The 12 Crappiest Movies of Carla Gugino's Career

By Agent Bedhead | Posted Under Seriously Random Lists | Comments (53)

For a woman with such a massive quantity of va-va-voom and an above-serviceable level of talent, Carla Gugino sure has had made a long-lived career out of an endless stream of substandard movies. Sure, she was in American Gangster and can hold her own against almost any co-star with which one would hope to align her. And I’m not even touching the Watchmen level of underperforming flicks with a devoted fan base here, but a quick glance at her resumé reveals an appalling abundance of seriously crappy movies. These are flicks that usually are horrible despite not only Gugino’s participation but also the presence of numerous illustrious costars and, in some cases, good directors too. So let’s quickly run down that list in those terms, shall we?

Elektra Luzz: Despite the presence of Joseph Gordon-Levitt and Olyphantastic, who is already taking his shirt off in this poster. You’re welcome.

Son in Law: Despite the dubious comic stylings of Pauly Shore.

Every Day: Despite the presence of Liev Schreiber, who is probably overdue for one of these lists too. I’ll get right on that.

Race to Witch Mountain: Despite the impregnating smile of Dwayne Johnson (see also Faster).

The Unborn: Despite Odette Yustman’s magnificent ass.

Night at the Museum: Despite the implication of Sacagawea and Teddy Roosevelt getting it on together. Kinky.

Sucker Punch: Despite Jon Hamm and lots (and lots of) scantily-clad boobs.

Michael: Despite the presence of angel-playing Scientologist John Travolta.

Spy Kids 3-D: Despite the aura of the adorable Alan Cumming.

Snake Eyes: Despite the presence of director Brian De Palma and notwithstanding Crazy Cage.

Women in Trouble: Despite the mutually exclusive inclusion of Josh Brolin and an abundant supply of stiletto heels.

Troop Beverly Hills: Despite … oh hell, I can’t even pretend with this one.

And a little unexpected bonus number for you…

Righteous Kill: Despite the Al Pacino/Robert DeNiro combo. Hell, I even enjoyed this one (only for the cast) but can admit that it was one hell of a righteously crappy movie.

Agent Bedhead lives in Tulsa, Oklahoma. She and her little black heart can be found at Celebitchy.

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Comments

I have to admit that I kinda love Camp Beverly Hills. And although I have no strong opinion on it, and I'm not a fan of Pauly Shore's shtick AT ALL and mostly can't stand him, but for some inexplicable reason, I can't help but watch Son-in-Law when it's on TV. I'm not sure why.

Posted by: Nat Kittyface at October 19, 2011 2:07 PM

Would I have sex with her? yes, lots of it and I think she would at least pretend to enjoy it for my benefit. i would watch this woman in anything.

Does anyone have film of her seen in Jaded where she gets sexually assaulted by those two women on the beach?

Posted by: maka at October 19, 2011 2:10 PM

Troop Beverly Hills FOREVER.

Posted by: coveredinbees at October 19, 2011 2:15 PM

No The One with Jet Li, where she played the good girl AND the femme fatale? I'll forgive you if you don't think that movie is abjectly terrible, since it does also have Jet Li and The Statham.

However, the omission of Rise: Blood Hunter, one of the awfulest movies EVER, is a serious error. I daresay more people would sit through Son-In-Law and enjoy the camp value than would voluntarily watch ten minutes of Rise: Blood Hunter.

Posted by: MM at October 19, 2011 2:16 PM

"Son in Law: ~~Despite~~ Because of the dubious comic stylings of Pauly Shore."

Fixed.

Posted by: Groundloop at October 19, 2011 2:22 PM

I must be dwelling beneath a boulder because I seriously had no clue who this woman was.

Posted by: Bob Frapples at October 19, 2011 2:27 PM

That really is seriously random.

I kind of used to get her confused with Rachel Weisz, is that crazy or what?

Posted by: MRod at October 19, 2011 2:37 PM

LOVE Carla. Will watch her in anything too, and quite happy she's going to be on Justified next season.

Righteous Kill was the movie that finally made me admit that DeNiro & Pacino ain't the actors they used to be. Fuck that was a goddamn awful movie.

Posted by: Riles at October 19, 2011 2:38 PM

Women in Trouble had Gugino and the also smoking-hot Connie Britton trapped in an elevator and somehow made it non-sexy. That's not okay.

Posted by: ponch at October 19, 2011 2:53 PM

Anyone else see Center of the World or Center of the Universe (forgot exact name) with Peter Sarsgaaaaaard and Molly Parker and CG? Yeah. That was, um, yeah. Anybody?

Posted by: klingonfree at October 19, 2011 3:00 PM

Wow, she was in TWO crappy movies with Emmanuelle Chriqui and Adrianne Palicki? You'd think she would have learned more form the first one...

BTW, I just spent way too much time spell-checking both of their names.

Posted by: Claire at October 19, 2011 3:01 PM

Um, I adore Troop Beverly Hills. You shut your whore mouth. :-)

Carla is also in The Mighty Macs, which opens this weekend and I'm told is very good and really inspiring for girls. My mom is in it and went to the red carpet premiere last Friday night in Philly. She has been raving about it (and since they cut a lot of what she was in, it's not about the professional bias). And she said Carla really impressed the hell out of her. So maybe this will turn things around?

Posted by: KatSings at October 19, 2011 3:04 PM

Beverly Hills; What a thrill!

I may have just re-watched this on YouTube. What?

Posted by: TB at October 19, 2011 3:10 PM

I haven't seen Sucker-Punch, but I was under the impression it was terrible at least partly because of the boobs, not despite them.

Posted by: Todd at October 19, 2011 3:29 PM

Snake Eyes: Despite the presence of director Brian De Palma and notwithstanding Crazy Cage.

She was wearing a white dress in Snake Eyes that easily would make one forget about Odette Yustman’s ass.

And she was awesome as the Spy Mom in all of the Spy Kids movies.
~~~

Posted by: Meander at October 19, 2011 3:47 PM

OK, I personally thought "The Unborn" was a better movie than "Drag me to Hell". It creeped me out, and DMTH just pissed me off. I guessed the "twist" the minute the envelope fell into the floorboard. Plus, there's the ass. As photoshopped as it might be in the poster, it still looked damn good on film.

Posted by: Dave at October 19, 2011 3:52 PM

I don't know anything about The Unborn, but I have to say the poster makes it look pretty good.

Posted by: John G. at October 19, 2011 4:03 PM

She's beautiful and talented. I just don't get it.

http://theater.nytimes.com/2009/04/28/theater/reviews/28desi.html?sq=Desire Under the Elms” at the St. James Theater &st=cse&adxnnl=1&scp=1&adxnnlx=1319054532-C8g3UQ5Llc+Ot7UNZLcSSw

Posted by: Mrs. Julien at October 19, 2011 4:04 PM

Electra Luxx.

The title made my coworkers wonder (again) why I'm giggling.

Posted by: The Wanderer at October 19, 2011 4:05 PM

To this day, I don't understand how on earth "Elektra Luxx" was greenlit after the abysmal everything of "Women In Trouble". The presence of JGL in that movie makes me sad.

Posted by: Pants at October 19, 2011 4:31 PM

There are two eternal truths to be taken from this list:

1. The hotness of Carla Gugino cannot be quenched.

2. There are not words to describe just how bad The Unborn is. And I have tried: http://www.dvdverdict.com/reviews/unborn.php

Posted by: jthomas666 at October 19, 2011 4:34 PM

Oh, thank God. I was starting to think I was a horrible, horrible person for having fond memories of Troop Beverly Hills. I knew my fellow Pajibans wouldn't let me down.

Posted by: Craig at October 19, 2011 4:42 PM

Isn't this kind of like having ... um ... I dunno, a guy come up with all of the irrelevancies of Huge Ackman er Timothy Olyphant?!?!

I hereby propose a rule that prohibits Pajiba staffers writing anything on a star of the same sex. Throws the whole thing outta whack.

Posted by: Johnnyboy at October 19, 2011 6:21 PM

What about Sin City?

~~Despite~~ Because of all that soul-sucking emptiness in that movie.

Posted by: FabMax at October 19, 2011 6:32 PM

When I was about ten or eleven Troop Beverly Hills was the video we watched again and again at sleepovers. Reasons for awesomeness below:

Random "before they were semi-famous stars" are in it. Carla Gugino's character is named Chica. CHICA. Her character is named "Girl" in Spanish! Tori Spelling with brown roots and pre-nose job. Jenny Lewis from Rilo Kiley! Kellie Martin pre-Life Goes On. Real celebrities make cameos as themselves. Kareem Abdul-Jabar. Robin Leach. Frankie Avalon. Annette Funicello. Cheech Marin. It is so low budget cheesy and magical I can't help but love it!!!!!! This was also Carla Gugino's film debut, along with Tori Spelling.

Posted by: scorzi at October 19, 2011 7:30 PM

Carla Gugino gets an infinite pass. Why? Because she's Carla frakking Gugino that's why.

Posted by: clancys_daddy at October 19, 2011 8:11 PM

could you even make a list of her best films? i mean i love her and i don't agree with some of these but if son in law and troop beverly hills are ranked, i shudder to think what your favorite Carla Gugino films are.

Posted by: beet salad at October 19, 2011 8:42 PM

I always get her confused with the actress who plays Fiona on Burn Notice for some damn reason.

Posted by: Mr. Stitch at October 19, 2011 8:50 PM

J'adore Son in Law!

Posted by: MiniTs at October 19, 2011 9:25 PM

Me oh my! I love pie.

Posted by: Amberlark at October 19, 2011 9:53 PM

Okay now for her best movies. Here we go:

Sin City....um....Sin City.....give me minute......

Posted by: John W at October 19, 2011 9:55 PM

LOVE Carla. Will watch her in anything too, and quite happy she's going to be on Justified next season.

Posted by: Riles at October 19, 2011 2:38 PM

I just got a chubby...

Also, Carla used to (and possibly still does) go out with Sebastian Gutierrez, who put her in many of his projects. He is not, to be honest, a great writer/director.

Posted by: Uriah Creep at October 19, 2011 10:11 PM

This list is void without the gratuitous use of the photo of Carla doing that thing with her tongue.

Yowza.

Posted by: No Pithy Name at October 19, 2011 10:43 PM

I have some love for Snake Eyes. Sure it was anti-climactic, but I enjoyed the movie.

Posted by: Adrien at October 19, 2011 11:09 PM

Carla, bareass, as "A Woman We Love" in the new Esquire.

www.esquire.com/women/women-we-love/carla-gugino-nude-pics-1011

No need to thank me, just send money.

Posted by: , at October 20, 2011 1:51 AM

Also Available On LaserDisc!

Posted by: The 90s at October 20, 2011 2:02 AM

Uhhhh...love her and she's super-hot, but could a list of her 12 best films actually exist? Probably not. Minus a few decent flicks here and there, her track record is shit. Great gal, not the best filmography.

Posted by: DP at October 20, 2011 2:05 AM

I'm sorry, there's a porn themed film starring Olyphantastico and JGL, TOGETHER? I will be back in...some hours.

Posted by: Nadine at October 20, 2011 4:59 AM

Also Emmanuelle Chriqi is in far too many of these films. Far, far too many. She is also adorabkel and gifted but ohmygod she is the LYNCH PIN for most of these things.

Posted by: Nadine at October 20, 2011 5:03 AM

With Carla, I feel sometimes like she's one of those actresses they never quite made happen. Was she on the list of stars that never happened? SHe should have been if she wasn't. She's gorgeous and gifted but she really does have only a few decent films and none of them ever seems to make her a household name like she should be, even Sin City didn't manage to carve her outstanding nude silhouette into the brains of the general public and I'm pretty sure her performance in that film made me briefly imagipregnant because of all the sex she was throwing at the camera. I mean really.

Posted by: Nadine at October 20, 2011 5:32 AM

I liked these movies, boo to this list.

Posted by: MrRiggs at October 20, 2011 9:26 AM

I met her at an event in NYC, and though it was obvious she was a celebrity, I couldn't place her to save my life. I kept saying, "I don't know who this woman is, but I KNOW I've seen her breasts at some point."

The only ones on this list I've seen are Michael and Night at the Museum. I didn't know she was in them. Mainly because I've tried so hard to forget them entirely.

Posted by: ShagEaredVillain at October 20, 2011 9:47 AM

Troop Beverly Hills FTW. Staple of lazy childhood Sundays spent on the couch with a bag of potato chips. I shall never forget you.

Posted by: Zirze at October 20, 2011 9:49 AM

I was going to say, Troop Beverly Hills FOR LIFE Y'ALL. FOR LIFE.

Posted by: Nadine at October 20, 2011 11:59 AM

Okay now for her best movies. Here we go:
Sin City....um....Sin City.....give me minute......

Posted by: John W at October 19, 2011 9:55 PM

Judas Kiss.
Dear Jesus, you can thank me later.

Posted by: BierceAmbrose at October 20, 2011 12:57 PM

Sweet Lord! What's your address, I'll send you a check.

(And I'm a girl. CG is just that hot.)

Posted by: MM at October 20, 2011 1:49 PM

center of the world. awesome indie art flick with peter sarsgaard and molly parker. full on nudity. highly recommended for watching with your girlfriend/wife to ease her into a 3-way.

Posted by: raz at October 20, 2011 1:55 PM

If you don't like Troop Beverly Hills, I don't like you.

Posted by: Austin at October 20, 2011 2:13 PM

This is why I hate that we're not all friends in real life or live near each other....because this weekend there could BE a sleepover with Troop Beverly Hills, and Pajibians could be watching it together! Why have we not had our own convention yet?!

Posted by: scorzi at October 20, 2011 3:24 PM

I'm not certain as of the talent level of Emmanuel Chriqui. The only thing I've seen her in is Entourage. And playing the sweet and likable girlfriend isn't really a big stretch. But like Gugino, she is so pretty that you want her to do better.

And btw, I watched about 20 minutes of The Unborn the other day and I have to say. Fuck you pajiba. I didn't see one good shot of Odette Yustman's magnificent ass. The way you talk about that movie I was expecting every other shot to be like the one in the above poster. But no. She was fully clothed (still darn pretty) and her ass was nowhere to be found. I was very disappointed, despite the presence of Gary Oldman (wtf Gary?). Could you do a Mr. Skin type thing where you post the times during the movie in which we can see her ass? Otherwise what's the point?

Posted by: Dave at October 22, 2011 3:34 PM

I've recently discovered The Wonder Years on Netflix (shut up, I know I might be slightly behind the times) and SO MANY now-famous people were on it (John Corbett? as john corbett btw. Juliette Lewis?? just to start with!).
Carla Gugino played both Kevin and his brother's girlfriend... And was every bit as gorgeous then.

Posted by: Julia at October 23, 2011 5:14 PM

scorzi! We could organise a planet wide Troop Beverly Hills sleep over! WE HAVE THE POWER OF THE INTERWEB!

Posted by: Nadine at October 26, 2011 1:20 PM

Hmm it appears like your site ate my first comment (it was super long) so I guess I'll just sum it up what I wrote and say, I'm thoroughly enjoying your blog. I too am an aspiring blog writer but I'm still new to everything. Do you have any helpful hints for inexperienced blog writers? I'd definitely appreciate it.

Posted by: speed dating Sacramento at November 11, 2011 3:56 AM

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The 12 Crappiest Movies of Carla Gugino's Career

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