Eloquent Eloquence, Entertainment Industry Neologoportmanteau Edition, is a compilation of the best comments of the week. Comments in non-Dustin reviews and spoiler-laden Game of Thrones discussions are ineligible for inclusion. Plus, I was kind of wondering how y’all felt about multiple inclusions of one commenter in a week because, seriously, one of you was en fuego and I didn’t want to play favourites, but such awesomeness should be acknowledged and this is precisely the venue for it. Your thoughts?
We are the 51%.
• The And They Say Romance Is Dead Comment of the Week goes to Sofia for poetry. That’s right, poetry!:
Werewolf bar mitzvah
Boys becoming men
Men becoming wolves
Wolves molesting girls
• The This Is the Only Rational Response to Your Insanity Comment of the Week goes to jollies who, like most Pajiba readers, is able to recognize parody:
Yeah, why were you such a dick to fake Bradley? He took fake time out of his fake schedule just to give you a make-believe interview and you crapped all over his movie. I hope, in the future, you conduct your imaginary interviews with more professionalism.
• The Buuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuurn! Comment of the Week goes to e jerry powell. You’d best take cover.:
Why didn’t they just cast Sara Gilbert as Loki outright?
I clicked on the Cannes reviews! I was all, “Hey baby, how about some deep clicking?” and then I clicked all over them.
• The But What If They Use the Profits to Make Another Zoltan Movie? Comment of the Week goes to Mrcreosote for a valiant rationalization:
Oh good, a Grown Ups 2 was made. Well…..at least that money wasn’t used to fund atrocity in the Congo, It’s all in the perspective.
Fredo: This movie was fantastically gay. Flamboyantly gay. It was Big Gay Al gay or The Producers “Keep It Gay” gay. It was amazingly, stupendously gay.
And at its core, it’s a real story about two very flawed persons who use each other both in ways both good and bad. It’s about people who love each other and hurt each other. It’s about keeping open secrets (when you introduce a grown man wearing tight, crotch-enhancing slacks as your “houseboy”…) and bearing the burden of living those secrets.
In short, I loved every single gay moment of this movie.
e jerry powell: Please. Big Gay Al has nothing on Liberace. Mr. Slave and Mr. Garrett put together in a cosmic Colorado three-way with Big Gay Al can’t carry Liberace’s Crate & Barrel pearl-inlaid piss bucket.
I’m talking about gay like we haven’t seen in at least a generation. This is gay that would choke Madonna and still have enough gay left to asphyxiate Lady Gaga.
• The He Does Have the Abs for It Comment of the Week goes to ViciousTrollop who should be ashamed of such slanderous, yet strangely apt, comparisons:
I’m not sure I want to see JGL starring in a biopic of The Situation.
• The Comment of the Week Comment of the Week goes to DataAngel for answering Brian Bernard’s query, “What Does Tony Stark Fill That Hole in His Chest With?”:
Sandwiches, and those teeny little boxes of raisins. Except on holidays. Then it’s cranberry sauce or onion dip. It’s always a little awkward the first few times he invites you to lunch or invites you to a party, but eventually you get used to it. When he’s feeling really festive he puts on a necklace made of pita and fills it with hummus, or a cheese fondue.
There was one time when he tried to set up one of those chocolate fountains, but that quickly took a turn for the erotic and… Well. Let’s just say that’s one running of the Belmont Stakes that no one’s going to find it easy to talk about for a few more years.