Yoda Would Clean This Papacy Right Up

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Yoda Would Clean This Papacy Right Up

By Steven Lloyd Wilson | Pajiba Love | March 13, 2013 | Comments ()


If you were a Cardinal who would you vote for pope besides Tony La Russa? I think the only proper choice is argued above. Yoda for space pope!

Occasionally there's a glitch when an egg forms, and the result is one egg growing inside another one. I like to think of this as the next stage of war in the argument over whether the chicken or the egg came first, and ain't that just a kick in the cloaca. Click here for the only slightly disturbing photos.

Here are some high resolution pictures of atomic tests at Bikini atoll back in 1946. In particular, this was an atomic explosion set off in the middle of a flotilla of retiring warships in order to test the effects of atomic weapons in naval warfare. The black spot in the first picture? That's an entire battleship thrown vertically into the air. Sometimes reality finds a way to so succinctly mock the things we put on screen as impressive displays of power.

If you haven't read Jewel Staite's occasional Q&A columns over at Blastr, you really should. She'd fit in better here than there.

The European Union apparently decided to not ban pornography on the Internet. They've turned their attention to things that are less futile, like waving their fists at the moon for being too damned bright.

Speaking of tasteful erotica, here's an analysis of what pornography is searched for by state. Wow, there are so many acronyms on that page that I am not looking up under any circumstances.

There is so much awesome going on in this convention picture that I can't even begin to comment:


So, the Soviet Union trained several dozen dolphins to use beak mounted knives and head mounted pistols in order to attack underwater special forces divers. With the fall of the Soviet Union, the Ukraine inherited said dolphins. And now several have escaped. Let's just assume that they're armed, while we wait for confirmation from Doctor Evil. We've already penciled TK in to review the SyFy channel film.

Now that we're pretty sure the big three are returning to Star Wars VII, we're starting to get artist renderings of the aged characters. You have no idea how difficult it was to not put a lemon party link right there. You're welcome.

I know you all hope and pray to hear more Taylor Swift news, so you'll be happy to know that piles of unread fan letters to her were found in a dumpster. In other news, Taylor Swift fans are actually literate enough to mail letters. I'm sure this is Tina Fey's fault.

And here is the ultimate academic marriage proposal, doing so via a (finely formatted in LaTeX, naturally) scientific argument. Come for the love, stay for the graphs:


TK sent me this to appease you, there's a Kickstarter to raise money for a Veronica Mars Movie. I hear if you donate a $1000, you get a free vat of oil and the use of Enrico Colantoni's bald head for an hour.

Are you the sort of person like me who can look at cool maps 25 hours per day? Here's the best subreddit in the history of everything.

I know everyone has heard this song, but the video version of Fun's Carry On has an extra minute at the beginning. This is irrelevant except for the fact that you can totally hear the TARDIS landing in the background, and I give them a Geek-five:

Better Than A Pony, The Veronica Mars Movie Is Pretty Much Guaranteed To Happen | Home Is Where the Heart Is Pierced on a Stick and Being Licked by TK Like a Lollipop

Are you following Pajiba on Facebook or Twitter? Every time you do, Bill Murray crashes a wedding.

Comments Are Welcome, Bigots and Trolls Are Not

  • Aratweth

    So; what I took away from the Carry On video is that Nate Ruess is the Queen-loving, highwater pants-wearing love child of Guy Pearce and Mark Wahlberg....

  • Jen

    I feel like I'm probably missing something big, but who are the two guys in the back row of the TNG picture? Redshirts who were killed off in one episode?

  • John W

    How is it that Ryker looks 100 years older and Jean Luc looks 100 years younger. Is Jean Luc a space vampire?

  • e jerry powell


    Frakes makes me feel like a hormonal teenager.

  • Emma

    Frakes is the dude between Levar Burton and Michael Dorn. Is the magic still there?

  • e jerry powell

    What in the name of Luke & Laura has Genie Francis done to him?

    Looks like Francis Ford Coppola knocked up a librarian. The beard is good, but the hair...

    I know, it's a convention and things are supposed to be casual, but if everyone else can show up looking reasonably put together (especially the eternally distinguished Patrick Stewart), then the TNG hunkitude should bring it as well. Every other man in the cast has defaulted to the Leather Daddy Daytime Look.


    Okay. I'm done now, and I can go back to being a hormonal teenager.

  • Muhnah_Muhnah

    Well, now I'm in love with Jewel Staite. I don't have time to be in love with more people! I've got shit to do. I...need another glass of wine.

  • Stephen Nein

    Only in a SLW Love would I EVER see a mention of LaTeX.

    -the former LaTeX support tech a for a large midwestern state university,

  • Fabius_Maximus

    Poor Brent Spiner. He so wants to be elsewhere.

  • e jerry powell

    I'm beginning to think that Spiner and De Lancie may be morphing into one person. It'll be interesting to see what midpoint along the continuum they meet at.

  • PaddyDog

    The dolphin thing: they ended up in the Ukraine, you say? Did anyone else see that link TK shared about kids' toys? I give you Pavel from Kiev. Be scared. Be very scared.


  • Bert_McGurt

    How do dolphins fire pistols?

  • They shoot them with their minds, unless they've forgotten the faces of their fathers.

  • Siege

    You, sir, are my Jesus figure for the day.

  • NateMan

    Dark Tower WIN.

  • Bert_McGurt

    F*ckin' King, what with all his ANSWERS to sh*t.

  • ViciousTrollop

    Damn Star Wars trolls! Star Trek 4 lyfe!

  • Slash

    I dunno, Yoda couldn't keep what's his face from turning into Darth Vader ...

  • Wembley

    I still don't get the whole VOTING for God's right hand man on Earth. Isn't there a magic hat or something?

  • e jerry powell

    I prefer the Dalai Lama Search method, personally.

  • NateMan

    I vote for an old white man version of the Hunger Games. Last one with an unbroken hip wins.

  • JJ

    I think you're onto something! Maybe something along the lines of a series of puzzles, culminating in the choosing of a chalice or cup among many fake chalices.

  • ZombieNurse

    I want pure Goblet of Fire type things to happen. Mazes, Mermaids, dragons, Rubik's cubes...if this man is going to lead over a billion people, he needs to bring it.

  • Yeah but the damned thing just kept putting all the cardinals in Slytherin, so it wasn't getting anywhere very fast.

  • PaddyDog

    Wouldn't it be so much more fun if every day they voted a cardinal out so he had to leave the Vatican and do the walk of shame and talk to the cameras about how it was all personal because Cardinal Diddlesboysie was upset that he had palled up with Cardinal Hatesgaysie and so on.
    And then it gets really tense when it's down to the final two and they have a really reprehensible final test to pass? I'd watch that all day long. As it is, CNN's 24-hour coverage of St. Peter's Square with nothing happening has got to be the final death knell in that channel's claim to be news.

  • Maguita NYC

    Genius! Survivor Vatican: Papal Elimination.

    What kind of challenges would they face? How does the tribe get divided? How about exile island: Can we send them to a nunnery instead? What about Redemption Island?

    So many questions: Would Probst agree to a nightly "Inquisition" around a fiery pit of hell, and what would he extinguish after "the tribe has spoken"?

    Oh, I see white smoke. Too late, a new one just got elected.

  • JJ

    Cardinals vying for one-on-one dates with God, hoping for that extra personal time so they can be offered a rosary to stay at the next elimination ceremony? Tune in to The Bachelord!

  • MrsAtaxxia

    There is now a corner of my brain that is just going to be worried about this dolphin thing. Not a lot worried, but when my little overactive ADD brain can't sleep at night and starts to loop through all kinds of crazy shit you can bet your ass this is gonna be in there along with "is the coffee maker off" and "I really wish I could ride a skateboard like YT." Awesome. Can't wait.

  • Nat Kittyface

    Don't worry, I remember reading that the US lost a bunch of trained killer dolphins a few years ago too, so I imagine there's just going to be an epic Cold War dolphin standoff in the middle of the Atlantic and it'll all take care of itself. Rest easy. (Unless you're a porpoise. Dolphins seem to hate porpoises for no scientifically discernible reason. Bigots.)

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