitter.


Header Image Source: Getty


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