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Eloquent Eloquence: B*tches Love Magic! Edition

By Mrs. Julien | Eloquent Eloquence | April 19, 2013 |

By Mrs. Julien | Eloquent Eloquence | April 19, 2013 |

Eloquent Eloquence, Bitches Love Magic! edition, is a compilation of the best comments of the week. Comments in non-Dustin reviews and the spoiler-laden Game of Thrones discussion are ineligible for inclusion.

Everyone was being especially wry about the Man of Steel trailer.


The You’ll Just Show Yourself Out Comment of the Week goes to auntadadoom for a SHAMELESS pun:

I just wish there was a Wolverine manatee so we could all make jokes about Oh The Hugh Manatee.

Actually … maybe it’s better that we don’t.

The Bwa-Ha-Ha-Ha Comment of the Week goes to Kristen Mc for tweaking the Overlord’s nose:

I had no idea Jojen was also Ferb! Finally my kids and I can enjoy Game of Thrones together. It’s appropriate for 9 year old girls, right? Dustin, you are a mommy blogger…..advice?

The You Had Me at Magicians! Comment of the Week goes to strand0410 for a pitch more interesting than the film will be:

“Ocean’s Eleven. With magicians!”
“Go on.”
“Uhh….. Morgan Freeman! The Social Network guy!”
“The one with the jewfro… and THAT voice?”
“We’ll give him a better haircut and a shitty moustache so you’ll almost be convinced he’s cool. So they steal all this money and give back to poor people, and by poor people I mean upper-middle class Americans who can afford to see magic shows in Vegas.”


The I’m Guessing the Parting Gift From This Mother of Dragons Is Burning Urine Comment of the Week goes to aroorda with a H/T to L.O.V.E. and a Craigslist ad:

A true dragon will never burn.

The No Context Will Be Provided Comment of the Week goes to NateMan for some sage advice:

Anything that can fire its poop with that sort of velocity can’t be trusted.

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The It’s Dexter with Vampires! Comment of the Week goes to NateMan. Someone get Whedon on the horn!:

I’ll watch it when it’s at Redbox, but am I the only one sick and tired of vampires with a conscience? I mean, for Christ’s sake, if you’re sick of eating people just walk into the sunlight already. There are 7+ billion people on this planet, and you’re angsting over wasting a couple of them? You can’t find delicious dirtbags and eat them guilt-free?

Edit: I mean, the more I think about it, this is especially ridiculous with female vampires. If you’re a dude vampire and you have weird, homophobic hangups about eating guys, okay, that makes it a little more difficult. But women deal with so many assholes that it should be relatively simple. Go to a club. Flirt with a douchey looking guy. Go back to his place. If he’s not willing to take no for an answer on sex: BAM. Eat a date rapist and improve the breeding stock.

And that’s how you make lemonade.

The Science Marches On Comment of the Week goes to Natallica with whom the Humane Society would like a word:

When a toast is buttered, it will always fall on his buttered side. Now, on the other hand, a cat will always fall on its feet. Now, imagine if you put butter on a cat’s back: it will create a gravitational conundrum, where the cat would be kept floating indefinitely. So, what I’m trying to say is, I hope Nolan’s butter will counteract Snyder’s tendency to free falling.

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The There It Is, Folks - The Fastest that Godwin’s Law Has Ever Been Invoked. That Was Impressive Display of Petulance, Buddy Comment of the Week goes to Long_Pig_Tailor with a H/T to God Of Bal-Sagoth:

Surely someone has managed to invoke it more quickly. For instance here, he could’ve invoked it preemptively by saying, “And anyone who objects is Nazi!” and that’d be basically at the same time the discussion began.

The Oh, the Spamanity! Comment of the Week goes to Maguita NYC for:

Enough with the Spamdexism!!!

Shame on you for your narrow views on what is acceptable and what is not! Does it matter the SPAM’s promotional origins? Does it matter that its IP address was raised on the “wrong” side of the blogospheres? And what if it learnt phishing early on while you were having it easy trending the aisles of high-end exclusive domains? And so it spends time with junk, so what? The color or shape of its font does not change your life one bit, and in no way endangers the sanctity of your human-ass marriages.

You and your whitelists and blacklists should hide in shame for your Spamigotry. It is 2013, acceptance of diversity should be a given.

*This in no way gives Pajiba rights to target my email address with spams.

The Comment of the Week Comment of the Week goes to the other courtney. Group hug:

My kid just asked me what I was watching. Perplexed, she asked why I would watch something that would make me cry. I tried to explain, resigned myself to accept that I didn’t do a very good job.

“Oh. So it’s like when you have a lot of things in your heart and you need one thing to let them all out so they don’t crash into each other in there.”

Yes. And then I cried harder.

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