Kristen, you in danger, girl.
Let’s back up. Okay, so for those of you not clued in, here’s the breakdown of events:
— Us Weekly began publicizing their exclusive on Kristen Stewart cheating on Robert Pattinson with Rupert Sanders, the married director of Snow White and the Huntsman.
— The Internet was all:
— Then we found out Us had pictures and that People Magazine was now reporting it, too, and the Internet was all:
— And Twihards were all:
— Except for the ones in denial, who were all:
— Then Kristen Stewart issued an apology, admitting the affair, and people were all:
— And the denial crew was still all:
— And I was all:
— Then Rupert released a statement as well. He’s the man in this situation so people didn’t care.
— And that pretty much brings us up to date, with Twihards still all varying degrees of:
Now, in terms of pure entertainment value, I have been sitting here with my popcorn and fancy reading glasses that come on sticks for, like, two full days now. This is outstanding. People are freaking the fuck out, tweens are threatening suicide, dogs and cats living together. I mean, the Robsten shippers? They genuinely don’t believe this. Even after photos, even after statements admitting as much, they don’t buy it. These are legit quotes from Tumblr:
“I’ll only believe it if they can get her cum from his mouth that he supposedly ate her out in her car.”
“Where’s the video proof???! The pictures are obviously photoshopped. I mean where is her ear?”
And don’t get me started on the Twitter.
However, as fun as it is to watch this explosion of feelings (making fun of them while ignoring the fact that I’d pretty much be having the same reaction if we were talking about these two), from a societal standpoint, I’m not loving the speed to which everyone went from 0 to WHORE on the Kristen Stewart scale. I mean, yeah, she fucked up. But she’s 22. And I don’t mean that in the weird way people get about this stuff, like, “She’s 22. Didn’t we all wreck a marriage when we were 22? I mean really.” But 22 is young. You’re still stupid at 22. And now her career and life have taken a huge ding, while the married father in his 40s is only getting a tiny bit of slack (and even that sometimes devolves into comments about his choice in mistress).
But the part of this that has me riveted? The Statement. The Statement, you guys. This is unprecedented. This kind of damage control for a 22-year-old girl cheating on her boyfriend? Why, that could only be the work of a studio that has a lot to lose on a movie coming out soon, a movie that depends on the very crazies now demanding her head.
So, Kristen Stewart, a young woman who did something really fucking awful and stupid —though she certainly didn’t go down on herself in a car, destroying her family, did she? — now gets to be humiliated publicly AND have to admit to it AND repel her whole fanbase (which, admittedly, might be a great idea for her). You think she’d do that if this movie wasn’t coming out?
Think Rob would have to do it if roles were reversed?