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Eloquent Eloquence: Reincorporation Is the Secret to Great Comedy

By Prolixity Julien | Eloquent Eloquence | August 3, 2012 |

By Prolixity Julien | Eloquent Eloquence | August 3, 2012 |

Eloquent Eloquence is a compilation of the best comments of the week. Comments in reviews are not eligible for inclusion. The Caption Contest is excluded as it has a prize associated with it.

There is a link in the commenter’s name that will take you to the original post.

The Just Because I’m Awesome Comment of the Week goes to me, Prolixity Julien, in the name of self-indulgence:

//loosens stays yet remains breathless//

There are no words fo -

Nah, I’m just messing with you.

The This Is Suitable for Framing Comment of the Week goes to Jeremy Carrier who did indeed hit all the salient and relevant points. It won’t help though:

1. Anything can be funny
2. Which is different from EVERYTHING is funny
3. It helps when it’s actually funny
4. You can say whatever you want in comedy, that’s how freedom of speech works
5. Everybody has the right to tell you it sucks, that’s how freedom of speech works

That covers it, right? Did I hit all the bullet points? Anything you guys want to add to this Bill of Rights? No?

Ok, lunch time it is then!

The For Whosoever Does So on Pajiba, Does So at Their Own Peril Comment of the Week goes to Arran whom I suspect wouldn’t mind just a little peril:

You underestimate the sheer power the cute sarcastic thing has on geek-types.

The I Am Pleased to Note That I Had to Check the Spelling of Her Name Comment of the Week goes to Klingonfree because, seriously, Robert Pattinson?! Who’s going to tell Viggo?

Huh? I kinda do believe he’s straight. Am I…wow, does everybody know something? Isn’t he straight? I totally thought he was. He’s pretty attractive, for a toddler. I mean, he kind of pulls my strings.

I hate me.

The That’s What the P.A.s Are For Comment of the Week goes to bleujayone for schooling a new director on Hollywood hierarchies, and getting some strange:

*Sighhhhhhhooooo-kay. Let’s get this out of the way, shall we?

Hey, Rupert Sanders…yeah YOU, the 41-year old, married Dumb-Fuck with children and a cherry career break… C’mere. You really didn’t think much past the whole getting your carrot wet in a new jar of dressing, did you?

On the outside, one might think the dipshit girl you played Hide the Cannoli with would have more to lose, but I would argue that in fact it’s you. She’s loaded…undeservedly so perhaps, but regardless she has quite the little nest egg. If she never works again, she’ll still likely get by. You, on the other hand, have but one movie under your belt. Many would argue the financial success it had came from the name recognition of its cast (including the aforementioned dipshit girl) rather than anything you might have done. The sequel to that movie of yours can go on without you if the studio so chooses, as most sequels do.

Right now anything you might have earned from that first movie is now at risk to being justifiably sliced up nicely by your wife, remember her? Well, if you need reminding I’m sure both California and UK divorce courts will be happy to assist. You will be getting a divorce by the way. There isn’t a woman alive who’s very forgiving when their husband is caught slutting around in public. Pray that your wife isn’t the vindictive type. If she is, you’re going to find there are a plethora of folks out there that can help her make your financial demise a reality and your post marriage existence a living hell. Whatever money
you have after that will probably be used regularly for alimony and child support, not to mention travel expenses if you are so graced with shared custody of your children. Do you remember them either? That’s okay too, because I’m sure in the coming years as they get older, they will remind you how much of a dope you are too.

If I were you, I’d be doing so serious praying that the potential fan backlash for Twilight from its irrationally butthurt fans never goes down, because if it does, I can guarantee you there will be studio heads that will immediately finger this incident as the lynchpin. Studios and their politics have a habit of placing blame on things that have nothing to do with whether or not a movie is good. They also have a tendency to hold a grudge if they believe someone out there is responsible for killing their golden egg laying goose.

The Reincorporation Is the Secret to Great Comedy Comment of the Week goes to Salieri2 whose has the pulse of the zeitgeist:

Wouldn’t it be funny if Dane Cooke got shot by like, five crazed gunmen right now… like right now?

The It Would Still Be Better than Brave Comment of the Week goes to Slash. Now, get to work on those storyboards:

Oh, that Russian video was LOL funny. For a reason I can’t quite articulate. But it does inspire a new series of animal buddy movies.

This one would be called “Mishka & Boris in the City.” MIshka (the dog) and Boris (the horse) would somehow get involved in some sort of shenanigans involving the Russian Mafia while trying to find their way back to their bucolic farm in the countryside. It would be an adorable flick for kids to enjoy and also a poignant look at post-Communist Russia, for the adults. Also, subtitled, because what the fuck would be the point of an animal buddy movie set in Russia if they don’t speak Russian? That would be crazy.

I need to hurry and write this shit up into a treatment and pitch it to Dreamworks. Or Disney/Pixar.

The Overshare Comment of the Week goes to Jensicola who should be grateful I resisted any mention of llamas and spitting:

They left out the best Ralph-ism ever!? Upon eating fire: TASTES LIKE BURNING. For some reason my husband says this whenever he goes down on me, which is of course, nightly. He is known as the Italian Llama.

…aaand scene

The But In This Instance Please Share More Comment of the Week goes to Mrs. Beasley because I like the cut of her Id:

“Enter Jon Hamm, who ultimately piles on Stewart.” Dustin how, exactly, did you get a hold of my diary? Personal boundaries and private thoughts, sir. Wonderful, fantastically private thoughts. At least you didn’t tell them the next part, where Tom Hardy comes in playing the part of the rugged and misunderstood cop, in an inappropriately tight uniform. He’s tough yet tender guys, tough yet tender.

The I Eagerly Anticipate the Palanquin Installment Comment of the Week goes to Lauren_Lauren whose comment was Great_Great.

Yes. It’s part of Gosling’s series of criminals who operate transport mechanisms professionally. Next up will be a con man unicyclist, followed by an assassin with a really fast canoe.

The Comment of the Week Comment of the Week goes to Kate Dowd Morrison . Does she growl on cue too?:

Back in my undergrad days, in a Mexican history class, we were told to write a short play about this very topic. We used my golden retriever as a Spanish war dog, and I taught her to growl on cue just for this play. She was absolutely perfect in rehearsal, and then when we got on stage she wagged her tail at Moctezuma, wiggled across the stage to him, and then rolled over for tummy scratches. I’m guessing that was a better historical representation than Ron Howard’s version will be.

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Dustin is the founder and co-owner of Pajiba. You may email him here, follow him on Twitter, or listen to his weekly TV podcast, Podjiba.