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Eloquent Eloquence: Christian Slater? Seriously? Will It Also Star a VHS Player and the Uncertainty Over Freddie Mercury's Sexuality?

By Mrs. Julien | Eloquent Eloquence | August 24, 2012 |

By Mrs. Julien | Eloquent Eloquence | August 24, 2012 |

Eloquent Eloquence is a compilation of the best comments of the week. Comments in reviews are not eligible for inclusion. The Caption Contest is excluded as it has a real prize already associated with it, and not a virtue is its own reward, or an “it’s an honour just being nominated”, prize like EE is either.

There is a link in the commenter’s name that will take you to the original post.

Ever wonder what happens to a comment section over time?

The Internet Anger Guidelines Comment of the Week goes to Nate 1973, but don’t forget the tenuous coherence:

Correct. You’re not really channeling the morally outraged commentor unless there’s a death threat involved. Oh, and see if you can make a Hitler comparison, too.

The Let Me ‘Splain, No, There Is Too Much, Let Me Sum Up Comment of the Week goes to Finance_Nerd because not all comments have to be death threats and Hitler comparisons (though it helps):

I’ve worked as a financial consultant for the past 15 yrs that uses software to give better insight on how to improve the profitability of companies (I know I’ve lost many of you w/the beginning of this sentence). One of the first exercises we perform in analyzing an organization is to breakdown the costs of a business into functional areas/processes (ex. Accounts Payable, HR, Sales, etc.). Most companies have one hundred of these processes and regardless of the industry, twenty (or less) of the activities usually make up over 80+% of cost (80/20 rule - big shock). As a result, most of our efforts are focused on understanding what customers or products consume these processes and determining how to either reduce the cost or increase the volume through them. It’s like triage, focus on the arterial bleeding and then get to the cuts and scrapes.

The reason I bring this up is that if Mitt Romney is the big genius of Bain, then he’s seen this kind of analysis before and knows that cutting little programs like these has a very small cumulative effect on the budget. 80% of the national budget is made up of five departments (SS - 20%, DoD - 19%, Unemployment -16%, Medicare/Medicaid - 13/8%), so why isn’t he (or Obama) focusing on more efficiency or reducing costs in those areas? Cutting just 1% of that spend would be over $30B in savings. More importantly, why don’t they focus on waste.

Arts and humanities subsidies can help improve our 37th ranked education system and this is where he’s going to focus his efforts? Is there not one accountant or economist in the government that can explain this shit to someone w/power? FML

The EVERYONE LOOK AT THE DELURKING Comment of the Week goes to Natallica , although I’m not sure which one she is referring to. There are so many:

So… I’m a long long LONG time lurker (I’m talking about YEARS here). And I’ve decided to speak just to say that is your fault, yes YOUR fault, that I’ve developed a completely consuming obsession with the “weird British guy with the cheekbones”. Court papers will be served to you soon. Thank you very much.

The But What If My Facekini Clashes with My Burkini? Comment of the Week goes to bleujayone who likes to travel incognito as well:

And with the introduction of facekinis, luchadores everywhere start making arrangements to vacation in China next year.

The Don’t Hate the Clouds, Hate the Stiller Comment of the Week goes to Puddin. If you look closely at the clouds, they are blushing:

Ugh. The Walter Mitty one sucks. Ooh, clouds. Look how whimsical we are! Frolic with us! Screw you! I know you’re a crappy Ben Stiller remake! Don’t lie to me clouds! I shake my fist at you!

The There’s Always Time for a dahlia6 Story Comment of the Week goes to dahlia6 for another heartwarming family remembrance. This time, there’s duct tape:

Sort of sidebar here, because that’s my thing, but my dad worships at the altar of Chuck Norris and Steven Segal, and he’s definitely of the type the little women need to stay home and take care of shit because he has big manly shit to do. Anyway, when I was in high school, we got in a big screaming match about him being a lazy baby asshole around the house, to which he responded by saying it was my job and then taking a nap on the couch. My response? I went to the kitchen and got a roll of duct tape. My dad was shirtless, and has the typical manly hairy chest to go with his macho bullshit. So I tore off a strip about two feet long and slapped it on his chest while he was sleeping, then went off and did the rest of my ‘women’s work’. A couple of hours later, when he woke up, he got to experience his first metrosexual experience by ripping that tape off and having a nice, freshly de-haired chest. I just felt I was doing my part by letting him experience the other side of the male identity.

The I Fail to See the Difference Comment of the Week goes to Siege who I’ve heard also has a head for business and a bod for sin:

So Passion is essentially a creepy-sexy version of ‘Working Girl’ with more lesbian attraction and murderous rage?

The Fu*k Me Gently with a Chainsaw Comment of the Week goes to zeke_the_pig for making the lawn protectors feel nostalgic:

Christian Slater? Seriously? That is fan-fucking-tastic! Will it also star a VHS player and the uncertainty over Freddie Mercury’s sexuality?

The Fu*k Yeah This Thread Was Awesome Comment of the Week goes to Snath for a manly display of derision:

Real men don’t say vis-à-vis. They say cool shit like “That’s what I’m talkin’ ‘bout!” and “French is gay!”


The My Lions Have Busted Loose and Are RUNNING AMOK. Get Yer Kids Inside, Bar Yer Doors and Shutter Yer Windows Comment of the Week goes to Uriah Creep (with an assist from Jerce):

Please keep your lions in your private zoo AT ALL TIMES. Thank you.

The Comment of the Week Comment of the Week goes to EricD for an Oscar the Grouch impression:

If there is a person walking that believes Sesame Street could not make it on its own as a commercial enterprise, I guarantee you that person is not chewing gum at the same time.

Brian DePalma's 'Passion' Teaser: The Header Photo Says It All | The Weekly Caption Contest August 24, 2012

Dustin is the founder and co-owner of Pajiba. You may email him here, follow him on Twitter, or listen to his weekly TV podcast, Podjiba.