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Awesome Blood-Drenched Decapi-Trailer, Lackluster Movie

By Dustin Rowles | Posted Under Trade News | Comments (13)

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Earlier this year, an unofficial trailer for Neil Marshall’s Roman soldiers vs. Picts flick, Centurion was unleashed to the Internet, and it looked a lot like the one below, only grainier. You, me, and everyone who saw it got a raging blood stiffy — they just sliced off that guy’s head! — and many assumed that Neil Marshall would do for Roman legion epics what he did for the horror genre in Descent: Offer something bloody and original that would scare the pants off our legs, or in this case, slice them off with a machete. Michael Fassbender, Dominic West, David Morrissey, and Olga Kurylenko! How could it go wrong, right?

So many of us in the Pajiba crew were so excited about the prospect of this movie based on the trailer, in fact, that when it premiered at SXSW in March, we stood in line for hours to see it. Do you know how much nerd sweat we had to smell in order to see this movie?

Man, it was a disappointment. It wasn’t that it was bad — it was just generic and over-long. Another quest film punctuated with not nearly enough violence. And it failed, in every respect, to live up to its trailer. The movie is so lackluster, in fact, that despite a trailer that could sell the chrome off a trailer hitch, the film is headed to On Demand and your X-Box a month before its theater release, a strategy that’s been widely effective, so far, in not selling any movie tickets at all.

It’s a damn shame, too. Because I dig Neil Marshall. Because Michael Fassbender, Dominic West, and David Morrissey deserve to be in films that are seen. And Olga Kurylenko — she’s nice to look at, although not so much in this movie (she is sans tongue).

Anyway, here’s the trailer.










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Comments

Neil Marshall is way too interested in being the 21st Century John Carpenter to want to aim higher.

I'll still go see this though. Cast is too good and the action looks gory enough.

Posted by: Fredo at June 15, 2010 11:54 AM

I had to watch with the sound off--but is this actually for the first time a film where the Romans get to be the good guys?

Posted by: Bd at June 15, 2010 11:56 AM

The power of this trailer compels me to see the film. Though, it will most likely be on DVD, like 99.999% of what I see these days.

Posted by: Rykker at June 15, 2010 11:58 AM

Those Picts must have stolen a Tardis, because they didn't exist until the third century. If they're fighting the 9th Legion, these really ought to be their great-grandaddies, the Caledonians. Blue people aren't interchangeable, Hollywood!

Posted by: Inaras at June 15, 2010 12:07 PM

Since when has historical accuracy been important in Hollywood?

Posted by: Rykker at June 15, 2010 12:16 PM

This trailer annoys me because I always assume that the female in it (Olga...whatsherface?) is Shane from The L Word. And sadly, she's not. And it leaves me disappointed.

Posted by: Annie_Reckson at June 15, 2010 12:19 PM

Fredo: Jesus, but did you just nail that on the head. I like Marshall but was trying to figure out his plan. Given his output, modelling himself on Carpenter certainly fits. Unfortunately he may have drifted from emulating kick ass Carpenter (Escape from New York, The Thing) to godawful avoid at all costs Carpenter (Escape from LA, Ghosts of Mars).

I'm in the minority but DOOMSDAY was so cheesetastic I ran out and bought it on Blu Ray. It may be batshit insane but it is certainly not boring.

Posted by: TylerDFC at June 15, 2010 12:25 PM

You are not alone, Tyler DFC.

Posted by: admin at June 15, 2010 12:37 PM

This trailer annoys me because I cannot see it.

Posted by: Odnon. at June 15, 2010 2:28 PM

Neil Marshall is proof positive that some directors really shouldn't have more money thrown at them. Did you see Dog Soldiers? The shit that man did with twenty quid and a bunch of dudes in a forest is amazing.

Then they gave him tons of money, and he made Doomsday. Just cut his fucking budget and we'll get good movies again.

Posted by: lizzieborden at June 15, 2010 2:35 PM

You're saying this sucks? FUUuuuuuuucccccckkkkk. Yeah...I'm going to ignore you and go see it anyway.

Posted by: DeistBrawler at June 15, 2010 3:14 PM

Fuck you, Hulu. I may live in Canada, but I deserve to see this trailer too.

Sad face.

Posted by: A-schaef at June 15, 2010 3:55 PM

Old news, mate. Centurion has come, been and gone ... in April, I think. It was a nice little chase movie. Chris Gill edited the living hell out of its battle scenes a'la 28 Weeks Later, which was somewhat annoying, though there probably wasn't much else they could do given the budget they had.

Posted by: SB at June 15, 2010 5:06 PM