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Where Else Would You Go For History Lessons, Lightsabers, and 2Pac?

By Steven Lloyd Wilson | Pajiba Love | April 11, 2013 | Comments ()


bearslightsabers.jpg

Oh, it's my turn to do this again, so let's immediately get to shaking the pockets out of the Internet to see what we find amongst the lint and horded tater tots

Did you ever want the Ryan Gosling "Hey Girl" meme to be mashed with programming jokes? Of course you did.

To keep the nerdage flowing, we've also got this comic that combines a love for graphs and the eternal dilemma of drinking water before bed.

Here's a wonderful site called the Atlas of True Names, which is a fantastic series of maps that label everything with translations of the original place names. It's gorgeous and poetic and I want them for all my walls.

Dustin, while not trolling Craigslist for Thrones themed anonymous hookups, writes about how "Game of Thrones" would look as a Disney movie. Or rather talks about a video. To be reductivist, almost everything we do is talking about a video in one way, shape, or form.

In Los Angeles, a man was arrested after stealing an 18-wheeler full of strawberries. He thought that a zombie apocalypse had begun. Sadly he totaled the truck after becoming convinced that zombies were clinging to the sides and swerving repeatedly to knock them off. "It was unknown whether Hartline was under the influence of drugs or alcohol." Somehow this is Lori's fault.

Apparently the president of Malawi is not a Madonna fan. The terrible abuses inflicted on her include being told she actually had to go through airport security with the rest of the peasants. Did you know that Madonna tried to pay $25 million to go up to the space station on a Russian rocket a few years ago, but the Russian parliament voted to not allow it?

In related space news, crying in space is terrifying.

Isaac Asimov is one of the all time great science fiction authors, and was an outspoken atheist before it became all trendy. He produced a series of videos back in the day promoting humanism and trying to explain non-religiousness to a religious world. Plus he wears plaid and has mutton chops so astonishing that you can taste the lamb through your computer screen.

As a bonus, here is a nuanced analysis of the difference between science fiction and other literature:

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Today is going to be the siege warfare edition of Pajiba Love, at least for a few links.

For instance, you might realize that half of the cool stuff that happens in fantasy novels is ripped straight from history. Like the great chains to trap fleets at King's Landing? Constantinople before the Turks gave it the works. And the Greek Fire? The Byzantines had that to. But some stories are so fantastic that if they showed up in fiction you just wouldn't believe them. Oleg of Novgorod sailed a fleet of 2000 ships down the river to attack Constantinople but just went around the gates. Because he had mounted wheels on his fleet. I'll reiterate that: his fleet had wheels. Bet Stannis wishes he'd thought to build some of these bad boys:

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(that may not be an historically accurate model)

And these excerpts from the "Saga of Harald Hardrade" highlight an idea so terribly awesome that only a Lannister would think of it: capturing birds flying out of the city, strapping burning embers to their backs, and releasing them to go light their nests in the highly flammable straw roofs of the city on fire.

Need an even better visual? Tying rockets to cats as a form of siege warfare. I can't imagine why that didn't catch on.

This seems as good a place as any to present, super heroes as manatees:

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The nexus of everything great in the universe is this Twitter feed for Archer Shepard, the intersection between Mass Effect and Sterling Archer. If you don't understand how awesome that is, it cannot be explained, you must go play the games and watch the series.

In this video, a zebra is viciously attacked by a crocodile, and with not a Dundee in sight, seems to be doomed. Until a herd of hippos decide to stage a rescue.

That the zebra probably died of infection or predation is irrelevant to how awesome that video is.

Also, you should know that every time I write Pajiba Love, in my head I stretch "Pajiba" out to four syllables so it sounds like "California Love":

It helps my process.




Five Iconic Hollywood Deaths That Created Vacuums of Talent | 5 Shows After Dark 4/11/13






Are you following Pajiba on Facebook or Twitter? Every time you do, Bill Murray crashes a wedding.


Comments Are Welcome, Bigots and Trolls Are Not


  • Lauren_Lauren

    Somehow this is Lori’s fault.

    Bless you, SLW. Never change.

  • DominaNefret

    I am from the Town of Defender of Man in Virgin Land. That is way more entertaining than my actual address.

  • John W

    Asimov story recommendation: Billiard Ball.

  • BlackRabbit

    That hippo/zebra video is sweet, but I'd also recommend the Battle at Kruger. It will make you love buffalo. Also I want Thornatee.

  • TheOriginalMRod

    I kind of wish the Bat Manatee was Bat Manuel-atee... because he would have eyeliner on. But I really love Wonder Womanatee.

  • BWeaves

    I had to go find that Harald Hardrade link. Holy crap.

    "Now when Harald came to Sicily he plundered there also, and sat down
    with his army before a strong and populous castle. He surrounded the castle;
    but the walls were so thick there was no possibility of breaking into it,
    and the people of the castle had enough of provisions, and all that was
    necessary for defence. Then Harald hit upon an expedient. He made his bird-catchers
    catch the small birds which had their nests within the castle, but flew
    into the woods by day to get food for their young. He had small splinters
    of tarred wood bound upon the backs of the birds, smeared these over with
    wax and sulphur, and set fire to them. As soon as the birds were let loose
    they all flew at once to the castle to their young, and to their nests,
    which they had under the house roofs that were covered with reeds or straw.
    The fire from the birds seized upon the house roofs; and although each bird
    could only carry a small burden of fire, yet all at once there was a mighty
    flame, caused by so many birds carrying fire with them and spreading it
    widely among the house roofs. Thus one house after the other was set on
    fire, until the castle itself was in flames. Then the people came out of
    the castle and begged for mercy; the same men who for many days had set
    at defiance the Greek army and its leader. Harald granted life and safety
    to all who asked quarter, and made himself master of the place."

  • Sara_Tonin00

    I love the historical military links. That's my jam.

    [side note: can we make it a requirement that Pajiba Love writers read the Pajiba Love from *at least* the day before so s to avoid the duplications?]

  • It is a requirement. I'm just incompetent.

  • Sara_Tonin00

    But honest, so that makes up for it. :)

  • rocboltin rocbolt

    See also: the Bat Bomb

    http://www.theatlantic.com/tec...

  • Fabius_Maximus

    Slightly more historically accurate:

    http://cdnstatic-2.mydestinati...

  • L.O.V.E.

    Gah. When are we going to stop over-sexualizing manatee superheroes?

    Most of the male manatees are totally covered. Does that Wonder Manatee really need to be flaunting those pectoral fins like that?

  • Bedewcrock

    Spiderman Manatee is shooting.........a penis?

  • L.O.V.E.

    I think its a Joseph Gordon Levitt manatee.

  • BWeaves

    Yeah, that's what I thought.

  • Robert

    Puh-gee-eye-buh Luh-ove. Ba-yup-pi-dup-dup-dup-dup-dup...

  • As a Jersey girl, I adore that we have a city called Sibling Love down in the New Isle of Spears. Maybe the Lannisters will stop in. Fingers crossed!

  • Explains a helluva lot about the cast of Jersey Shore and how they got that way.

  • TherecanbeonlyoneAdmin

    Archer Shepard almost makes me want to get a twitter account. Almost.

    Also, I'd still totally do Wondertee.

  • brite59

    Aaaaaah STW...my favorite Pajiba Love Linkmeister!

  • BWeaves

    Atlas of True Names: I want to go to Breast Hill Castle.

    I noticed that there's no "Big Tits" on the map where the Grand Tetons are.

    Hum, “Great Land of the Tattooed” – Great Britain. Some things never change.

  • There's a Powerful Hill in Virgin Land, though ... that's gotta count for something.

  • BWeaves

    There's also a Valley Valley and Hilly Hills.

    I've always liked, Torpenhow Hill. It's a hill, whose main claim to fame is that its name is a quadruple tautology: "Tor", "pen", and "how" all mean "hill" in different languages (Old English, Welsh, and Danish, respectively), so that a literal translation of "Torpenhow Hill" would be "Hillhillhill Hill". It was assumed that successive residents of the area took the previous residents' name for the hill and added their own.

  • $27019454

    I love Iron Manatee. Way more than I love Iron Man.

  • I just wish there was a Wolverine manatee so we could all make jokes about Oh The Hugh Manatee.

    Actually ... maybe it's better that we don't.

  • QueeferSutherland

    So now California Love is stuck in my head and will be for the next four days. Eh, could be worse.

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