Eloquent Eloquence: Fingerhood Ornaments Edition
Eloquent Eloquence, fingerhood ornaments edition, is a compilation of the best comments of the week. Comments in non-Dustin reviews are ineligible for inclusion, or so they claim.
This went well, if I do say so myself: Tell Us About Your Unusual Job.
I'd suggest TK's Shawshank Redemption article, but it seems every single Pajiban has already commented.
• The If Pajiba Wrote the Left Behind Movie Comment of the Week goes to Lindsey Gregory:
OR, the movie within the movie is about the rapture and how Kirk Cameron, in one fell swoop, disproved evolution by fellating a banana? Anybody??
• The We Can't Let Foreign Wombs Steal Our Jobs! Comment of the Week goes to Staramour, although offshoring would save a lot of money:
The first thought I had upon seeing that photo is: FANTASTIC. A factory that I'd like to see go to China.
• The Am I the Only One Who Thinks That Sounds Filthy? Comment of the Week goes to Tomas353 who probably didn't mean it to sound that way. Pity.:
Self-stimulating kittens are the universe's gift to us.
• The So Say We All of the Week goes to Belphebe who was so much older then, she's younger than that now:
beautiful. Now I want to go back in time and find the shy awkward me who oscillated between oversized tshirts and slutty miniskirts and hug her fiercely while whispering in her ear that it will all be ok.
• The I Still Don't Get The Whole VOTING For God's Right Hand Man on Earth. Isn't There a Magic Hat Or Something? Comment of the Week goes to Steven Lloyd Wilson with a tip o'the mitre to Wembley:
Yeah but the damned thing just kept putting all the cardinals in Slytherin, so it wasn't getting anywhere very fast.
• The There You Go Ruining Things with "Logic" Comment of the Week goes to Genevieve Burgess who is real and spectacular:
This is not the first time I've seen one of those machine gun bra arrangements for a movie or TV show and I always wonder what, exactly, the firing mechanism is. Like, she's throwing her shoulders back but the inherent squishy nature of boobs means that even when you force them against something (like, say, if there was some kind of pressure trigger inside the cup) they don't have enough firmness to really apply the necessary pressure. Unless they've got a hair trigger on those things and THAT could get awkward. "Man, that sure was a long battle fighting zombies, I just need to stretch out a bi- NO! I'M SORRY! GODDAMNIT THIS ALWAYS HAPPENS!"
Also, how long is the barrel? Where's the firing pin? Wouldn't you end up with some serious gun powder burns on your tits? This is why I can't have nice things.
• The Sofia Vergara's Breasts Are the Gift That Keep on Giving Comment of the Week goes to Bert_McGurt who was a willing recipient:
"Are you concealing the impractically short barrels of a titillating novelty firearm brassiere to be covertly and fatally unleashed on some unsuspecting mook distracted by your impossibly beautiful and bounteous cleavage - or is it just cold in here?"
• The Boom Goes the Dynamite! Comment of the Week goes to Uriah_Creep with a set up from Audiosuede:
And Red State is Kevin Smith's best movie, and yes I mean that.
And this is why you'll never be "VideoSuede".
• The Don't Think It Isn't Comment of the Week goes to lowercase_ryan. A little Eucharist, a little schvitz, maybe getting to see God for a few minutes:
Also: I thought the Vatican WAS a big gay bathhouse? If not I'm totally opening a big gay bathhouse called "The Vatican BGBH"
• The Comment of the Week Comment of the Week goes to Kip Hackman. Yippee Ki-Yay, Motherfu*ker!:
That's his stunt double, Kevin. Kevin got into some back alley, black market doubling and when his back was up against the wall, he called Bruce to help him out. Turns out being in action movies for thirty years, you learn a thing or two. Bruce has mostly learned that even real criminals pee their pants a little when John McClane starts shooting every bullet he has at them. Also he learned that his guns only hold a finite number of bullets. Either way, Mr. Willis was able to help a friend out of a jam, and Kevin learned a valuable lesson about friendship, and being paid in large envelopes full of horse tranquilizer.
...or is it?
Pajiba Love Express
Here's some Daveed Diggs for you. On Daveed Diggs' digs, actually. That man does things with clothes that should not make sense, but are absolutely perfect. (Go Fug Yourself)
Woody Allen has "so moved on" from his daughter's accusations and says he never even thinks about it. He equates her words about him to a bad review he won't read and comments on how wacky it is that Mia Farrow is his mother-in-law. He is the worst. (Celebitchy)
Not The Worst but still very gross: Leonardo DiCaprio and his
Here are 5 under-the-radar shows. I had never even heard of the first two. (Uproxx)