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Eloquent Eloquence: SQUIRRELCANO!!!!! Edition

By Mrs. Julien | Eloquent Eloquence | July 5, 2013 | Comments ()


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Eloquent Eloquence, SQUIRRELCANO!!!!! Edition, is a compilation of the best comments of the week. Comments in non-Dustin reviews are ineligible for inclusion.

The This Whole Thread Was Delightful Comment of the Week goes to Rykker because you know Syfy is writing this down:

SHARKNADO vs PIRANHICANE!!

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The Why....Why...Why Is It Over Her Anime Womb? Comment of the Week goes to BWeaves with a set up from Sara_Tonin00. Also, try the veal!:

Because her biological clock is ticking.

The Her "For Your Consideration" Post Goes Up Next Week Comment of the Week goes to foolsage :

Felicia Day is available in a variety of prescription strengths for those seeking redheaded geeky cuteness. I suggest starting with feliciaday.com and moving from there in whichever direction suits your fancy. E.g. the Flog (Felicia's video blog) is entertaining, and is available at theflog.geekandsundry.com for the low low price of a little of your time.

The Nuking the Avocado Green Fridge Comment of the Week goes to Some Guy because someone on Pajiba ALWAYS knows the scientific answer and is more than willing to impart it:

Making any claims based off of trailer editing aside,

The severity of injuries in Hiroshima and Nagasaki were often dependent on what color clothing you were wearing at the time. There is tons of documentation, pictures, etc, showing women exposed to the blast with horrible burns that trace the dark ink used in the pattern of their white kimono,.

The white cloth reflected much of the radiation, leaving the sin underneath relatively unburned, while the dark cloth absorbed it and turned the skin under into carbon.

In Hiroshima, there are even pieces of paper that were exposed to the blast. School children had been practicing drawing their arabic numerals, 1,2,3,4, etc, on down. The dark ink used to draw the numbers burned out, leaving the rest of the white paper untouched.

The physics of nuclear weapons are crazier than you might think.

Not saying the movie isn't stupid for doing anything of the nature, but still. Let's not all pretend we're experts on the physical effects of close proximity nuclear explosions.

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The You've Just Spoiled the Climax That Fox Has Been Building To Comment of the Week goes to becks and becks for the intro, too:

I tend to believe that Beck and Coulter are the real life parents of Joffrey Baratheon but I guess I'll have to wait until Martin finishes the story.

The You Have a Gift for Simile Comment of the Week goes to icravefreshbrains whose prize, coincidentally, is fresh brains:

when I opened my daily Pajiba, I could not have known that the image i would see would lift me from the funky recesses of boredom and spring happiness into my heart. It's like eating a Strawberry Banana Molten Lava Cake Sundae with my eyes. A Sundae name Jake.Thank you.

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The A Picture Is Worth a Thousand Words Comment of the Week goes to Batesian who is showing that picture to a hairdresser even as you read this:

Yes, but are we not going to talk about that other dude's hair? Seriously, he's like Flock of Seagulls and anime had a baby.

The If This Exchange Isn't on EE I'm Going to Start Thinking There's a Conspiracy Comment of the Week goes to zeke_the_pig and Mrs. Julien because emmalita said so:

zeke_the_pig: Dustin, we've all brought you here today because we care about you, we worry about you, and we want you to get better. Yes, this is an intervention. Don't worry, there's wine-in-a-can, but you have to admit that you have a problem. A Vaughn problem. And you have to get help.

Mrs. Julien: [stands up, unfolds letter]

Dustin, I care about you. I wish only the best for you. When you speak approvingly of Vince Vaughn it makes me feel sad. I love and respect you. I want you to be happy. Watching you destroy yourself day by day is breaking my heart. I know that sometimes stewarding this site is challenging. It's hard for me to watch you struggle, but it can get better. We can help you, if you will let us.

--- I'm sorry. I promised myself I wouldn't cry ---

I will always be your minion, but I have decided that, for now, I will have to overlord you from a distance. I cannot watch you hurt yourself any longer. Please don't let Vince Vaughn drive you away from us. Will you let us help you?

This is Mark. You can get up and go with him right now. He has a special room where you can watch Couples Retrea and Fred Clause on a loop. They can help you and they have HD. Will you go with Mark?

We love you and we will all be here for you when you return.

Yours in Christ,
Prolixity

zeke_the_pig: *bursts into room with loaded revolver*

Where the hell's that damn bastard?!

If this Vaughn sonofabitch is why we don't play nightcrawlers anymore, Dustin, I'm gonna start a goddamn grease fire!

Mrs. Julien: zeke, you are forgetting the guidelines we discussed. Dustin needs to know we care about him. Use "I feel" statements. Try this:

I feel like we need to find that damn bastard, Vaughn. [waving gun around] I feel that Vaughn is getting in the way of our chance to interact Dustin. I feel like he is a barrier between us. I miss our time together playing nightcrawlers. I feel the barrier can be removed with fire. Will you let me help you by starting a grease fire?

zeke_the_pig: I'm sorry, I just... I just get so choked up with rage, I...

You're right.
You're right.
Dustin, I...feel...that, as your friend, I have to tell you that I...feel...that you have lost control of your critical faculties, and, seeing this in you, it...it just...it makes me...feel...grease fire in your kitchen.

The Comment of the Week Comment of the Week goes to foolsage who, some will note, made the list twice this week. Well played, sir or madam:

TK: I give this comment... the finger

foolsage: I give your gift of a finger 3 stars. The finger was tersely presented, which I appreciated. The ellipsis left me hanging for a bit (what will he give this comment? will it be flowers? a coupon? genital herpes?), but in the end my tension resolved satisfactorily. Would read again.



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Comments Are Welcome, Jerks Will Be Banned


  • BlackRabbit

    re: Nuclear physics: So basically, The Man in the White Suit actually was a hidden message about nuclear proliferation? Or an anti-doomsday weapon? I imagine hordes of men, dressed in natty white suits, bestriding the earth like ice-cream colored colossi after the bombs fell. Woe to us all.

  • Rykker

    Wooo!
    I appreciate the accolade, Mrs. J!
    Congrats, everyone!

  • llp

    I feel like "grease fire in your kitchen" is the new "and then I found $5."

  • emmalita

    I'm always hoping "and then I found $5" will be followed by "who want's ice cream?" I guess the same thing could work with "grease fire in your kitchen."

  • llp

    These phrases are all kind of mix and match, really. Who wants ice cream?

  • Mrs. Julien

    I would but there's a grease fire in my kitchen. You should hear Mr. J. He's gone full Baldwin at it.

  • BlackRabbit

    I found a greasy $5 in my kitchen. On fire.

  • e jerry powell

    Apropos of absolutely nothing, but...

    HOW AWESOME IS SWINTON?

    She goes to Moscow and brazenly breaks the law.

  • Mrs. Julien

    I believe the only word to describe how awesome SWINTON is would in fact be "SWINTON!"

  • e jerry powell

    And there we have it!

  • foolsage

    This means so much more to me this time, I don't know why. I think the first time I hardly felt it because it was all so new. But I want to say thank you to you. I haven't had an orthodox career. And I've wanted more than anything to have your respect.

    The first time I didn't feel it. But this time I feel it. And I can't deny the fact that you like me, right now, you like me!

  • Mrs. Julien

    TWICE!

  • foolsage

    Yeah. I'm waiting for Sally to win two Oscars in one year so she can formulate an appropriate acceptance speech to quote. The above was the best I could find for now.

  • Mrs. Julien

    Next time, you can quote the Norma Rae acceptance speech.

  • foolsage

    Good call. "They said this couldn't be done." :D

  • Batesian

    Kudos to my fellow EEers -- as BWeaves said, killer week all around!

    This is the perfect pick-me-up after surviving Independence Day ridiculousness only to wreck my ankle* this morning while walking the dog.

    *Only a sprain, thanks for asking. I look forward to self-medicating with scotch.

  • Fabius_Maximus

    Why wait?

  • Batesian

    We have a regular scotch club every Friday, which kicks off in a little bit. Figure I can wait an hour (plus, I'm trying to show I'm a tough guy by powering through the pain).

  • Fabius_Maximus

    Gods, I'm envious. I'm going drain the last of my Tyrconnell now (which is in fact even better than scotch, but not very much).

  • Mrs. Julien

    What if instead showing you're "a tough guy by powering through the pain", you could show you're a tough guy by picking fights while drunk on scotch? Or is that on the agenda for later as well?

  • Batesian

    Yeah, pretty much. Scotch club is not for the faint of heart (or liver).

  • ,

    The first rule of Scotch club is ... tell everybody about Scotch club, cause it sounds like a damn fine idea for Fridays.

  • I kinda feel that the fact that the exchange is in this EE in order to disprove the existence of a conspiracy just proves that there is, in fact, a conspiracy.
    I FACKIN' KNEW IT!

  • And happy belated Indy Day, Pajiba. I'll drink to you lot tonight.

  • Batesian

    The existence of conspiracies is a conspiracy.

  • That's always been my theory.

  • emmalita

    I am the Illuminati.

  • I am the Walrus.

  • Mrs. Julien

    That's what we want you to think.

  • But do you?
    DO YOU?!

  • emmalita

    You bring the scotch, I'll bring the absinthe.

  • Mrs. Julien

    Interesting theory.

  • BWeaves

    Congratulations to all! A very funny week. And I made the list again, WHOO-HOO!!!

    And I'd like to thank my neighbors for keeping me up to one in the morning exploding bombs over my house. I hate the 4th of July.

  • Harriet J. Hernandez

    like Bernard replied I'm taken by surprise that some one can make $5276 in one month on the internet. did you see this site w­w­w.C­a­n9­9.c­o­m

  • ,

    WHY DO YOU HATE AMERICA?

  • BWeaves

    Because I've always hated bombs bursting in air. That's a crappy way to celebrate anything. I don't get people who fire guns into the air either. What goes up COMES DOWN just as fast.

  • ,

    Who fire guns randomly into the night, period. We had a grandma here this week who thought there was an intruder on her property. So she got her gun and fired some warning shots and fired into a nearby house and killed her 11-year-old grandson, in his bed. They're still trying to sort out what to charge her with. I'm going with "astonishing stupidity, even in 2013 America, and manslaughter." Unfortunately, only the latter is considered an actual crime.

  • Parienve8137

    мy coυѕιɴ ιѕ мαĸιɴɢ $51/нoυr oɴlιɴe. υɴeмployed ғor α coυple oғ yeαrѕ αɴd prevιoυѕ yeαr ѕнe ɢoт α $1З619cнecĸ wιтн oɴlιɴe joв ғor α coυple oғ dαyѕ. ѕee мore αт...­ ­ViewMore----------------------...

    This means so much more to me this time, I don't know why. I think
    the first time I hardly felt it because it was all so new. But I want to
    say thank you to you. I haven't had an orthodox career. And I've wanted
    more than anything to have your respect.

  • BWeaves

    Oh Godtopus, that's sad.

    I think people think that if they are purposefully NOT aiming at something, that somehow the bullet just evaporates and doesn't hit anything. Idiots.

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