Exclusive: Clash of the Titans' Louis Leterrier Attached to Dumbest Project Ever | Mid-Air Sex! Somewhere, Roland Emmerich Weeps with Envy | Pajiba - Scathing Reviews

Exclusive: Clash of the Titans' Louis Leterrier Attached to Dumbest Project Ever

Mid-Air Sex! Somewhere, Roland Emmerich Weeps with Envy / Dustin Rowles

Film Reviews | June 15, 2010 | Comments (15) | Share

What the hell happened to Louis Leterrier? Dude gave us two awesomely dumb Statham flicks, Transporter and Transporter 2 and offered up a serviceable The Incredible Hulk before shitting the bed with the nailgun-to-the-head Clash of the Titans. Now, after bailing on Clash of the Titans 2, Leterrier is reeling to find some legitimacy as a blockbuster filmmaker.

This project isn’t going to give it to him, I don’t think. It’s still in the early stages of development and nothing has been officially signed yet (because if something had already been signed, someone like The Hollywood Reporter would be posting a press release instead of a site like Pajiba stealing a PR rep’s thunder) but Leterrier is tentatively attached to a movie called Gravity, which should not be confused with the Alfonso Cuarón film set to shoot this summer with Robert Downey, Jr. And once you hear the logline, you’ll understand why Cuarón wouldn’t want his name anywhere near Leterrier’s Gravity.

Get this: Gravity is being described as a disaster film in the vein of The Day After Tomorrow meets Taken. OK. A that’s a weird combination. How do you combine those two films? Here’s how: It’s about a father who has to search for his lost child as the world stops spinning and Earth begins to lose its gravity.

Are you crapping in my pants?

Granted, the visual aspect of this Gravity could be good for a few laughs — imagine six billion people floating around the sky searching for loved ones and dodging jet airplanes … wait, actually, I’ve officially turned the corner on this movie. It sounds spectacular! The Earth without gravity? Everything just sort of hovering around? I’m falling in love with this idea. Women wouldn’t be able to wear bras (it is my understanding the female astronauts avoid bras, as they are a strangulation hazard) … and can you imagine mid-air boning! Hover-sex?

Why hasn’t someone already came up with this idea? It’s genius! Everything is cooler with zero gravity! No one would have to wear shoes because you’d never step on anything. The world’s energy crisis would be solved, too — cars would only need a little momentum and perpetual force would take care of the rest (well, except for braking). I don’t understand how the absence of gravity works, but would I be correct in assuming that everyone would float up into the atmosphere and burn up? Cool!

Forget everything I said about Leterrier above. This is the greatest film idea in the history of the planet. What would the Earth look like without gravity? I’m not quite sure, but I am almost positive it will be in 3D.

Gravity comes from Universal Pictures, and Mark Gordon Production (like yesterday’s Don’t Tell Mom the Babysitter’s Dead — Mr. Gordon, you have a leak at your place of business), and I guess what actually gives me a small sense of hope — besides the frog-balls stupid premise — is that George Nolfi is attached as producer, and in the upcoming The Adjustment Bureau (written and directed by Nolfi, starring Matt Damon), it looks like Nolfi knows what to do with an out-there bizarre idea. It remains to be seen whether anyone can do the same for this premise.

(Standard Caveat: The Hollywood Cog is in a unique position to know about projects in development before they are officially announced. In some cases, in-development projects or deals that are still in negotiation may change or fall apart before an official announcement is made. In others cases, the project may not be announced for several months. The Cog supplies pre-announced news; if the project were official, there would be a project-friendly press release fashioned by a public relations representative written in effusive, flowery language, but where’s the fun in that? Click here for a list of Pajiba exclusives that have been confirmed or partially confirmed.)

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Whatever. There's no way this film could outdo the zero-gravity sex scene in Cube 2: Hypercube. Just two young people spinning and fucking and rapidly aging. It's...special.

Posted by: Robert at June 15, 2010 12:11 PM

No gravity, no atmosphere. Everyone suffocates. Better movie.

Posted by: admin at June 15, 2010 12:15 PM

Sector Six cigarette, my dear?

Actually this could be amazing; when bored in elementary school, I used to imagine gravity suddenly flipping and having to scramble for purchase along the ceiling, Calvin-style...

Posted by: eskiimomo at June 15, 2010 12:23 PM

Are you crapping in my pants?

Am I... in... wait.

If I am, I'm really sorry.

Boy, this is awkward.

I should probably stop drinking.

Posted by: The Other Agent Johnson at June 15, 2010 12:27 PM

I could be entirely wrong about this, but I thought it was the Earth's mass that created the gravity we are subject to, not the rotation. So, if the earth stopped spinning, one side would be in perpetual daylight, and some areas of the earth would become too hot for life, while the dark side would likely become too cold for life. But, I don't think it would effect gravity.

Posted by: chewster at June 15, 2010 12:48 PM

Oh, admin beat me to it.

Posted by: BWeaves at June 15, 2010 1:50 PM

I raise you a Robin Tunney and a Lou Diamond Phillips in...Supernova!

So you're saying there's a gravity loss on our earth, and somehow we aren't drowning in midair from all the seawater gone free, and every little damn tchotchke choking us and poking us n the eyeballs, not to mention all of having to wear depends? Lord ha mercy.

That requires some suspension of disbelief.

Posted by: replica at June 15, 2010 2:15 PM

This will definitely feature myriad upskirts.

Posted by: sars at June 15, 2010 2:28 PM

Dustin, did someone in your family "shit the bed"? As this seems to be your phrase du jour.

I think everyone would float up and freeze to death, rather than burn up, as I think it's the speedy descent that makes things burn (friction and all).

Posted by: Sara Tonin at June 15, 2010 3:13 PM

Oh fucking pseuso science moronic bullshit. For Christ's sake if you're so fucking stupid that you can't even get the common sense wrong ideas about science right, you have no business writing a script. Even the stupidest person on Earth wouldn't think that the spinning of the planet keeps us down, because the uneducated moron assumption would be that something spinning would make things fly off. If you know anything about physics you have an aneurysm at reading this pitch, and if you know nothing at all about physics you'd just be confused because you'd assume the Earth's spinning keeps us upright. This might be the most impressive pitch I have ever seen, because there is not a single person ignorant or educated to whom it will make sense. It might be the ultimate stupid idea.

Posted by: Steven Lloyd Wilson at June 15, 2010 3:19 PM

OK, so if the earth stopped spinning it wouldn't effect gravity (which as mentioned by chewster is a function of mass) but we would theoretically weigh more because of the reduction of the centripetal effect of the spinning earth trying to fling us off. But it would be slight.

So, it's even dumber than you thought.

Posted by: Dave at June 15, 2010 5:18 PM

This might be the most impressive pitch I have ever seen, because there is not a single person ignorant or educated to whom it will make sense. It might be the ultimate stupid idea.

Have you ever SEEN "The Day After Tomorrow", SLM?

Posted by: Uriah Creep at June 15, 2010 10:58 PM

(why must the intertubes eat my comments?)

Ahem! As I was trying to say...

Mid-Air Sex Precedent: Angela Bassett and James Spader in Supernova.

As you were...

Posted by: RestInPeace at June 16, 2010 1:42 AM

Dustin, have you learned nothing about the subtle yet awesome power of the Pajibaverse over the cinematic world?
Don't you know that once you term something the "Dumbest Project Ever" the universe will have no choice but to prove you wrong?

Posted by: cinekat at June 16, 2010 8:47 AM

Could this be the screenplay Louis Leterrier’s gravity film is based on?: www.gravitypullmovie.com

Posted by: Mike at September 9, 2010 8:34 PM

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