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Oh, Tom Brady: Your Pretty Mouth Was Never Meant for Speaking

By Dustin Rowles | Posted Under Pajiba Love | Comments (36)

Gisele Bundchen 2.jpg

Hey! Guess what, people yelling get off my lawn. Movie theaters have always been annoying, even before cell phones. It’s not the theaters that have gotten worse; it’s your tolerance that has diminished. (Nerd Puddle)

If you’ve not been keeping up, the ladies of Hot Ink Reviews are now covering wine, demeaning retail wear, and sex toys. They grow up so fast. (Sexual Inklings)

There’s been 23 seasons and 500 episodes of “The Simpsons” so it’s only logical that Fox would create a “The Simpsons” channel. All Simpsons, all the time. (Slashfilm)

If there’s no Ashley J. Williams, there’s no Evil Dead. Period. Exclamation Point. Groovy? Groovy. (FSR)

Yelp reviews. From Cormac McCarthy? Oh, Internet: Why are you so good to me? (Dave Chen)

To mark the release of Star Wars on Blu-Ray, these guys have compiled a pretty decent list of Star Wars photoshops. (Unreality)

And while we’re on the subject, here’s a shot of Star Wars nostalgia: A series of 80s commercials for Star Wars toys. (Flick Filosopher)

You folks remember our old friend, Drew Morton? He sat down with CNN’s movie critic Grae Drake to discuss a couple of horror movies for the Popcorn Mafia podcast. (The Cinema Doctor)

And while we’re on the subject of podcasts, because on the rare occasion when I host Pajiba Love, I like to shill for friends, I heartily encourage you to check out a few of my favorites that might not be on your radar: Cort and the Fatboy discuss movies and Portland, Oregon happenings;, Movie B.S. goes over the week in movies; and my latest obsession is the Ugly Fours Podcrash, which is basically the only good fantasy football podcast on the Internets. It’s hilarious, doesn’t take itself seriously, and these guys are crazy knowledgeable, except for Archibald B. Cook, who is a giant douche. (Ugly Fours)

Here’s a double-shot to those cats because Tom Brady opened his pretty f*cking mouth, and now he’s backing away from statements that he made encouraging fans to get drunk and rape people. (Ugly Fours)

And speaking of shutting up, this link has a double shot of awesome: Terrence Howard is has apparently decided to give up on life, and the Super Cut still has a few tired phrases left to compile, here in the “100 Greatest Shut-Ups in Film.” (FilmDrunk)

I don’t like the way that Obama drinks beer. It’s too … gentlemanly. If you want to win re-election, President Obama, you smash that can of f*cking Schlitz on your forehead. That’s how you gain the respect of the people. (Wonkette)

The headline is not only accurate, but speaks for itself: “Holy Crap This Guy’s Mugshot Will Haunt Your Dreams Forever And Well Into The Afterlife” (Uproxx)

Based on even more new photos from the set of Man of Steel, this new Superman rides a bike and carries a messenger bag? What is Zack Snyder doing to Superman? He rides a bicycle? He’s not a cast member on a USA Network show, he’s f*cking Superman. (Think McFly)









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Comments

Is anyone else old enough to remember the Mary Tyler Moore when Rhoda was complaining about her date and said something like, "he's the kind of guy who crushes a beer can on his head and expects you to say, 'Oh, Rocko!'"? My family has been saying that for decades.

In other news you don't really need -

This morning, I got in trouble at work for not anticipating someone else's incompetence. Not someone I know, mind you, not even a person, rather a large group that we submit work requests to that ordinarily performs in an entirely satisfactory manner. Apparently, I should have known that they would incorrectly read a very clearly worded request, and I had no business submitting said clearly worded request even though it was entirely my bailiwick.

It's a Megamillions and PowerBall ticket buying night tonight! Who's with me?

Posted by: Mrs. Julien at September 16, 2011 2:25 PM

“Holy Crap This Guy’s Mugshot Will Haunt Your Dreams Forever And Well Into The Afterlife”

Oh, Massachusetts. I knew there was a reason I loved this state.

Posted by: TK at September 16, 2011 2:26 PM

In the deep recesses of your mind Rowles, when it comes to women, you and I are just alike.

Posted by: Pookie at September 16, 2011 2:40 PM

I don't know about that Uproxx mugshot (stupid work filters have the site blocked), but that Hipster Han Solo photoshop will definitely be haunting my dreams tonight. Yuck.

Those Cormac McCarthy Yelp reviews are fantastic. I particularly love the Cheesecake Factory blurb.

Thanks for the Hot Ink pimpage!

Posted by: MelBivDevoe at September 16, 2011 2:42 PM

No, Mrs. Julien. Nobody else here is old enough to remember that show AT ALL, especially not I. My God! You must be in your late thirties or some old shit like that. Why don't you hobble back to Shady Pines in your slippers and leave us trendy young folk alone to enjoy beating each other up electronically.

Posted by: PaddyDog at September 16, 2011 3:00 PM

OK, the mugshot is a little insane, but I was still more creeped out by the Charles Manson .gif.

Posted by: MM at September 16, 2011 3:01 PM

As intrusive as that is, I don't think a screening of Halloween is a fair judge of overall movie theater etiquette. Horror movie audiences have always been more given to comments, shrieks, and general participation. In my personal experience, the level of respect for what's on screen has corroded over the past twenty years in regard to the average film. The increased level of disrespect for movies along the lines of quiet, Oscar-nominated dramas, for example, is fairly obvious to me.

Now, lawn: OFF!

Posted by: DarthCorleone at September 16, 2011 3:10 PM

It's at this point PaddyDog that I take the Dowager Julien's arm and say, "Come along, Mrs. Julien, come along". She actually finds it quite funny.

Posted by: Mrs. Julien at September 16, 2011 3:11 PM

"now he’s backing away from statements that he made encouraging fans to get drunk and rape people."

Did you listen to the quote? He made a joke about people drinking. No where was there any comment connected to rape. But some asshat on another website makes the erroneous connection and you decide to spread it as truth here? Damn, Dustin, find a clip that supports what you said or change your post. Fuck, I know this is just pajiba love, but it is irresponsible to accuse someone of supporting rape, especially in this holier than thou corner of the web.

Posted by: LwoodPDowd at September 16, 2011 3:13 PM

LwoodPDowd, your sarcasm detector shit the bed, buddy.

Posted by: TK at September 16, 2011 3:19 PM

Was that sarcasm? I thought rape jokes were frowned upon here and at most other civilized sections of the internet. And if it wasn't a joke, then Lwood is absolutely correct. Or is my sarcasm detector off as well?

Posted by: snapnhiss at September 16, 2011 3:48 PM

Leaving the rape joke issue aside for a moment (I don't want it to cloud the comment I'm about to make), I do think that there's been an awful lot of people expressing offense at humourous comments here lately. It's as if many in the community are just more easily outraged than they used to be. Is it just me or has anyone else noticed this trend?

Posted by: PaddyDog at September 16, 2011 3:53 PM

...angry tattoos across his body...

Are they all of naked women shaking their tiny fists with fury? Looney Tunes characters with scowls on their faces? Or are they badly shaped portraits of his departed loved ones with tears of rage in their eyes?

And how does a tattoo become angry? Poor hygiene? Sex with an ugly person? Psoriasis?

Inquiring minds!

Posted by: Quorren at September 16, 2011 3:56 PM

Your comment offends me, Paddydog. I demand a retraction, followed by an apology, followed by full-page ads taken out in the New York Times, the LA Times, The Lincoln Journal Star, The Boston Herald, The Washington Post, The New Orleans Times-Picayune, and the Chicago Tribune, all which demonstrate clearly and unequivocally your remorse for that thoughtless and rude comment that made my every sensibility blush to it's core. It's a callous disregard for human feelings and expressions such as yours that cause babies to cry, wars to be fought, famines to break out, and dogs to hump legs.

May God have mercy on your soul.

Posted by: Ghisent at September 16, 2011 4:00 PM

"Here’s a double-shot to those cats because Tom Brady opened his pretty f*cking mouth, and now he’s backing away from statements that he made encouraging fans to get drunk and rape people."

Now there's some fine sensationalist journalism right there.

"Yeah, start drinking early. Get nice and rowdy. It's a 4:15 game, they'll have a lot of time to get lubed up, come out here and cheer for the home team."

That's what was actually said. I tried reading Ugly Four before, but left shaking my head thinking anybody though what they did was of redeemable quality. The "rape people" comment originated from there. No clue why Dustin felt like it needed to be repeated unless he was going for the "OHMYGAWDHESAIDWHAT!!!?" factor.

Posted by: Matt at September 16, 2011 4:15 PM

Maybe my sarcasm detector is failing. I was assuming it wasn't a joke, but just lazy reporting. If I was wrong, and Dustin was just making a rape joke, I'm sorry. Please accept the following as my official apology.

Tom Brady should just lie back and take it.

Oh, man. See, I sometimes forget that pop culture people aren't always privy to the sports world (and this is why JoRo handles PL duties on most days). See, what happened here is that the media blew the actual Tom Brady comment way out of proportion -- they took an innocent quote and twisted it to make it look like Brady was advocating public drunkeness, and an hour later, Brady had to retract his comment to say what he meant was "drink water." What Ugly Fours did was, to mock the media's distortion of the quote, they over-exaggerated it again and then (if you read the post further) compounded the exaggeration by suggesting that Tom Brady also encouraged fans to drink blood (he did not, by the way). They're making fun of the sports media, but I suppose if you aren't familiar with what the sports media is saying, then it just looks like a bad rape joke. For that, my apologies.

Also, +1 for the above comment, LwoodPDowd. -- DR

Posted by: LwoodPDowd at September 16, 2011 4:20 PM

Mrs. J. I bought 5 dollars worth of both. 10 bucks is a small price to pay for big dreams.

Posted by: logan at September 16, 2011 4:23 PM

That Ugly Fours article is just dripping with sarcasm and Dustin was just highlighting that. I mean, c'mon, people, the man may have questionable taste in movies *coughAlmostFamouscough*, but he wouldn't make a rape joke.

Unless he was talking about clowns. Because, fuck clowns.

Posted by: MelBivDevoe at September 16, 2011 4:27 PM

Seriously, fuck you guys.

Posted by: Clown at September 16, 2011 4:56 PM

I know first had what it feels like to be accused of saying something that I did not say. Check the record.

Posted by: Pookie at September 16, 2011 5:37 PM

*hand*

Posted by: Pookie at September 16, 2011 5:39 PM

Jesus Chrits Rowles! Is that header picture really necessary? When I first came to pajiba I admired you so much, you were my obi-wan, why I even considered you my master. But now you’re like some goddamn runner for Hustler.

Posted by: Pookie at September 16, 2011 6:24 PM


The sprightly Mrs.J wrote ...

This morning, I got in trouble at work for not anticipating someone else's incompetence. Not someone I know, mind you ..."

Hey. I've worked there.

It's a Megamillions and PowerBall ticket buying night tonight! Who's with me?

I'm in.

Posted by: BierceAmbrose at September 16, 2011 7:52 PM

Mrs. J, I'm in too. Your life sounds very much like the life of an inner-city, public school (albeit I'm Montessori [I stress]) teacher, trying to perform miracles in the heart of darkness.

So, does that make me unbearably old, because I remember Mary Tyler Moore as that cute woman I one day hope to emulate?

I am sad, now. Sad indeed.I watched some MTM shows the other day and was filled with nostalgia for when I was a kid, thinking baths were for the "prissy," and people like Rhoda were cool and Lou Grant were adorable.

Posted by: Stinky at September 16, 2011 9:45 PM

Oh, Pookie, tie a knot in it!

*I just wanted to be inflammatory for no reason at all*

Posted by: Stinky at September 16, 2011 9:52 PM

Gisele = Butterface

Brady is prettier.

It must be said every time.

Posted by: , at September 17, 2011 1:30 AM

Plus, I can see a polyp on her left ovary in that photo. She should get that checked.

Posted by: Mrs. Julien at September 17, 2011 8:38 AM

Bout time Tom Terrific said something bad,even though he was just joking, guess he's learning from his spread eagle wife up there. Everything out of her mouth is amazingly stupid, I always hope it's just the language barrier but knowing a few Brazilians...they really never do shut up.

Posted by: kirbyjay at September 17, 2011 10:50 AM

Man, I really like those kind of strappy shoes on a woman, a woman with great calves and long, looooong legs and thighs. She seems a little on the slim side but I bet she's perched on a fine ass, and that rack leaves little to be desired and GAAAAAAAAAHHHHHHHHHH SWEET FANCY MOSES KILL IT KILL IT WITH FIRE GAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAHHHHHH RUN FOR YOUR LIVES GAAAAAAAAHHH CHUPACABRA GAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAHHHHHH MISSING LINK GAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAH MY EEEEEEEEEYES ...

Posted by: , at September 17, 2011 10:57 AM

Http://celebslam.celebuzz.com

Posted by: Q at September 17, 2011 2:26 PM

Plus, I can see a polyp on her left ovary in that photo. She should get that checked.
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

MRS JULIEN YOU KILL ME!!!!

Posted by: kirbyjay at September 17, 2011 4:17 PM

I don't get why women pose like that if their not in a porn magazine.

A sexy pose is a low cut dress, a shot of thigh, languishing on a bed with a come hither look..

NOT

"here's my c-nt, want a taste?

Posted by: kirbyjay at September 17, 2011 4:24 PM

I don't get why women pose like that if their not in a porn magazine.

A sexy pose is a low cut dress, a shot of thigh, languishing on a bed with a come hither look..

NOT

"here's my c-nt, want a taste?

Posted by: kirbyjay at September 17, 2011 4:24 PM


Quick! Somebody get the feinting couch, Kirbyjay just say some broad with her legs open.

Posted by: Pookie at September 17, 2011 6:01 PM

Is it a trick couch? Does it shift to be on the left and then suddenly move 6 inches to the right?

Posted by: Mrs. Julien at September 17, 2011 11:07 PM

Gisele: Hey, boys, wanna see my pussy?

Boys: HELL YEAH!

Gisele: *whips out wallet, pulls out photo of Brady*

Posted by: , at September 18, 2011 9:01 PM

Smokin' ..... just smokin. Even I would play NFL football for a chance to wake up next to her every morning.

PS. NFL sucks ..... just sayin'.

Posted by: handy_man at September 19, 2011 8:32 AM