Eloquent Eloquence, Verbing a Noun Edition, is a compilation of the best comments of the week. Comments in non-Dustin reviews are ineligible for inclusion.
pajiba:YOU MEAN THERE’S NO JANE LUNCH?
Steven Lloyd Wilson: There is, but since she’s in prison, there is in fact no free Lunch.
• The I, for One, Welcome Our Erinaceinae Overlords Comment of the Week goes to DataAngel who will now lead us in Martin Matins:
Martin Freeman as himself, in Hobbit Gear is possibly the single most adorable thing on this planet. Sorry to all the baby animals out there, but you have a new god and his name is Martin.
• The In Spite of the Lack of Appropriate Capitalization Comment of the Week goes to firedmyass who is CORRECT:
I’m convinced that Swinton and David Bowie are visitors from an an advanced civilization that harnesses confused arousal to power their technology.
• The I Will Strike Down Upon Thee with Great Vengeance and Furious Anger, Or As We Call It on Pajiba, “Tuesday” Comment of the Week goes to TK:
You motherfucker. You worthless, shit-eating son of a cancerous whore. I will give a leprous hobo a fucking handjob before I let you causally rip on the Friday the 13th franchise, you fuck. Do you not remember when he went to New York, the city that never sleeps? It was like a Sinatra film, but with disembowelings. And then there’s the one where he possesses people and is killed by that knife from The Golden Child. It’s ART, you worthless heathen. HE GOES TO SPACE, ROB, IF THAT’S YOUR REAL NAME. HE GOES TO FUCKING SPACE AND HE GETS A FUTURISTIC HOCKEY MASK AND FIGHTS THAT CANADIAN CHICK FROM ANDROMEDA.
I can’t believe this shit. God, it’s like you don’t know anything about film. You disgust me.
• The Can I Get One of Those T-Shirts Comment of the Week goes to Mrcreosote whose prize is pastries and beer:
Look people, if my torso looked like that I’d be passing out posters. I’d be going to work in mesh dress shirts with blinking lights. I’d have a picture of my abs silkscreened on my t-shirts. I’d hire people to start small fires around me so I’d have to strip off my shirt to put them out. Then I’d hire other people to spill liquids around me so I’d have to remove my shirt to mop them up. I would go to Mardi Gras and just hang around Bourbon Street collecting beads. The good kind, not those crap beads that smell like motor oil. I’d organize wet T shirt contests just so I could enter them. I’d become a Hulk Hogan impersonator just to get a deal on tear-away shirts. Hell, I’d become a Hulk impersonator even if it involved an all over green body tattoo. I’d hire myself out as an art model-even for business schools or New England Tractor Trailer Training School (Are you sure you don’t have an art elective here?). I’d try to get hired as an extra for a water park ad.
What I’m saying is you are all lucky I lack any vestige of self control and have a thing for pastries and beer.
• The I’m Willing to Do Terrible Things To Get a Dredd Sequel. Terrible, Dirty, Filthy Things That Most People Would Go to Therapy for Comment of the Week goes to God Of Bal-Sagoth and also TherecanbeonlyoneAdmin:
From what I hear, you’d do those things for a sandwich.
• The There Were No Takers Comment of the Week goes to lowercase_ryan whose dare was actually a tacit admission. Two things: a. Get. b. Out.:
I triple dog dare someone to admit, on this site, to having seen Jack and Jill.
• The And Now Literally Threes of People Will Know This Happened to You Comment of the Week goes to BendinIntheWind. Don’t be embarrassed, it’s not like you watched Jack and Jill.
If you’ve never felt more like a dork in your entire life, may I submit being pulled over by a cop while riding a moped. Because that happened last week.
• The Comment of the Week/Wow, Pajiba. You’ve Been Turning Into Buzzfeed Clickbait Material for a Long Time, But Now You Have Mid-List Click-Jumps. Just.. Wow. Comment of the Week goes to some joker calling her/himself “pajiba” and Steven Lloyd Wilson. You two should take it on the road! H/T to WD:
pajiba: WE DO IT ONCE A YEAR. WITH THE PAJIBA 10. Otherwise, it takes a long time to load all the images/GIFs.
ONCE A YEAR.
Steven Lloyd Wilson: From now on my trade news posts are going to be seventeen page choose-your-own-adventure affairs in order to maximize clicks. The remodel on my second yacht isn’t going to just pay for itself you know.
pajiba: ALSO, we are six years older than Buzzfeed. Whatever you think that Buzzfeed has been doing that you don’t like, WE’VE BEEN DOING IT LONGER.