Amanda Bynes Has ... AN IMPOSTER!
For starters, Amanda, thank GOD your vagina is alive. It had us worried sick.
So, the other day, some broad with red hair and cheek piercings was seen walking around Manhattan covering her face, like famous people with mental problems do. Naturally, paps assumed it was Amanda Bynes. But, Amanda swears it's not her.
Here's the alleged Amanda Bynes:
Here's how confirmed Amanda Bynes tried to prove her innocence on Twitter:
I feel like painting your hair purple isn't maybe the best way to prove your follicular innocence, but that's just me, I'm not a professional, I just play one on the internet, that's Mandy B.'s journey, whatevs.
Complete and total meltdown aside, what if all celebrity bad behavior really is done by their wicked dopplegangers? What if Hollywood is basically Harmony, the town in "Passions" and everyone has evil twins?! SOMEONE CALL TIMMY AND WITCH TABITHA!
Like, what if while real Lindsay Lohan is enjoying cookies and milk and tutoring ESL students ...
... Dopple-Lohan is off being Critical Mess #1?
What if actual Charlie Sheen gave up the big time years ago in favor of working with pediatric burn victims ...
... While his Evil Twin Charlie Sheen, no doubt hired by Emilio (ESCANDALO!), is off burning hookers with his crack pipe?
I'm just saying it makes a lot of sense. And, if you don't see me again, I've been discovered by the Evil Dopple Mafia and they've -- oh my god, they've found me. I don't know how, but they've found me. RUN FOR IT, MARTY!