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The Weekly Caption Contest

By Michael Murray and Replica | Miscellaneous | August 24, 2012 |

By Michael Murray and Replica | Miscellaneous | August 24, 2012 |

The submissions for last week’s caption contest were entirely awesome. It’s like they were written by Olympians bred strictly to write captions, that’s how good and weird and perfect they were, and I must say, it was virtually impossible to narrow them down to just three. However, tough people must make tough decisions, and so, even though I have broken my baby toe and the FBI just arrested my brother-in-law, I remain tough, tough like a goddamn fire hydrant, and have narrowed the field down to three.

As a reminder, I provide you with the image the Replica provided us last week. It looks like this:


Number 3 goes to scone:

As the young god Bacchus struts through the park his natural magnetism incites interest and excitement. ‘Who is this confident stranger?’ they wonder. Suddenly, what once was a pastoral afternoon erupts into a frenzied, orgiastic, celebration that none can stand against. Discarded articles of clothing arc overhead like TP streamers. The river, now flowing with wine, attracts twenty-somethings like wildebeests to a watering hole during the Serengeti drought season. The air echoes with a cacophony of passion and laughter as Bacchus continues his jolly pilgrimage through their midst. The ‘god who comes,’ indeed.

I will tell you the straight up truth, as I am a truth teller, but I wanted to buy the book. And you should also know that scone, mighty scone, provided a picture of a statue, too. It might have been of Bacchus, or it might have been of someone else, no matter, it looked antique and that’s good enough for me. Scone, I doff my cap to you so that you might see my bald spot.

Number 2 goes to The Only New Zealander :

Ay, we looking at different pictures here? This kid is practically Sassypants McKonfidence. I suspect we are here to glorify him.

I can’t even drum up the self-esteem to post under my real name on the internet. Look at him flaunt business.

Funny, smart and perceptive, this. For me the compelling aspect of the photograph is the confidence and joy in the shirtless guys face. He is Sassypants McKonfidence, and that’s what we love about him. He. Has. Got. It. Going. On. The Only New Zealander, you should know that earlier today while I was buying wine I was told that New Zealand (it was a New Zealand wine!) was what would happen if you took all the best parts of Canada and crunched them up into cool. I want to come and visit you, which might not feel like a prize, but it is, it is. You also get the nickname of Sassypants McKonfidence.

The winner for last week’s caption is zeke_the_pig!

His was the first caption, and it brilliantly summed up everything that was happening in the photograph:

Blind Man Fondles Invisible Man’s Testicles As Crowd Is Distracted By Fat Man.

Way to go Zeke, you’re like the Rain Man of captions! If you send along your address we will send you a DVD (probably a bootleg) of Jersey Shore Shark Attack, with a lipstick kiss from Dustin Rowles on the cover. Don’t think it won’t be a collector’s item because it will.

The image that Replica has provided this week is this:


Tear it asunder, Pajibians, tear it asunder!

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Dustin is the founder and co-owner of Pajiba. You may email him here, follow him on Twitter, or listen to his weekly TV podcast, Podjiba.