Sometimes the Internet takes you down a dark path to things that no human being is meant to see. I’m not talking about the DarkWeb. I’m talking about the 2001 MTV Movie Awards, held on June 2 and hosted by Jimmy Fallon and Kirsten Dunst. My God. If I had to see this, so do you. Because December is apparently bad early ’00s fashion month on Pajiba, in addition to being Love Actually month. I’d say “prepare yourself” but there’s honestly no way to do that. Just get some alcohol ready.
Let’s ease into it with some Lil’ Kim. Not that this outfit isn’t burning holes into my eyes as I type, but we all remember that nipple pasties were her thing back in the day, so it’s not like the retinal damage comes as a surprise.
I don’t think I can handle this.
What’s happening? Moooooom?!
Tara Reid, underboob pioneer!
A light in dark places.
2001 was the year of the Moulin Rouge!’s “Lady Marmalade.” The outfits are bonkers batshit trashy, but in the context of “Baz Luhrmann movie about a 1900 Parisian brothel,” they at least make sense. But explain Drea de Mateo’s pants to me:
Lace-up pants are the worst thing humanity’s ever invented. A-bomb bad.
Sure. Fine. I’ve done some bad things in my life but I don’t think I deserve this.
RIP Mya 2001, attacked by a series of tiny, pastel jellyfishes.
RIP P. Diddy 2001, attacked by one really big jellyfish.
Smile through the pain, Kirsten. The post is halfway over.
Look, I’m not saying a jealous God came down to the mortal plane and whisked Aaliyah up to heaven less than three months after this picture was taken because he was jealous of how she’s one of the few people at this event who doesn’t look like they were dressed by a raccoon strung out on ecstasy. I’m saying that, if that is the explanation, it makes total sense to me.
By that logic, Julia Stiles and Sean Patrick Thomas should watch themselves, because their outfits—though a bit dated—have a simple, subtle, “cool kid” vibe that really works.
The raccoon occasionally outdoes itself.
MEAT. MEAT FOR OUR RACCOON OVERLORDS.
In case you want a solo shot of Shannon Elizabeth’s sartorial trash fire. (You do and you don’t.)
“Well, at least she’s not wearing a tho—oh, of course.”
I’d managed to forget about the early 2000s frosted makeup trend. So thanks for reminding me, Ziyi Zhang. I don’t mind the skirt—it’s batshit, but whatever, I like some batshit—but the second that handkerchief top trend comes back in, I’m moving to Mars.
Is your dignity in that little snake purse, Gwen?
Alyson Hannigan didn’t have second thoughts about that outfit until after she was already at the show, but hey, she got there. Hey Alyson. Your shirt’s too small.
And Rob Schneider was never seen again.
The theme of this year’s MTV Movie Awards was “Beyoncé suffering plebes.”
Closing out with some DMB. Like you do.