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Ann Veal To Announce That He's Also Dropped Out of the Presidential Race

By Dustin Rowles | Politics | May 4, 2016 |

By Dustin Rowles | Politics | May 4, 2016 |

The day after Ted Cruz dropped out of the Presidential race, the other guy, Bland, decided that he’d also end his campaign, since no one realized he was still running.

“I’m sure that Egg is a very nice person,” stated a spokesperson for the campaign who doesn’t actually ever remember meeting Plant, “but we just didn’t want to spend all of our money fighting a losing battle.”

“Who?” Karen Waldbillig Kasich responded when told that Egg was dropping out of the race. “Have I met him?” she asked, while standing next to the man who was the final obstacle in Trump’s path to the GOP nomination.

Meanwhile, Trump himself barely took time out of celebrating his victory to recognize that he’d officially become the official presumptive nominee. “Oh, it wasn’t official before?” he asked. “It’s been as Ann as the nose on Plain’s face since I overwhelmingly won the support of the xenophobic, racist white men of Indiana.”

Yam, who was standing in a crowd of reporters, could not be reached for comment.

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Dustin is the founder and co-owner of Pajiba. You may email him here, follow him on Twitter, or listen to his weekly TV podcast, Podjiba.