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Eloquent Eloquence: Where Barbershop Quartet Meets '50's Federal Prison Rapist

By Prolixity Julien | Eloquent Eloquence | September 23, 2011 |

By Prolixity Julien | Eloquent Eloquence | September 23, 2011 |

Eloquent Eloquence is a compilation of the ten best comments of the week. Comments in film reviews are not eligible for inclusion.

10. “Wow, you’ve got some really bad spelling errors, there.”

Let’s discuss your punctuation first. Or should I say:

Let’s discuss your punctuation, first. I Love Beets

9. Maybe John G. was being a hunter by attacking and you should praise him for being old school. Juicy Weatherbee

8. I am going to develop a sex act and name it in honor of Peter Dinklage. I love him that much. Jerry

7. Sorry for the typos, I was blinded by first-world rage. Moviefraud

6. Napoleon Dynamite was a comedy? I thought it was an act of revenge against movie audiences everywhere. Craig

5. It is SO not fun mocking dresses with just the boyfriend.

Me: Julianna Marguiles is such a disappointment tonight.
Boyfriend: She’s so hot.
Me: Why can’t Christina Hendricks find more flattering dresses?
Boyfriend: BOOBS. So much boobs.
Me: Oh my GOD what is Gwyneth we….
Boyfriend: WHERE DID THE BOOBS GO?! Julie

4. Your comment offends me, Paddydog. I demand a retraction, followed by an apology, followed by full-page ads taken out in the New York Times, the LA Times, The Lincoln Journal Star, The Boston Herald, The Washington Post, The New Orleans Times-Picayune, and the Chicago Tribune, all which demonstrate clearly and unequivocally your remorse for that thoughtless and rude comment that made my every sensibility blush to it’s core. It’s a callous disregard for human feelings and expressions such as yours that cause babies to cry, wars to be fought, famines to break out, and dogs to hump legs.

May God have mercy on your soul. Ghisent

3. Makes perfect sense. Llamas are native to the mountains of Peru. This is merely photographic evidence that Taylor Lautner has evolved to walking up the side of mountains in a circuitous manner. His right leg is obviously four inches shorter than his left. Wednesday

2. Beav, it was the STUPIDEST. Like Barbershop Quartet meets ‘50’s federal prison rapist. Internet Magpie

1. Ugh. Breaking Bad sucks.

(You’re an idiot. — DR)Pfft

I think putting it right in the comment like that is sort of an abuse of power. Pfft

Apologies! How’s this: “You’re an idiot.” Dustin Rowles

(Publisher’s Note: Pfft and I later made up after Pfft intelligently backed up his opinion on “Breaking Bad.” — DR)

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