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Cheating, Truth-Telling, PR and Being 22 In Public: Assessing this Kristen Stewart/Robert Pattinson Mess

By Courtney Enlow | Celebrities Are Better than You | July 26, 2012 | Comments ()


kristen-stewart-wallpaper-1.jpg

Kristen, you in danger, girl.

Let's back up. Okay, so for those of you not clued in, here's the breakdown of events:

-- Us Weekly began publicizing their exclusive on Kristen Stewart cheating on Robert Pattinson with Rupert Sanders, the married director of Snow White and the Huntsman.

-- The Internet was all:

whitney-houston-show-me-the-receipts-gif.gif

-- Then we found out Us had pictures and that People Magazine was now reporting it, too, and the Internet was all:

forums.playfire.com.gif

-- And Twihards were all:

myemotionstroy.gif

-- Except for the ones in denial, who were all:

shopped.jpg

-- Then Kristen Stewart issued an apology, admitting the affair, and people were all:

shit-just-got-real.gif

-- And the denial crew was still all:

tumblr_l8bgevHK8z1qze5g2o1_500.gif

-- And I was all:

popcorn_gif_by_zombiejosette.gif

-- Then Rupert released a statement as well. He's the man in this situation so people didn't care.

14276_o.gif

-- And that pretty much brings us up to date, with Twihards still all varying degrees of:

tumblr_lsrjmsRxb11qii6tmo1_500.gif

and

conspiracy.jpg

Now, in terms of pure entertainment value, I have been sitting here with my popcorn and fancy reading glasses that come on sticks for, like, two full days now. This is outstanding. People are freaking the fuck out, tweens are threatening suicide, dogs and cats living together. I mean, the Robsten shippers? They genuinely don't believe this. Even after photos, even after statements admitting as much, they don't buy it. These are legit quotes from Tumblr:

"I'll only believe it if they can get her cum from his mouth that he supposedly ate her out in her car."

"Where's the video proof???! The pictures are obviously photoshopped. I mean where is her ear?"

And don't get me started on the Twitter.

However, as fun as it is to watch this explosion of feelings (making fun of them while ignoring the fact that I'd pretty much be having the same reaction if we were talking about these two), from a societal standpoint, I'm not loving the speed to which everyone went from 0 to WHORE on the Kristen Stewart scale. I mean, yeah, she fucked up. But she's 22. And I don't mean that in the weird way people get about this stuff, like, "She's 22. Didn't we all wreck a marriage when we were 22? I mean really." But 22 is young. You're still stupid at 22. And now her career and life have taken a huge ding, while the married father in his 40s is only getting a tiny bit of slack (and even that sometimes devolves into comments about his choice in mistress).

But the part of this that has me riveted? The Statement. The Statement, you guys. This is unprecedented. This kind of damage control for a 22-year-old girl cheating on her boyfriend? Why, that could only be the work of a studio that has a lot to lose on a movie coming out soon, a movie that depends on the very crazies now demanding her head.

So, Kristen Stewart, a young woman who did something really fucking awful and stupid --though she certainly didn't go down on herself in a car, destroying her family, did she? -- now gets to be humiliated publicly AND have to admit to it AND repel her whole fanbase (which, admittedly, might be a great idea for her). You think she'd do that if this movie wasn't coming out?

No.

Think Rob would have to do it if roles were reversed?

Hell no.




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Comments Are Welcome, Bigots and Trolls Are Not


  • Acer7

    Sympathies are with the wife and kids.
    However, I had an insane giggling fit imaging the Twihards' reactions had she been caught cheating with Taylor Lautner

  • Acer7

    *imagining
    Damn giggles.

  • dizzylucy

    This post is awesome. My emotions!
    I feel bad for the guy's wife and kids - bad enough to go through something like this, but to have a leading story, ugh.

  • Dominic

    It was reported that KStew , in an interview , says she knows she's not a good actress , but this was from having a SoCal-big house-rich-pampered life . saying " Nothing bad has ever happened to me " Thus she has no well of pain from which to draw on in emotional scenes . Transpose that to now , and you can make a case that she ( Stupidly ) sets herself up to fail at this love thing . And daddy's moved to greener pastures , bad example .
    We can only hope the best result of this is a better actress . Not much will be better from here on out , and it could get worse ...

  • colpetty

    Wow... so many comments from Pajibans on what is essentially Hollywood gossip, involving an actor they really don't care about, who stars in movie series that loathe so much that they would rather be caught being involved in a human organ harvesting ring than actually watching it. Not judging but its a bit crazy... but you know its not so bad letting the crazy wash over you like the gentle waves on a Tahitian beach... mmmmmmm Tahiti

  • Majicou

    Eh, Tiger Woods did a statement apology thing

  • I don't know if anyone remembers, but Stewart was reportedly dating another guy (the lead from Sky High I believe) during the first Twilight when the rumors about her and Pattinson first began. The only reason I even recall this is because I found it funny that soooo many people were completely ignoring the guy. I mean, you think that would be enough drama, but the poor sap couldn't even be treated like a wronged party.

    So yeah, not too surprised that Stewart would trade in for a newer model, so to say. Past that, I don't really care.

    And the world needs more Peter Stomare VW gifs.

  • Az

    That apology is both bizarre and a travesty. Who the fuck are her publicists? She should fire them all immediately and get Katie Holmes's people. Really.

  • bleujayone

    *Sighhhhhhhooooo-kay. Let's get this out of the way, shall we?

    Hey, Rupert Sanders...yeah YOU, the 41-year old, married Dumb-Fuck with
    children and a cherry career break... C'mere. You really didn't think
    much past the whole getting your carrot wet in a new jar of dressing,
    did you?

    On the outside, one might think the dipshit girl you played Hide the
    Cannoli with would have more to lose, but I would argue that in fact
    it's you. She's loaded...undeservedly so perhaps, but regardless she
    has quite the little nest egg. If she never works again, she'll still
    likely get by. You, on the other hand, have but one movie under your
    belt. Many would argue the financial success it had came from the name
    recognition of its cast (including the aforementioned dipshit girl)
    rather than anything you might have done. The sequel to that movie of
    yours can go on without you if the studio so chooses, as most sequels
    do.

    Right now anything you might have earned from that first movie is now at
    risk to being justifiably sliced up nicely by your wife, remember her?
    Well, if you need reminding I'm sure both California and UK divorce
    courts will be happy to assist. You will be getting a divorce by the
    way. There isn't a woman alive who's very forgiving when their husband
    is caught slutting around in public. Pray that your wife isn't the
    vindictive type. If she is, you're going to find there are a plethora of
    folks out there that can help her make your financial demise a
    reality and your post marriage existence a living hell. Whatever money
    you have after that will probably be used regularly for alimony and
    child support, not to mention travel expenses if you are so graced with
    shared custody of your children. Do you remember them either? That's
    okay too, because I'm sure in the coming years as they get older, they
    will remind you how much of a dope you are too.

    If I were you, I'd be doing so serious praying that the potential fan
    backlash for Twilight from its irrationally butthurt fans never goes down,
    because if it does, I can guarantee you there will be studio heads that
    will immediately finger this incident as the lynchpin. Studios and their politics have a
    habit of placing blame on things that have nothing to do with whether or
    not a movie is good. They also have a tendency to hold a grudge if
    they believe someone out there is responsible for killing their golden
    egg laying goose.

  • Upvoted HARD. She's 22, single and RICH - she's supposed to be this stupid /slutty. He should have stepped far, far away from that honey trap.

  • Pookie

    The only women that are mad at Stewart are women that have never been eating out before.

  • almond

    Did you mean *eaten? OR am I being gross and creepy?

  • F'mal DeHyde

    No, you're fine, it's Pookie that's gross and creepy.

  • Pookie

    Serves Pattinson right, how long before this broad was going to get tired of hanging out at Pattinson’s eight thousand square foot Hollywood Hills home listening to him practicing on his guitar and him singing shitty songs? The fact she lets some guy go down on her in her car makes me love her even more.

  • Az

    That fact that she let him go down on her when she was sweaty and gross having just gotten out of the gym makes me love her even more.

  • Like you, my second thought about all this was "damn, how sad is your life that you have to make THAT apology just so Twilight fans won't skip out on the final installment?" (my first thought was "bwahahaha").
    But since I try to avoid clicking on gossip stories (because that in turn only encourages HuffPo to publish more) I only read the headlines, and was unaware he was going down on her in a parked car. Again, Damn!
    What were they on that they/she were willing to risk public exposure (given, as others have noted, there are no pics of her and Patinson, even after 4 years)? and where can I see the pictures? Y'know - the juicy ones.
    BTW - this proves that Patinson is gay, right? I mean why else would she hook up with that old married man who's not even half as pretty as Rob? It can only be because she's his beard and hasn't been getting any. And that dirty old' director knew it, and took advantage of her...

  • lowercase_ryan

    There is a joke in there somewhere about screwing her in a very uncomfortable place. Like the back of a volkswagon. or mini.

  • randomhookup

    though she certainly didn’t go down on herself in a car, destroying her family, did she?

    I have no idea what this means, but I'm really looking forward to the explanation.

  • Yeah, I meant to link - in the photos of the illicit liaison, he appears to go down on her.

  • randomhookup

    That makes more sense, because without context, I had no idea what you were talking about... though the thought of her going down on herself (((shudder)))

  • googergieger

    *eats chips one at a time*

    Let me know how that works out.

  • I love this post so much I want to take it behind the middle school and get Tracy Morgan Pregnant.

  • lowercase_ryan

    have you seen him? you're late to the party.

  • Guest

    Courtney, that GIF sequence was fucking hilarious. ::Bladezz voice:: O M G.

  • ed newman

    Yes. This is how Pajiba should always use gifs.

    BTW, the header is the first picture of Stewart I've seen where she can actually be called attractive.

  • Phaedre

    Exactly my thoughts. Still laughing about it an hour after seeing the first time!

  • POINGjam

    I like her more now.

  • DominaNefret

    I think people are doing quite a bit of leaping in assuming that this is going to break up either of these relationships.

  • rumcove

    It's funny but I like her more now that she's a little dirty. What does that say about me?

  • $27019454

    It means you're Team Jacob, I think.

  • This better make the Eloquent Eloquence list. I almost wet myself.

  • Well, it works perfectly for her, given the scene from On The Road making the roads. Topless giving two hand jobs at once, y'all! I think she should go on a rampage splitting up Hollywood couples, go full Notorious.

  • Jeremy Carrier

    THIS IS THE EXACT PLOT OF THE MOVIE ADVENTURELAND

    OMG, does no one else notice this? I feel like I'm taking goddamn crazy pills!

  • word2bigbyrd

    You're the only one who watched that sh-t

  • I liked that movie and love it!

  • Pants-are-a-must

    Sanders' a scumbag. She's an asshole. I wouldn't give two flying fucks about the ~feelings~ involved in this, had there not been children involved and a marriage to wreck.

    The Twihards are hilarious to watch right now, though.

  • Bert_McGurt

    I'm mostly amazed that he didn't go after the other (single, as far as I know) star of the film.

    I mean, Stewart's pretty and all, but it's like comparing a good hamburger to a lobster-stuffed, bacon-wrapped filet mignon. Then again, maybe he tried and Charlize turned him down.

  • mona_sterling

    Charlize only has eyes for Fassbender. She can't stop talking about the man.

  • Now there is a pairing I could go bat-ship crazy over.

  • Az

    Can you blame her?

  • mona_sterling

    Hell no. That man is sessy.

  • space_oddity

    One HAS to figure the age disparity and power dynamic had a role to play too. He could seem huge (no pun intended) to a 22 yr old the way he just wouldn't to an older, more experienced actress like Charlize. I imagine it's not dissimilar from professor/student kinds of relationships (which have all sorts of potential to cross lines in some circumstances).

  • Bert_McGurt

    Agreed. The whole episode smacks of insecurity (and not of ham, sadly) on his part, and that ain't going to cut the mustard with a classy, mature lady like Ms. Theron.

  • space_oddity

    Count me among those following merely to revel in the collective world shattering among the Twihards. As I understand it, now that all the parties have admitted that yes, at least what was caught on film actually did happen, fans are trying to make the argument that it wasn't REALLY cheating since it was non-penetrative sex... "Seriously! Nothing happened! They just made out, and mutually masturbated" or whatever.

  • caryha

    To me, this all reeks of the Jessica Biel/Seventh Heaven "scandal": a young and very typecast star is sick of her TV show/relationship/fanbase and decides she has to do something drastic to effectively escape it. I think Courtney touched on this with: "AND repel her whole fanbase (which, admittedly, might be a great idea for her)." Hence the public statement/apology; she's making sure we all know she really did it, and now she can start breaking ties with the twihards and move on in her life and her career.

    Only too easy to find a 40-something douchebag in Hollywood to serve as her accomplice...

  • F'mal DeHyde

    The "affair" I can kind of understand, they're both attractive, etc. But she's been in the public eye since she was a child and she's been stalked mercilessly by photographers since the Twilight series... so how in the hell could these two have allowed themselves to be caught heavy petting or whatever they were doing in broad daylight out in the open? It almost sounds like some kind of stunt but I can't imagine what it was supposed to accomplish.

    "Glasses that come on a stick" sounds mildly obscene.

  • space_oddity

    Sometimes the need to see someone/be with them overrides caution.

  • APOCooter

    Shit, I was twenty-freakin-six when I did my stupid relationship wrecking (not a marriage, but they were living together), so I can't judge. Better to learn now than later.

    I'm with everyone else. Watching the twi-hards lose their damn minds is awesome and Rupert Sanders should at least get punched in the dick since she's going through hell too.

  • missbisque

    I'm supposed to have given up celebrity gossip. But then this happened. And while I care nothing about these two as actors, people, or celebrities... I do find one thing interesting. We were forced to suffer through 4 years of are-they-or-aren't-they articles because there were no pictures of these two up against the lockers. And then, in the span of a momentary affair (which one assumes would warrant even more stealthiness), she gets caught by photographers?

  • lowercase_ryan

    this has been going on for 4 years?

  • F'mal DeHyde

    Ooooh, that's an excellent point.

  • Sarah

    Nice Ghost & Ghostbusters references!

  • nosio

    I'm trying to remember if, as a teen, I was ever remotely as obsessed with some pop culture figure as the some of these Twihards are. I think I went to a John Mayer concert once...? (I was young! And it was 2003, before the world knew what a douche he was!)

  • $27019454

    I (oddly) admire your ability to admit this Mayer-concert debacle publicly.

  • mona_sterling

    I was pretty bummed when Johnny Depp & Wino Forever hit the skids, but not enough so's you'd notice. Back then to publicly express our outrage we would've had to pen a strongly-worded letter to the editors of People magazine or something.

  • Fredo

    I'm just surprised there was a Statement released. There usually isn't a Statement released in these matters beyond the usual "personal matter of the actor/actress. Please respect their privacy." So why release a statement that admits to it all (and that Sanders' wife will likely use as Exhibit A in divorce proceedings)?

    Methinks Pattinson refused to go with a PR-orchestrated break-up dance and fear of any potential news leaking out drove Stewart's people to release the statement. And if that's the case, it just made the Breaking Dawn 2 press obligations all the more interesting. Cause questions will come up.

  • John W

    That's right it's Stewart's fault. She seduced that innocent married man.

  • Charley

    That's right it's the married man's fault. He raped her.

  • carrie

    now i understand why she's sexier this time :she finally found a guy (married ok!) who gave her some orgasms

    she's young and everyone do errors

  • Melody

    Court, the Twihards said the photos were "chopped", not shopped. They are rendered unable to spell in their highly distraught state.

  • Horatio Postlethwaite

    Really? People care about this shit?

  • ,

    Amazing, ain't it?

  • DarthCorleone

    On the bright side, this sort of publicity might work in favor of On The Road.

  • AngelenoEwok

    On an unrelated note, I love you very much and am glad we are not cheating on each other with famous people.

  • Snath

    PHWEEEEET.

  • Missy

    A kick ass lesson in memeology.

  • Scully

    This had me lol-ing.

    (That's still a thing, yes? Or have the kids moved on to something new? OH TO BE 22 AGAIN!)

    (Adding: daaayyummm, Kristin Stew is so going on my Freebies list.)

  • Reading all the angst and accusations on tumblr is enough to make you want to leave the planet. But you make a great point, Courtney - what if this were Emma Stone and Andrew Garfield? Oh god, I can't even think about it!

  • Brock Landers

    Meh. It would still fall under my "I guess it would matter if I actually gave a fuck".

  • special snowflake

    Exactly, Brock. I want that 'Bad Boys' "shit just got real" GIF used underneath every single Hollywood *scandal* that's too laughably lame for anyone to give a shaved rat's ass over, in perpetuity.
    To me, Stewart's statement is absolutely astonishing: a grown, unmarried and independent woman apologizing for a deeply personal and sensitive indiscretion, like millions of other men and women do all the time - except only to the ones they have hurt.
    To do the same thing except for issuing that statement to the media and a gossip-hungry world that has no goddamned reason on earth to even know it's happening is the most tasteless and tacky form of 'apology' imaginable, not to mention insulting as all hell to the Pattinson guy, giving him even more reason to dump her pouty-face cheating bitch self once they can move past the 'Twilight' deluge of public exposure.
    Dumbass, self-important little movie star apologizing in front of the world to a grade-school fan base that will be nonexistent by the time DVD sales of the 'Part Two' movie are dropping off- and she's apartment-sharing with Amanda Bynes and Tara Reid.
    Sorry - I do go on//

  • Jen

    I don't care who they are. If there are any two people on this earth that you don't know and their breakup causes you to say " Oh God, I can't even think about it !" then you are beyond pathetic and really need to reevaluate your life. GET HELP NOW!!!!

  • lonolove

    ...Even if it's Vincent Cassel and Monica Bellucci? :|

  • Carragh

    Or Bert and Ernie?!

  • Wow. You actually thought I was serious, huh?

  • TherecanbeonlyoneAdmin

    Perhaps this is her way of avoiding typecasting. I will agree with you though, the married dude is getting NO flack when we should all be screaming, "YOU'RE BOTH WHORES AND NOT THE GOOD KIND!"

  • jane

    Why should he be getting flack? What's wrong with a 41 year old having an affair with his 22 year old employee- technically he's her boss. Is that so strange?
    Also, he is clearly more sorry than she is because he referred to his "beautiful" wife and children who mean everything to him while she released an honest sounding apology.
    There's nothing wrong wiht this at all!

  • I thought he was 33 actually...

  • Kolby

    Oh, he'll get plenty of flack. From his wife's lawyers.

    HEY-O.

  • TheOriginalMRod

    Well... this is all going to make the Snow White and the Huntsman sequel awkward.

  • meadowdancer

    Yeah I liked the movie and didn't understand how they were going to have make a creditable sequel but was fine with them trying to do so.

    However, because of this stupidity that whole thing is going to be a no go situation.

    Either they will bring on a whole new director or it doesn't get made. I noticed Kristen and the director are not running around saying how in love they are with each other so am laying bets on a new director.

    I have noticed all of their co-stars have stayed silent (probably due to the studio telling them to).

  • laylaness

    The director's wife played KStew's mother in Snow White. Awkward, indeed.

  • They may perhaps have a whole new story to tell - Snow White and the Older Guy. Instead of dwarves they can cast his kids. Instead of a wicked witch, they can cast his wife's attorneys.

  • I care nothing about any of this except for the Twihards losing their damn minds. Y'all really believed that Robert Pattinson is straight? Really?

  • $27019454

    Huh? I kinda do believe he's straight. Am I...wow, does everybody know something? Isn't he straight? I totally thought he was. He's pretty attractive, for a toddler. I mean, he kind of pulls my strings.

    I hate me.

  • InternetMagpie

    He's just British!

  • mb

    This made me giggle for a solid three minutes!

  • Pinky McLadybits

    Amahzing.

  • meadowdancer

    I seriously want to slap all the Twihard fans out there.

    There are real problems in the world and these idiots are out there threatening suicide, to kill Kristen, etc. is just insanity on a whole level level.

    The books were awful, the movies were even more awful with acting not seen outside of dinner theater.

    The only silver lining in this entire thing is that maybe that freaking movie falls to bring in the money like the other ones (due to fan betrayal) and no other studio tries crap like this again (fake relationships and splitting up movies as much as possible to make money) since you have to worry about one of your stars slutting it up with a married man.

  • BarbadoSlim

    And that there is Kunty Stewart's sad/happy/hungry expression.

  • Bram

    sad/happy/hungry/cum face expression

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