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JenniferAnistonREX_450x350.jpg
At Some Point We Must Ask Ourselves, "Is It Me?"


The Aniston Problem / Courtney Enlow

Miscellaneous | August 19, 2010 | Comments (77)


The Hollywood Reporter, consummate beacon of newsiness, has a graph detailing Jennifer Aniston’s successes and losses. The photo detailing each point is a co-star in each film. This graph would imply that it’s the co-star’s fault the film failed.

Now I don’t want to quibble with the publisher of such important news pieces as “That Time Lea Michele Was Inconvenienced In Traffic,” but I am hard-pressed to blame the co-stars for Jennifer Aniston’s failures. The problem might just be Jennifer Aniston.

At this point, Aniston’s career has officially consisted of a high lasting from 1994 to 2004 and a low consisting of every year since. Since taking off her Rachel Green apron, she’s been in two movies that made money — The Break Up, which came during a high in the career of Vince Vaughn following Wedding Crashers, and Marley and Me, which was about a dead dog, and people fucking love dead dogs.

This would make her no different than any other actor, except she has been positioned as an Oprah Lady, a figure of empowerment and chest beating and eating and praying and loving and looking FABULOUS at 40 and she didn’t even need Brad and he can have his whore because she doesn’t even CARE. So shouldn’t she be doing better?

Aniston’s career has been tarnished by three separate problems: 1) her constant placement as a tabloid figure, 2) her choices in work, and 3) the one that will get me yelled at by the Google people, so we’ll get to it in a minute.

Since divorcing Brad Pitt in 2005, meaning they’ve now been divorced longer than they were married, the Angie vs. Jen debate has yet to cease in tabloid popularity. Unfortunately for Aniston, only a small chunk of people (my mom and Star Magazine included) really continue to view Jolie as the blood-wearing heroin addict. Sure, people will pick up those scandal rags with “Angie’s kids hate her! Brad calling Jen for advice/bland phone sex!” but few people really seem to trust it as fact. More unfortunately, many more people continue to view Aniston as the sad cat lady victim, which is really wearing thin after five years of being divorced.

That part might not be her doing. It might be, because frankly who knows what comes from her publicists and what comes from bored editorial interns at Life & Style, but it probably isn’t. What is her doing is her obviously timed series of “hot new romances” that occur during the publicity boom of each film. CNN called her on it last time, plus her current co-star is married, so she is noticeably single during promotion for The Switch.

Also her fault? Her film choices. Sugar, at some point, you need to try something new. Julia Roberts made a number of attempts at other genres before running open-armed back into the safety of a-man-will-make-me-whole. Jennifer tried it twice in recent years, once with The Good Girl (Critical Success!) and once with Derailed (Not So Much). Jennifer seems desperately unwilling to be unlikeable, which seems to further the notion that she’s desperate to be liked.

Which cannot make the fact that, while she has her Oprah-y devotees, many of us find her just kind of pathetic. A less forgiveable Jessica Simpson. I mean, Simpson is most likely mentally incapable of knowing that people laugh at her, which makes her kind of sweet. Jenny From The Perk has no excuse. Which leads me to that third, Aniston-fan rage inducing point: She is perfectly comfortable being hair and a body.

Her films fail. Her love life fails. Pictures like this get released to the pointing and laughter of the internet. All she has is nice hair, constantly tweaked nipples, a series of well-timed boyfriends and a rockin’ bod. She continues to do films that show these elements and no additional substance or presence of talent. In The Bounty Hunter her hair and nipples fight with Gerard Butler. In Love Happens her hair and nipples woo a widowed Aaron Eckhart. And so on and so on. She continues to do this on a loop, which means she is either terrified to try something different, or she accepts that this is her lot. Maybe it’s both.

Maybe The Switch will be different. But if it isn’t, it’s damn sure not Jason Bateman who will suffer for it.

Follow Courtney Enlow on Twitter, and read her other stuff at HoboTrashcan.com.


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Comments

My problem with Aniston is that she totally lacks charisma. She's like an anthropomorphic manilla folder.

Posted by: spence at August 19, 2010 1:59 PM

Said it once, I'll say it again: she's beige. Beige hair, beige skin, beige eyes. Beige.

Posted by: samantha t at August 19, 2010 2:00 PM

I believe her nipples were duking it out with Gerard Butler's moobs in The Bounty Hunter, but I agree for the most part. She isn't helping herself with her film choices - she was good in Friends with Money - but overall she does movies most people wouldn't sit thru. I think she's both beautiful and kinda talented, so I think it's too bad. At least Marley and Me was about a dog and not another ridiculous rom-com, but I didn't see it (no likey the dead dogs). Maybe The Switch will turn things around for her - Jason Bateman is awesome. Maybe he can share some of his awesome with her.

Posted by: Chickaboom at August 19, 2010 2:02 PM

I like to think of her as the Ghost of Christmas Future for Katherine Heigl.

Posted by: Wednesday at August 19, 2010 2:03 PM

She looka like a man.

Posted by: EllenP at August 19, 2010 2:04 PM

What do the Google people have to do with it?

Posted by: Brenton at August 19, 2010 2:09 PM

Come on, Jen. Even Cameron Diaz has tried to be a serious thespian more than you, and she burps on command and survived two Charlie's Angels films.

Posted by: Robert at August 19, 2010 2:21 PM

Maybe it'll never happen but it would be awesome if she abandoned this elegant-California-girl thing and went full Cloris Leachman on us as she gets older and stops caring what people think.
Part of the reason I tend to not like her is that she seems like a mislabeled package. Nice-girl candy coating surrounding a center of pure controlling bitch. She would be so much more fun if she weren't so inoffensive.

Posted by: king at August 19, 2010 2:22 PM

"Since taking off her Rachel Green apron"

PREMISE FAIL! This woman has NEVER. EVER. taken the "apron" off. There was no apron, she's always presented herself as the vacuous, self-centered, whiny, pathetic, hag that she is in real life.

Posted by: BarbadoSlim at August 19, 2010 2:23 PM

I liked Pajiba better when it was less blatantly a celebrity gossip site. I'll leave you all to your debate about celebrities' personalities and looks. I'll read the comments at Dlisted for that, because at least those people don't lack self awareness.

Posted by: ERM at August 19, 2010 2:49 PM

Awwww, don't leave in a huff, baby.

Posted by: Jay at August 19, 2010 2:58 PM

Samantha hit the nail on the head. The girl is bland. She's bottom shelf cereal. If she were a spice she'd be parsley. Nice to look at but flavorless.

Posted by: Blank at August 19, 2010 3:01 PM

On the Jen vs Angie front, I'll always pick Jen over Miss Jolie.

Yes, Aniston's movies leaves much to be desired and surprisingly I did see Salt than The Switch but Angelina Jolie is less likeable than Aniston and it was way before she shagged BPitt whilst he was married. She tried too hard to be edgy.

I agree with you however that Aniston is propably too scared to push the boundaries.

Posted by: Jean at August 19, 2010 3:05 PM

When Marley and Me came out I was working as a projectionist at this movie theater staffed and frequented entirely by idiots. People flocked to that fucking movie. And they all left the theater crying. REALLY crying, not just misty crying. And half of them would wander up to the counter, where I sat, livid, waiting for their fat crying asses to get the hell up out of my theater so I could fucking get back upstairs and away from the fucking concessions girls (teenage girls who said things like, "Wait... but I thought feminism was over"). These actively crying moviegoers would often ask, "Have you seen it yet?" to which I could only reply, "No. I hate dogs." AND YOU.

Posted by: sheshakes at August 19, 2010 3:10 PM

It's funny... every time I see Courtney's name on here, I think, "Hey! It's Courtney!" (one of the news producers/sometimes fill-in anchor at work.)
Then I think, "Wow. The camera adds twenty pounds, in her case."
But, I'm one of those guys who like the extra twenty.
But then I remember it's not MY fucking opinion that matters; it's everyone elses, because they're the Majority. Nevermind that they're fucked-up twats.

Whatever.

I need to go put on some pants...

Posted by: Rykker at August 19, 2010 3:11 PM

I really like Aniston in the right roles and think she has some serious comedic chops. Her timing is great and she can, contrary to real life, come off as approachable and likeable. Unfortunately, she may be losing this particular talent since she hasn't used it effectively in years.

Also, there is NOTHING wrong with tweaked nipples, Courtney. They are a delight to suckle upon.

P.S. I'll miss ARM, or whatever their name is, as they traipse off to find more high-brow fare. I hear McSweeneys is awfully proud of itself.

Posted by: Kballs at August 19, 2010 3:15 PM

I think this quote from that link up there sums Rachel up best:

"She is the definition of a basic ass bitch."

Posted by: BarbadoSlim at August 19, 2010 3:15 PM

Fuck The What Rykker?

Posted by: Mrs. Julien at August 19, 2010 3:17 PM

And yes we are ALL gonna miss MRI, yet, SOMEHOW, we will try to manage without him/her/it mind you it WON'T be easy but we shall endure.

Posted by: BarbadoSlim at August 19, 2010 3:20 PM

Did Rykker just call me fat?

Posted by: Courtney at August 19, 2010 3:23 PM

@Courtney

You know my brother, Brother Julien, uses that as a standard comeback for any comment. Sample:

Interlocuter: The map is on the table.
Brother Julien: Are you calling me fat?

It is always funny.

Posted by: Mrs. Julien at August 19, 2010 3:32 PM

She's another one of those females that women like waaaaay more than men do so they are popular but not THAT popular. Basically if she hadn't married/divorced Pitt her career would have been over years ago. The sympathy, from the women, added 5 years to her career. But now she's 40 which is 105 in female celeb years so buh-bye!

Posted by: logan at August 19, 2010 3:34 PM

Dear Mrs. Julien,

Please (it took me five times to type that correctly, as I kept hitting the Ctrl key to capitalize the "P"... just sayin') forgive my drunken rant, as I was, as just forementioned, drunk, and the point I was attempting to make kinda got mixed up a little in the spirits (101 prooof has a tendency to impart that effect, as has been my expierencie [strong-ass stuff, especially when speed-imbibed for maximum effect]).
I was trying to say, indirectly, that I disagree with Courtney's assessment of Jennifer, even though I totally respect Courtney, and my opinion wouldn't matter, becasue I am part of the minority when matters od Jen's popularity are concerned (most people will trash her, as is evident from mosto of the responses here)...

but I missed my connection (the left hand didn't quite meet up with the right hand) somewhere amidst my rantyness. "Cuz I'm currently drunk, you see.

So that is "what" the fuck was all about (I think?), my dear.

Now, if you will forgiveably excuse me, I seem to be having a problem locating those aforementioned pants. I knwo I had them when I came in from the out-of-doors....

Posted by: Rykker at August 19, 2010 3:37 PM

Rykker,

That post was so fucking weird that it actually made me paranoid that I was developing dyslexia on the spot.

Then I read it again. Fuck the what, indeed, Mrs. Julien.

Posted by: Kballs at August 19, 2010 3:40 PM

Hey, If I've made a blip on your "weird meter," Mr. Balls, then I consider myslef to be in good company, as you've pegged my WTF meter a few times yourself. When I'm sober, anyway...

Posted by: Rykker at August 19, 2010 3:49 PM

I guess I'll weigh in on Aniston. I always liked her and found her an entertaining enough actress and she can be quite funny. I haven't seen the schlocky rom coms, but liked The Good Girl and, just like many women my age, watched a lot of Friends in the late 1990s. I felt genuinely sorry for her with the massive humilation of being summarily dumped by her husband for a much better looking woman (that's got to grate) and then having to watch the new couple procreate like proverbial rabbits. Often in interviews she looks like she's flinching in anticipation of yet another question on the subject of her former marriage and can be charmingly self-deprecating. To sum up: funny, some sympathy, seemed down to earth. All that changed today when I watched a clip of her casually calling Regis Philbin a word which I have previously been quite obnoxious about my objections to on this website. I think she was trying to be flip and funny. She just seemed bitchy and entitled. She is now dead to me. I await her muffin basket of apology.

Posted by: Mrs. Julien at August 19, 2010 3:55 PM

Holy shit, does this article mean you can no longer just be yourself in a movie, that you actually have to act?

Woah woah woah dude, take it easy. I mean, I saw her once in a Maxim with her pointy elbows and painterly skin. And that is all I need to be convinced I've got to throw down 15 clams every time her grating, annoying, holy-crap-that's-your-pretty-aunt-who-used-to-be-hot-shit-but-now-all-the-dudes-go-for-younger self pops up on screen.

No plot in these movies? Perfect, I'm half-retarded for liking someone with no comedic skills or general likeability anyway. She's old enough to be my mom? Awesome, that "cougar" fad has enough longevity to power your average bustling city until we're all speaking Chinese and free of thetans!

Really, who digs original ideas, great pacing, and thought-provoking movies anyway? Man, if I wanted to like, "think", I'd go see Constipation or whatever that was. Pfft, last time I had a dream me and my dog were on an aircraft carrier playing poker with the Denver Broncos, sure as hell weren't no crazy French broads trying to stab me and Tommy Solomon mean-mugging at me for 4 hours.

Yeah, man, me and my special lady will BE THERE when this opens. I worked extra hours this week so we can do some nacking in the back of a sparsely populated theater. So what if I like it when my eyes connect with Jenn? I get her and you can NEVER HAVE WHAT WE HAVE!

Posted by: Real Movie Fans! at August 19, 2010 3:55 PM

I thought the Bounty Hunter starred Gerard Butler.

Posted by: Candy at August 19, 2010 4:15 PM

What gets me about Aniston is that she pretends to be some sort of champion for women.

For instance, recently she said women "don't need to fiddle with a man" to have kids, which caused O'Reilly to lose it. Then, she said his comments were an "insult to women" and she needed to defend. Another example--she even said that she hated Sex and the City because it was all about getting the guy, and she didn't find the movie "empowering" for women. And, she wasn't interested in movies like that!

She's basically pandering to women, and many of her fans buy her BS.

Look at her own movie choices. They are anything but empowering. The Bounty Hunter was a horrible version of Tarzan and Jane. In one scene she actually says, "I may be a strong independent woman on the outside, but on the inside I'm just a girl who wants to be loved by her man." How inspirational.

Her latest film, The Switch, is more of the same. The story is that she impregnates herself with a turkey baster and the Bateman character switches out her sperm sample for his own. So, she unknowingly has his kid! This is played for laughs as he's supposed to be drunk. How cute. Then, they end up together and all is well. It's completely unrealistic and insulting. Some of the critics of the film found talked about is as a "violation" and one person called it "chauvinistic."

In any case, I really dislike her. She pretends to be something she's not, she's not that great of an actress, and she's always seeking the spotlight by promoting products like bottled water, perfume, etc. And, have you heard her interviews? They are beyond painful. She says things like "Diane Sawyer is awesome!" "that's really uncool," and "retard."

I don't find anything to admire here. It boggles my mind that she's so popular when we have really good actresses out there who certainly deserve more attention.

Ok--rant over. Sorry.


Posted by: megan at August 19, 2010 4:45 PM

Rykker, you're pantsless, drunk, home alone (pray Godtopus you are, anyway), and even making KBalls confused. Meanwhile, I'm wearing pants and underpants, sober, at work, and have only struck your fancy for responses today. Who do you think Rachel McAdams is going to choose, eh?

Okay, that last point for me is really only a quarter point. But still. You're in the red, I'm in the black. C'mon!

Posted by: RobP at August 19, 2010 4:58 PM

Her latest film, The Switch, is more of the same. The story is that she impregnates herself with a turkey baster and the Bateman character switches out her sperm sample for his own. So, she unknowingly has his kid! This is played for laughs as he's supposed to be drunk.
Posted by: megan at August 19, 2010 4:45 PM

-----------------------------------------

Are you SERIOUS? That's what happens? Sounds like some like 21st century style rape to me. She's no different than Polanski as far as i'm concerned. Bateman should have known better than to associate himself with this depraved creature, his stock went down one thousand percent.

Posted by: BarbadoSlim at August 19, 2010 5:13 PM

Dude, RobP, O.K.

Even though I have since found my pants and donned them... given that I'm on the verge of blacking-out....

You... being your (turned only-just-yesterday) gay-for JGL self, will apparently win THIS battle.

But Rachel Bloom WILL find my stranded-in-space Throblem (given aforementioned Legal Name-Change), and insert herself onto said throblem, thus bringing the World to Everlasting Peace and Prosperity.

A sacrifice I am only too willing to make, for my fellow men and (especially) women.

Posted by: Rykker at August 19, 2010 5:18 PM

Fuck the WHAT?!
Dude, I am SO fucked-up right now...

Fuck the what I'm talkin' 'bout, Willis?

Posted by: Rykker at August 19, 2010 5:28 PM

I don't hate her. I have no feelings for her whatsoever. She just bores me to tears. She never does anything that interests me, I don't watch rom-coms, so...meh.

Posted by: Joker at August 19, 2010 5:32 PM

@BarbadoSlim. Yep, that's the story. It's on IMDB.

A lot of people on that site are also questioning the movie's taste in playing it for laughs. The original story was supposed to be darker, etc.

What gets me is that most critics haven been treating it with kid skin gloves, saying "once you get past the premise . . . the movie gets better," and "it's unrealistic, but the film recovers because of the cute actors," or "I like Bateman," etc. I just wish one critic would have the balls to call it The Sperm Rape Movie because that's my unofficial title for it. I mean I love Bateman, too. But, I can't support The Sperm Rape Movie. AND, Aniston produced the movie herself. So, it's not like she took it as an acting job. She read the story and said, I want to make this myself! That's pretty funny.

Posted by: megan at August 19, 2010 5:38 PM

The Sperm Rape Movie it shall be from now on. I wonder what her buddy Oprah has to say about it considering her, alleged, strong stance against rape.

Posted by: BarbadoSlim at August 19, 2010 5:44 PM

She has great sitcom chops. Come on Jenny, there is no shame in coming back where you belong.
Even Mary Tyler Moore did a buttload of TV before we were willing to accept her as a bitch the silver screen.

Posted by: dagnabbit at August 19, 2010 5:50 PM

Y'know what else, BSlim? The Switch is full of lens flair!

Posted by: alone in the dark at August 19, 2010 6:07 PM

That article completely sums her up for me. Except that generally I find JA to be boring to the point that I can't even discuss her very long withou----


/instant narcolepsy

Posted by: Snuggiepants at August 19, 2010 6:29 PM

@alone in the dark

No, I don't think so, it has just the bare minimum of lens flair, you know, if it really wanted to express itself it could stand to have more lens flair.

Posted by: BarbadoSlim at August 19, 2010 6:35 PM

I'm not a member of her fan club, but I like her OK.

Of your points: #1 I'm not seeing how this is her doing. She got a divorce. Probably not entirely by choice. I doubt the "poor Jen" stories are how she prefers to be mentioned. Other than the very public, awkward circumstances of the divorce, I'm not sure why the fuck the tabloids think we should feel sorry for her. She's rich (she's still rolling in Friends money, I'm sure), she's hot and she's single. So as far as I'm concerned, there's nothing pathetic about her. I guarantee you, more women envy Aniston's life than Jolie's, even if Jolie ended up with Brad Pitt (for now).

#2, Sure, her choices often suck, but I'm betting that a lot of her choices are constrained by the fact that a) she's a woman and b) she's 41 years old. Awesome movie roles for that group aren't exactly a dime a dozen.

#3, Maybe. The really good roles for women seem to be in series TV, not movies. Maybe she doesn't want to work that hard. And fortunately for her, she doesn't have to.

I also wonder what Google has to do with it.

Posted by: Slash at August 19, 2010 7:02 PM

b) she's 41 years old and sorely lacking in talent, Awesome movie roles for that group aren't exactly a dime a dozen.


/fixed it for you

Posted by: BarbadoSlim at August 19, 2010 7:21 PM

#2 But she has the money to finance something better than The Switch. It's a film about turkey basters and sperm. The woman is mega rich--she could finance better films. That's a cop out.

It always seems that her fans are blaming everyone else for her shortcomings. She doesn't do good movies? It's not her fault, it's the movie industry's fault! She can't act. Well, it's not her fault, the roles are never that good in the movies!

There's always some excuse. It seems like people want to give her a pass because they find her likeable. That's why I like this article, as it places the blame for her bad movies exactly where it belongs--on Aniston. She is a 41 year old woman, and not a little teenager. She is responsible for her own poor film choices.

Posted by: cecilia at August 19, 2010 7:28 PM

I'm not a big fan of hers, but I've never gotten the anger some people have towards her. I certainly get how celebrities are full of it and annoying, but Aniston just hits a nerve with some people.

Anyways, her roles aren't terribly interesting, and I don't know why she doesn't do more stuff like The Good Girl. But while I won't go see a movie just because Jennifer Aniston is in it, I have liked some of her movies. Marley and Me was a pretty big hit too, so I understand why she's getting so many parts.

Posted by: Turtle at August 19, 2010 7:46 PM

Darn it, I forgot the main point to my post: I don't see how her career is tarnished. After Marley and Me it appears to be on an upswing. She's not an A-list movie star, but I don't think that means she's in bad shape career-wise.

Posted by: Turtle at August 19, 2010 7:48 PM

The Google comment is referring to the number of people who will find this article via Google. See also: Dustin's Eat, Pray, Love review.

Posted by: Courtney at August 19, 2010 7:49 PM

I agree that she can choose better roles or maybe finance a movie that doesn't suck, just sayin', she's not the only reason her sucky movies suck. There are lots of people to blame there. Everybody with an acting career in Hollywood has done shitty movies. They probably didn't want to make shitty movies, but that isn't always up to the actors. Sometimes the best they can do is turn in a decent performance and hope the stink doesn't stick to them for too long.

If people want to hate Aniston, fine. I just don't feel the need to be one of them. Nor do I feel sorry for her or make excuses for her cruddy movies. I haven't seen most of them. I think this Aniston apologist group is smaller than Aniston haters think it is. Most of us have better things to do than worry about Jennifer Aniston's box office appeal. Or general appeal. Or relationship issues. I don't give a tiny rat's ass about any of those things.

The "OMG, (female movie star) is so pathetic!" entries are getting old, though. Especially when they address things that don't really have much to do with their actual performances, but instead address things like their age, their marriage, their dating activities, how many times they get mentioned in tabloids, etc. It makes the writers sound like 13-year-old girls gossiping about the head cheerleader.

FWIW, "The Switch" looks like a fucking horrible movie. You couldn't get me to see it even if I could sit in Jason Bateman's lap while watching it. Has any movie that includes sperm donation as a major plot point not been fucking horrible? "The Kids Are Alright" may be the only exception (I haven't seen it).

Posted by: Slash at August 19, 2010 8:19 PM

I don't have any strong feelings for or against Jennifer Aniston. I don't like her. I don't dislike her. I meh her. I do like her hair and I'd like to look that great when I'm in my 40s, but you're right. That's about all there is to her. She's not a real awesome role model. She's not a terribly amazing actress. She's the vanilla ice cream of women; and not even that crazy exotic French vanilla; just vanilla.

Posted by: meganthefirst at August 19, 2010 9:14 PM

Maybe her "problem" is that people seem to think she has a "problem" in the first place.

I have no real problem with Aniston. She does her thing, I am amused by it in some instances and not so much in others. I am able to admit that I would hit it like the fist of at least a slightly unnerved god. And I can admit that that does nothing for my opinion of her acting or lack thereof.

But one thing I do get sick of is people analyzing the shit out of the woman. She is an actress that got her big stardom on a sitcom. She made a few movies, not a lot blew up the box office. She got a divorce and dated a few guys. There. That is basically what everyone is discussing ad nauseum. Yes, she is boring. Not everybody gets to be awesome, or even intriguing or questionable. And that is okay. You don't have to be invested in every celeb you see, goddamit.

And it doesn't matter what side you fall on. You are still just as guilty of overhyping her as anyone. That's right: acting like she is some ball-busting shrew out to destroy cinema is as stupid and irrational as thinking she is some sort of feminist paragon.

I am a big believer in the idea of garbage in, garbage out, especially when it comes to celebrities. If you think a certain celeb can do no wrong, then they never will in your eyes. But if you wish to see a celeb as some sadsack needing a "fix", then that is all you will see.

So maybe the first step in Aniston's "recovery" is for people (both the haters and the asskissers) to realize that she doesn't need a goddamn recovery.

She is doing just fine, thank you.

Posted by: Vermillion at August 19, 2010 10:27 PM

Let me be another to say: I don't dislike or like Jennifer Aniston. I never think of her as either a great actress or a lousy actress. She just doesn't make anything that interests or excites me.

Posted by: Fredo at August 19, 2010 10:30 PM

Gosh, maybe she's just a mediocre actress who's completely fine with making bank.

How... terrible of her?

Posted by: serena at August 19, 2010 10:33 PM

I didn't see your post before commenting, Vermillion, but I agree with you absolutely.

And Aniston's life is awesome. Way, way awesomer than that of the woman writing about some imagined problem on the part of the actress.

Posted by: serena at August 19, 2010 10:39 PM

No hard feelings, Rykker. I know enough to know my love with Ray-Mac isn't everlasting. I just hope to enjoy it while I can.

Keep her secret. Keep her safe.

Posted by: RobP at August 19, 2010 11:35 PM

I TOTALLY agree with the article. I can't stand her anymore. She's EVERYWHERE all the time. It's like she can't stand to be out of the spotlight for more than 5 minutes. Does she need to sell perfume and other products? How much money and fame does one person need?

People here are saying that she's happy with making bank and being mediocre, but they obviously haven't read her last interview.

She talks about herself as an "actor." She said, "Barbara Streisand and I have much in common. We were both put in the spotlight" and "you just keep overcoming." Yes, she was put in the spotlight by invisible forces, but she's overcoming it. Right. Then, she talked about wanting to work on Broadway. Right. Because that's what Broadway needs--more Rachel.

AND, she has an acting coach, too. Someone has to TEACH her how to be Rachel for every movie. Aniston took the acting coach with her to the movie she did with Adam Sandler. The acting coach then twittered that the Sandler and Aniston pairing was exactly like the classic pairing Spencer Tracy and Katherine Hepburn. Really.

Compared to Aniston, Julia "Hee-Haw" Roberts and Halle "Catwoman" Berry are master thespians. I'm sorry but it's time for the shitty tabloid queen to go back to TV. She may have lots of money but she obviously has no talent, taste or grasp of reality either. Money is not everything in life.

Posted by: just my opinion at August 20, 2010 12:01 AM

I wish she would just pick some genuinely good comedies. She's really not a bad comedic actress at all--watch any old episode of Friends and the girl was REALLY funny. She was also perfect for the character, just that right mix of goofy and snobby, and she had great delivery. Unfortunately she's just stuck in this rut where she's the bland girl in the bland romantic comedies.

You know what I think it is, or at least a big part of it? I don't think she has big screen presence. She should try TV again. She gets kind of boring when you watch her for more than thirty minutes, but she's great in small doses with a good supporting cast. Look at Courtney Cox- never did good movies, does great in tv shows.

Posted by: figgy at August 20, 2010 12:19 AM

I've become convinced that Jennifer Aniston's entire career is a joke someone is playing on us. Kind of like the joke played on us when Bush was elected President. There's no THERE there--no talent, no style, nothing offensive, no charisma, personality, etc. She's designed herself to be a product who churns out endless rom=com porn designed to appeal to the larger masses. It doesn't stop. And, it just doesn't stop.

Posted by: truly at August 20, 2010 1:12 AM

All she has is nice hair, constantly tweaked nipples, ... and a rockin’ bod.
---
ALL?

That's plenty enough for me.

C'mere, Jen, I'll twirl your squirrel.

Posted by: , at August 20, 2010 1:15 AM

The story is that she impregnates herself with a turkey baster and the Bateman character switches out her sperm sample for his own.
Posted by: megan at August 19, 2010 4:45 PM

------------------------------------

Hopefully not in that order

Posted by: camila at August 20, 2010 2:57 AM

Rykker,
I think most guys like the extra 20 and just won't admit it.

Posted by: courtney at August 20, 2010 5:56 AM

Ugh she really is just...beige...I've never liked Aniston and Rachel was the single most annoying thing about friends, worse even than the retroactively re-written charicatures each character became by the shows end.

I thought she was outclassed in the good girl by John C Reilly not even trying and Jake Gyllenhaal basically running rings around her while she played, pretty much, as she has been for YEARS, Rachel in some new variation.

She's one of the most undeserving of her fame actresses out there and it's weird I read this article just after I read the article about teen actors who retired to lives of normalcy, marriage and/or parenthood.

Jen should be on that list, performers who took a graceful last bow and turned their hand to other things YEARS ago.

As it is, it's fucking embarrassing.

Posted by: Nadine at August 20, 2010 8:03 AM

Yeah Nadine, she should've given up an acting career that has netted her untold millions of dollars to become a wedding planner in 1992 to avoid the minor annoyance she's created in your life.

Same goes for Micropenis. He makes the worst and most annoying movies ever, but he is RICH AS FUCK and tries to stuff his itty-bitty nubbin into every hot piece of ass who wants to become an actress. Aside from the comical genitals, that's a pretty sweet life.

Posted by: Kballs at August 20, 2010 9:37 AM

I have nothing to say about this except, I missed Rykker drunk, insane, AND pantsless?

It's a sad, sad day for The Beav, kids. A sad day INDEED.

Posted by: Anna von Beav at August 20, 2010 9:53 AM

My great-grandmother used to say that "familiarity breeds contempt". Part of Aniston's perceived issue could be resolved simply by being more selective in the roles that she takes. She's got the kind of money that will enable her not to have to take the first thing that comes along. We think that she a shitty actress because she takes shitty parts in shitty movies.
People aren't nearly as tired of the grossly overrated Julia Roberts because she's no longer in our face all the time. Same thing with Aniston's so-called nemesis --- she takes the same role over and over (Head Ass Kicker in Charge) but since she's not in our face all the time, it's not quite so bad.
It might be a good idea for Aniston to take a year off, let her fans (whoever they are) miss her a bit, and then come back on a limited basis. She'll extend her career that way.

Posted by: Carolina Girl at August 20, 2010 10:36 AM

Did Aniston seriously put her name in the same sentence as B. Streisand?

Posted by: samantha t at August 20, 2010 11:09 AM

What's the name of the show that, whenever they show a map of the Middle East, one of the counties is called Jennifer Anistan?

Posted by: renni at August 20, 2010 11:29 AM

This is a fantastic post. I'm always looking for relevant resources to show the retirement community, and your post is definitely worth sharing!

Posted by: Marlen Blanda at August 20, 2010 2:38 PM

@Samantha. Yes. Here's the quote:

Aniston also explains why she feels such a kinship for Streisand: “I had a long conversation with Barbra about directing because I directed a short a couple years ago, and if I don’t do it again soon, I’m going to burst out of my skin. And we also love interior design. Also, we are people who have been put in the spotlight, for better or for worse, and you just keep riding, and you keep overcoming, and you just stay true to what you love to do.”

Posted by: megan at August 20, 2010 4:08 PM

My 73-year-old mothers assessment of Aniston:

"Supremely bland, minimally talented actress who if you were to step on, would be slightly less annoying than gum."

I miss my mother.

Posted by: allheavens at August 20, 2010 4:33 PM

Hi, I really hope you can perhaps direct me in the right direction. I'm looking to have a championship belt made for a much respected, retiring employee. We are planning on having a dinner presentation for him and make it as pleasant a night as possible. The icing on the cake will be the presentation of a custom championship belt thanking him for his decades of dedicated service. I was able to find one championship belt maker but I don't know alot about them besides that they create championships for ROH Ring Of Honor wrestling. Any help will be appreciated.

Posted by: Chia Fryson at August 20, 2010 9:20 PM

Hi, I really hope you can perhaps point me in the right direction. I'm looking to have a championship belt made for a much beloved, retiring employee. We are planning on having a dinner presentation for him and make it as special a night as possible. The icing on the cake would be the presentation of a custom championship belt thanking him for his decades of faithfull service. I was able to find one championship belt maker but I don't know alot about them except that they make championships for ROH Ring Of Honor wrestling. Any help will be appreciated.

Posted by: Desire Gasson at August 20, 2010 9:25 PM

Hi, I really pray you can possibly direct me in the right direction. I'm looking to have a championship belt made for a much respected, retiring co-worker. We are working on having a dinner presentation for him and make it as pleasant a night as possible. The icing on the cake would be the presentation of a custom championship belt thanking him for his years of dedicated service. I was able to find one championship belt maker but I don't know much about them besides that they create belts for ROH Ring Of Honor wrestling. Any help will be appreciated.

Posted by: Rivka Menton at August 20, 2010 9:25 PM

This is all so true and green cleaning is one thing that should be more discussed, and remember that, i run a green cleaning company and i still cannot find enough information about it!

Posted by: Green Cleaning Sydney at August 20, 2010 11:51 PM

Thanks for your visiting this www.watchau.com/Swiss-Replica-Rolex online store.

Posted by: Swiss Replica Watches at August 21, 2010 1:47 AM

Aniston is the cockroach of films. She's everywhere and hard to get rid of.

Posted by: precious at August 21, 2010 3:24 PM

haha! I agree completely. We all need to buy some Romantic-Comedy Raid and be rid of this pest for awhile!

Posted by: Liana at August 21, 2010 6:53 PM

This will be short -

Team Vermillion.

Posted by: Amanda6 at August 23, 2010 2:15 PM

Mary Bale the cat woman reminds me of one of Bladerunner's replicants - straight after the 'entre of boiled dog' question in the Voight-Kampff test; "You find a cat alone in the street. You pet it, and then what?"

Posted by: Nighthawks at August 26, 2010 7:32 AM





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