Dolly Parton Communicates with the Outside World Only a Through FAX Machine

By Emma Chance | Celebrity | November 28, 2023 |

By Emma Chance | Celebrity | November 28, 2023 |

Dolly Parton delivered some classic Dolly wisdom on the now-infamous Drew Barrymore Show this week.

“I always say I’m a low-tech girl in a high-tech world, but I surround myself with all these people that are into this high-tech world. I don’t want to talk to everybody that wants to talk to me. I don’t text because I don’t want to have to answer,” she said, explaining her persistent love of fax machines.

“If somebody calls me, I’ll answer if I want to talk to them or I’ll call them back when I can. Otherwise, I got too much to think about to clutter my mind up with everything else. I’m certainly not a stupid person. I could learn it if I wanted to,” here she refers to text messaging, “But I’d rather just have my fax machine.”

While she may not read your text or answer your call, you better respond to her fax. “She gets upset when you don’t respond. It’s like, ‘I’m sorry, I don’t even know,” Parton’s goddaughter Miley Cyrus once said, remarking that she doesn’t even own a fax machine.

Reba McEntire said, “You don’t call Dolly, you fax her. You fax your people and your people talk to her people. That’s the only way I know to get ahold of her.”

“I don’t want to talk to everybody that wants to talk to me,” is a profound statement that joins the ranks of some of the best anti-social statements famous females have made in recent years. Yesterday it was Linda Evangelista’s, “I don’t want to hear somebody breathing,” the kissing cousin of Whoopi Goldberg’s, “I don’t want somebody in my house.” Then there was Kim Cattrall’s, “I don’t want to be in a situation for even an hour where I’m not enjoying myself,” and lest we forget Gaby Hoffmann’s, “I really love my job, but I don’t want to do it that often.”

Every one of these words of wisdom will be passed down throughout the millennia. Monuments will be erected and treatises written. It is an age-old process: the Divas speak, and we mere mortals can only listen.