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Pajiba 10 For Your Consideration: Jake Johnson

By Joanna Robinson | Seriously Random Lists | July 2, 2013 | Comments ()


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I understand what, historically, The Pajiba 10 is about. It's the one time a year we snobby Pajiban hipster elite d-bags throw out our brain crushes and whatever the NPR-approved version of Tiger Beat is and go full-blown, balls-to-the wall superficial. Though they might be peppered over with a thin veneer of "respectability," our annual Pajiba 10 lists are usually populated by dishy Europeans and strapping, square-jawed men.

So why am I nominating this angry, turtle-faced man with his crooked nose and snaggletooth? Because this man, this Jake Johnson, is one half of TV's most beloved couple. If you want to know who walked away as King and Queen of the Will They/Won't They Prom this year, you need look no further than Johnson and former Pajiba 10 regular, Zooey Deschanel. Johnson's Nick Miller is basically an unshaven, crotchety charm factory. And, for the record, Johnson isn't just Nick Miller. He was also completely, heart-snatchingly great in last year's Safety Not Guaranteed and this year's Drinking Buddies. The latter he managed through no less than three pounds of beard.

So yeah, for your consideration, I present this strange, angry beardo. Fun fact, Pajibans: At SXSW this year, in a sea of McConaugheys, Fillions, Larsons, Kendricks and Wildes, Jake Johnson is the only celebrity that made our Supreme Overlord grab my arm and squeal.

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Comments Are Welcome, Jerks Will Be Banned


  • ashlec

    What?!!! I had a sexy dream about Jake Johnson just LAST NIGHT and then I awake to find this collection of adorable photos! Does this mean the universe wants me to abandon my husband and small child and run away with him and his super hot beard? Probably!

  • Uriah_Creep

    That is LITERALLY the only explanation!

  • Kate at June

    My husband strongly identifies with Nick Miller (take that as you will,) so I feel a special affinity for Johnson.

  • Maguita NYC

    We all feel a special affinity for johnsons, but it's the men attached to them that we often question.

  • Christy 'Weathers' Overall

    Hell's yeah! Looooove him. Deliciously confused little misanthrope. I could stare at him over a Pink Berry allllllll day.

  • Three_nineteen

    Sorry, but you're wrong - Jake Johnson is half of TV's most beloved couple, but that couple is Nick and Schmidt.

  • PerpetualIntern

    Yougavemecookie Igiveyoucookie

  • Julie Chase

    ^HA HA HA HA

    One of my favorite deliveries.

  • Muhnah_Muhnah

    I can't watch this show because of Zooey. She makes my brain itch, it's like an allergic reaction, I can't help it. But I'll watch the beer movie with Olivia Wilde because Olivia Wilde.

  • I find it mostly easy to ignore her, because the guys are so incredibly funny--but man, sometimes she is so damn grating. She's gotten better, but every time she decides to up the quirk, I just want to scream.

  • PerpetualIntern

    I agree. I watch New Girl despite the New Girl.

  • Tinkerville
  • stella

    FINE! I will watch The New Girl and like it. But seriously, I watched Parks and Rec Because of you all, so Im sure this will be awesome too.

  • Give it the Five Episode Try. It's self-aware, Zooey bags on her image pretty awesomely, and the supporting cast is amazing.

  • stella

    Awesome, thanks:)

  • Tinkerville

    Agreed. The first couple of episodes are rough, and then it veers straight ahead into awesomesauce territory.

  • E Robb

    All I see is David Krumholtz.

  • JoannaRobinson

    I see what you did there.

  • Jezzer

    I think you meant we can love him despite his relationship with the Tweebomination, not because of it.

  • I'm in.
    We are all Nick Miller.

  • phofascinating

    YES! THANK YOU! He is my dream boyfriend. Mostly because I'm the female Nick Miller. I just want to sit around and get lazily wasted and have sexy angry yell sessions and steamy makeup sex with Mr. Johnson every day for the rest of my life.
    Season 1 of "New Girl" is FINALLY on Netflix Instant. I think I know where my day is going...

  • NateMan

    I just wish he'd grow some actual damned facial hair. Beard it up or go clean-shaven, dammit, don't spend all this time trying to look like you just rolled out of head with perfectly managed stubble.

  • LadyKarinsky

    when I opened my daily Pajiba, I could not have known that the image i would see would lift me from the funky recesses of boredom and spring happiness into my heart. It's like eating a Strawberry Banana Molten Lava Cake Sundae with my eyes. A Sundae name Jake.Thank you.

  • annie

    He is basically the archetype of the guy I want to end up married to. Upvote.

  • I might put him on my list, not my "if I were gay list", my actual. I usually put a few ladies on there no one votes for anyway (Kristin Kreuk). I could pull a non-Ralph Nader and vote for someone who has a chance, or at least should.

  • Fame makes Gods out of the merest of mortals it seems.

  • Yossarian

    Well, fame, effective writing and compelling performance.
    See also: every celebrity crush I've ever had

  • Mich

    And being a fabulous kisser.

  • Well if no-one saw those things he'd just be a normal bloke. None of these outpourings of affection. Still he gives us schmucks hope.

  • mairimba

    The important question here is: Where is the Vine of Dustin squealing?

    Also, 100% yes to this post.

  • It's the mouth. And the VOICE. Ooooh his voice.

  • koko temur

    Plus he is the best kisser EVAH.

  • InternetMagpie

    Oh, it's totally the voice. Also the hands.

  • BWeaves

    Nope, not feeling this one. Sorry.

  • pfeiffer87

    Same here - why do people like him so?? I find the character of Nick really annoying, and Jess .... and Winston. In fact I hate the whole show. Except for Schmidt; he was the only reason I stayed watching for as long as I did.

  • Deidra

    Why do people have different taste and preferences than you do?

    The world may never know.

  • emmalita

    Just when I had declared my disgust with the annoying Man-Child, along comes Nick Miller. Gah!

  • Maguita NYC

    Man-child is right. I gave him a shot, and still nope. Can not.

  • emmalita

    Silver lining, we get to watch LaineyBobainey and Julie Chase throw down.

    I think he's a cutie, but I'm not willing to fight for him.

  • Mrs. Julien

    I think of the Pajiba 10 as a litmus test of who is up and coming in the zeitgeist as well as representative of our superficiality. It's lustful multi-tasking.

  • Yossarian

    Well, now I want a Pajiba t-shirt with the slogan: "Lustful Multi-tasking"

  • CLAIMING IT AS THE TITLE OF MY FIRST MEMOIR.

  • If they make that and also one with that other gem 'Grandiloquent Windbag' I'll be ordering a double set straight away.

  • Mrs. Julien

    I'm still holding out for "Storm of Vengeance and Whiskey".

  • ruby

    Does this mean there's a chance of us getting a new tagline?

  • Yes! Someone needs to make this happen.

  • tmoney

    The baby picture slays me! Also, Julius Pepperwood, from Chicago. He likes deep-dish pizza.

  • InternetMagpie

    Thin-crust pizza? No thank you, I'm from Chicago.

  • ZizoAH

    It's probably biologically impossible to be cuter than he is.

  • Deidra

    "It’s the one time a year we ... go full-blown, balls the to the wall superficial."

    That may be the funniest thing I've ever read on Pajiba.

    But I do hope that he makes the final list.

  • Julie Chase

    I KNEW you would end with a gif of The Kiss.

  • LaineyBobainey

    He was on my list last year - THE LAMINATED FINAL LIST - and this was *before* the kissing, so yeah, I'm pretty sure you can betcherass he's on there at the top again this year.

    Also, STEP THE FUCK OFF, Magpie!

    Actually, I take that back. I would share with you. Just YOU, though. No one else.

  • InternetMagpie

    <3

  • Julie Chase

    Oh, FINE.

  • LaineyBobainey

    AND HOOLIE! I would share with that whortch. Always.

  • LaineyBobainey

    BUT NO ONE ELSE!

    But, probably Joanna.

  • LaineyBobainey

    And MelBivDevoe.

    BUT THAT'S IT. The rest of you need to go get yer own turtle face.

  • MelBivDevoe

    Woo! I made the cut.

  • Julie Chase

    Alright, I want off this orgy train. I'm taking my Nick away so we can spend the day making out and drinking absinthe.

    "Sexy sexy sexy BIRD BIRD BIRD!!"

  • LaineyBobainey

    This is why you are and will always be an untrustworthy whortch. I was willing to share with you and THIS is how you repay me? You wound me. You've just wounded me.

  • LaineyBobainey

    OK, WELL THAT WAS SUPPOSED TO BE A GIF, BUT I DON'T KNOW HOW TO DO THAT!

  • Joe Grunenwald

    Women want to be with him, men want to be him.

  • scone

    Women wish they had brought Nick Miller to orgasm and men wish they had bought him more stuff.

  • Muhnah_Muhnah

    You forgot "with" in that last part, buddy.

  • InternetMagpie

    He's my NUMBER ONE.

  • TheOriginalMRod

    YES!!!!!!!!

    just yes...

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