I have very little interest in Dancing with the Stars, save for knowledge that Danica McKellar is on this season, as is DJ Tanner. Billy Dee Williams is also on, and at 76 years old, he’s not exactly a breakdancing machine. In fact, he’s not a particularly gifted dancer, which is probably why he trotted out Star Wars on his first night. I mean, how you gonna vote off Billy Dee Williams and R2D2?

You just can’t. Why? Because Stormtroopers work every time.

As for McKellar? She did not disappoint, and by that, I mean she wore a backless dress.

The flirtation! It’s too much.

Sorry. Excuse the obsession. Winnie Cooper is the woman upon whom all my subsequent relationships are based. She is my Lloyd Dobler.

Sad though it may seem, this was one of the highlights of my career.

Dustin is the founder and co-owner of Pajiba. You may email him here, follow him on Twitter, or listen to his weekly TV podcast, Podjiba.