By Miscellaneous | | April 13, 2010 |
By Miscellaneous | | April 13, 2010 |
The two biggest trends in Hollywood right now are 3D and babies (and 3D babies, probably), but gaining on their shit-covered heels is the concept of imaginary friends. Between the Drop Dead Fred remake and Mel Gibson’s beaver puppet movie is now Seth MacFarlane’s hard-R teddy bear thing that Brian wrote about earlier today. Also, despite Spielberg’s departure, Fox may still be developing its Harvey redo, and there’s New Line’s remake of The Orphanage, as well. Oh yeah, and you all saw that trailer for the imaginary super-hero friend movie, Paper Man, right?
Just you wait; soon enough we’ll get that in-development Imaginary Barry movie and surprisingly-not-announced-yet remakes of Cloak & Dagger, Pete’s Dragon and Little Monsters. Yes, I know the latter two don’t exactly involve imaginary friends, but they’re close enough, just as is Calvin and Hobbes, the rights to which some studio exec is just dying to get his hands on now.
And one day, though probably too late for this current trend, a live-action/CG adaptation of the brilliant comic strip will make it’s way onto movie screens. Just as people are “joking” that J.D. Salinger’s death has ever so slightly opened the door to a Catcher in the Rye film, the similarly reclusive Bill Watterson is eventually going to leave this world, too, and the wolves in Hollywood are going to do what they can to cast a precocious kid and a computer-generated tiger, voiced by Zack Galifianakis, in the worst childhood-raping of all time.
Here are some other characters/things that came to bloggers’ minds in response to yesterday’s news about Seth MacFarlane’s Ted:
Of course, Ted will make a billion fucking dollars. It won’t be funny — just like Howard Stern isn’t funny when he’s uncensored. It’ll be Gooby with dick jokes.
I’m picturing an adult version of Gooby that sneaks you whiskey and you jerk each other off. Because if not that, what are imaginary friends for?
This isn’t to say that he may not blossom in feature length form (the upcoming Jodie Foster/Mel Gibson comedy “The Beaver” has a similar logline, and topped the 2008 Black List), but knowing his previous form, our guess is that it’ll be “Alvin and the Chipmunks,” but with Holocaust gags and the word “vagina” sprinkled liberally through the script.
Move over, vampires. The new hot thing is … stuffed animals! We’ve got Mel Gibson taking morning runs with a beaver puppet, and now Seth MacFarlane is making his big-screen debut with a teddy bear. […] This probably won’t come to a showdown, since Gibson’s Beaver is well ahead of Ted on production, but I bet we get an inundation of actual fluff if these flicks do well. Get ready — I see a Teddy Ruxpin feature in our future.
Oh, and somebody, probably someone like Access Hollywood or OK! Magazine, will inevitably say something like, “But parents beware—he’s no Teddy Ruxpin!” when they talk about it.
MacFarlane will also loan his satin-y smooth voice to the CG-animated bear. I’m thinking it’s somewhere along the lines of Snuggle, if Snuggle cursed and humped legs. Somewhere in Hollywood, Verne Troyer is cursing the advent of computer animation.
Deadline has the report on the project, which will be MacFarlane’s feature directorial debut. The site describes the film as a “hard R comedy about a man and his teddy bear.” So another variation on the Brian/Stewie relationship, eh?
It’s hard not to look at the core premise of “Ted” — a man and his talking stuffed animal — and not think about certain “Family Guy” characters that have no business talking, namely Stewie and Brian.
This is going to sound weird but I assure its in the midst of growth and personal development why I tell you this. I had a teddy bear as a child, who didn’t? My bear is probably the reason why I love movies and telling stories as he was my first catalyst for that growing up. As a child I used to give the bear a voice and a distinct separate personality. It was like an imaginary friend within a tangible object. Snuggs now sits on a mantle and occasionally I will ask him questions when I need to think through a creative drought.
And here’s where MacFarlane and Calvin and Hobbes meet: