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Eloquent Eloquence: Young Matt Damon Edition

By Mrs. Julien | Eloquent Eloquence | April 12, 2013 | Comments ()


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Eloquent Eloquence, To the Gliberator! edition, is a compilation of the best comments of the week. Comments in non-Dustin reviews are ineligible for inclusion. I've also made an executive decision that the spoiler-laden Game of Thrones discussion Joanna led shouldn't be included either. To sum up: No reviews, except ones written by Dustin, no CBR, nothing spoilery on GoT, and I'm not going anywhere near the firestorm article, even with a 10 foot pole and a Hazmat suit. You know the one. If you want to read the comments, that is between you and your god.

The Please Apply Bandages to the BURNED Area Comment of the Week goes to Reba for clarifying there is more than one kind of hard work. My thanks to Your Daddy for the intro:

Did she wake up at 4 a.m. for a 7 a.m. call only to wait around in full make up and dress while some technical issue was solved, then shoot for the next 8 hours or so? I don't know, but I know a hell of a lot of actors do that, as well as body modification of varying sorts, lots of classes to improve craft, switching to theatre roles for variety/because that's where the work is/to expand skill sets, constantly auditioning - which even she has had to do at some point, doing some or all of the stunts, living in remote locations with sub-par everything while the director gets the exact right shot, or going back to said locations because someone screwed up something six months ago and now you have to reshoot it, regardless of whether or not you have other stuff going on, because your contract says you have to.

Why does one have to do manual labor to be credited with hard work? Do office workers also not "work hard" because they aren't shoveling coal or laying tar? I defy anyone to come do what I do and NOT jump over the desk and throat punch date rapist college kids with their smarmy smiles but instead be professional and polite, when the day before, their victim was sitting in that same chair, glassy-eyed and shaking because she had to talk about this horrible thing. That right there is some hard fucking work, even if I don't end up covered in dirt at the end of the day.

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The What Do You Call a Hemsworth Formula One Movie? Comment of the Week goes to Zen and Bert_McGurt answering that very question:

Zen: Days of the God of Thunder.

Bert_McGurt:Thormula One?

The It's the Penultimate Sentence That Gets Ya! Comment of the Week goes to Four Eyes for giving us all nightmare fodder. Kids today, man:

I don't know whether I should be irritated that I won't be able to take my students to see it in time before their Literature exams or relieved. It looks wonderfully pretty but I could just see my students writing about Jay Z's influence on 1920's American culture. I DID have to confiscate one of my students' copy of Twilight after she somehow confused Bella with Lizzie Bennet. That and my ensuing terror are a whole 'nother story.

The Perfect Suggestion for the Next Pajibacon Comment of the Week goes to Kris. Can we do it RIGHT NOW?! :

I mean, we spent what I considered our first "date" running around Borders playing "Have You Read This? Seriously, It's Awesome!"

The This Sounds like the Perfect Day Comment of the Week goes to MrsAtaxxia who was on fire this week, with a H/T to Pinky McLadybits.

I choose ALL THE DAMONS. I want to run away and have scary post apocalyptic adventures with crazy exo-skeleton Damon and then I want to do donuts in the glitter Rolls Royce in an empty Vegas parking lot with lip gloss Damon. I want it all.

The This Gives a Whole New Meaning to "Beaver Tail" Comment of the Week goes to klingonfree who has a future in naming... stuff:

Rabid Beavers sounds like the porn equivalent of Scary Movie.

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The Which Wouldn't Be Bothersome If She Wasn't Peddling Those T-Shirts to the Hoards Comment of the Week goes to Appey and MrsAtaxxia for uniting in their derision of Goop:

Appey: You mean peasants.

MrsAtaxxia: I do. Apologies. The peasants. I should have specified that the horde is unwashed.

The I LOVE IT When We Share Comment of the Week goes to MissAmynae for her own Girls Gone Wild moment:

Amy's freshman year of out-of-state college, also known as Amy's only year of college. I was dating the place kicker for State's football team. Could NOT believe my luck, or his thighs. Seriously, oh my god, they were bunk-worthy. ANyway, as per usual, found out he was cheating on me with a girl known as "the queen of bj's" by men, and "the succubus" by ladies.

Enter pissed-off 17 year old me. With my peeps in tow, a 1.75L bottle of Kamchatka and a 2-liter of Sprite. Challenged her to "Popper" shots, whoever threw up or passed out first was the loser. Half vodka, half sprite, hand covers top of tall shot glass, bang on table, shoot. 6 shots in, I'm tipsy, she's tipsy, we've drawn a crowd big enough to move from her room, to the common room of the dorm. Money is being exchanged, and lines are being drawn in the proverbial sand. At some point I "stood" up and announced that "this whore is blowing my boyfriend and she thinks I don't know it. Who wants to see her puke?" Cheers from the girls, "oh damn!" from the boys.

11 shots, most of the bottle later, we're out of Sprite. We take #18, I swallow, she swallows (ha!) then promptly turns and projectiles over the crowd, splashing several of her dorm-mates and the furniture. I celebrate my victory, "Who's the better swallower now, BITCH?!" proclaim her "the Empress of Spitters" and am promptly aided by my besties to a luxurious private stall in the girl's bathroom, where I throw up my shoelaces. We went out for pancakes, she had to clean the common room. I won, bitches, and dumped his sorry gorgeous ass the next day. She ended up marrying him.

Fuck you, Vanessa S at K-State. Enjoy his teeny weeny peeny.

The Comment of the Week Comment of the Week goes to SeaKat Stabler although we need to make sure TMZ doesn't see this:

Clumsily MS Paint-doctored photos *DO* meet the strictest evidenciary standards.

In the PEEPZ' COURTZ, Hon. Perez Hilton presiding

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Comments Are Welcome, Douches Are Not


  • MissAmynae

    See Mom, good things DO happen when you mix bad vodka and lying whores!

    Thank you, very very much! Great comments this week- everybody brought their A game. I raise a glass of very good scotch in salute.

  • AudioSuede

    That last comment took a swerve into Hilariville.

  • MrsAtaxxia

    Baby Damon is wonderful. And thanks for the commenting shout out :)

  • I'm drawn away from Pajiba for one week due to birthday-related black holes of consciousness and y'all get so skilful. What gives

  • L.O.V.E.

    Shit, Zeke. I just assumed you died in the Highlands whilst locating a virgin spring to make your own Scotch/peyote concoction. I already planned your funeral replete with a Bukowski quote, a Beastie rap, a bottle of Old English to poor some for my homie, and a photoshop of you making out with Monica Belucci. A Prince impersonator was going to sing When Doves Cry while I sat back and told the tale of how we planned to write the next great American porn movie/time traveling farce.

  • Is it too late to say that that IS actually what happened, and I'm just a spambot now...? Because your version is cooler.
    Also, a photoshop of me and Bellucci? Why? Have I not sent you the footage yet?

  • I credit your absence for my inclusion. So, thanks for that.

  • Mrs. Julien

    Don't do that. Credit your awesomeness for your inclusion. Your manifest awesomeness!

  • second

  • Aw, thanks! I was completely gobsmacked to see I made it.

  • BWeaves

    Dear MissAmynae, that was glorious.

  • Yes, it really was. Excellent story.

  • MissAmynae

    Thank you BWeaves!!

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