I’m going to lay my cards on the table out of both a spirit of transparency and to make sure everyone’s fully aware that I’m out here flailing around just like every other online idiot who hopes a barrage of snark will make them sound smart. I don’t have an easy answer or the solution to dragging our country out of its current shit-hole. That said, I’m going to be honest, I was really banking on one in the form of Joe Biden.
If you follow me on Pajiba or Twitter with any sort of regularity, then you’re probably aware that Elizabeth Warren is my preferred candidate, and she still is in light of recent events. She has all the progressive policies of Bernie, but without the baggage of his toxic campaign and, you know, actual plans to get things done. I like that. However, there is a part of me who would’ve felt very comforted watching Biden coast to a tight win or close second in both Iowa and New Hampshire before locking things down in the South. There was a strong narrative that he was the frontrunner, and it would’ve been nice to put all of this nomination business to bed quickly. Let’s get Joe in to stop the raping and pillaging first, and then we’ll work towards a socialist utopia that isn’t built on a pile of ashes.
Obviously, the hellscape had different plans.
I know the conventional wisdom is that Iowa and New Hampshire are only a small sliver of the electorate, and super-white to boot, but that doesn’t paper over the fact that Biden came in fourth and fifth respectively. He f**king died out there. As for what happened, I’m not a smart man, but I know it sure as hell wasn’t this. Give me a goddamn break.
Sirota basically knocked Biden out of the race by himself. He just kept posting videos of him proposing to cut social security, & that was the end of that— Patrick Fenelon 🌹 (@Patrick_Fenelon) February 12, 2020
For what it’s worth, here are my two cents on what took down Joe Biden: Joe Biden.
I don’t want to get into ageism here, but it’s not entirely unreasonable to ask ourselves why the Democratic Party is banking on old white man pushing 80 to save us. Christ, Bernie just had a heart attack, and every day, Biden sounds more and more like Grandpa Simpson. You can practically see him aging in real-time. As for the new fresh-faced upstart Mike Bloomberg, he’s clocking in at a spry, young 76. Goddammit.
But back to my point, Biden stopped by The View this morning for what can only be described as a full-on massage with nothing but the softest of softball questions. They practically rolled out the red carpet and said, “Hey, here’s a full hour to salvage your campaign on us. Enjoy.” I’m talking they wheeled his wife out for an entire grief porn segment with Meghan McCain. I don’t buy into conspiracy theories about the media favoring certain candidates, but if someone wanted to use this morning’s episode of The View as an example, I’d be hard-pressed to argue with them. It was pretty gross.
And, yet, despite the most favorable conditions, Biden couldn’t seal the deal. It was not great. I wouldn’t go so far as The Daily Beast and say he bombed “big time”, but if this is the Joe Biden that voters are seeing on the trail, I can understand why the vast majority of Democrats are fleeing to other candidates (that aren’t Bernie). I feel terrible saying this, but he sounds like my grandmother before, God bless her, she really started slipping into dementia. Don’t get me wrong, at some points Biden is sharp as a tack, but then in others, you have no idea what the hell he’s talking about. Again, the questions couldn’t be more perfectly teed up. All he had to do was very lightly swing, and instead, he’d wander over to the concession stand.
Here’s the opening clip, which is easily the most meandering of the bunch and shows that it takes Biden at least a good eight minutes or so before all of the cylinders start firing. But in that time period, he manages to almost make a very weird off-color remark about Pete Buttigieg’s sexuality during an effort to defend him from Rush Limbaugh. It’s a miracle Biden caught himself, and I really want to know where that was going. He’s also given a huge opening to take a crack at Bloomberg over the stop-and-frisk recordings, so what does Biden do? Steers the conversation towards gun control, the one topic where Bloomberg is absolutely crushing it. It’s like watching a trainwreck in very, very, very slow motion.
On a more positive note, once Biden does get warmed up, he does have some fiery moments where he genuinely looks like he’d knock the shit out of Trump in a debate. It honestly looks like the only thing that makes some lead in his pencil, which is a shame, because let’s say things do turn around in the South for Biden — Who the hell knows with this primary? — there’s already talk of Trump skipping the debates. Which after watching this week’s latest spat of authoritarianism, I wouldn’t rule it out.
I’m not really sure why I included these, but here are the more schmaltzy clips, which I’ll be frank, I completely bailed on. They’re heavy on the MY FATHER, and very light on not making me think Biden’s plan is to give the whole country a Werther’s Original and everything’ll be Jim-dandy while he takes a nap. Better yet, if you need anything, just give ol’ Jill a holler. Nice talking to ya.
Header Image Source: The View/YouTube